Sketches on Letterman - AbsoluteAstronomy.com

CBS Broadcasting Inc. is a major US commercial broadcasting television network, which started as a radio network. The name is derived from the initials of the network's former name, Columbia Broadcasting System. The network is sometimes referred to as the "Eye Network" in reference to the shape of...

's Late Show with David Letterman
Late Show with David Letterman
Late Show with David Letterman is a U.S. late-night talk show hosted by David Letterman on CBS. The show debuted on August 30, 1993, and is produced by Letterman's production company, Worldwide Pants Incorporated. The show's music director and band-leader of the house band, the CBS Orchestra, is...

regularly features different sketches that follow the monologue and precede interviews with guests. Often these are repeated absurdist

Absurdism

In philosophy, "The Absurd" refers to the conflict between the human tendency to seek value and meaning in life and the human inability to find any...

segments, involving various cast members, Dave's friends, audience participation, edited or contrived news or promotional videos, or competitions or stunts staged outside the Ed Sullivan Theater

Ed Sullivan Theater

The Ed Sullivan Theater, located at 1697-1699 Broadway between West 53rd and West 54th, in Manhattan, is a venerable radio and television studio in New York City...

. Many of the same sketches originally debuted on Letterman's previous series, NBC

NBC

The National Broadcasting Company is an American commercial broadcasting television network and former radio network headquartered in the GE Building in New York City's Rockefeller Center with additional major offices near Los Angeles and in Chicago...

's Late Night with David Letterman
Late Night with David Letterman
Late Night with David Letterman is a nightly hour-long comedy talk show on NBC that was created and hosted by David Letterman. It premiered in 1982 as the first incarnation of the Late Night franchise and went off the air in 1993, after Letterman left NBC and moved to Late Show on CBS. Late Night...

.

Currently, the show's regularly scheduled segments consist of "Small Town News" on Mondays and "Fun Facts" on Fridays. Thursdays often feature a rotating set of three audience participation segments: "Know Your Current Events", "Stump the Band", and "Audience Show and Tell."

"Stupid Pet Tricks" and "Stupid Human Tricks", two of Letterman's trademark bits from Late Night, continue to be presented on the Late Show, though much less frequently.

There are also running gag

Running gag

A running gag, or running joke, is a literary device that takes the form of an amusing joke or a comical reference and appears repeatedly throughout a work of literature or other form of storytelling....

s, which may continue for about a month, such as playing "José Feliciano's Old Turkey Buzzard" or other sound effects when a card "crashes through the window" or telephone calls from "Len Easton, California Highway Patrol" or Joe McCain on a telephone that Dave acknowledges is a prop that is not connected. Dave expresses amusement or annoyance when these recur.

This article focuses on sketches that have been featured on the Late Show, past and present.

Kalter introduction

Announcer Alan Kalter

Alan Kalter

Alan Kalter is an American television announcer from New York City. He is best knownas the announcer for the Late Show with David Letterman since September 5, 1995.-Career:...

's (and before him, Bill Wendell

Bill Wendell

Bill Wendell was an NBC television staff announcer for almost his entire professional career.-Biography:...

's) introduction of Letterman, while technically not a skit, assigns a bizarre modification to Letterman's name and appears at the beginning of every show. ("And now: Microscopic Sea Creature, David Letterman!") Letterman's title changes every night and often makes reference to a current event. ("And now: Disenfranchised French Youth, David Letterman!") Prior to September 11, 2001

September 11, 2001 attacks

The September 11 attacks The September 11 attacks The September 11 attacks (also referred to as September 11, September 11th or 9/119/11 is pronounced "nine eleven". The slash is not part of the pronunciation...

, the first line of Kalter's introductions contained humorous descriptions of New York City ("From New York! Where the rats hate the subways, too!"). Once the Late Show returned to air on September 17, 2001, the introduction changed simply to, "From New York! The greatest city in the world!" It has not changed since; however, "The greatest city in the world!" is omitted from episodes with guest hosts, as is the host 'title'. As of 2011, Kalter has taken to shortening 'David' to 'Dave', in his introduction of Letterman.

Sketch participants

While Letterman himself often participated in many of the show's non-"desk comedy" routines in its earlier years (as well as on Late Night), over time he has increasingly preferred to have others star in them instead. Letterman is now rarely featured in any of the show's frequent pre-taped bits.

Kalter, bandleader and sidekick Paul Shaffer

Paul Shaffer

Paul Allen Wood Shaffer, CM is a Canadian musician, actor, voice actor, author, comedian, and composer who has been David Letterman's sidekick since 1982.-Early years:...

, and Hello Deli proprietor Rupert Jee

Rupert Jee

Rupert Jee is an American entrepreneur and television celebrity who has gained fame through frequent appearances on Late Show with David Letterman...

are often used instead in comedy routines, as are stage manager Biff Henderson

Biff Henderson

James Jackson "Biff" Henderson, Jr. is an American comedian and television personality best known for his work on The Late Show with David Letterman. He is the show's stage manager and appears in occasional humorous segments, often involving interviewing people he meets in public places or at...

, stagehands Pat Farmer and Kenny Sheehan, handyman

Handyman

A handyman is a person skilled at a wide range of repairs, typically around the home. These tasks include trade skills, repair work, maintenance work, both interior and exterior, and are sometimes described as "odd jobs", "fix-up tasks", and include light plumbing jobs such as fixing a leaky toilet...

George Clarke, "cue card

Cue card

Cue cards, also known as note cards or idiot cards, are cards with words written on them that help actors and speakers remember what they have to say. They are typically used in television productions where they can be held off-camera and are unseen by the audience...

boy" Tony Mendez, head carpenter

Carpenter

A carpenter is a skilled craftsperson who works with timber to construct, install and maintain buildings, furniture, and other objects. The work, known as carpentry, may involve manual labor and work outdoors....

Harold Larkin, cameraman Dave Dorsett, assistant Stephanie Birkitt

Stephanie Birkitt

Stephanie Anne Birkitt was an assistant to David Letterman on Late Show with David Letterman.Although Birkitt was usually treated as a character named Vicki, in some of her appearances, Letterman referred to her by various other surreal nicknames such as Smitty, Kitty, Monty, Gunter, and Dutch...

, former writers Gerard Mulligan and Chris Elliott

Chris Elliott

Christopher Nash "Chris" Elliott is an American actor, comedian and writer. He is best known for his comedic sketches on Late Night with David Letterman, starring in the cult comedy series Get a Life and for his recurring role as Peter MacDougall on Everybody Loves Raymond...

(who almost always appear together), and Johnny Dark

Johnny Dark

Johnny Dark is an American comedian and comic actor, active on television since the 1970s. He is most recently known for his recurring appearances on Late Show with David Letterman....

(a personal comedy friend of Letterman's).

Letterman's mother, Dorothy

Dorothy Mengering

Dorothy Marie Mengering , better known to Late Show viewers as Dave's Mom, is the mother of late-night talk show host David Letterman and frequent guest on his show....

, also makes appearances (via satellite from Indianapolis

Indianapolis, Indiana

Indianapolis is the capital of the U.S. state of Indiana, and the county seat of Marion County, Indiana. As of the 2010 United States Census, the city's population is 839,489. It is by far Indiana's largest city and, as of the 2010 U.S...

) from time to time, including each Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving (United States)

Thanksgiving, or Thanksgiving Day, is a holiday celebrated in the United States on the fourth Thursday in November. It has officially been an annual tradition since 1863, when, during the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national day of thanksgiving to be celebrated on Thursday,...

. She perhaps rose to fame mostly as a result of her nightly reporting from the 1994 Winter Olympics

1994 Winter Olympics

The 1994 Winter Olympics, officially known as the XVII Olympic Winter Games, was a winter multi-sport event celebrated from 12 to 27 February 1994 in and around Lillehammer, Norway. Lillehammer failed to win the bid for the 1992 event. Lillehammer was awarded the games in 1988, after having beat...

.

Former recurring players from the show include Sirajul Islam and Mujibur Rahman

Sirajul and Mujibur

Sirajul Islam and Mujibur Rahman are businessmen in New York City who are known for numerous guest appearances on the Late Show with David Letterman....

(employees of a nearby gift store which has since relocated), Calvert DeForest

Calvert DeForest

Calvert Grant DeForest , also known by his character Larry "Bud" Melman, was an American actor and comedian, best known for his appearances on Late Night with David Letterman and the Late Show with David Letterman.-Early life:Little has been published about his early life...

, and scenic designer Kathleen Ankers

Kathleen Ankers

Kathleen Ankers was an American scenic designer. Born in Ealing, London, she moved to the US in the late 1940s. She did occasional Broadway costume design and set design Kathleen Ankers (22 October 1919 - 24 October 2001, Lenox Hill Hospital, New York City) was an American scenic designer. ...

(reprising her Late Night role of "Peggy, the Foulmouthed Chambermaid"; on CBS, she was the equally censored "Helen, the Ill-tempered Ticket Lady").

Countless random cameo appearance

Cameo appearance

A cameo role or cameo appearance is a brief appearance of a known person in a work of the performing arts, such as plays, films, video games and television...

s had been made during the span of the show, most notably in the earlier years by the late Tony Randall

Tony Randall

Tony Randall was a U.S. actor, comic, producer and director.-Early years:Randall was born Arthur Leonard Rosenberg to a Jewish family in Tulsa, Oklahoma, the son of Julia and Mogscha Rosenberg, an art and antiques dealer...

, with Regis Philbin

Regis Philbin

Regis Francis Xavier Philbin is an American media personality, actor and singer, known for hosting talk and game shows since the 1960s. Philbin is often called "the hardest working man in show business" and holds the Guinness World Record for the most time spent in front of a television camera...

filling that void in recent years.

For a while, Letterman took great delight in making fun of his employer, continuing a tradition established at NBC, with senior CBS Corporation

CBS Corporation

CBS Corporation is an American media conglomerate focused on commercial broadcasting, publishing, billboards and television production, with most of its operations in the United States. The President and CEO of the company is Leslie Moonves. Sumner Redstone, owner of National Amusements, is CBS's...

executive Les Moonves often serving as the target of his abuse. In time, Letterman's relationship with Moonves has improved; a segment titled "More with Les" features jocular phone calls between Letterman and Moonves.

Alan Kalter

Announcer Alan Kalter is frequently used in comedy bits, often with Kalter as the butt of the joke:

Kalter the Pervert

In some skits, Kalter is portrayed as a deluded sexual deviant, often referring to himself as "Big Red." Letterman will frequently follow them up by jokingly commenting to Shaffer on Kalter's disturbing, sickening nature, while Kalter grins mischievously. Often such skits begin with Letterman informing the audience that Kalter had approached Letterman prior to the show (about which Letterman often adds, "I've asked him not to do that"), and explaining that Kalter had asked to comment on a current news or pop cultural event.

Kalter then begins a monologue where he speaks directly to the camera, setting up the nature of the topic (often the separation of a public couple) in a serious manner. He then addresses a separate, closer camera in a sexually provocative manner as amorous music plays in the background. The material is often a series of double entendre

Double entendre

A double entendre or adianoeta is a figure of speech in which a spoken phrase is devised to be understood in either of two ways. Often the first meaning is straightforward, while the second meaning is less so: often risqué or ironic....

, with Kalter offering to romantically console the woman that is the center of the issue, and ends with him making passionate moans. A disturbed Letterman then interrupts Kalter and chides him for behaving inappropriately. Kalter often ends the bit by making a provocative quip to Letterman.

Kalterworld

Occasionally, Kalter will use his segments to promote "Kalterworld", a supposed web site selling "the finest in adult toys, games, and novelties." The Kalterworld.com URL

Uniform Resource Locator

In computing, a uniform resource locator or universal resource locator is a specific character string that constitutes a reference to an Internet resource....

leads to the official Late Show web site.

"Alan Kalter Makes Your Product Sound Sexy"

Kalter promotes an actual commercial product (such as Ajax) in a provocative, suggestive manner. He then pours the product on his head and smears it on his body, often moaning as he does so and then screaming in pain as it gets into his eyes. A bland voice-over then encourages companies to participate in the segment by submitting their own product to a particular address.

Kalter the Singer

Kalter is introduced with the implication that he will provide a serious commentary on current events, but instead exuberantly sings a contemporary pop song filled with sexual innuendos (often from the female perspective). Songs thus far have included "My Humps

My Humps

"My Humps" is the third single by The Black Eyed Peas from their fourth album, Monkey Business. It samples a section of the song "I Need a Freak" by Sexual Harassment, as well as the 1989 song "Wild Thing" by Tone Lōc and "It's Automatic" by Freestyle. Released in 2005, it reached number three in...

" on "Alan Kalter's Political Roundup", "Don't Cha

Don't Cha

"Don't Cha" is the debut single by American R&B/pop girl group the Pussycat Dolls. The song was originally recorded by American recording artist Tori Alamaze, and was released as her debut single in March 2005, on Universal Records. After Universal Records dropped her from the label, Cee-Lo Green...

" on "Alan Kalter's Mideast Update" and "London Bridge

London Bridge (Fergie song)

"London Bridge" is a hip hop/R&B song co-written and performed by Fergie for her debut album, The Dutchess. It contains a sample taken from "Down to the Night Club" by Tower of Power. It was released as the lead single from the album on July 18, 2006, and was Fergie's first single as a solo artist...

." As he performs, Kalter struts across the stage with a disturbed and annoyed Letterman visible at his desk, and ultimately exits at the other side.

