List of Peter Simple's characters
Encyclopedia
These are characters
created by the columnist Peter Simple
(1913-2006) from 1957 onwards. Some of his characters are based on real people and some real people seem to be based on his characters. A few of these links are noted.
These are characters
created by the columnist Peter Simple
(1913-2006) from 1957 onwards. Some of his characters are based on real people and some real people seem to be based on his characters. A few of these links are noted.
Neville Dreadberg — avant-garde artist and self-publicist and husband of Pippa. Writer of the "classic documentary television plays" Serviettes of Death, Blood Orange and Monsters in Blue, dealing with crime
, corruption
and cannibalism
amongst the white Rhodesia
ns, Ulster Protestants and the British police, respectively. Partly based on William S. Burroughs
and anticipated Harold Pinter
and Will Self
.
These are characters
created by the columnist Peter Simple
(1913-2006) from 1957 onwards. Some of his characters are based on real people and some real people seem to be based on his characters. A few of these links are noted.
Neville Dreadberg — avant-garde artist and self-publicist and husband of Pippa. Writer of the "classic documentary television plays" Serviettes of Death, Blood Orange and Monsters in Blue, dealing with crime
, corruption
and cannibalism
amongst the white Rhodesia
ns, Ulster Protestants and the British police, respectively. Partly based on William S. Burroughs
and anticipated Harold Pinter
and Will Self
.
Alderman Foodbotham — "the 25-stone, iron-watch-chained, crag-visaged, grim-booted" Lord Mayor
of Bradford
and "perpetual chairman of the Bradford City Tramways and Fine Arts Committee". Officially died in 1928 but local legend says he "lies asleep in a mountain cave near Northowram
", waiting the summons "to save his city in its hour of supreme danger".
Dr Heinz Kiosk — psychoanalyst
who believes "We are all guilty!"
Albert Rasp — lethargic, goal-conceding goalkeeper of Stretchford United.
'Wayfarer' — expert on London
byways. Continually discovering lost communities of Anglo-Saxon
washerwomen, whirling dervish
es, Incas, Mongols, et al. visited in their time by authorities such as Samuel Johnson
and Thomas Carlyle
but now usually reduced to one aged representative living in reduced circumstances "behind an ordinary-looking pet shop in South London
's Turgis Hill High Street".
S. J. Barstow (1886-1929), the only hydro-electrical engineer to be a member of the Bloomsbury Group
. Took part with D. H. Lawrence
at a combined poetry-reading and hydro-electrical engineering demonstration in Oxford
, where he was introduced to Lady Ottoline Morrell. His letters to Leonard Woolf
requesting payment for repairs to a table lamp are profoundly moving and foreshadow his later suicide
by auto-electrocution
.
Blazeaway — column's shooting correspondent. Lists bags of left-wing student
, ecologist and social scientist
, some of whom end up on the tables at the trendy West End
restaurant
Au Petit Coin Anthropophage
.
Dr Kev Burst — headmaster of Stretchford Comprehensive School
. Runs extensive car-hire, pornography and other businesses with the labour and cash he extracts from his huge student community.
E. S. Canister (1886-1980) — litter
ateur who was "the first to leave a rusting bedstead on the summit of Scafell Pike
". His later works include "Vandalised
Grand Piano
and Two Tons of Toffee
Papers on Ben Nevis
" (1920) and "Four Tons of Miscellaneous Litter on the Sierra Nevada" (1927). Inspiration for the Friends of Litter.
Jeremy Cardhouse — originally a "progressive" Conservative Party
MP
, later defected to the Labour Party
and became a Peter Mandelson
-worshipping Euro MP. Compared by A. N. Wilson
to the present Conservative leader David Cameron
.
Dr Abdul Ngong Castrumba — "freelance, all-purpose revolutionary leader". Based on Fidel Castro
, Patrice Lumumba
and other 1960s revolutionaries.
Chocolate Meringue Narthex — A highly successful rock group.
Attila Craggs — ruthlessly resolute chief of the Television Licence
Evaders' Liberation Army, or TELELA. Oversees his fanatical Telelistas from a secret hideout "somewhere in South London
" and speaks a special and sometimes confusing dialect of commercial Spanish
.
Senator Patrick Flannely — keen American supporter of the Irish Republican Navy (IRN).
Jon Glasse-Derkeley — arts critic and "cultural entrepreneur". Chronicler of the Nerdley Scene during the 1960s.
Len Gollip — General Secretary of the Associated Union of Hole-borers. Presides over record votes of up to 2,379,801 in union ballot
s, despite the Union having only 65,785 members, many now dead.
Angelo "Tiny Tim" Grotto — weedy, sickly, near-dwarvish Mafia
Boss. Wore an "outsize, steel-lined" fedora
from beneath which his weak, watery eyes "missed everything". Feared by rival Mafia bosses Giovanni "Fat Face" Leoncavallo, Michele "Six Legs" Puccini, and Giacomo "Plastic Garden Gnome
" Wolf-Ferrari
.Was eventually slain by Francesco "Big Jock" Busoni with a poisoned 4-lb tin of his favourite sweets, Uncle Joe's Mintballs from Wigan
, after a failed assassination
attempt with an explosive teddy bear
.
Rex Hickfield — journalist who describes visits to the ageing Oliver and Connie Mellors (née Chatterley), formerly of D. H. Lawrence
's Lady Chatterley's Lover
.
Brian Hohenzollern — brilliant film director at Piledriver Films (cf. Hammer Films) whose series of horror movies star Bruce Braganza as Ludwig Wittgenstein
, with co-stars Stan Bourbon Parma
, Kay Wittelsbach
and Ted Capet, costume research by Shirley Porphyrogenitus and music
by Bing Karageorgevitch.
Clare Howitzer — socialist agony aunt. Based partly on Claire Rayner
.
The Master of Paddington — the name given by Peter Simple to the author of the (genuine) graffito
"Far away is close at hand in images of elsewhere", which appeared on a wall close to Paddington Station
.
Dr E. J. Multimer — angry young astronomer and sex-pest at Stretchford. Based partly on Fred Hoyle
.