Kalter Gets Maimed

The show will often employ bits where severe bodily harm is supposedly inflicted on Kalter (such as when a cocktail waitress

Cocktail waitress

A cocktail waitress is a type of server who specializes in bringing drinks to patrons of bars, casinos, comedy clubs, live music venues and other drinking establishments and often wears revealing clothing in order to get more tips...

walks across the stage in Kalter's direction and then tosses the drink into his face). He then writhes on the ground groaning and acting as if in serious pain. A wry Letterman will sometimes advise an inattentive Kalter to use a medication normally used for more mild injuries, such as Neosporin

Neosporin

Neosporin is the product branding & formulas now owned by Johnson & Johnson of an antibiotic over-the-counter topical created under Warner-Lambert Consumer Healthcare, now a part of Pfizer...

or Ibuprofin.

The Guy Who Beats Up Alan

In one recurring gag, Kalter will make a statement on a particular topic, only to have a large man appear from nowhere and object to Kalter's comments. He then proceeds to pummel him, which results in Kalter rolling on the ground in agony, and storms off backstage. Letterman will often amusedly ridicule the obviously fake nature of the violence, as the man's blows never come anywhere near Kalter, despite Kalter's best efforts to sell his pain. ("That last punch came at least within a foot.")

More recently, the beatings have been followed up by pre-taped pieces, in which the relationship between Alan and the man who beats him (identified as "Brian") is shown to be more complicated. One sketch involved Kalter catching Brian being "unfaithful" by beating up another man on the street, and the two being heartbroken by the event. Another followed Brian punching Kalter in the face despite his "Not the face!" pleas. After Brian storms off backstage, a video shows Brian expressing guilt to his wife or girlfriend about his abuse towards Kalter, fearing it was "pushing him away." The two later make up at the end with Brian meeting Kalter and punching him in the stomach instead of the face, much to Kalter's happiness. The videos are presented in a mock romance-drama style, with a soundtrack of emotional pop songs.

"TV's Uncle Jerry"

In 2006, Alan began to introduce himself by saying "I'm Alan Kalter, TV's Uncle Jerry", much to Letterman's delight at first, but over time Letterman would regard the moniker with faux-irritation, which appeared to be part of the joke. In August of that year, several weeks after the bit started, the Late Show aired a clip from a new, fake CBS domestic sitcom entitled "Oh, Brother!" where Kalter played the aforementioned "Uncle Jerry" character. In the clip, Jerry abandons babysitting his brother's children on his wedding anniversary to instead join a friend at a bar

Bar (establishment)

A bar is a business establishment that serves alcoholic drinks — beer, wine, liquor, and cocktails — for consumption on the premises.Bars provide stools or chairs that are placed at tables or counters for their patrons. Some bars have entertainment on a stage, such as a live band, comedians, go-go...

who had met two flight attendants. He then uses a would-be catch-phrase: "Hey, Uncle Jerry's gonna get busy!" Despite introducing the clip with some enthusiasm, Letterman quickly dismissed it afterwards, saying "That sucked! That just sucked!" Recently, Kalter has taken to introducing himself as other beloved television characters such as TV's Professor Withers, TV's Johnny Mambo and TV's Uptown Ricky Brown. He has also introduced himself as "TV's Howie Mandel

Howie Mandel

Howard Michael "Howie" Mandel is a Canadian stand-up comedian, television host, and actor. He is well known as host of the NBC game show Deal or No Deal, as well as the show's daytime and Canadian-English counterparts. Before his career as a game show host, Mandel was best known for his role on...

", to which Dave said that made no sense at all.

"Alan Kalter's Campaign Roundup"

A near-daily running gag

Running gag

presented late in the 2000 presidential election

United States presidential election, 2000

The United States presidential election of 2000 was a contest between Republican candidate George W. Bush, then-governor of Texas and son of former president George H. W. Bush , and Democratic candidate Al Gore, then-Vice President....

season began with Letterman introducing Kalter, who would ostensibly give a summary of the latest campaign news. Instead, Kalter would perform an energetic rendition of the chorus to "Who Let the Dogs Out?

Who Let the Dogs Out?

"Who Let the Dogs Out?" is a song written and originally recorded by Anslem Douglas for Trinidad and Tobago's Carnival season of 1998. It was heard and taped on a float by hairdresser Keith from the London salon Smile, who played it to Jonathan King, who recorded it and released it under the name...

" which was a popular and ubiquitous song at the time, and walk across the stage. In the skit's later occurrences, Kalter would sometimes rip off his shirt as he sang (revealing a pale and flabby physique), while adding a manic and deranged tone to his performance. Kalter has demonstrated a compulsion to disrobe in many of his other segments before and since.

Alan Punches Someone Out

In another long-running gag, Kalter would take issue with something said at his expense, such as a Top Ten List entry, or a letter read during the "CBS Mailbag" segment. Kalter would press Letterman about the statement, asking "Did he really say that?" and Letterman would confirm its accuracy. Kalter would then leave the stage to hunt down the person who said it, usually up in the Late Show offices. During his transit, an individual would often greet Kalter with "Hi, Alan!" only to be ignored. Upon finding the guilty party, Kalter would then punch him out and walk away with a look of satisfaction. In one instance, the person on the receiving end was Regis Philbin, who had just been shown in a "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? is a television game show which offers large cash prizes for correctly answering a series of multiple-choice questions of increasing difficulty. The format is owned and licensed by Sony Pictures Television International. The maximum cash prize is one million pounds...

" clip where a question described Kalter as "creepy."

Alan Kalter's Celebrity Interview

Occasionally after the first or second guest, Letterman will turn over the show to Kalter, who's supposed to conduct an interview of his own with a celebrity. Invariably, it turns out the guest booked for "Celebrity Interview", who is seated next to Kalter, has already appeared on the show as the first or second guest earlier that night. An angry Kalter accuses Letterman of deliberately booking the same person as a regular guest on the show in an attempt to sabotage Kalter's segment and steal the limelight. The sketch typically ends with Kalter storming off the stage after hurling insults at Letterman, as well as the celebrity interviewee, who usually deadpans confusion or mortification.

Regular sketches

When Letterman left NBC and moved to CBS to begin the Late Show in the summer of 1993, several of Late Night's long-running comedy bits made the move with him, including perhaps his best known, the Top Ten List. Letterman renamed a few of his regular bits to avoid legal problems over trademark

Trademark

A trademark, trade mark, or trade-mark is a distinctive sign or indicator used by an individual, business organization, or other legal entity to identify that the products or services to consumers with which the trademark appears originate from a unique source, and to distinguish its products or...

infringement (NBC cited that what he did on Late Night was "intellectual property

Intellectual property

Intellectual property is a term referring to a number of distinct types of creations of the mind for which a set of exclusive rights are recognized—and the corresponding fields of law...

" of the network). For example, "Viewer Mail" on NBC became the "CBS Mailbag", and Larry "Bud" Melman began to use his real name, Calvert DeForest

Calvert DeForest

.

One recurring sketch on both the NBC and CBS shows has been the destruction of household items by various methods including explosives, steamrollers, and - most often - throwing them off the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater. While popular with fans, Letterman has gradually lessened the frequency of such segments in recent years.

Letterman also has a knack for consuming food products and drinks that appear on his show. Among the items that he has consumed are: wine from a bottle used for a cooking demonstration; various kinds of liquor (while quipping "We're gonna lose our liquor license"); Popeye's "Full Flavor Green Beans;" "motor oil" (actually chocolate syrup

Chocolate syrup

Chocolate syrup is a chocolate flavored condiment. It is often used as a topping for various desserts, such as ice cream or mixed with milk to make chocolate milk.-Basic ingredients:...

) from a bottle that bore a "Quaker State" label; Red Bull

Red Bull

Red Bull is an energy drink sold by the Austrian Red Bull GmbH, created in 1987 by the Austrian entrepreneur Dietrich Mateschitz. In terms of market share, Red Bull is the most popular energy drink in the world, with 3 billion cans sold each year. Dietrich Mateschitz was inspired by an already...

; liquid from a bottle that supposedly contained Wite-Out

Wite-Out

Wite-Out is a trademark for a line of correction fluid, originally created for use with photocopies, and manufactured by the BIC Corporation.-History:...

; pills from boxes labeled "Lipitor" and "Cialis" (obviously not really the drugs); and even cosmetic products

Cosmetics

Cosmetics are substances used to enhance the appearance or odor of the human body. Cosmetics include skin-care creams, lotions, powders, perfumes, lipsticks, fingernail and toe nail polish, eye and facial makeup, towelettes, permanent waves, colored contact lenses, hair colors, hair sprays and...

. On one occasion, Dave took a healthy swig of "low-carb suntan lotion" and immediately spit it out, having discovered that it actually was suntan lotion.

The Late Show is well known for its repeated absurdist

Absurdism

In philosophy, "The Absurd" refers to the conflict between the human tendency to seek value and meaning in life and the human inability to find any...

segments, often taking the form of competitions or audience participation. The charm of such segments is often that they are completely pointless, yet are taken seriously by Letterman and all involved.

Top Ten List

The Top Ten List

Top 10 list

The Late Show Top Ten List is a regular segment of the television program Late Show with David Letterman. It is adapted from Letterman's NBC show Late Night...

appears almost daily on the Late Show, and remains one of the few regular segments carried over from Late Night. It is often the last comedic segment presented prior to the show's first guest. List topics are often inspired by current news and pop cultural events, with typical lists bearing titles such as "Top Ten Signs..." and "Top Ten Reasons..." The Top Ten List is compiled by the show's writing staff, and is usually read by Letterman, although the show occasionally uses guest presenters. Some Top Ten List themes reappear seasonally, such as the carolers singing "Top Ten Least Popular Holiday Songs."http://lateshow.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/top_ten/index/php/20081218.phtml

For a long time, the Top Ten Lists were said to have been written in a so-called "Home Office". There were various Home Offices before the part was dropped, but the list included Sioux City, Iowa

Sioux City, Iowa

Sioux City is a city in Plymouth and Woodbury counties in the western part of the U.S. state of Iowa. The population was 82,684 in the 2010 census, a decline from 85,013 in the 2000 census, which makes it currently the fourth largest city in the state....

; Grand Rapids, Michigan

Grand Rapids, Michigan

Grand Rapids is a city in the U.S. state of Michigan. The city is located on the Grand River about 40 miles east of Lake Michigan. As of the 2010 census, the city population was 188,040. In 2010, the Grand Rapids metropolitan area had a population of 774,160 and a combined statistical area, Grand...

; and Wahoo, Nebraska

Wahoo, Nebraska

Wahoo is a city in Saunders County, Nebraska, United States. The population was 4,508 at the 2010 census. It is the county seat of Saunders County.-History:Wahoo was founded in 1870...

- all actual, extant towns. (Late Show staffer Mike McIntee's nightly online recap of the show, the "Wahoo Gazette" is named after the Nebraska town.)

The Top Ten List has occasionally been a casualty of time constraints. Dave may announce that the Top Ten List is coming up, or Kalter will promote it before the first commercial, when, in fact, it is not delivered on that night's show and is instead held until the next morning, when it is broadcast across Westwood One

Westwood One

Westwood One was an American radio network and was based in New York City. At one time, it was managed by CBS Radio, the radio arm of CBS Corporation, and Viacom and was later purchased by the private equity firm The Gores Group...

/CBS Radio Network

CBS Radio Network

The CBS Radio Network provides news, sports and other programming to more than 1,000 radio stations throughout the United States. The network is owned by CBS Corporation, and operated by CBS Radio ....

Great Moments in Presidential Speeches

Great Moments in Presidential Speeches was a near-daily segment presented a series of three video excerpts. Originally, the first two come from actual famous moments, Franklin D. Roosevelt

Franklin D. Roosevelt

Franklin Delano Roosevelt , also known by his initials, FDR, was the 32nd President of the United States and a central figure in world events during the mid-20th century, leading the United States during a time of worldwide economic crisis and world war...

's inaugural speech ("The only thing we have to fear is fear itself") and John F. Kennedy

John F. Kennedy

John Fitzgerald "Jack" Kennedy , often referred to by his initials JFK, was the 35th President of the United States, serving from 1961 until his assassination in 1963....

's inaugural speech ("Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country").

The third excerpt featured President George W. Bush

George W. Bush

George Walker Bush is an American politician who served as the 43rd President of the United States, from 2001 to 2009. Before that, he was the 46th Governor of Texas, having served from 1995 to 2000....

in an unintentionally comical moment, often during press conferences or town hall gatherings. These moments frequently focused on the vacuous Bush stuttering, finding himself at a loss for words, or uttering a nonsensical Bushism

Bushism

Bushisms are unconventional words, phrases, pronunciations, malapropisms, and semantic or linguistic errors that have occurred in the public speaking of former President of the United States George W. Bush and, much less notably, of his father, George H. W. Bush. The term has become part of popular...

. The excerpts were also often taken out of context for humorous effect, such as when Bush declared, "My kids can't read!", "My lawyer's a Latino

Alberto Gonzales

Alberto R. Gonzales was the 80th Attorney General of the United States. Gonzales was appointed to the post in February 2005 by President George W. Bush. Gonzales was the first Hispanic Attorney General in U.S. history and the highest-ranking Hispanic government official ever...

" or "Why should I care about Africa?"

The "Great Moments" presentation also featured Dwight Eisenhower, Harry S. Truman

Harry S. Truman

Harry S. Truman was the 33rd President of the United States . As President Franklin D. Roosevelt's third vice president and the 34th Vice President of the United States , he succeeded to the presidency on April 12, 1945, when President Roosevelt died less than three months after beginning his...