Elvira Mutcliffe — "Cleckheaton-born diseuse and devotee of solid pottery and eurhythmic dancing" who leads a well-respected witches' coven
in the West Riding
. On good terms with Satan
, who often appears to her coven in the form of the Great Black Goat of Mytholmroyd
, and guardian, with her chief warlock
, Cllr
Albert Gogden, of the Trilby
Hat of Invisibility
.
Rev Bruce Nethers — Vandals' Padre and incumbent at St Atilla's church. See Supergoth.
Dr. Ngrafta — president of Gombola and the only Africa
n head of state who is both a witchdoctor
and a graduate of the London School of Economics
.
Marylou Ogreburg — born in Dissentville, Ohio
, now runs the "People's Bread and Marmite Street Dance Theatre Workshop" in London, giving politically awakening and socially relevant performances for ordinary folk unable to escape in time.
Paul Ohm — "freelance technologist" who lives at Atomdene, Edgbaston
and is building a nuclear accelerator in his garden.
Gillian Paste — left-wing television producer and presenter of Sneer with Mother. Close ally of Mrs Dutt-Pauker.
Rentamob (originally Rentacrowd) — mammoth consortium supplying semi-automated, slogan
-shouting demonstrators wherever they are required. Was particularly in demand during the Apartheid era.
Peter Simple himself — benevolent landowner and upholder of the traditions of England. Family seat: Simpleham. Wealth: substantial but not excessive, deriving in part from slave
-labour on South America
n latifundia
. A regular reader of the Feudal Times and Reactionary
Herald, from whose thoughtful leaders
he frequently quotes. Protected by two giant bodyguard
s, Blohm and Voss.
Ken Slabb — "bearded, grenade-draped" perpetual president of Stretchford Student Union.
River Stretch — chemical-vapour-wreathed river believed to be "the most polluted" in Europe
. See Stretchford.
Major E.J. Tannoy — "chief roarsman" of the Friends of Noise based at Pandemonium House.
Royston Vibes — 18th-year sociology
student at Nerdley University. Claims to be head of an Aztec
community that conquered Nerdley in the Dark Ages
and demands ever-increasing concessions and benefits from local government, including the inalienable right to commit human sacrifice
on subsidized step pyramid
s.
Fictional character
A character is the representation of a person in a narrative work of art . Derived from the ancient Greek word kharaktêr , the earliest use in English, in this sense, dates from the Restoration, although it became widely used after its appearance in Tom Jones in 1749. From this, the sense of...
created by the columnist Peter Simple
Michael Wharton
Michael Wharton was a newspaper columnist who wrote under the pseudonym Peter Simple in the British Daily Telegraph. He began work on the "Way of the World" column with illustrator Michael ffolkes three times a week in early 1957...
(1913-2006) from 1957 onwards. Some of his characters are based on real people and some real people seem to be based on his characters. A few of these links are noted.
Major
- Neville Dreadberg — avant-garde artist and self-publicist and husband of Pippa. Writer of the "classic documentary television plays" Serviettes of Death, Blood Orange and Monsters in Blue, dealing with crimeCrimeCrime is the breach of rules or laws for which some governing authority can ultimately prescribe a conviction...
, corruptionPolitical corruptionPolitical corruption is the use of legislated powers by government officials for illegitimate private gain. Misuse of government power for other purposes, such as repression of political opponents and general police brutality, is not considered political corruption. Neither are illegal acts by...
and cannibalismCannibalismCannibalism is the act or practice of humans eating the flesh of other human beings. It is also called anthropophagy...
amongst the white RhodesiaRhodesiaRhodesia , officially the Republic of Rhodesia from 1970, was an unrecognised state located in southern Africa that existed between 1965 and 1979 following its Unilateral Declaration of Independence from the United Kingdom on 11 November 1965...
ns, Ulster Protestants and the British police, respectively. Partly based on William S. BurroughsWilliam S. BurroughsWilliam Seward Burroughs II was an American novelist, poet, essayist and spoken word performer. A primary figure of the Beat Generation and a major postmodernist author, he is considered to be "one of the most politically trenchant, culturally influential, and innovative artists of the 20th...
and anticipated Harold PinterHarold PinterHarold Pinter, CH, CBE was a Nobel Prize–winning English playwright and screenwriter. One of the most influential modern British dramatists, his writing career spanned more than 50 years. His best-known plays include The Birthday Party , The Homecoming , and Betrayal , each of which he adapted to...
and Will SelfWill SelfWilliam Woodard "Will" Self is an English novelist and short story writer. His fictional style is known for being satirical, grotesque, and fantastical. He is a prolific commentator on contemporary British life, with regular appearances on Newsnight and Question Time...
.
These are characters
Fictional character
A character is the representation of a person in a narrative work of art . Derived from the ancient Greek word kharaktêr , the earliest use in English, in this sense, dates from the Restoration, although it became widely used after its appearance in Tom Jones in 1749. From this, the sense of...
created by the columnist Peter Simple
Michael Wharton
Michael Wharton was a newspaper columnist who wrote under the pseudonym Peter Simple in the British Daily Telegraph. He began work on the "Way of the World" column with illustrator Michael ffolkes three times a week in early 1957...
(1913-2006) from 1957 onwards. Some of his characters are based on real people and some real people seem to be based on his characters. A few of these links are noted.
Major
- Julian Birdbath — perennially unsuccessful writer and "last citizen of the Republic of Letters". Performed astounding feat of literary detective-work by discovering a fourth Brontë sister, Doreen Brontë, and ghostwroteGhostwriterA ghostwriter is a professional writer who is paid to write books, articles, stories, reports, or other texts that are officially credited to another person. Celebrities, executives, and political leaders often hire ghostwriters to draft or edit autobiographies, magazine articles, or other written...
the autobiographyAutobiographyAn autobiography is a book about the life of a person, written by that person.-Origin of the term:...
of General "Tiger" Nidgett, but, as always, never received the recognition or payment he deserved. Finally retired to a disused lead mineMiningMining is the extraction of valuable minerals or other geological materials from the earth, from an ore body, vein or seam. The term also includes the removal of soil. Materials recovered by mining include base metals, precious metals, iron, uranium, coal, diamonds, limestone, oil shale, rock...
in DerbyshireDerbyshireDerbyshire is a county in the East Midlands of England. A substantial portion of the Peak District National Park lies within Derbyshire. The northern part of Derbyshire overlaps with the Pennines, a famous chain of hills and mountains. The county contains within its boundary of approx...
to work on a biography of Stephen SpenderStephen SpenderSir Stephen Harold Spender CBE was an English poet, novelist and essayist who concentrated on themes of social injustice and the class struggle in his work...
with only his petPetA pet is a household animal kept for companionship and a person's enjoyment, as opposed to wild animals or to livestock, laboratory animals, working animals or sport animals, which are kept for economic or productive reasons. The most popular pets are noted for their loyal or playful...
toadToadA toad is any of a number of species of amphibians in the order Anura characterized by dry, leathery skin , short legs, and snoat-like parotoid glands...
, Amiel, for company. Mr Shuttleworth, a poultry farmer and part-time literary agent, is Birdbath's nearest neighbour, and sometimes relays items of literary news by shouting down the mineshaft.
- Trevor Dimwiddie — "underwater motorcycling ace" of varying age, appearance and origins. See also Sir Sid Ballpoint.
Crime
Crime is the breach of rules or laws for which some governing authority can ultimately prescribe a conviction...
, corruption
Political corruption
Political corruption is the use of legislated powers by government officials for illegitimate private gain. Misuse of government power for other purposes, such as repression of political opponents and general police brutality, is not considered political corruption. Neither are illegal acts by...
and cannibalism
Cannibalism
Cannibalism is the act or practice of humans eating the flesh of other human beings. It is also called anthropophagy...
amongst the white Rhodesia
Rhodesia
Rhodesia , officially the Republic of Rhodesia from 1970, was an unrecognised state located in southern Africa that existed between 1965 and 1979 following its Unilateral Declaration of Independence from the United Kingdom on 11 November 1965...
ns, Ulster Protestants and the British police, respectively. Partly based on William S. Burroughs
William S. Burroughs
William Seward Burroughs II was an American novelist, poet, essayist and spoken word performer. A primary figure of the Beat Generation and a major postmodernist author, he is considered to be "one of the most politically trenchant, culturally influential, and innovative artists of the 20th...
and anticipated Harold Pinter
Harold Pinter
Harold Pinter, CH, CBE was a Nobel Prize–winning English playwright and screenwriter. One of the most influential modern British dramatists, his writing career spanned more than 50 years. His best-known plays include The Birthday Party , The Homecoming , and Betrayal , each of which he adapted to...
and Will Self
Will Self
William Woodard "Will" Self is an English novelist and short story writer. His fictional style is known for being satirical, grotesque, and fantastical. He is a prolific commentator on contemporary British life, with regular appearances on Newsnight and Question Time...
.
These are characters
Fictional character
A character is the representation of a person in a narrative work of art . Derived from the ancient Greek word kharaktêr , the earliest use in English, in this sense, dates from the Restoration, although it became widely used after its appearance in Tom Jones in 1749. From this, the sense of...
created by the columnist Peter Simple
Michael Wharton
Michael Wharton was a newspaper columnist who wrote under the pseudonym Peter Simple in the British Daily Telegraph. He began work on the "Way of the World" column with illustrator Michael ffolkes three times a week in early 1957...
(1913-2006) from 1957 onwards. Some of his characters are based on real people and some real people seem to be based on his characters. A few of these links are noted.
Major
- Julian Birdbath — perennially unsuccessful writer and "last citizen of the Republic of Letters". Performed astounding feat of literary detective-work by discovering a fourth Brontë sister, Doreen Brontë, and ghostwroteGhostwriterA ghostwriter is a professional writer who is paid to write books, articles, stories, reports, or other texts that are officially credited to another person. Celebrities, executives, and political leaders often hire ghostwriters to draft or edit autobiographies, magazine articles, or other written...
the autobiographyAutobiographyAn autobiography is a book about the life of a person, written by that person.-Origin of the term:...
of General "Tiger" Nidgett, but, as always, never received the recognition or payment he deserved. Finally retired to a disused lead mineMiningMining is the extraction of valuable minerals or other geological materials from the earth, from an ore body, vein or seam. The term also includes the removal of soil. Materials recovered by mining include base metals, precious metals, iron, uranium, coal, diamonds, limestone, oil shale, rock...
in DerbyshireDerbyshireDerbyshire is a county in the East Midlands of England. A substantial portion of the Peak District National Park lies within Derbyshire. The northern part of Derbyshire overlaps with the Pennines, a famous chain of hills and mountains. The county contains within its boundary of approx...
to work on a biography of Stephen SpenderStephen SpenderSir Stephen Harold Spender CBE was an English poet, novelist and essayist who concentrated on themes of social injustice and the class struggle in his work...
with only his petPetA pet is a household animal kept for companionship and a person's enjoyment, as opposed to wild animals or to livestock, laboratory animals, working animals or sport animals, which are kept for economic or productive reasons. The most popular pets are noted for their loyal or playful...
toadToadA toad is any of a number of species of amphibians in the order Anura characterized by dry, leathery skin , short legs, and snoat-like parotoid glands...
, Amiel, for company. Mr Shuttleworth, a poultry farmer and part-time literary agent, is Birdbath's nearest neighbour, and sometimes relays items of literary news by shouting down the mineshaft.
- Trevor Dimwiddie — "underwater motorcycling ace" of varying age, appearance and origins. See also Sir Sid Ballpoint.
Crime
Crime is the breach of rules or laws for which some governing authority can ultimately prescribe a conviction...
, corruption
Political corruption
Political corruption is the use of legislated powers by government officials for illegitimate private gain. Misuse of government power for other purposes, such as repression of political opponents and general police brutality, is not considered political corruption. Neither are illegal acts by...
and cannibalism
Cannibalism
Cannibalism is the act or practice of humans eating the flesh of other human beings. It is also called anthropophagy...
amongst the white Rhodesia
Rhodesia
Rhodesia , officially the Republic of Rhodesia from 1970, was an unrecognised state located in southern Africa that existed between 1965 and 1979 following its Unilateral Declaration of Independence from the United Kingdom on 11 November 1965...
ns, Ulster Protestants and the British police, respectively. Partly based on William S. Burroughs
William S. Burroughs
William Seward Burroughs II was an American novelist, poet, essayist and spoken word performer. A primary figure of the Beat Generation and a major postmodernist author, he is considered to be "one of the most politically trenchant, culturally influential, and innovative artists of the 20th...
and anticipated Harold Pinter
Harold Pinter
Harold Pinter, CH, CBE was a Nobel Prize–winning English playwright and screenwriter. One of the most influential modern British dramatists, his writing career spanned more than 50 years. His best-known plays include The Birthday Party , The Homecoming , and Betrayal , each of which he adapted to...
and Will Self
Will Self
William Woodard "Will" Self is an English novelist and short story writer. His fictional style is known for being satirical, grotesque, and fantastical. He is a prolific commentator on contemporary British life, with regular appearances on Newsnight and Question Time...