, Jimmy Carter

Jimmy Carter

James Earl "Jimmy" Carter, Jr. is an American politician who served as the 39th President of the United States and was the recipient of the 2002 Nobel Peace Prize, the only U.S. President to have received the Prize after leaving office...

, Ronald Reagan

Ronald Reagan

Ronald Wilson Reagan was the 40th President of the United States , the 33rd Governor of California and, prior to that, a radio, film and television actor....

, Bill Clinton

Bill Clinton

William Jefferson "Bill" Clinton is an American politician who served as the 42nd President of the United States from 1993 to 2001. Inaugurated at age 46, he was the third-youngest president. He took office at the end of the Cold War, and was the first president of the baby boomer generation...

, and even President Bush's father

George H. W. Bush

George Herbert Walker Bush is an American politician who served as the 41st President of the United States . He had previously served as the 43rd Vice President of the United States , a congressman, an ambassador, and Director of Central Intelligence.Bush was born in Milton, Massachusetts, to...

, followed by Bush himself. One adaptation was of President Kennedy's Berlin speech, with the words "Ich bin ein Berliner

Ich bin ein Berliner

"Ich bin ein Berliner" is a quotation from a June 26, 1963, speech by U.S. President John F. Kennedy in West Berlin. He was underlining the support of the United States for West Germany 22 months after the Soviet-supported East Germany erected the Berlin Wall as a barrier to prevent movement...

", followed by President Reagan

Ronald Reagan

Ronald Wilson Reagan was the 40th President of the United States , the 33rd Governor of California and, prior to that, a radio, film and television actor....

's Berlin speech ("Mr. Gorbachev

Mikhail Gorbachev

Mikhail Sergeyevich Gorbachev is a former Soviet statesman, having served as General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union from 1985 until 1991, and as the last head of state of the USSR, having served from 1988 until its dissolution in 1991...

, tear down this wall

Tear down this wall

"Tear down this wall!" was the challenge from United States President Ronald Reagan to Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev to destroy the Berlin Wall....

") in 1987 (Reagan was also featured in another Letterman skit "The Reagan Diaries"), and as always, an excerpt from President Bush's recent speeches. An Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln was the 16th President of the United States, serving from March 1861 until his assassination in April 1865. He successfully led his country through a great constitutional, military and moral crisis – the American Civil War – preserving the Union, while ending slavery, and...

impostor

Impostor

An impostor or imposter is a person who pretends to be somebody else, often to try to gain financial or social advantages through social engineering, but just as often for purposes of espionage or law enforcement....

(Johnny Dark) has also given the "Tear down this wall" speech. President Lyndon Johnson made his debut on "Great Moments" with his declaration not to seek reelection in 1968. George Washington

George Washington

George Washington was the dominant military and political leader of the new United States of America from 1775 to 1799. He led the American victory over Great Britain in the American Revolutionary War as commander-in-chief of the Continental Army from 1775 to 1783, and presided over the writing of...

's, Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln

's, Roosevelt's, and Kennedy's portraits were shown in the graphic at the beginning and end of "Great Moments."

After a few months into the segment's inception, the Kennedy inauguration clip began to include a Late Show staffer (often dressed in formal period garb) superimposed over the empty seat to Kennedy's right. The staffers included announcer Alan Kalter

Alan Kalter

Alan Kalter is an American television announcer from New York City. He is best knownas the announcer for the Late Show with David Letterman since September 5, 1995.-Career:...

, "cue card boy" Tony "Inky" Mendez (who showed cue cards to President Kennedy), costume designer Susan Hum (whose actions included taking his picture with a disposable camera, removing lint from his shoulder, stealing his wallet, and eating a jumbo pretzel), associate producer Nancy Agostini, and stage manager Biff Henderson

Biff Henderson

. All "cameos" ended with the staffers clapping along in real-time response to Kennedy's speech.

After the incident when an Iraqi journalist

Muntadhar al-Zaidi

Muntadhar al-Zaidi is an Iraqi broadcast journalist who served as a correspondent for Iraqi-owned, Egyptian-based Al-Bagh. , al-Zaidi works with a Lebanese TV channel....

threw his shoes at Bush, flying shoes were shown in the introductory vignettes of the other Presidents, including shoes thrown at Johnny Lincoln (Dark) giving the Gettysburg Address

Gettysburg Address

The Gettysburg Address is a speech by U.S. President Abraham Lincoln and is one of the most well-known speeches in United States history. It was delivered by Lincoln during the American Civil War, on the afternoon of Thursday, November 19, 1863, at the dedication of the Soldiers' National Cemetery...

.

The last airing of the sketch involving Bush was January 16, four days before the inauguration of President Barack Obama

Barack Obama

Barack Hussein Obama II is the 44th and current President of the United States. He is the first African American to hold the office. Obama previously served as a United States Senator from Illinois, from January 2005 until he resigned following his victory in the 2008 presidential election.Born in...

.

The first airing of the sketch after President Obama entered office was Monday January 26, 2009, but the Obama speech that was captured appeared to have no comedic value, thus heralding the beginning of the Obama presidency as well as fulfilling the actual purpose of the Great Moments segment. On the next GMIPS, aired January 28, 2009, President Obama's face was superimposed over the body of former President Bush in one of his speeches, pretending that Obama was speaking comically, but it was actually the voice of President Bush. After that, other sketches, such as "This Day in the Clinton Marriage", were substituted in the time slot when "Great Moments" previously appeared.

Will It Float?

An item is dropped into a tank of water by two models

Model (person)

A model , sometimes called a mannequin, is a person who is employed to display, advertise and promote commercial products or to serve as a subject of works of art....

, often referred to by Letterman as "The Hi-Ho Girls." The segment starts out with Kalter identifying a household item that will be tested, and a faux prize that is supposedly at stake. A picture of that prize is flashed on screen for a split second. Letterman and Shaffer debate the buoyant

Buoyancy

In physics, buoyancy is a force exerted by a fluid that opposes an object's weight. In a column of fluid, pressure increases with depth as a result of the weight of the overlying fluid. Thus a column of fluid, or an object submerged in the fluid, experiences greater pressure at the bottom of the...

properties of the item before they each decide on whether it will sink or float (a frequent deciding factor is the nature of the item's container).

Two models then drop the item into the tank while the Late Show "Hula Hoop Girl" (Anna Jack

Anna Jack

Anna Jack is a hula hoop artist best known for her appearances on The Late Show with David Letterman.Anna was born into a circus family and spent four years with the Moscow Circus School before immigrating to the United States. She has performed with circuses, on Broadway, and on...

) and "Grinder Girl" (Kiva Kahl

Kiva Kahl

Kiva Kahl was born in Russia and is primarily known for her stage persona, Grinder Girl, in which she dresses in a metallic outfit and uses an angle grinder to spray sparks into the air, onto herself, and onto others. Kahl has appeared on stage in North America, Europe, and Asia. She also...

) perform on either side of the tank. Depending upon the outcome, large flashing words appear reading, "It Floats!" (accompanied by a ringing bell) or "It Sinks!" (accompanied by a buzzer).

Letterman often espouses the educational merit of the game in jest, citing positive feedback from parents, educators, and clergymen. He has acknowledged that while the segment is not popular with the Late Show staff, he insists on continuing it for his own amusement. According to Letterman, the skit was adapted from a similar BBC

BBC

The British Broadcasting Corporation is a British public service broadcaster. Its headquarters is at Broadcasting House in the City of Westminster, London. It is the largest broadcaster in the world, with about 23,000 staff...

programme entitled "Is It Buoyant?" He also often advertises the (fictional) "Will It Float" home game, which "has everything you need in a box to play the game for only $19.99." The game consists only of a list of suggested household items and a bottle of water. Recently, Dave has also been advertising the PlayStation 3

PlayStation 3

The is the third home video game console produced by Sony Computer Entertainment and the successor to the PlayStation 2 as part of the PlayStation series. The PlayStation 3 competes with Microsoft's Xbox 360 and Nintendo's Wii as part of the seventh generation of video game consoles...

version of the "Will It Float?" home game, and in the past would highlight the Xbox 360

Xbox 360

The Xbox 360 is the second video game console produced by Microsoft and the successor to the Xbox. The Xbox 360 competes with Sony's PlayStation 3 and Nintendo's Wii as part of the seventh generation of video game consoles...

version. At one point, he issued viewers a warning to stay away from the knockoff version, "Does it Sink?", which could be found being hawked by street vendors on Canal Street. After the game is over, Letterman often addresses the women by saying he will see them at "the big 'Will It Float?' party" after the show.

Is This Anything?

In the increasingly rare segment, the stage curtain is raised to reveal an individual or team performing an unusual stunt

Stunt

A stunt is an unusual and difficult physical feat, or any act requiring a special skill, performed for artistic purposes in TV, theatre, or cinema...

, often accompanied by music from the CBS Orchestra

CBS Orchestra

The CBS Orchestra is the house band, led by Paul Shaffer, that plays for David Letterman's CBS late-night talk show, Late Show with David Letterman...

. Flanking the performer, who varies, are two previous performers who became regulars for the segment:

The "Hula Hoop Girl" (Anna Jack
Anna Jack
Anna Jack is a hula hoop artist best known for her appearances on The Late Show with David Letterman.Anna was born into a circus family and spent four years with the Moscow Circus School before immigrating to the United States. She has performed with circuses, on Broadway, and on...

), who spins numerous hula hoop
Hula hoop
A hula hoop is a toy hoop that is twirled around the waist, limbs or neck.Although the exact origins of hula hoops are unknown, children and adults around the world have played with hoops, twirling, rolling and throwing them throughout history...

s around different parts of her body, and
The "Grinder Girl" (Kiva Kahl
Kiva Kahl
Kiva Kahl was born in Russia and is primarily known for her stage persona, Grinder Girl, in which she dresses in a metallic outfit and uses an angle grinder to spray sparks into the air, onto herself, and onto others. Kahl has appeared on stage in North America, Europe, and Asia. She also...

), who operates a hand-held grinder
Angle grinder
An angle grinder, also known as a side or disc grinder, is a handheld power tool used for cutting, grinding and polishing.Angle grinders can be powered by an electric motor, petrol engine or compressed air. The motor drives a geared head at a right-angle on which is mounted an abrasive disc or a...

against metal parts of her costume, producing sparks.

After about thirty seconds the curtain is lowered and Letterman discusses with Shaffer whether the act was "something" or "nothing." As the segment continued over the course of time, Letterman would increasingly express disinterest in the featured performer, opting instead to admire the Grinder Girl. Shaffer in turn would often admit to having been too distracted with his performance of the music.

On an episode in June 2003, the curtain rose to reveal members of the Stanley Cup

Stanley Cup

The Stanley Cup is an ice hockey club trophy, awarded annually to the National Hockey League playoffs champion after the conclusion of the Stanley Cup Finals. It has been referred to as The Cup, Lord Stanley's Cup, The Holy Grail, or facetiously as Lord Stanley's Mug...

champion New Jersey Devils

New Jersey Devils

The New Jersey Devils are a professional ice hockey team based in Newark, New Jersey, United States. They are members of the Atlantic Division of the Eastern Conference of the National Hockey League...

. Martin Brodeur

Martin Brodeur

Martin Pierre Brodeur is a French-Canadian ice hockey goaltender who has played his entire National Hockey League career with the New Jersey Devils. In his 19-year tenure with the Devils, he has won three Stanley Cup championships and has been in the playoffs every year but two...

hoisted the trophy, leading the crowd in a chant of "Devils! Devils!" Letterman and Shaffer ruled it as definitely "something."

Is This Anything lay dormant for almost a year before it was resurrected on the March 22, 2006 episode. A man balanced himself on a ladder and juggled: Paul voted a clear "nothing", and Dave was going to vote "something" before he noticed a safety mat. Dave then concurred with Paul.

In an uncharacteristic move, Dave invited Sharon Osbourne

Sharon Osbourne

Sharon Rachel Osbourne is an English television host, author, music manager, businesswoman and promoter as well as the wife of heavy metal singer-songwriter Ozzy Osbourne....

to assist in officiating Is This Anything on the July 26, 2007 episode, due to her involvement with America's Got Talent
America's Got Talent
America's Got Talent is an American reality television series on the NBC television network, and part of the global British Got Talent franchise. It is a talent show that features singers, dancers, magicians, comedians, and other performers of all ages competing for the advertised top prize of...

. The act consisted of a man balancing an aluminum ladder on his chin while riding a unicycle, and all three agreed that it was nothing.

Small Town News

Often presented on Mondays, Letterman presents a series of actual news items, advertisements, and police

Police

The police is a personification of the state designated to put in practice the enforced law, protect property and reduce civil disorder in civilian matters. Their powers include the legitimized use of force...

blotter excerpts which are shown to be unintentionally humorous. In earlier incarnations, Letterman would precede the segment by asking the audience to "please wait for the humorous comment", which consisted of him reciting a scripted follow-up to each news item. While this ostensibly differentiated the segment from Jay Leno's similar sketch, "Headlines" (though "Small Town News" was a segment on Late Night from its 1982 inception, and even appeared on Letterman's 1980 daytime show), the current revival of "Small Town News" only includes an occasional impromptu remark from Letterman. On at least one occasion, Letterman has claimed that Leno's headlines is a copy of the sketch.

Audience participation games

Thursday episodes usually include one of three rotating variations of audience participation segments. Each game starts with Letterman making small talk with each of the featured audience members, asking about their background and occupations, often with humorous results. When the individual has completed their portion, they are given a gift certificate to a local restaurant as well as random gift items. Occasionally, the participant is a ringer from the show staff.