.
- Mrs Dutt-Pauker — immensely rich and privileged HampsteadHampsteadHampstead is an area of London, England, north-west of Charing Cross. Part of the London Borough of Camden in Inner London, it is known for its intellectual, liberal, artistic, musical and literary associations and for Hampstead Heath, a large, hilly expanse of parkland...
socialist, admirer of StalinJoseph StalinJoseph Vissarionovich Stalin was the Premier of the Soviet Union from 6 May 1941 to 5 March 1953. He was among the Bolshevik revolutionaries who brought about the October Revolution and had held the position of first General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union's Central Committee...
and rumoured lover of the East German communist leader Walter UlbrichtWalter UlbrichtWalter Ulbricht was a German communist politician. As First Secretary of the Socialist Unity Party from 1950 to 1971 , he played a leading role in the creation of the Weimar-era Communist Party of Germany and later in the early development and...
. She is the mother of Deirdre Dutt-Pauker, and the grandmother of the precociously bearded MaoistMaoismMaoism, also known as the Mao Zedong Thought , is claimed by Maoists as an anti-Revisionist form of Marxist communist theory, derived from the teachings of the Chinese political leader Mao Zedong . Developed during the 1950s and 1960s, it was widely applied as the political and military guiding...
toddler and noted political theorist Bert Brecht Mao Rudy Che Odinga (or Mao Banana). She employs the Albanian Maoist au pair girl Gjoq. Lives at a palatial Hampstead mansion called "Marxmount", but also owns a house called Leninmore in the west of Ireland, bought at the time of the Cuban missile crisis. Named after the communists Palme Dutt and Ana PaukerAna PaukerAna Pauker was a Romanian communist leader and served as the country's foreign minister in the late 1940s and early 1950s...
, she is based on liberals such as the Toynbee family. She anticipated Margaret HodgeMargaret HodgeMargaret Hodge MBE MP, also known as Lady Hodge by virtue of her husband's knighthood, is a British Labour politician, who has been the Member of Parliament for Barking since 1994. She was the first Minister for Children in 2003 and was Minister of State for Culture and Tourism at the Department...
.
Lord Mayor
The Lord Mayor is the title of the Mayor of a major city, with special recognition.-Commonwealth of Nations:* In Australia it is a political position. Australian cities with Lord Mayors: Adelaide, Brisbane, Darwin, Hobart, Melbourne, Newcastle, Parramatta, Perth, Sydney, and Wollongong...
of Bradford
Bradford
Bradford lies at the heart of the City of Bradford, a metropolitan borough of West Yorkshire, in Northern England. It is situated in the foothills of the Pennines, west of Leeds, and northwest of Wakefield. Bradford became a municipal borough in 1847, and received its charter as a city in 1897...
and "perpetual chairman of the Bradford City Tramways and Fine Arts Committee". Officially died in 1928 but local legend says he "lies asleep in a mountain cave near Northowram
Northowram
Northowram is a village in Calderdale, West Yorkshire, England that stands to the east of Halifax on the north side of Shibden valley. Southowram stands on the southern side of the valley....
", waiting the summons "to save his city in its hour of supreme danger".
- Doreen Gaggs — trend-crazed tabloid and women's magazine journalist and wife of Jack Moron.
- Sir Jim Gastropodi — born in PoggibonsiPoggibonsiPoggibonsi is a town in the province of Siena, Tuscany, Italy. It is the main centre of the Valdelsa Valley.-History:The area around Poggibonsi was already settled in the Neolithic age, although the first traces of civilisation dates from Etruscan-Roman age, attested by a series of necropolises and...
, conductor of the Stretchford Municipal Symphony Orchestra and obsessive admirer of MahlerGustav MahlerGustav Mahler was a late-Romantic Austrian composer and one of the leading conductors of his generation. He was born in the village of Kalischt, Bohemia, in what was then Austria-Hungary, now Kaliště in the Czech Republic...
, newly discovered symphonies by whom he insists on playing, to the disgust of Ron Spheroyd. Inspired by Sir John Barbirolli. Also from Poggibonsi are Giovanni BotulismBotulismBotulism also known as botulinus intoxication is a rare but serious paralytic illness caused by botulinum toxin which is metabolic waste produced under anaerobic conditions by the bacterium Clostridium botulinum, and affecting a wide range of mammals, birds and fish...
o, proprietor of the popular SalmonellaSalmonellaSalmonella is a genus of rod-shaped, Gram-negative, non-spore-forming, predominantly motile enterobacteria with diameters around 0.7 to 1.5 µm, lengths from 2 to 5 µm, and flagella which grade in all directions . They are chemoorganotrophs, obtaining their energy from oxidation and reduction...
restaurant, and the late Giuseppe Fittopaldi, composer of the operaOperaOpera is an art form in which singers and musicians perform a dramatic work combining text and musical score, usually in a theatrical setting. Opera incorporates many of the elements of spoken theatre, such as acting, scenery, and costumes and sometimes includes dance...
s 'Le sorelle Brontë' , 'BramwellBranwell BrontëPatrick Branwell Brontë was a painter and poet, the only son of the Brontë family, and the brother of the writers Charlotte, Emily, and Anne.-Youth:...
' (sic), 'La Fanciulla del Riding OccidentaleWest RidingWest Riding could refer to:Areas:*West Riding of Yorkshire, England*West Riding of Lindsey in Lincolnshire, England*West Riding of County Cork, Ireland*West Riding of County Galway, IrelandTransport companies:*West Riding Automobile Company...
' , and 'Alderman Foodbotham di Bradford' , all to libretti by an unidentified author.