Know Your Current Events

In what Letterman describes as "America's Fastest Growing Quiz Sensation", a "contestant" is chosen from the audience to play a quiz game. He or she first chooses a category. Besides the title category, there are often a total of "six big ways to win big", with other categories being topical and often esoteric, and rarely reappearing. Some of these have included "Know Your Home Depot Locations in Delaware

Delaware

Delaware is a U.S. state located on the Atlantic Coast in the Mid-Atlantic region of the United States. It is bordered to the south and west by Maryland, and to the north by Pennsylvania...

", "Know Your Late Show Production Accountant Joe DeGeorge", "Know Your Department Store Return Policies", and "Know Your Shocking Facts about Peter Jennings

Peter Jennings

Peter Charles Archibald Ewart Jennings, CM was a Canadian American journalist and news anchor. He was the sole anchor of ABC's World News Tonight from 1983 until his death in 2005 of complications from lung cancer...

." Some categories are merely for show; in the event a fake category is picked, Letterman will encourage the contestant to pick a different category.

A regular category is "Know Your Cuts of Meat

Meat

Meat is animal flesh that is used as food. Most often, this means the skeletal muscle and associated fat and other tissues, but it may also describe other edible tissues such as organs and offal...

", which itself consists of five categories: beef

Beef

Beef is the culinary name for meat from bovines, especially domestic cattle. Beef can be harvested from cows, bulls, heifers or steers. It is one of the principal meats used in the cuisine of the Middle East , Australia, Argentina, Brazil, Europe and the United States, and is also important in...

, lamb, veal

Veal

Veal is the meat of young cattle , as opposed to meat from older cattle. Though veal can be produced from a calf of either sex and any breed, most veal comes from male calves of dairy cattle breeds...

, pork

Pork

Pork is the culinary name for meat from the domestic pig , which is eaten in many countries. It is one of the most commonly consumed meats worldwide, with evidence of pig husbandry dating back to 5000 BC....

, and "variety meats"

Offal

Offal , also called, especially in the United States, variety meats or organ meats, refers to the internal organs and entrails of a butchered animal. The word does not refer to a particular list of edible organs, which varies by culture and region, but includes most internal organs other than...

, as Paul heavily accentuates when he chuckles and says, "Variety meats, David." After playing, the individual is also rewarded with a box of assorted meat cuts from "Lobel's: pound for pound, the finest butcher shop in the world."

Throughout the course of the segment's history on the show, Dave has varied back and forth between discreetly feeding the contestants the answers, and making them guess.

Each selected category is accompanied by a brief theme song, based on Nobody But Me.

Stump the Band

This is a variation of the segment from Johnny Carson

Johnny Carson

John William "Johnny" Carson was an American television host and comedian, known as host of The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson for 30 years . Carson received six Emmy Awards including the Governor Award and a 1985 Peabody Award; he was inducted into the Television Academy Hall of Fame in 1987...

's (and earlier, Jack Paar

Jack Paar

Jack Harold Paar was an author, American radio and television comedian and talk show host, best known for his stint as host of The Tonight Show from 1957 to 1962...

's) tenure on the Tonight Show
The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson
The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson is a talk show hosted by Johnny Carson under the Tonight Show franchise from 1962 to 1992. It originally aired during late-night....

. A pre-selected audience member requests an obscure song from the CBS Orchestra, which then performs a humorous pre-scripted song based only on the title of the requested song (often a parody

Parody

A parody , in current usage, is an imitative work created to mock, comment on, or trivialise an original work, its subject, author, style, or some other target, by means of humorous, satiric or ironic imitation...

of a more popular song). The band will then jokingly insist that they've correctly played the correct song, only to be told otherwise by the individual, who then performs the actual song. The novelty song "Wadaliacha" is a recurring joke on the show, having been suggested multiple times, but yet never performed right. These segments often feature a segment with Paul Shaffer

Paul Shaffer

Paul Allen Wood Shaffer, CM is a Canadian musician, actor, voice actor, author, comedian, and composer who has been David Letterman's sidekick since 1982.-Early years:...

in character as Carnac the Magnificent

Carnac the Magnificent

Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions...

, another Carson carryover.

Audience Show and Tell

This revolves around a pre-selected audience member relating an anecdote, presenting a personal item of note, or demonstrating a hidden talent.

Fun Facts

Usually presented on Fridays, the segment consists of Letterman reading a series of trivia, records, and statistics. Letterman explains that the "Fun Facts" are submitted to the show each week by "Gary Sherman", the head of the fictional "Federal Bureau of Miscellaneous Information" (FBMI) and a supposed acquaintance of Paul Shaffer

Paul Shaffer

Paul Allen Wood Shaffer, CM is a Canadian musician, actor, voice actor, author, comedian, and composer who has been David Letterman's sidekick since 1982.-Early years:...

whom Dave claims he met at Paul's wedding. The segment often begins with Letterman presenting a few real facts to set up the premise (although they are often of a humorous nature in their own right and are mistaken by some audience members as made-up). He then presents several humorous, fictional "facts." Most of these are of an absurdist nature, such as "The first pair of binoculars

Binoculars

Binoculars, field glasses or binocular telescopes are a pair of identical or mirror-symmetrical telescopes mounted side-by-side and aligned to point accurately in the same direction, allowing the viewer to use both eyes when viewing distant objects...

had a 1x magnification", or "For a short amount of time, the rock band The Who

The Who

The Who are an English rock band formed in 1964 by Roger Daltrey , Pete Townshend , John Entwistle and Keith Moon . They became known for energetic live performances which often included instrument destruction...

broke up, and formed two new bands called The When and The What." An irrelevant promotional announcement of some kind is mixed in on occasion, much to Letterman's confusion.

The segment was initially presented on the show sporadically before being made a regular weekly feature. Letterman is also promoting a Fun Facts book (unlike the Will it Float? game, a real book, ISBN 978-1-4013-2307-3).

Hello Deli Games

A camera crew is sent to Rupert Jee

Rupert Jee

Rupert Jee is an American entrepreneur and television celebrity who has gained fame through frequent appearances on Late Show with David Letterman...

in the neighboring Hello Deli, where Jee is asked to invite a potential player from the crowd outside. The player introduces his or herself, relates his or her background, and is told what prize is to be won. Regardless of the outcome, the player is also awarded a "Hello Deli Platter" by the Hi-Ho Girls.

Recurring games include "Beat the Clock" (where the confused player helplessly attempts to stop a clock from counting down to zero) and "What's on the iPod

IPod

iPod is a line of portable media players created and marketed by Apple Inc. The product line-up currently consists of the hard drive-based iPod Classic, the touchscreen iPod Touch, the compact iPod Nano, and the ultra-compact iPod Shuffle...

?" (where Rupert sings along to a song on his iPod and the contestant has to guess what song he is singing). Other random games involve a player searching for a hidden item in the deli, and guessing the nature of an item obscured under an item of clothing worn by Jee (such as a Hillary Clinton-esque pantsuit

Pantsuit

A pantsuit or pant suit, also known as a trouser suit outside the USA, is a woman's suit of clothing consisting of trousers and a matching or coordinating coat or jacket....

). Occasionally, the "player" is a plant and the segment ends when the "player" appears to be severely injured. Johnny Dark

Johnny Dark

Johnny Dark is an American comedian and comic actor, active on television since the 1970s. He is most recently known for his recurring appearances on Late Show with David Letterman....

has also appeared as a contestant under various names, and the routine consists of Dark asking so many questions that there is no time for the game. Biff Henderson

Biff Henderson

has hosted similar games on the street.

Stupid Pet Tricks/Stupid Human Tricks

These segments were carried over from Late Night, and consist of three pre-selected participants (or in the case of "Pet Tricks", pets and their owners), who each demonstrate an unusual talent or stunt on the stage. Letteman will often precede the segment with the tongue-in-cheek warning: "Remember, this is not a competition, it is only an exhibition — please, no wagering." While still a trademark feature of the Late Show, the segment has been featured on a more sporadic basis in recent years. The show's regular "Audience Show and Tell" bit will often include an audience member performing a "Stupid Human Trick"-type act.

Explod-O-Pop

Explod-O-Pop is a brand of popping corn, and is usually given as a prize to the participants of the audience participation games. Letterman often describes the product using various slogans such as "America's Only Atomic Popping Corn", "It's Carbolicious", and "It's Contaminated with Flavor!"

It can also be purchased online at CBS' online store, with the proceeds benefitting the American Foundation for Courtesy and Grooming

American Foundation for Courtesy and Grooming

The American Foundation for Courtesy and Grooming is a private foundation whose president and primary contributor is David Letterman. The foundation's treasurer is Fred Nigro, who has appeared on Late Show with David Letterman where he has been identified as Letterman's accountant...

, a charity of Letterman's which contributes its proceeds to a wide variety of foundations, most of which are of a health, youth, or educational nature.

Audience Sweep

Late in the show, a short segment will consist of a camera panning across the audience as it applauds during the break. A comedy piece will usually be superimposed above this video; in most cases this is either a graphic presenting a game or announcement narrated by Kalter, or a comedy piece featuring Kalter himself. Since returning from the hiatus caused by the 2007–2008 Writers Guild of America strike

2007–2008 Writers Guild of America strike

The 2007–2008 Writers Guild of America strike, more commonly referred to as simply the Writers' Strike, was a strike by the Writers Guild of America, East and the Writers Guild of America, West ....

, however, these segments now usually feature a Kalter voice-over promoting future guests, concluded by a phrase such as "Get your VCRs ready!"

Games

Games often consist of parodies of simple time-killers such as word jumbles or quizzes. One example consists of the viewer being shown a short jumble where the letters are barely mixed up, seemingly making for an obvious answer. When the letters are supposedly shuffled into their "correct" order, the answer will actually consist of a completely different, longer set of letters.

Announcements

Some examples of announcements include "Late Show Reminders" (advising viewers to set their VCR for an "upcoming" episode featuring guests that have already appeared earlier that very night), "contest winners" (such as a supposed "My Pet Looks Like Dave" contest), and promotions for "all-new" episodes of old CBS shows, such as Jake and the Fatman
Jake and the Fatman
Jake and the Fatman is a television crime drama starring William Conrad as prosecutor J. L. "Fatman" McCabe and Joe Penny as investigator Jake Styles. The series ran on CBS for five seasons from 1987 to 1992. Diagnosis: Murder was a spin-off of this series...

.

Bored Kalter

A common example of Kalter's audience sweep comedy bits consists only of a silent and apathetic Kalter engaging in some mundane activity, such as eating or shaving.

The Quiz Machine

During the mid-1990s a frequent Late Show routine was The Quiz Machine, a large device wheeled out onto the stage, which progressively got bigger and more advanced as weeks went on. The Quiz Machine contained answers to questions that Letterman had on his note cards, and would be revealed by contestants pushing buttons or pulling levers. Frequently the machine failed to work, adding to its humor. In a notable appearance by Bill Gates, dressed in lab coat and hard hat, he joked that if Microsoft would have invented a machine this bad, he would have it recalled.

Non-regular sketches

7-Eleven

7-Eleven is part of an international chain of convenience stores, operating under Seven-Eleven Japan Co. Ltd, which in turn is owned by Seven & I Holdings Co...

Giveaways

Letterman introduces a man claiming to be James Keyes, President and CEO of 7-Eleven, who then announces to the audience and viewers of the convenience store's latest promotional tie-in with the Late Show. The announcements first began with a commemoration of the date of July 11, 2006 ("7-11"), when all 7-Eleven stores would supposedly give away free Slurpees, hot dogs, and muffins to anyone who said "Dave sent me!" (all items were said to be paid for by Letterman). Since then, the man portraying Keyes has sporadically appeared, enthusiastically announcing other food item giveaways and lavish prize drawings. After the man walks off stage, Shaffer then asks Letterman if the man really is president and CEO of 7-Eleven, only to have Letterman reluctantly admit that he isn't.

"Action News"

Letterman will occasionally interrupt a bit for "Action News", a bit that mocks "teaser" promos for local newscasts. Dave will look to the camera to his left and read a fake news headline with an ostensibly disingenuous smile and cheery demeanor. On the screen, in the style of a newscast, appears a news graphic next to Dave's face and the legend "Dave Letterman, Action News" at the bottom of the screen. After delivering the headline, Dave will then turn to the camera to his right and deliver another fake headline. He'll then "promote" Action News ("That's all coming up tonight on 'Action News.'"), and then return to the original bit as if nothing had happened. Occasionally, a weather reporter from an actual CBS affiliate will also deliver a pre-recorded fake weather tease. "Action News" most frequently interrupts "Fun Facts", although it occasionally interrupts other bits, including the Top Ten List. "Action News" began appearing in early 2008.

Cameraman Dave Dorsett Leaves the Theatre

During the segment of the show following the monologue, Letterman will be setting up a comedy bit when the camera trained on him begins to drift downward and stops with Letterman's head out of frame. Letterman will continue for several seconds before noticing the camera's new position, when he stops his bit and asks the cameraman, Dave Dorsett, what is happening. Dorsett explains that he has to leave the theatre for one reason or another (normally tied to a hyped event such as a new movie or video game release), and speaks of his disdain for the show as he exits through the guest entrance. The camera remains in its resting position for the remainder of the segment, causing Letterman to have to lean down and turn his head sideways to get into the shot. In another variation, Dorsett will not leave the studio, but will be preoccupied with something else, such as reading. When the show returns from commercial, the camera shot is back to normal.

Campaign 2000

Throughout the summer and fall of 2000, Dave and the cast (featuring producer Maria Pope) would ostensibly recap the latest on the presidential campaign between Al Gore

Al Gore

Albert Arnold "Al" Gore, Jr. served as the 45th Vice President of the United States , under President Bill Clinton. He was the Democratic Party's nominee for President in the 2000 U.S. presidential election....

and George W. Bush

George W. Bush

. An opening animation would roll accompanied by the orchestra, after which Alan Kalter would read a series of "sponsors", which included party ice (available in clear, semi-clear and opaque), the "ComposTumbler", onetime informercial sensation Hairagami and the then-new "Liquid Plumbr Foaming Pipe Snake". One of the most notable (and well-worn) bits from this segment was a video clip of then-candidate Bush whispering (despite an open lavalier microphone) to Dick Cheney

Dick Cheney

Richard Bruce "Dick" Cheney served as the 46th Vice President of the United States , under George W. Bush....

that a reporter was a "major league asshole", to which Cheney chuckled back "Oh, big time." Outside this, however, it was common for Campaign 2000 to include no campaign-related content whatsoever.

Coincidentally, that was the same summer in which Survivor
Survivor (U.S. TV series)
Survivor is an American version of the Survivor reality television game show, itself derived from the Swedish television series Expedition Robinson originally created in 1997 by Charlie Parsons. The series premiered on May 31, 2000 on CBS...

achieved its initial meteoric success. Campaign 2000 segments on days following new Survivor episodes (usually Monday, but occasionally other days) soon included that week's eliminated castaway. Dave often feigned disinterest with the castoffs, forcing them to stand next to Pope at the producer's podium; in fact, only one contestant, Elisabeth Filarski

Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is an American television talk show host and television personality. She was a contestant on Survivor: The Australian Outback and is a current co-host on the daytime talk show The View .-Early life:...

from Survivor: The Australian Outback
Survivor: The Australian Outback
Survivor: The Australian Outback is the second season of the United States reality show Survivor. Filming took place at Goshen Station in northern Queensland during 2000 and aired from January 28, 2001 to May 3, 2001 on CBS...

, was ever invited to sit in a guest chair. Generally Dave would ask the contestants irrelevant, nonsensical questions; over time, he began to work Stephanie Birkitt

Stephanie Birkitt

into the segment, initially calling her upstairs in the office and later having her appear on stage in costume. She would routinely ask the castaways, "Did you see or touch any monkeys?" to which Dave would scold her. As time passed, she would promise, increasingly vehemently, not to ask the question and then ask it anyway.

For reasons unknown, the Campaign 2000 segment would appear at first regularly and then sporadically into 2001 (retaining the name "Campaign 2000"); Dave would feign exasperation at discovering its inclusion in the show, open the segment, and immediately close it without any of the "sponsors" or jokes.

"CBS Mailbag"

A Late Show staple on Fridays (originally Thursdays) until it was phased out in recent years (the last time it aired was December 3, 2004), the CBS Mailbag carried on the Late Night tradition of taking actual viewer letters (usually four at a time), and responding to each of them with a pre-written comedy routine. This segment was a carryover from Late Night, where it was known by the name "Viewer Mail;" NBC kept the segment when Letterman moved to CBS, though he quickly revived it under the "CBS Mailbag" name. "Please Mr. Postman

Please Mr. Postman

"Please Mr. Postman" is the debut single by The Marvelettes for the Tamla label, notable as the first Motown song to reach the number-one position on the Billboard Hot 100 pop singles chart. The single achieved this position in late 1961; it hit number one on the R&B chart as well. "Please Mr...

" was the segment's theme song for the last few years (replacing a more generic jingle that was originally used).

"Charts and Graphs"

Letterman displays poster boards with various charts and graphs, usually with the last element on each being the absurd one. (Pie Chart: What will be the top priority of the next president? 43%: Stabilizing Iraq

Iraq

Iraq ; officially the Republic of Iraq is a country in Western Asia spanning most of the northwestern end of the Zagros mountain range, the eastern part of the Syrian Desert and the northern part of the Arabian Desert....

. 31%: Stabilizing climate change. 26% Stabilizing The View.)

"A Day in the Life of..." (such as "A Day in the Life of George W. Bush")

A slide show with the time of day indicated on each slide, accompanied by a humorous caption, such as "4:30 p.m. Receives FTD's 'Good Luck Bouquet' from Osama bin Laden", "5:30 p.m. Yoo-Hoo

Yoo-Hoo

Yoo-hoo is an American chocolate beverage. Technically, it is a dairy drink, but it contains very little actual milk. The stated ingredients on the label include water, high-fructose corn syrup, dairy whey, sugar, corn syrup solids, cocoa, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, sodium caseinate ,...

break", "6:00 p.m. Nap."

"Fun with Rupert"

One of the most popular pre-taped pieces during the show's earlier years was a Candid Camera
Candid Camera
Candid Camera is a hidden camera/practical joke reality television series created and produced by Allen Funt, which initially began on radio as Candid Microphone June 28, 1947...

-style bit which featured the normally mild-mannered Rupert Jee

Rupert Jee

Rupert Jee is an American entrepreneur and television celebrity who has gained fame through frequent appearances on Late Show with David Letterman...

interacting with ordinary, unsuspecting people around the city. Letterman - usually hidden in a van - would covertly observe the action and provide a disguised Jee (wearing a cap, glasses, backpack, and headphones) with ad-libbed instructions via two-way communication. This resulted in Jee performing humorous and unusual antics while amusing, confusing, and in some cases irritating, various victims. The segment was ceased after an unaired incident in which Letterman would only explain that a man had pulled a knife on Jee. It was unofficially revived in a few live bits in 2006 where Jee (not in disguise) would visit a neighboring restaurant and perform similar antics.

George Clarke's "It's a Fact"

Handyman Clarke is seen backstage, bloodied and severely injured from an earlier incident. He addresses the camera, indirectly explaining the incident by imparting advice such as "Women on the street don't like to be called 'Candy Pants.'" He will then point to the camera and say, "It's a fact!"

The Guy Who Swears at Dave

A man, often portraying a Late Show staffer, calls out Letterman, expressing his irritation with him. He then addresses Kalter and Shaffer in turn, flipping off

Finger (gesture)

In Western culture, the finger , also known as the middle finger, is an obscene hand gesture, often meaning the phrases "fuck off" , "fuck you" or "up yours"...

each while shouting something that is bleep

Bleep censor

A bleep censor is the replacement of profanity or classified information with a beep sound , in television or radio...

ed. He then repeats this with Letterman, using both hands and repeating the same phrase with extra emphasis. He then storms away, much to the shock of the three men. One time, after Dave and Paul decided that an "Is This Anything" act was nothing, the performer turned out to be the Guy, who then went into that routine. After a Stupid Pet Trick, in which a dog barked at someone giving it the finger, Dave said that he hoped the dog would not run into the Guy backstage, but in the segue before the next commercial, they were together.

"How Many Guys in... Suits Can Get into a ...?"

Examples include "How Many Guys in Spider-Man Suits Can Get Into a Jamba Juice

Jamba Juice

Jamba Juice is a chain of smoothie restaurants, headquartered in Emeryville, California, with over 700 locations operating in 30 states, the Bahamas, Canada, Korea, and the Philippines. Over 500 locations are company-owned, with the remainder being franchised...

?" and "How Many Guys in Pirate Costumes Can Fit Into A Sandwich Shop?" As the title indicates, the camera is focused on a local establishment, and Dave counts the number of persons wearing the costumes entering the store (first one at a time, then "send in 5 more") until the store is crowded. The bit usually ends with persons in other random costumes being sent in, like a horse, tooth fairy, panda bear or wizard.

"Late Show Equations"

Similar in concept to "Charts and Graphs", except there is a slide covering the comic answer to the equation. ("A rollercoaster + the smell of goat = New York City cab ride.")

"NBC 4 News Update"

A portion of a news report from WNBC

WNBC

WNBC, virtual channel 4 , is the flagship station of the NBC television network, located in New York City. WNBC's studios are co-located with NBC corporate headquarters at 30 Rockefeller Plaza in midtown Manhattan...

in New York City is aired and then at the very end of the clip is punctuated by Sue Simmons

Sue Simmons

Susan "Sue" Simmons has been the lead female news anchor at WNBC television in New York City since 1980.-Background:Simmons grew up in the New York City neighborhood of Harlem; her father was John Simmons, a renowned jazz bassist whose compatriots included Louis Armstrong, Art Tatum, John...

's infamous "What the (censored) are you doing?" outburst.

"On 53rd Street"

A daredevil

Stunt performer

A stuntman, or daredevil is someone who performs dangerous stunts, often as a career.These stunts are sometimes rigged so that they look dangerous while still having safety mechanisms, but often they are as dangerous as they appear to be...

demonstrates his or her skills outside the theater (such as Tony Hawk

Tony Hawk

Anthony Frank "Tony" Hawk , nicknamed "The Birdman" is an American retired professional skateboarder and actor. Hawk gained significant fame for completing the first 900 as well as his licensed video game titles distributed by Activision...

performing skateboarding jumps), a half-ton pumpkin is exploded on the street, or dogs compete in the Diving Dog Competition (in which the dogs long jump into a pool). The remainder of one show was canceled when a snowboarder was injured while performing a stunt.http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/TV/02/06/letterman.accident/index.html

Osama bin Laden

Osama bin Mohammed bin Awad bin Laden was the founder of the militant Islamist organization Al-Qaeda, the jihadist organization responsible for the September 11 attacks on the United States and numerous other mass-casualty attacks against civilian and military targets...

Tapes

Usually on the heels of recent news reports of actual propaganda

Propaganda

Propaganda is a form of communication that is aimed at influencing the attitude of a community toward some cause or position so as to benefit oneself or one's group....

video announcements released by bin Laden or Al-Qaeda

Al-Qaeda

Al-Qaeda is a global broad-based militant Islamist terrorist organization founded by Osama bin Laden sometime between August 1988 and late 1989. It operates as a network comprising both a multinational, stateless army and a radical Sunni Muslim movement calling for global Jihad...

, the Late Show will present their own satires of such videos. Often this consists of a stock clip of bin Laden speaking into a microphone, with the audio being overdubbed. The new dialogue will range from bin Laden partaking in distinctly American pastimes (such as giving personal football

American football

American football is a sport played between two teams of eleven with the objective of scoring points by advancing the ball into the opposing team's end zone. Known in the United States simply as football, it may also be referred to informally as gridiron football. The ball can be advanced by...

predictions) to providing Al-Qaeda members with mundane advice (such as staying home during periods of extreme weather).

A common conclusion to the bin Laden parodies depicts him putting down his microphone, only to pick it back up and declare in a blasé manner: "Oh, and death to America."

"Pat and Kenny Read Oprah

Oprah Winfrey

Oprah Winfrey is an American media proprietor, talk show host, actress, producer and philanthropist. Winfrey is best known for her self-titled, multi-award-winning talk show, which has become the highest-rated program of its kind in history and was nationally syndicated from 1986 to 2011...

Transcripts

Transcription (linguistics)

Transcription in the linguistic sense is the systematic representation of language in written form. The source can either be utterances or preexisting text in another writing system, although some linguists only consider the former as transcription.Transcription should not be confused with...

Stagehands Pat Farmer and Kenny Sheehan read an actual transcript of an episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show
The Oprah Winfrey Show
The Oprah Winfrey Show is an American syndicated talk show hosted and produced by its namesake Oprah Winfrey. It ran nationally for 25 seasons beginning in 1986, before concluding in 2011. It is the highest-rated talk show in American television history....

, usually involving a female celebrity guest, with Farmer taking the part of Winfrey and Sheehan the guest. Each read their lines in a distinctly monotone fashion, in humorous contrast to the enthusiastic nature of the original interview (which often includes Winfrey utterances such as "Woo hoo!" and "You go, girl!" to Letterman's amusement). During the reading, Sheehan sports a cigarette

Cigarette

A cigarette is a small roll of finely cut tobacco leaves wrapped in a cylinder of thin paper for smoking. The cigarette is ignited at one end and allowed to smoulder; its smoke is inhaled from the other end, which is held in or to the mouth and in some cases a cigarette holder may be used as well...

consisting mostly of ash which rarely breaks off. On some occasions the absurd nature of the bit will cause the two to break character (more often just Sheehan). The segment starts with Farmer and Sheehan performing a brief re-enactment of Winfrey's opening sequence ("Run on with Oprah"). At the end of the routine, Kalter gives an address for where to write to obtain a transcript of Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts.

Pat Farmer's "Surprise, You're on TV!"

Presented as a supposed clip from Farmer's own reality prank show, Farmer is seen standing next to an unsuspecting male victim in an ordinary setting, such as an elevator. Farmer is then shown to be holding a baseball bat, which he uses to strike the man in the pelvic area. As the man doubles over in pain, Farmer will address him and point to the camera, saying "Surprise, you’re on TV!" Ostensibly this is a blunt satire of reality shows which utilize lowbrow

Low culture

Low culture is a term for some forms of popular culture. Its opposite is high culture. It has been said by culture theorists that both high culture and low culture are subcultures....

physical humor, such as Jackass
Jackass (TV series)
jackass is an American reality series, originally shown on MTV from 2000 to 2002, featuring people performing various dangerous, crude, ridiculous, self-injuring stunts and pranks...