- J. Bonington Jagworth — leader of the militant Motorists' Liberation Front and defender of "the basic right of every motorist to drive as fast as he pleases, how he pleases and over what or whom he pleases". Suspicious of his Marxist chief-of-staff Royston Cylinder but good friend of Rev John Goodwheel. Anticipated Jeremy ClarksonJeremy ClarksonJeremy Charles Robert Clarkson is an English broadcaster, journalist and writer who specialises in motoring. He is best known for his role on the BBC TV show Top Gear along with co-presenters Richard Hammond and James May...
by three decades.
Psychoanalysis
Psychoanalysis is a psychological theory developed in the late 19th and early 20th centuries by Austrian neurologist Sigmund Freud. Psychoanalysis has expanded, been criticized and developed in different directions, mostly by some of Freud's former students, such as Alfred Adler and Carl Gustav...
who believes "We are all guilty!"
- Jack Moron — tabloid journalist and husband of Doreen Gaggs. Writes aggressive articles demanding progress and change or warning of foreign peril.
- The Earl of Mountwarlock — the eight-foot, cyclopsCyclopsA cyclops , in Greek mythology and later Roman mythology, was a member of a primordial race of giants, each with a single eye in the middle of his forehead...
-eyed owner of the monsterMonsterA monster is any fictional creature, usually found in legends or horror fiction, that is somewhat hideous and may produce physical harm or mental fear by either its appearance or its actions...
-infested Mountwarlock Estate near Stretchford. See also Phantomsby, Mr Dis, MacAnguish and Ghoulman.
- Lieutenant General Sir Frederick "Tiger" Nidgett — retired leader of the Royal Army Tailoring Corps and maker of inspirational speeches full of fatuous rhetoricRhetoricRhetoric is the art of discourse, an art that aims to improve the facility of speakers or writers who attempt to inform, persuade, or motivate particular audiences in specific situations. As a subject of formal study and a productive civic practice, rhetoric has played a central role in the Western...
. His autobiographyAutobiographyAn autobiography is a book about the life of a person, written by that person.-Origin of the term:...
, Up Sticks and Away!, was ghostwritten by Julian Birdbath. Alleged mentor of Tony BlairTony BlairAnthony Charles Lynton Blair is a former British Labour Party politician who served as the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 2 May 1997 to 27 June 2007. He was the Member of Parliament for Sedgefield from 1983 to 2007 and Leader of the Labour Party from 1994 to 2007...
:
- 'Lovers of oratory have often remarked on the abiding influence on Tony Blair of Gen Sir Frederick ("Tiger") Nidgett, supreme orator, veteran war hero and creator of the Royal Army Tailoring Corps'.
- Harry and Janet Nodule — traffic-jam fans of Brassgrove Park in south London and always on the look out for a "good snarl-up".
- King Norman the Good — future head of the Royal Socialist Family. Husband of Queen Doreen, son-in-lawSon-in-LawSon-in-Law was a British Thoroughbred racehorse and an influential sire, especially for sport horses.The National Horseracing Museum says that Son-in-Law is "probably the best and most distinguished stayer this country has ever known." Described as "one of the principal influences for stamina in...
of the Queen Gran, father of Princes Barry and Kevin and Princesses Shirley and Tracey, brother-in-lawBrother-in-lawA brother-in-law is the brother of one's spouse, the husband of one's sibling, or the husband of one's spouse's sibling.-See also:*Affinity *Sister-in-law*Brothers in Law , a 1955 British comedy novel...
of Duke Len of ErdingtonErdingtonErdington is a suburb northeast of Birmingham city centre, England and bordering Sutton Coldfield. It is also a council constituency, managed by its own district committee...
.
- Phantomsby — butlerButlerA butler is a domestic worker in a large household. In great houses, the household is sometimes divided into departments with the butler in charge of the dining room, wine cellar, and pantry. Some also have charge of the entire parlour floor, and housekeepers caring for the entire house and its...
and factotumFactotumFactotum is the second novel by American author Charles Bukowski. The plot follows Henry Chinaski, Bukowski's alter ego, who has been rejected from the World War II draft and makes his way from one menial job to the next...
of the Earl of Mountwarlock and "one of the few practising werewolvesWerewolfA werewolf, also known as a lycanthrope , is a mythological or folkloric human with the ability to shapeshift into a wolf or an anthropomorphic wolf-like creature, either purposely or after being placed under a curse...
left in the MidlandsEnglish MidlandsThe Midlands, or the English Midlands, is the traditional name for the area comprising central England that broadly corresponds to the early medieval Kingdom of Mercia. It borders Southern England, Northern England, East Anglia and Wales. Its largest city is Birmingham, and it was an important...
". Has a sharp-toothed but infectious smile.
- Old Seth Roentgen — scientific farmer who grows money and share-certificates directly from the soil and regularly disturbs or even kills his neighbours with agricultural experiments. Father of buxom, dark-eyed, lab-coated Hephzibah. Not to be confused with Old Seth the Wasp-Keeper.
- Dr Spacely-Trellis — progressive Bishop of Bevindon in the Stretchford Conurbation, where his domestic chaplainChaplainTraditionally, a chaplain is a minister in a specialized setting such as a priest, pastor, rabbi, or imam or lay representative of a religion attached to a secular institution such as a hospital, prison, military unit, police department, university, or private chapel...
is the mischief-making Rev. Peter Nordwestdeutscher. Anticipated and strongly resembles David JenkinsDavid Edward JenkinsDavid Edward Jenkins is a Church of England cleric and former Bishop of Durham, a position he held from 1984 until 1994.Jenkins was born in Bromley, Kent and educated at St Dunstan's College, Catford...
, Richard Harries, Rowan WilliamsRowan WilliamsRowan Douglas Williams FRSL, FBA, FLSW is an Anglican bishop, poet and theologian. He is the 104th and current Archbishop of Canterbury, Metropolitan of the Province of Canterbury and Primate of All England, offices he has held since early 2003.Williams was previously Bishop of Monmouth and...
and many other AnglicanChurch of EnglandThe Church of England is the officially established Christian church in England and the Mother Church of the worldwide Anglican Communion. The church considers itself within the tradition of Western Christianity and dates its formal establishment principally to the mission to England by St...
clerics.