, as well as slapstick shows such as America's Funniest Home Videos
America's Funniest Home Videos
America's Funniest Home Videos is an American reality television program on ABC in which viewers are able to send in humorous homemade videotapes. The most common videos usually feature slapstick physical comedy arising from incidents, accidents and mishaps...

.

"...Quiz" (such as the "Auto Show Quiz", "Boat Show Quiz", and "Toy Show Quiz")

Letterman presents video clips of people at a current event, on which is superimposed a multiple choice question, with the last choice being the punchline.

"Rejected FDA

Food and Drug Administration

The Food and Drug Administration is an agency of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, one of the United States federal executive departments...

Products"

A desk segment where Letterman displays samples of bad food concepts, such as "NyQuil Dessert Topping", and eats some of them. Likely inspired by the Topps card series Wacky Packages
Wacky Packages
Wacky Packages are a series of trading cards and stickers featuring parodies of North American consumer products. The cards were produced by the Topps Company beginning in 1967, usually in a sticker format. The original series sold for two years, and the concept proved popular enough that it has...

, which utilizes a similar emphasis on food.

"Sorry, Tom"

Letterman will explain that while not a scheduled guest, actor Tom Hanks

Tom Hanks

Thomas Jeffrey "Tom" Hanks is an American actor, producer, writer, and director. Hanks worked in television and family-friendly comedies, gaining wide notice in 1988's Big, before achieving success as a dramatic actor in several notable roles, including Andrew Beckett in Philadelphia, the title...

is waiting backstage to make a surprise appearance. Hanks is then shown in the green room

Green room

In British English and American English show business lexicon, the green room is that space in a theatre, a studio, or a similar venue, which accommodates performers or speakers not yet required on stage...

, smiling and waving to the delight of the audience. Letterman then informs Hanks that the show doesn’t have enough time for him, causing Hanks to yell at an individual off-screen (ostensibly including obscenities). In reality, the footage of Hanks is a recycled clip from his visit on a much older episode, recorded specifically for later use in this bit. A notable use of this bit occurred during an interview with Hanks' own actor son, Colin

Colin Hanks

Colin Lewes Hanks is an American actor who is best known for his work as Shaun Brumder in the film Orange County and as Alex Whitman in Roswell. He also portrayed the role of Henry Jones in Band of Brothers and is currently on the sixth season of the Showtime crime drama Dexter...

. (Hanks also does many other comedy bits for the show whenever he's a guest, from making a glass-breaking noise, to a memorable "Audience Q & A" where he posed as a seat-filler for a member of the audience and was told "Wanna get outta my seat now, Fathead" by the angry woman.)

Susan Hum

As Letterman presents a comedy bit or converses with Shaffer, costume designer Hum will approach his desk carrying a food or drink item. Only after some time will Letterman acknowledge Hum, who will then inform him of the item she has with her. She then stands silently as Letterman attempts to proceed with the show. After noticing that she is still there, he will politely inform her that he is not interested in the item, provoking Hum to angrily insult Letterman (and sometimes throw the item to the floor) and walk off stage.

Ticket Scalper

Letterman will be setting up a bit when a man wearing a ski cap and jacket walks onto the set behind Dave and nervously and quietly gets Dave's attention and offers to sell him scalped tickets to a high-profile sporting event or concert that has already taken place. Dave points out that the man is obviously holding tickets to the past year's Super Bowl

Super Bowl

The Super Bowl is the championship game of the National Football League , the highest level of professional American football in the United States, culminating a season that begins in the late summer of the previous calendar year. The Super Bowl uses Roman numerals to identify each game, rather...

(which is when the bits began), and that the current event for which he's trying to sell tickets has already taken place. The man will then quickly change his story, announcing another event which grab's Dave's attention. Dave pulls out his wallet and approaches the man, when the nervous broker thinks he hears the police and both he and Dave quickly scatter. Dave then returns to his original bit.

Recurring comedy bits

The following is a partial list of recurring comedy bits that now appear on the show on a sporadic basis, as well as other notable bits from the show's past:

Alan Kalter's "Are You F*cking Kidding Me?" segment, which questions the sanity behind major news stories (for example, after the Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson
Michael Joseph Jackson was an American recording artist, entertainer, and businessman. Referred to as the King of Pop, or by his initials MJ, Jackson is recognized as the most successful entertainer of all time by Guinness World Records...

verdict, Kalter's response: "Are You F*cking Kidding Me?!!")
Alan Kalter's "Oh No You Didn't!" in which Kalter mentions a recent news story (such as a 5-week working vacation George W. Bush had once announced) and then says "Oh No You Di-int!", which is immediately followed by a mention of a celebrity who has recently done something which Alan finds sexy, and a "Oh, yes you did."
Alex Trebek
Alex Trebek
George Alexander "Alex" Trebek is a Canadian American game show host who has been the host of the game show Jeopardy! since 1984, and prior to that, he hosted game shows such as Pitfall and High Rollers. He has appeared in numerous television series, usually as himself...

Came Back Too Soon. Starting with a premise such as that Alex Trebek is losing it, or just suffered a heart attack and came back to work too soon, an edited piece of Jeopardy!
Jeopardy!
Griffin's first conception of the game used a board comprising ten categories with ten clues each, but after finding that this board could not be shown on camera easily, he reduced it to two rounds of thirty clues each, with five clues in each of six categories...

is shown where the question does not match the answer and Alex says "correct", such as "The J in J.D. stands for this kind of doctor", the contestant says "What are jujubes
Jujube (confectionery)
Jujube , or jube, is the name of several types of candy, varying in description on a regional basis. The candies can vary in texture form being hard and resinous to something similar to firm loukoum or gummy candies....

?", and Alex says "correct."
"Ape Or Artist?" A game in which an abstract painting is shown to Letterman and Shaffer, who then discuss whether it was an ape or an artist who painted it. After the first couple of instances, Letterman based his guesses more on psychology than the painting itself (saying things along the lines of "They want me to think it's an artist this time, so I'm going with ape"). After a while, the game became "Ape or Artist or Elephant?"
"Ask ..." Dave says that a celebrity, such as Hillary Clinton or Paris Hilton, will appear to answer questions the audience has submitted in advance. However, it is always Gerard Mulligan. There is usually one question about the celebrity being egotistical, which Mulligan does not initially answer, and then says to Dave, "Oh, sorry. I thought that one was for you."
"Bruce Willis
Bruce Willis
Walter Bruce Willis , better known as Bruce Willis, is an American actor, producer, and musician. His career began in television in the 1980s and has continued both in television and film since, including comedic, dramatic, and action roles...

's Mystery Word." Bruce Willis says a random word from a pre-recorded video.
"Can A ... Hail A Cab?" Usually someone in an animal (Can a Guy in a Turkey Suit ...") or superhero ("Can Spider-Man
Spider-Man
Spider-Man is a fictional Marvel Comics superhero. The character was created by writer-editor Stan Lee and writer-artist Steve Ditko. He first appeared in Amazing Fantasy #15...

...") suit stands on Broadway and hails a cab, seeing if a taxi driver will stop and give the person a ride. This has also been tried by a person wearing a surgical mask portraying the traveler with drug resistant tuberculosis
2007 tuberculosis scare
The 2007 tuberculosis scare occurred when Atlanta personal-injury lawyer Andrew "Drew" Speaker flew from Atlanta, Georgia to Paris, France and then returned on a flight from Prague, Czech Republic to Montreal, Canada, when he crossed over the border and back into the United States while infected...

.
... Cards. Before Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day
Saint Valentine's Day, commonly shortened to Valentine's Day, is an annual commemoration held on February 14 celebrating love and affection between intimate companions. The day is named after one or more early Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine, and was established by Pope Gelasius I in 496...

or Mother's Day
Mother's Day
Mother's Day is a celebration honoring mothers and celebrating motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society. It is celebrated on various days in many parts of the world, yet most commonly in March, April, or May...

, Dave displays a series of mock greeting cards, with messages such as "I'm sorry I called you a dirty whore on Maury
Maury (TV series)
Maury is a syndicated American tabloid talk show hosted by Maury Povich.When the series first aired in 1991, the show was called The Maury Povich Show and was produced by MoPo Productions in association with Paramount Domestic Television...

."
CBS News Special Report. The news bulletin slide appears, but there is no bulletin.
Chris and Gerry. Dave introduces former writers Chris Elliot and Gerry Mulligan, who are there to promote their latest television program, which end up being parodies of existing shows (e.g., "Skink the Bounty Hunter"). Often they explain that the development of their new shows are due to the failure of their previous efforts. After the interview, a short clip of the contrived show is played. The interview segments usually involve the two wearing the outlandish costumes they don in the clip. Another recent version consists of clips from "John Adams
John Adams
John Adams was an American lawyer, statesman, diplomat and political theorist. A leading champion of independence in 1776, he was the second President of the United States...

on HBO", where Elliot plays President Adams, and Mulligan plays a portrait artist or some other part. In one of these, Adams and companion did a Mac vs. PC commercial.

Chris and Gerry also appear in "Late Show Tips for Green Living with Chris and Gerry." In addition to the recorded spots, showing the unexpected effects of carpooling or turning out the lights, they were together on stage in a sketch in which Gerry implied that Chris would taste organic and conventional produce, but instead tasted organically fertilized and chemically treated soil.

Cool or Not Cool. Debuting in June 2008, this is a sketch designed to juxtapose Presidential candidate Barack Obama
Barack Obama
Barack Hussein Obama II is the 44th and current President of the United States. He is the first African American to hold the office. Obama previously served as a United States Senator from Illinois, from January 2005 until he resigned following his victory in the 2008 presidential election.Born in...

with President George W. Bush
George W. Bush
George Walker Bush is an American politician who served as the 43rd President of the United States, from 2001 to 2009. Before that, he was the 46th Governor of Texas, having served from 1995 to 2000....

. First, a clip of Obama engaging in an activity is shown, followed by an on screen graphic reading "COOL" and the sound of a bell. That is immediately followed by a clip of Bush engaging unsuccessfully in a similar activity, and then a graphic reading "NOT COOL" with the sound of a buzzer.
Crystal Clear Party Ice - In 2000, Kalter presented a running gag in which he promoted this fake sponsor of the show. The lengthy pitch was recited daily with little variation: "It's not a party without party ice, and isn't party ice unless it's crystal clear! Have you ever been to a party where the ice was cloudy? How did that make you feel? Like a loser! Crystal Clear Party Ice is really, really clear! And, it comes in a bag! Hey, the weekend is right around the corner, so why not pick up a couple of bags of party ice? You'll be glad you did!" As the bit wore on, Letterman would respond to Kalter's pitch, such as pointing out that the "weekend" was still several days away. Eventually a "Semi-Clear" variation was added to the bit.
"Get To Know Delaware
Delaware
Delaware is a U.S. state located on the Atlantic Coast in the Mid-Atlantic region of the United States. It is bordered to the south and west by Maryland, and to the north by Pennsylvania...

." In recognition of Joe Biden
Joe Biden
Joseph Robinette "Joe" Biden, Jr. is the 47th and current Vice President of the United States, serving under President Barack Obama...

being selected as the Democratic Vice Presidential nominee, this series promoted tourist attractions such as Independence Hall and the Franklin Institute
Franklin Institute
The Franklin Institute is a museum in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and one of the oldest centers of science education and development in the United States, dating to 1824. The Institute also houses the Benjamin Franklin National Memorial.-History:On February 5, 1824, Samuel Vaughn Merrick and...

in Pennsylvania
Pennsylvania
The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania is a U.S. state that is located in the Northeastern and Mid-Atlantic regions of the United States. The state borders Delaware and Maryland to the south, West Virginia to the southwest, Ohio to the west, New York and Ontario, Canada, to the north, and New Jersey to...

, which is next to Delaware, or, in another installment, the announcer described the Battle of New Castle, and then admitted that he made it up because he knows nothing about Delaware.
Hose cam. On a hot day, a hose shoots water on pedestrians near the Ed Sullivan Theater. Inside, Dave uses a toggle switch to turn the water on and off, and a microphone (similar to one used with a taxicab radio) to make comments to the people on the street.
"Immigration Success Stories." A segment running since immigration reform was brought to the United States Congress
United States Congress
The United States Congress is the bicameral legislature of the federal government of the United States, consisting of the Senate and the House of Representatives. The Congress meets in the United States Capitol in Washington, D.C....

in 2006. The segment profiles various well-known immigrants, before switching to archival footage of actor and Governor of California
Governor of California
The Governor of California is the chief executive of the California state government, whose responsibilities include making annual State of the State addresses to the California State Legislature, submitting the budget, and ensuring that state laws are enforced...

Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger is an Austrian-American former professional bodybuilder, actor, businessman, investor, and politician. Schwarzenegger served as the 38th Governor of California from 2003 until 2011....

shown doing suggestive things with females.
Jeter's place. Derek Jeter
Derek Jeter
Derek Sanderson Jeter is an American baseball shortstop who has played 17 years in Major League Baseball for the New York Yankees. A twelve-time All-Star and five-time World Series champion, Jeter's clubhouse presence, on-field leadership, hitting ability, and baserunning have made him a central...

's mansion, which, according to the staff, is horrendous, is shown repetitively when Letterman calls for a picture to be seen. The staff says the viewers can call or email them if they want to get rid of Jeter's mansion, but the audience loves it (the repetition and the nature of the "error").
Joe Grossman: Sometimes based on the premise that it is difficult to write jokes about President Barack Obama
Barack Obama
Barack Hussein Obama II is the 44th and current President of the United States. He is the first African American to hold the office. Obama previously served as a United States Senator from Illinois, from January 2005 until he resigned following his victory in the 2008 presidential election.Born in...