- Sir Herbert Trance — head of the British Boring Board of Control based at Lethargy House. World-famous bores competing in competitions organized by the BBBC (and chronicled by Narcolept) include Antonin Bvorak from CzechoslovakiaCzechoslovakiaCzechoslovakia or Czecho-Slovakia was a sovereign state in Central Europe which existed from October 1918, when it declared its independence from the Austro-Hungarian Empire, until 1992...
, Jean-Pierre Cafard from CanadaCanadaCanada is a North American country consisting of ten provinces and three territories. Located in the northern part of the continent, it extends from the Atlantic Ocean in the east to the Pacific Ocean in the west, and northward into the Arctic Ocean...
, Grant ComaComaIn medicine, a coma is a state of unconsciousness, lasting more than 6 hours in which a person cannot be awakened, fails to respond normally to painful stimuli, light or sound, lacks a normal sleep-wake cycle and does not initiate voluntary actions. A person in a state of coma is described as...
Jr from America, Shloime ben ChloroformChloroformChloroform is an organic compound with formula CHCl3. It is one of the four chloromethanes. The colorless, sweet-smelling, dense liquid is a trihalomethane, and is considered somewhat hazardous...
from IsraelIsraelThe State of Israel is a parliamentary republic located in the Middle East, along the eastern shore of the Mediterranean Sea...
(aka "Glorious Shloime") and Ron Stupor from AustraliaAustraliaAustralia , officially the Commonwealth of Australia, is a country in the Southern Hemisphere comprising the mainland of the Australian continent, the island of Tasmania, and numerous smaller islands in the Indian and Pacific Oceans. It is the world's sixth-largest country by total area...
.
London
London is the capital city of :England and the :United Kingdom, the largest metropolitan area in the United Kingdom, and the largest urban zone in the European Union by most measures. Located on the River Thames, London has been a major settlement for two millennia, its history going back to its...
byways. Continually discovering lost communities of Anglo-Saxon
Anglo-Saxons
Anglo-Saxon is a term used by historians to designate the Germanic tribes who invaded and settled the south and east of Great Britain beginning in the early 5th century AD, and the period from their creation of the English nation to the Norman conquest. The Anglo-Saxon Era denotes the period of...
washerwomen, whirling dervish
Dervish
A Dervish or Darvesh is someone treading a Sufi Muslim ascetic path or "Tariqah", known for their extreme poverty and austerity, similar to mendicant friars in Christianity or Hindu/Buddhist/Jain sadhus.-Etymology:The Persian word darvīsh is of ancient origin and descends from a Proto-Iranian...
es, Incas, Mongols, et al. visited in their time by authorities such as Samuel Johnson
Samuel Johnson
Samuel Johnson , often referred to as Dr. Johnson, was an English author who made lasting contributions to English literature as a poet, essayist, moralist, literary critic, biographer, editor and lexicographer...
and Thomas Carlyle
Thomas Carlyle
Thomas Carlyle was a Scottish satirical writer, essayist, historian and teacher during the Victorian era.He called economics "the dismal science", wrote articles for the Edinburgh Encyclopedia, and became a controversial social commentator.Coming from a strict Calvinist family, Carlyle was...
but now usually reduced to one aged representative living in reduced circumstances "behind an ordinary-looking pet shop in South London
South London
South London is the southern part of London, England, United Kingdom.According to the 2011 official Boundary Commission for England definition, South London includes the London boroughs of Bexley, Bromley, Croydon, Greenwich, Kingston, Lambeth, Lewisham, Merton, Southwark, Sutton and...
's Turgis Hill High Street".
Minor
- Prem Bakshi — Diminutive PakistanPakistanPakistan , officially the Islamic Republic of Pakistan is a sovereign state in South Asia. It has a coastline along the Arabian Sea and the Gulf of Oman in the south and is bordered by Afghanistan and Iran in the west, India in the east and China in the far northeast. In the north, Tajikistan...
i triangle player in the Stretchford M.S.O. - Sir Sid Ballpoint — "Supreme Manager-in-Chief of the British Underwater Motorcycling Federation". See also Trevor Dimwiddie.
Bloomsbury Group
The Bloomsbury Group or Bloomsbury Set was a group of writers, intellectuals, philosophers and artists who held informal discussions in Bloomsbury throughout the 20th century. This English collective of friends and relatives lived, worked or studied near Bloomsbury in London during the first half...
. Took part with D. H. Lawrence
D. H. Lawrence
David Herbert Richards Lawrence was an English novelist, poet, playwright, essayist, literary critic and painter who published as D. H. Lawrence. His collected works represent an extended reflection upon the dehumanising effects of modernity and industrialisation...
at a combined poetry-reading and hydro-electrical engineering demonstration in Oxford
Oxford
The city of Oxford is the county town of Oxfordshire, England. The city, made prominent by its medieval university, has a population of just under 165,000, with 153,900 living within the district boundary. It lies about 50 miles north-west of London. The rivers Cherwell and Thames run through...
, where he was introduced to Lady Ottoline Morrell. His letters to Leonard Woolf
Leonard Woolf
Leonard Sidney Woolf was an English political theorist, author, publisher and civil servant, and husband of author Virginia Woolf.-Early life:...
requesting payment for repairs to a table lamp are profoundly moving and foreshadow his later suicide
Suicide
Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one's own death. Suicide is often committed out of despair or attributed to some underlying mental disorder, such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, alcoholism, or drug abuse...
by auto-electrocution
Electric shock
Electric Shock of a body with any source of electricity that causes a sufficient current through the skin, muscles or hair. Typically, the expression is used to denote an unwanted exposure to electricity, hence the effects are considered undesirable....
.
Student
A student is a learner, or someone who attends an educational institution. In some nations, the English term is reserved for those who attend university, while a schoolchild under the age of eighteen is called a pupil in English...
, ecologist and social scientist
Social Scientist
Social Scientist is a New Delhi based journal in social sciences and humanities published since 1972....
, some of whom end up on the tables at the trendy West End
West End of London
The West End of London is an area of central London, containing many of the city's major tourist attractions, shops, businesses, government buildings, and entertainment . Use of the term began in the early 19th century to describe fashionable areas to the west of Charing Cross...
restaurant
Restaurant
A restaurant is an establishment which prepares and serves food and drink to customers in return for money. Meals are generally served and eaten on premises, but many restaurants also offer take-out and food delivery services...
Au Petit Coin Anthropophage
Anthropophagy
Anthropophagy is the eating of human flesh. It may refer to:*Cannibalism, the eating of human flesh by another human**Self-cannibalism, the eating of one's own flesh*Man-eating, the eating of human flesh by man-eaters...
.
Comprehensive school
A comprehensive school is a state school that does not select its intake on the basis of academic achievement or aptitude. This is in contrast to the selective school system, where admission is restricted on the basis of a selection criteria. The term is commonly used in relation to the United...
. Runs extensive car-hire, pornography and other businesses with the labour and cash he extracts from his huge student community.
Litter
Litter consists of waste products such as containers, papers, wrappers or faeces which have been disposed of without consent. Litter can also be used as a verb...
ateur who was "the first to leave a rusting bedstead on the summit of Scafell Pike
Scafell Pike
Scafell Pike is the highest mountain in England at . It is located in Lake District National Park sometimes confused with the neighbouring Sca Fell, to which it is connected by the col of Mickledore...
". His later works include "Vandalised
Vandalism
Vandalism is the behaviour attributed originally to the Vandals, by the Romans, in respect of culture: ruthless destruction or spoiling of anything beautiful or venerable...
Grand Piano
Piano
The piano is a musical instrument played by means of a keyboard. It is one of the most popular instruments in the world. Widely used in classical and jazz music for solo performances, ensemble use, chamber music and accompaniment, the piano is also very popular as an aid to composing and rehearsal...
and Two Tons of Toffee
Toffee
Toffee is a confection made by caramelizing sugar or molasses along with butter, and occasionally flour. The mixture is heated until its temperature reaches the hard crack stage of 300 to 310 °F...
Papers on Ben Nevis
Ben Nevis
Ben Nevis is the highest mountain in the British Isles. It is located at the western end of the Grampian Mountains in the Lochaber area of the Scottish Highlands, close to the town of Fort William....
" (1920) and "Four Tons of Miscellaneous Litter on the Sierra Nevada" (1927). Inspiration for the Friends of Litter.
Conservative Party (UK)
The Conservative Party, formally the Conservative and Unionist Party, is a centre-right political party in the United Kingdom that adheres to the philosophies of conservatism and British unionism. It is the largest political party in the UK, and is currently the largest single party in the House...
MP
Member of Parliament
A Member of Parliament is a representative of the voters to a :parliament. In many countries with bicameral parliaments, the term applies specifically to members of the lower house, as upper houses often have a different title, such as senate, and thus also have different titles for its members,...
, later defected to the Labour Party
Labour Party (UK)
The Labour Party is a centre-left democratic socialist party in the United Kingdom. It surpassed the Liberal Party in general elections during the early 1920s, forming minority governments under Ramsay MacDonald in 1924 and 1929-1931. The party was in a wartime coalition from 1940 to 1945, after...
and became a Peter Mandelson
Peter Mandelson
Peter Benjamin Mandelson, Baron Mandelson, PC is a British Labour Party politician, who was the Member of Parliament for Hartlepool from 1992 to 2004, served in a number of Cabinet positions under both Tony Blair and Gordon Brown, and was a European Commissioner...
-worshipping Euro MP. Compared by A. N. Wilson
A. N. Wilson
Andrew Norman Wilson is an English writer and newspaper columnist, known for his critical biographies, novels, works of popular history and religious views...
to the present Conservative leader David Cameron
David Cameron
David William Donald Cameron is the current Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, First Lord of the Treasury, Minister for the Civil Service and Leader of the Conservative Party. Cameron represents Witney as its Member of Parliament ....
.
Fidel Castro
Fidel Alejandro Castro Ruz is a Cuban revolutionary and politician, having held the position of Prime Minister of Cuba from 1959 to 1976, and then President from 1976 to 2008. He also served as the First Secretary of the Communist Party of Cuba from the party's foundation in 1961 until 2011...
, Patrice Lumumba
Patrice Lumumba
Patrice Émery Lumumba was a Congolese independence leader and the first legally elected Prime Minister of the Republic of the Congo after he helped win its independence from Belgium in June 1960. Only ten weeks later, Lumumba's government was deposed in a coup during the Congo Crisis...
and other 1960s revolutionaries.
Television licence
A television licence is an official licence required in many countries for the reception of television broadcasts...
Evaders' Liberation Army, or TELELA. Oversees his fanatical Telelistas from a secret hideout "somewhere in South London
South London
South London is the southern part of London, England, United Kingdom.According to the 2011 official Boundary Commission for England definition, South London includes the London boroughs of Bexley, Bromley, Croydon, Greenwich, Kingston, Lambeth, Lewisham, Merton, Southwark, Sutton and...
" and speaks a special and sometimes confusing dialect of commercial Spanish
Spanish language
Spanish , also known as Castilian , is a Romance language in the Ibero-Romance group that evolved from several languages and dialects in central-northern Iberia around the 9th century and gradually spread with the expansion of the Kingdom of Castile into central and southern Iberia during the...
.
- Royston Cylinder — ambitious crypto-MarxistMarxismMarxism is an economic and sociopolitical worldview and method of socioeconomic inquiry that centers upon a materialist interpretation of history, a dialectical view of social change, and an analysis and critique of the development of capitalism. Marxism was pioneered in the early to mid 19th...
chief-of-staff of J. Bonington Jagworth, leader of the Motorists' Liberation Front.
- Mr Dis — taciturn, dark-visaged manager of the Home Farm on the Mountwarlock Estate. Expert in the growing of mandrakeMandrakeMandrake may refer to:* Mandrake , a plant of the genus Mandragora* Mandragora , in occultism* Mandrake Linux, former name of Mandriva Linux, a computer operating system...
s.
- Ron Frabb — teen idol kept permanently drugged by his manager Cliff Rampton.
- Dr F. Gestaltvogel — Chief Consultant Psychiatrist at Nerdley General Hospital. Often gives expert advice in court cases overseen by Dr Ellis Goth-Jones, recommending abreactive therapy or EST for the accused and offering euthanasiaEuthanasiaEuthanasia refers to the practice of intentionally ending a life in order to relieve pain and suffering....
at his own clinic if this fails.