, Late Show Writer Joe Grossman appears on stage to read his proposed material (usually substituting Obama's name for references to George Bush or Al Gore
Al Gore
Albert Arnold "Al" Gore, Jr. served as the 45th Vice President of the United States , under President Bill Clinton. He was the Democratic Party's nominee for President in the 2000 U.S. presidential election....

) from a note pad.
Joe McCain Call. Following the incident when Joe McCain ended a 911 call with an expletive, Dave receives a call from McCain, usually saying something irrelevant followed by "Bleep you." The setup by Barbara Gaines is essentially the same as for a Lt. Len Easton call. While a guest, Regis Philbin was told to answer a call on Dave's cell phone, which was from "McCain." Similar calls have also been received from "Christian Bale
Christian Bale
Christian Charles Philip Bale is an English actor. Best known for his roles in American films, Bale has starred in both big budget Hollywood films and the smaller projects from independent producers and art houses....

" after his tirade.
"Johnny Twain Tonight." Johnny Dark
Johnny Dark
Johnny Dark is an American comedian and comic actor, active on television since the 1970s. He is most recently known for his recurring appearances on Late Show with David Letterman....

dressed as Mark Twain
Mark Twain
Samuel Langhorne Clemens , better known by his pen name Mark Twain, was an American author and humorist...

sits in a rocking chair
Rocking chair
A rocking chair or rocker is a type of chair with two curved bands of wood attached to the bottom of the legs . The chair contacts with the floor at only two points, giving the occupant the ability to rock back and forth by shifting his/her weight or pushing lightly with his/her feet...

and recites Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfield , was an American comedian, and actor, known for the catchphrases "I don't get no respect!," "No respect, no respect at all... that's the story of my life" or "I get no respect, I tell ya" and his monologues on that theme...

jokes. Dark has also appeared in a similar segment called "Johnny Lincoln Tonight", with the only modification being Dark dressed as Abraham Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln was the 16th President of the United States, serving from March 1861 until his assassination in April 1865. He successfully led his country through a great constitutional, military and moral crisis – the American Civil War – preserving the Union, while ending slavery, and...

.
Lance Armstrong. An overweight man pretending to be a prominent athlete of the day, usually Lance Armstrong
Lance Armstrong
Lance Edward Armstrong is an American former professional road racing cyclist who won the Tour de France a record seven consecutive times, after having survived testicular cancer. He is also the founder and chairman of the Lance Armstrong Foundation for cancer research and support...

, but also (among other examples) a recently victorious NASCAR
NASCAR
The National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing is a family-owned and -operated business venture that sanctions and governs multiple auto racing sports events. It was founded by Bill France Sr. in 1947–48. As of 2009, the CEO for the company is Brian France, grandson of the late Bill France Sr...

driver, golfer, or jockey, but always dressed in Armstrong's yellow Discovery Team
Discovery Channel Pro Cycling Team
Discovery Channel Pro Cycling Team was a United States-based professional road bicycle racing team. It was the continuation of the 2004 U.S. Postal Service Pro Cycling Team. Lance Armstrong, seven-time Tour de France winner, was its leader until July 2005...

jersey. He is introduced with, "Ladies and gentleman, name of athlete" while riding a bicycle through the aisles of the theatre and exiting through a door in the back. This segment is always accompanied by the CBS Orchestra playing the Ike and Tina Turner version of Proud Mary. On the August 21, 2006 show, the segment was mixed up even further, with an introduction of golfer Tiger Woods
Tiger Woods
Eldrick Tont "Tiger" Woods is an American professional golfer whose achievements to date rank him among the most successful golfers of all time. Formerly the World No...

, and a caption of cyclist Floyd Landis
Floyd Landis
Floyd Landis is an American retired cyclist who after initially being awarded victory in the 2006 Tour de France was stripped of his title for a doping offense. He was an all-around rider, with special skills in climbing and time-trialing, and is also known to be a very fast descender.Landis...

. (This sketch had its roots in a 1994 sketch, when Johnny Carson
Johnny Carson
John William "Johnny" Carson was an American television host and comedian, known as host of The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson for 30 years . Carson received six Emmy Awards including the Governor Award and a 1985 Peabody Award; he was inducted into the Television Academy Hall of Fame in 1987...

was introduced to the crowd and Calvert DeForest
Calvert DeForest
Calvert Grant DeForest , also known by his character Larry "Bud" Melman, was an American actor and comedian, best known for his appearances on Late Night with David Letterman and the Late Show with David Letterman.-Early life:Little has been published about his early life...

came out instead. After DeForest left, Letterman summoned to "Johnny" that he had the wrong Top Ten List, and the real Johnny Carson came out, with the list in his hand.)
"Let's Talk About the Candidates." A faux audience participation bit where Letterman initially chats with actual audience members about the 2008 presidential campaign
United States presidential election, 2008
The United States presidential election of 2008 was the 56th quadrennial presidential election. It was held on November 4, 2008. Democrat Barack Obama, then the junior United States Senator from Illinois, defeated Republican John McCain, the senior U.S. Senator from Arizona. Obama received 365...

. After Letterman comments on a recent candidate's departure from the race, a plant in the audience, always played by the same show staffer, reacts with disbelief and outrage. He then storms out of the theater and pummels pages along the way. In one segment, the plant reacts in this manner to the news that John Edwards
John Edwards
Johnny Reid "John" Edwards is an American politician, who served as a U.S. Senator from North Carolina. He was the Democratic nominee for Vice President in 2004, and was a candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2004 and 2008.He defeated incumbent Republican Lauch Faircloth in...

was ending his campaign. Afterwards, the first audience member, himself a staffer, reacts in the same violent manner upon learning that Rudy Giuliani
Rudy Giuliani
Rudolph William Louis "Rudy" Giuliani KBE is an American lawyer, businessman, and politician from New York. He served as Mayor of New York City from 1994 to 2001....

was also dropping out, and beats the same pages as he leaves. Letterman often closes the segment by lamenting that they no longer have any time due to the outbursts. This series of sketches culminated with "Let's Talk About the Election" on November 5, 2008, where the mock assault occurred after the plant complained that he was duped by a flier that Democrats vote on Wednesday.
Live Crash Footage. Letterman will point to his ear, as if taking instructions from the director, and announce that he is being told that they have "live" footage of various celebrities and public figures driving to a particular destination, and ultimately crashing (actually stock news footage
Stock footage
Stock footage, and similarly, archive footage, library pictures and file footage are film or video footage that may or may not be custom shot for use in a specific film or television program. Stock footage is of beneficial use to filmmakers as it is sometimes less expensive than shooting new...

of actual, spectacular crashes). Subjects have included Patrick J. Kennedy
Patrick J. Kennedy
Patrick Joseph Kennedy II is the former U.S. Representative for , serving from 1995 until 2011. He is a member of the Democratic Party. The district includes all of Bristol County and Newport County, and parts of Providence County. Kennedy did not seek re-election in 2010.A member of the Kennedy...

, Billy Joel
Billy Joel
William Martin "Billy" Joel is an American musician and pianist, singer-songwriter, and classical composer. Since releasing his first hit song, "Piano Man", in 1973, Joel has become the sixth best-selling recording artist and the third best-selling solo artist in the United States, according to...

, Nicole Richie
Nicole Richie
Nicole Camille Richie is an American fashion designer, author, actress, singer and television personality. Her father was Peter Michael Escovedo, a musician who played for a brief time with Lionel Richie, and her mother Karen was the executive assistant for Sheila Escovedo...

, and NFL
National Football League
The National Football League is the highest level of professional American football in the United States, and is considered the top professional American football league in the world. It was formed by eleven teams in 1920 as the American Professional Football Association, with the league changing...

quarterback
Quarterback
Quarterback is a position in American and Canadian football. Quarterbacks are members of the offensive team and line up directly behind the offensive line...

Ben Roethlisberger
Ben Roethlisberger
Benjamin Todd "Ben" Roethlisberger , nicknamed Big Ben, is an American football quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers of the National Football League. He was drafted by the Steelers in the first round in the 2004 NFL Draft...

(on a motorcycle
Motorcycle
A motorcycle is a single-track, two-wheeled motor vehicle. Motorcycles vary considerably depending on the task for which they are designed, such as long distance travel, navigating congested urban traffic, cruising, sport and racing, or off-road conditions.Motorcycles are one of the most...

). Letterman will then assure the audiences that he is being told that the celebrity is "all right."
Lt. Len Easton. Barbara Gaines asks Letterman to pick up his phone, on which he gets a radio call from a fictitious Lt. Len Easton (voiced by Jeff Altman
Jeff Altman
Jeff Altman is an American stand-up comedian who has appeared as a guest on Late Show with David Letterman 40 times, most recently on October 7, 2011. He has also had numerous acting roles in movies and television such as Dr...

) of the California Highway Patrol
California Highway Patrol
The California Highway Patrol is a law enforcement agency of the U.S. state of California. The CHP has patrol jurisdiction over all California highways and also acts as the state police....

driving on a California freeway on police business, requesting backup. The majority of these calls begin by sounding seemingly normal but will end with an absurd, humorous statement or request. In recent sketches, Letterman says that he is not the only one who is getting Easton's calls, and then shows a clip from a popular call-in show
Talk show
A talk show or chat show is a television program or radio program where one person discuss various topics put forth by a talk show host....

showing its host, such as Larry King
Larry King
Lawrence Harvey "Larry" King is an American television and radio host whose work has been recognized with awards including two Peabodys and ten Cable ACE Awards....

, Suze Orman
Suze Orman
Susan "Suze" Lynn Orman is an American financial advisor, author, motivational speaker, and television host.Orman was born in Chicago and received her B.A. in social work. She worked as a waitress in Berkeley, California before becoming a financial advisor for Merrill Lynch...

, or Mike and the Mad Dog
Mike and the Mad Dog
Mike and the Mad Dog was an afternoon drive sports radio program based out of WFAN in New York City that featured Mike Francesa and Christopher "Mad Dog" Russo talking sports and taking phone calls from listeners. From 2002 onwards the show was simulcasted on the YES Network...

, receiving a call with the audio of Easton being overdubbed, and occasionally a caption such as "Len from California" superimposed.
Lyle the Intern. A supposed Late Show intern (played by actor Jimmi Simpson
Jimmi Simpson
James Raymond "Jimmi" Simpson is an American actor. He has had recurring roles on the television shows 24, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Psych, My Name Is Earl, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and The Late Show with David Letterman...

) who appears out of nowhere to interrupt a befuddled Letterman for a casual chat. He is portrayed as a smooth, laid-back slacker
Slacker
The term "slacker" is used to refer to a person who habitually avoids work. Slackers may be regarded as belonging to an antimaterialistic counterculture, though in some cases their behavior may be due to other causes ....

-type who often uses hipster
Hipster (contemporary subculture)
Hipsters are a subculture of young, recently settled urban middle class adults and older teenagers with musical interests mainly in alternative rock that appeared in the 1990s...

slang and fancies himself a ladies man. In his first appearance, he encouraged Letterman to act as his "wingman" at a bar after the show. On his February 17, 2009 appearance, several stations on the eastern time zone
Eastern Time Zone
The Eastern Time Zone of the United States and Canada is a time zone that falls mostly along the east coast of North America. Its UTC time offset is −5 hrs during standard time and −4 hrs during daylight saving time...

shut off their analog signal
Analog signal
An analog or analogue signal is any continuous signal for which the time varying feature of the signal is a representation of some other time varying quantity, i.e., analogous to another time varying signal. It differs from a digital signal in terms of small fluctuations in the signal which are...

s at 11:59pm in accordance with the original Digital Television
Digital television
Digital television is the transmission of audio and video by digital signals, in contrast to the analog signals used by analog TV...

transition date, including WDEF-TV
WDEF-TV
WDEF–TV channel 12 is the CBS affiliate television station for Chattanooga and the Tennessee Valley. The station, whose call letters came from its former AM and FM sister stations, is owned by Morris Multimedia. Its transmitter is located in Signal Mountain, Tennessee. Syndicated programming on...

in Chattanooga, Tennessee
Chattanooga, Tennessee
Chattanooga is the fourth-largest city in the US state of Tennessee , with a population of 169,887. It is the seat of Hamilton County...

and WWNY in Watertown, New York. As a result of this, the last words that ever aired on these stations were Lyle saying "I know where you live beeeotch!" and giving a peace sign with a raspberry
Blowing a raspberry
Blowing a raspberry or strawberry or making a Bronx cheer is to make a noise signifying derision, real or feigned. It is made by placing the tongue between the lips and blowing, making a sound redolent of flatulence. In the terminology of phonetics, this sound can be described as an unvoiced...

before the signal cuts out for good.
Mac vs. PC. A parody of Apple's Get a Mac
Get a Mac
The Get a Mac campaign is a television advertising campaign created for Apple Inc. by TBWA\Media Arts Lab, the company's advertising agency, that ran from 2006 to 2009...

series of commercials, with former writers Chris Elliott
Chris Elliott
Christopher Nash "Chris" Elliott is an American actor, comedian and writer. He is best known for his comedic sketches on Late Night with David Letterman, starring in the cult comedy series Get a Life and for his recurring role as Peter MacDougall on Everybody Loves Raymond...

and Gerard Mulligan portraying the roles of Mac and PC, respectively. The bits often end with Mulligan inflicting bodily harm on Elliott.
The Man on Fire. A stuntman wildly runs across the stage back and forth while screaming with his clothes on fire before being extinguished backstage. A variation of this was performed in which the man was not on fire but acted as if he were.
"Millionaire or Kenny?" A man is shown while Dave and Paul debate whether the man is a millionaire or a man named Kenny.
News Bulletin. Suddenly, an old ABC Radio News theme is played, Dave confusedly looks through his papers, and then tells Barbara Gaines that he thought he had to read a bulletin.
Portrait of Biff Henderson. Various artists create a portrait
Portrait
thumb|250px|right|Portrait of [[Thomas Jefferson]] by [[Rembrandt Peale]], 1805. [[New-York Historical Society]].A portrait is a painting, photograph, sculpture, or other artistic representation of a person, in which the face and its expression is predominant. The intent is to display the likeness,...

, using ketchup
Ketchup
Ketchup is a sweet-and-tangy condiment typically made from tomatoes, vinegar, sugar or high-fructose corn syrup and an assortment of...

, Lego
Lego
Lego is a line of construction toys manufactured by the Lego Group, a privately held company based in Billund, Denmark. The company's flagship product, Lego, consists of colorful interlocking plastic bricks and an accompanying array of gears, minifigures and various other parts...

s, post-it note
Post-it note
A Post-it note is a piece of stationery with a re-adherable strip of adhesive on the back, designed for temporarily attaching notes to documents and other surfaces. Although now available in a wide range of colours, shapes, and sizes, Post-it notes are most commonly a square, canary yellow in colour...

s, and other "art media
Media (arts)
In the arts, a media or medium is a material used by an artist or designer to create a work.-Architecture:In the art and science of architecture, the design and construction of buildings and interiors, infrastructure and other physical structures are created...

."
"Psychic
Psychic
A psychic is a person who professes an ability to perceive information hidden from the normal senses through extrasensory perception , or is said by others to have such abilities. It is also used to describe theatrical performers who use techniques such as prestidigitation, cold reading, and hot...

Sandwich." In the Hello Deli, Deborah Lynn - a self-described "intuitive" - attempts to guess the sandwich being made by Jee, which are all named after various Late Show staffers. Lynn, who is blindfolded, had never successfully named a sandwich. In 2005, a variation of the game involving chocolate
Chocolate
Chocolate is a raw or processed food produced from the seed of the tropical Theobroma cacao tree. Cacao has been cultivated for at least three millennia in Mexico, Central and South America. Its earliest documented use is around 1100 BC...

s was played, in which Lynn picked up a piece at random before guessing its content. On her second try, Lynn successfully guessed "nougat
Nougat
Nougat is a variety of similar traditional confectioneries made with sugar and/or honey, roasted nuts , and sometimes chopped candied fruit. The consistency of nougat can range from soft and chewy to hard and crunchy depending on its composition, and it is used in a variety of candy bars and...

." On another episode later that year, a variation was played involving Jee's Slurpee
Slurpee
A Slurpee is a flavored frozen drink sold by 7-Eleven. In 1967, 7-Eleven licensed the product from the ICEE Company, and began selling it as the Slurpee.-Slurpee history:Machines to make frozen beverages were invented by Omar Knedlik in the late 1950s...

-like drinks, and Lynn correctly guessed "cherry" on her first try. In these segments, Lynn is often asked by Letterman to explain the difference between a psychic and intuitive. On a recent episode, Lynn was asked to guess the price of a gallon of gas that Rupert provided her in a gasoline can. She guessed $4.40, however the gas was actually $4.30. Dave made note of the fact that Lynn admitted she had heard something on the news that morning about gas prices in New York by saying she had integrity in disclosing that information up front.
Putting Away the Late Show Bear
Bear
Bears are mammals of the family Ursidae. Bears are classified as caniforms, or doglike carnivorans, with the pinnipeds being their closest living relatives. Although there are only eight living species of bear, they are widespread, appearing in a wide variety of habitats throughout the Northern...

. A man in a bear suit is pushed and locked into a closet. The last time this sketch was played, a young intern lost control of the bear and it went on a rampage before finally calling for a taxi.
Quarterback Challenge. Letterman challenges an NFL quarterback on the show to throw as many footballs at some target, such as into the open back window of a moving cab, as possible. A version of this challenge gave rise to the annual throwing of the football at the ornament at the top of the Christmas tree
Christmas tree
The Christmas tree is a decorated evergreen coniferous tree, real or artificial, and a tradition associated with the celebration of Christmas. The tradition of decorating an evergreen tree at Christmas started in Livonia and Germany in the 16th century...

, when Vinny Testaverde
Vinny Testaverde
Vincent Frank Testaverde is a former NFL quarterback. Testaverde last played for the Carolina Panthers and had previously played for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Cleveland Browns, Baltimore Ravens, New York Jets, Dallas Cowboys and New England Patriots. Testaverde holds the NFL record for having...

could not hit the target, but Jay Thomas
Jay Thomas
Jay Thomas is an American actor, comedian and radio talk show host.-Personal life:Thomas was born in Kermit, Texas. He was raised in his Italian American mother's Roman Catholic faith, although his father was Protestant....

did. In recent years, the ornament has been replaced by a meatball.
"Telemundo
Telemundo
Telemundo is an American television network that broadcasts in Spanish. The network is the second-largest Spanish-language content producer in the world, and the second-largest Spanish-language network in the United States, behind Univision....

Highlight of the Night." Usually a short clip from a Telemundo show, such as Laura en América
Laura Bozzo
Laura Cecilia Bozzo Rotondo is a television talk show host, best known for hosting Spanish-language talk show Laura en América that was broadcasted in the United States on the Telemundo television network...

,http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/wahoo/index/php/20050516.phtml showing something similar to a Jerry Springer Show fight, but, of course, in Spanish. A similar concept is "Spanish Television is Better."
This Day In The Clinton Marriage: While Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is out of the country on a diplomatic mission, this clip purportedly shows what Bill Clinton
Bill Clinton
William Jefferson "Bill" Clinton is an American politician who served as the 42nd President of the United States from 1993 to 2001. Inaugurated at age 46, he was the third-youngest president. He took office at the end of the Cold War, and was the first president of the baby boomer generation...

is doing, implying partying and possibly marital infidelity
Infidelity
In many intimate relationships in many cultures there is usually an express or implied expectation of exclusivity, especially in sexual matters. Infidelity most commonly refers to a breach of the expectation of sexual exclusivity.Infidelity can occur in relation to physical intimacy and/or...

.
"Trump
Donald Trump
Donald John Trump, Sr. is an American business magnate, television personality and author. He is the chairman and president of The Trump Organization and the founder of Trump Entertainment Resorts. Trump's extravagant lifestyle, outspoken manner and role on the NBC reality show The Apprentice have...

or Monkey
Monkey
A monkey is a primate, either an Old World monkey or a New World monkey. There are about 260 known living species of monkey. Many are arboreal, although there are species that live primarily on the ground, such as baboons. Monkeys are generally considered to be intelligent. Unlike apes, monkeys...

?" Played in the Hello Deli, the game involves a contestant being presented by Jee with two photos of monkeys, and a photo of celebrity businessman Donald Trump. Only the tops of the heads are visible, with the rest covered by a card. The contestant then attempts to guess which of the photos is Trump's. Around the release of the film Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith is a 2005 American epic space opera film written and directed by George Lucas. It is the sixth and final film released in the Star Wars saga and the third in terms of the series' internal chronology....

in 2005, a variation of the game called "Trump or Wookiee
Wookiee
Wookiees are a species of bipeds in the Star Wars universe. The most notable Wookiee is Chewbacca, a companion to Han Solo.-Inspiration:...

?" was played.
"What the Hell is it?" In the style of "Is this Anything" and "Will it Float", this game had Letterman guess the name of a mystery object. The game was played only a handful of times. A running gag was that when Alan Kalter would announce the object's name to the audience, Letterman would unintentionally hear it clearly, thus leading to greater and greater amounts of soundproofing
Soundproofing
Soundproofing is any means of reducing the sound pressure with respect to a specified sound source and receptor. There are several basic approaches to reducing sound: increasing the distance between source and receiver, using noise barriers to reflect or absorb the energy of the sound waves, using...

each time the game was played.
"What's the Deal with Old Guys and Giant Glasses?" Letterman simply presents a series of photographs of celebrity men (and occasionally, women). The photos are often dated with the subjects sporting large, old-fashioned style glasses.
"Who Asked for It?" A staple of late-night television, audience members approach a microphone and ask a question, resulting in a prearranged sketch in response (such as a person asking if Regis Philbin
Regis Philbin
Regis Francis Xavier Philbin is an American media personality, actor and singer, known for hosting talk and game shows since the 1960s. Philbin is often called "the hardest working man in show business" and holds the Guinness World Record for the most time spent in front of a television camera...

will run into the theater, and a staffer does instead).
"Women in Prison." Dave offers to conduct a remote interview of Martha Stewart
Martha Stewart
Martha Stewart is an American business magnate, author, magazine publisher, and television personality. As founder of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, she has gained success through a variety of business ventures, encompassing publishing, broadcasting, and merchandising...

or Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton
Paris Whitney Hilton is an American businesswoman, heiress, and socialite. She is a great-granddaughter of Conrad Hilton . Hilton is known for her controversial participation in a sex tape in 2003, and appearance on the television series The Simple Life alongside fellow socialite and childhood...

in jail, but the show then runs stock footage
Stock footage
Stock footage, and similarly, archive footage, library pictures and file footage are film or video footage that may or may not be custom shot for use in a specific film or television program. Stock footage is of beneficial use to filmmakers as it is sometimes less expensive than shooting new...

of women in prison having a food fight
Food fight
A food fight is a form of chaotic collective behavior, in which food is thrown at others in the manner of projectiles. These projectiles are not made to harm or damage others, but to simply ignite a fight filled with spontaneous food throwing. Food fights may be impromptu examples of rebellion or...

or riot
Riot
A riot is a form of civil disorder characterized often by what is thought of as disorganized groups lashing out in a sudden and intense rash of violence against authority, property or people. While individuals may attempt to lead or control a riot, riots are thought to be typically chaotic and...

ing.
Writers' Guild Strike. Some other routine (usually a fake promotional announcement) is interrupted by Head Writer Bill Scheft, who announces that the Writers Guild is currently in negotiations for a new contract, and at this time we have chosen not to reveal the punchline to this hilarious joke until the big media companies show they're ready to play fair with the writers. The routine continued after Worldwide Pants settled with the WGA and the Late Show returned, to show solidarity with the other writers still on strike, and Scheft has interrupted other routines, such as one dealing with Hillary Clinton's pantsuit, to protest having to write those jokes after she should have left the race.
Biff Henderson's "Fun with a Bullhorn"
Biff Henderson's "Fun with a Stopwatch
Stopwatch
A stopwatch is a handheld timepiece designed to measure the amount of time elapsed from a particular time when activated to when the piece is deactivated. A large digital version of a stopwatch designed for viewing at a distance, as in a sports stadium, is called a stopclock.The timing functions...

"
Biff Henderson's "Wanna Hang Out?"
"Celebrity X-Ray
X-ray
X-radiation is a form of electromagnetic radiation. X-rays have a wavelength in the range of 0.01 to 10 nanometers, corresponding to frequencies in the range 30 petahertz to 30 exahertz and energies in the range 120 eV to 120 keV. They are shorter in wavelength than UV rays and longer than gamma...

Challenge"
"Dave's Record Collection"
Dick Assman
Dick Assman
Dick Assman is a Saskatchewan gas station owner whose name propelled him to celebrity status across North America in 1995. Assman, who co-owned a Petro-Canada outlet at Victoria Square Mall in Regina, was discovered by David Letterman, who was amused by his name...

, who made several appearances in 1995
"Dr. Phil
Phil McGraw
Phillip Calvin McGraw best known as Dr. Phil, is an American television personality, author, former psychologist, and the host of the television show Dr. Phil, which debuted in 2002...

's Words of Wisdom." Out-of-context clips from the Dr. Phil Show
Dr. Phil (TV series)
Dr. Phil is a reality/talk television show hosted by Phil McGraw. After McGraw's success with his segments on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Dr. Phil debuted on September 16, 2002...

. This bit was similar to the "Great Moments in Presidential Speeches" sketch.
"Dumb Ads"
"George W. Bush Joke That's Not Really a Joke"
Harold Larkin's "Sidewalk Idol
American Idol
American Idol, titled American Idol: The Search for a Superstar for the first season, is a reality television singing competition created by Simon Fuller and produced by FremantleMedia North America and 19 Entertainment...

"
"Late Show Checklist"
"Late Show Pay Phone Trifecta"
"Late Show Unfair Edit", later "Late Show Fun with Editing", later "Late Show Editing Fun"
"May We See Your Photos Please?"/"May We See Your Digital Photos Please?"
Pat Farmer's "Gaffe-Busters"
Pat Farmer's "Long Story Short"
Pat Farmer's "Anything Can Be a Musical Instrument"
Paul Shaffer's James Brown cape routine (with various celebrities, including James Brown himself on one occasion, caping Shaffer)
"Pedestrian Theme Songs" - A sketch in which various clips of pedestrians walking around New York City were accompanied by a humorous short song clip performed by The CBS Orchestra.
"Week in Review" (used to be a regular Friday feature, using a variation of the "Laugh-In Looks at the News"
Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In
Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In is an American sketch comedy television program which ran for 140 episodes from January 22, 1968, to May 14, 1973. It was hosted by comedians Dan Rowan and Dick Martin and was broadcast over NBC...

theme).
"Who Said It?"
"Dave interviews coach Mike Singletary"

External links

The Late Show official website

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