- Ghoulman — chief warden of the safari parkSafari parkA safari park, sometimes known as a wildlife park, is a zoo-like commercial tourist attraction where visitors can drive in their own vehicles or ride in vehicles provided by the facility to observe freely roaming animals...
on the Mountwarlock estate, where he cares for the wyvernWyvernA wyvern or wivern is a legendary winged reptilian creature with a dragon's head, two legs , and a barbed tail. The wyvern is found in heraldry. There exists a purely sea-dwelling variant, termed the Sea-Wyvern which has a fish tail in place of a barbed dragon's tail...
s, basiliskBasiliskIn European bestiaries and legends, a basilisk is a legendary reptile reputed to be king of serpents and said to have the power to cause death with a single glance...
s, gorgonGorgonIn Greek mythology, the Gorgon was a terrifying female creature. The name derives from the Greek word gorgós, which means "dreadful." While descriptions of Gorgons vary across Greek literature, the term commonly refers to any of three sisters who had hair of living, venomous snakes, and a...
s and other monsters and ensures that their incineratory or petrifactory powers are always working at their peak.
- Gjoq — AlbaniaAlbaniaAlbania , officially known as the Republic of Albania , is a country in Southeastern Europe, in the Balkans region. It is bordered by Montenegro to the northwest, Kosovo to the northeast, the Republic of Macedonia to the east and Greece to the south and southeast. It has a coast on the Adriatic Sea...
n au-pair of Mrs Dutt-Pauker. Forms a sometimes fractious anti-StalinistStalinismStalinism refers to the ideology that Joseph Stalin conceived and implemented in the Soviet Union, and is generally considered a branch of Marxist–Leninist ideology but considered by some historians to be a significant deviation from this philosophy...
alliance with Mrs Dutt-Pauker's Maoist grandson Bert.
Ballot
A ballot is a device used to record choices made by voters. Each voter uses one ballot, and ballots are not shared. In the simplest elections, a ballot may be a simple scrap of paper on which each voter writes in the name of a candidate, but governmental elections use pre-printed to protect the...
s, despite the Union having only 65,785 members, many now dead.
- Rev John Goodwheel — "the motorists' padre" and good friend of J. Bonington Jagworth. Drives a mobile cathedralCathedralA cathedral is a Christian church that contains the seat of a bishop...
.
- Goth-Joneses — nepotisticNepotismNepotism is favoritism granted to relatives regardless of merit. The word nepotism is from the Latin word nepos, nepotis , from which modern Romanian nepot and Italian nipote, "nephew" or "grandchild" are also descended....
family in the Stretchford conurbation. Llewellyn Goth-Jones is a fanatic advocate of contraceptionContraceptionContraception is the prevention of the fusion of gametes during or after sexual activity. The term contraception is a contraction of contra, which means against, and the word conception, meaning fertilization...
, abortionAbortionAbortion is defined as the termination of pregnancy by the removal or expulsion from the uterus of a fetus or embryo prior to viability. An abortion can occur spontaneously, in which case it is usually called a miscarriage, or it can be purposely induced...
and "universal sexual intercourse". Sir Aylwin Goth-Jones is "the genial, unpopular Chief Constable of Stretchford", fanatically devoted to the detection and arrest of drink drivers. Dr Ellis Goth-Jones, 59, is the chairman of Nerdley magistrate's court, overseeing cases initiated by Detective Sergeant J. B. MacKenzie of Nerdley Special Branch and receiving the expert advice of Dr F. Gestaltvogel. Dr Harry Goth-Jones is the vice-chancellorChancellor (education)A chancellor or vice-chancellor is the chief executive of a university. Other titles are sometimes used, such as president or rector....
of St Oicks University in Stretchford, where "more than 105 per cent of entrants achieved honours degrees mostly in such subjects as skateboarding studies and Belgian pastry studies".
Mafia
The Mafia is a criminal syndicate that emerged in the mid-nineteenth century in Sicily, Italy. It is a loose association of criminal groups that share a common organizational structure and code of conduct, and whose common enterprise is protection racketeering...
Boss. Wore an "outsize, steel-lined" fedora
Fedora (hat)
A fedora is a men's felt hat. In reality, "fedora" describes most any men's hat that does not already have another name; quite a few fedoras have famous names of their own including the famous Trilby....
from beneath which his weak, watery eyes "missed everything". Feared by rival Mafia bosses Giovanni "Fat Face" Leoncavallo, Michele "Six Legs" Puccini, and Giacomo "Plastic Garden Gnome
Gnome
A gnome is a diminutive spirit in Renaissance magic and alchemy, first introduced by Paracelsus and later adopted by more recent authors including those of modern fantasy literature...
" Wolf-Ferrari
Wolf-Ferrari
Wolf-Ferrari:* Ermanno Wolf-Ferrari, born: Ermanno Wolf , an Italian composer and teacher** List of operas by Wolf-Ferrari* Manno Wolf-Ferrari , an Italian conductor, and a nephew of Ermanno- See also :...
.Was eventually slain by Francesco "Big Jock" Busoni with a poisoned 4-lb tin of his favourite sweets, Uncle Joe's Mintballs from Wigan
Wigan
Wigan is a town in Greater Manchester, England. It stands on the River Douglas, south-west of Bolton, north of Warrington and west-northwest of Manchester. Wigan is the largest settlement in the Metropolitan Borough of Wigan and is its administrative centre. The town of Wigan had a total...
, after a failed assassination
Assassination
To carry out an assassination is "to murder by a sudden and/or secret attack, often for political reasons." Alternatively, assassination may be defined as "the act of deliberately killing someone, especially a public figure, usually for hire or for political reasons."An assassination may be...
attempt with an explosive teddy bear
Teddy bear
The teddy bear is a stuffed toy bear. They are usually stuffed with soft, white cotton and have smooth and soft fur. It is an enduring form of a stuffed animal in many countries, often serving the purpose of entertaining children. In recent times, some teddy bears have become collector's items...
.
- Mr Grylls — former clergyman and authority on ecclesiastical law, now attends Ughtred St. John Mainwaring, the column's well-bred computer. Wears special uniform and forswears animal food while in attendance.
- Squire Haggard — hard-drinking, xenophobicXenophobiaXenophobia is defined as "an unreasonable fear of foreigners or strangers or of that which is foreign or strange". It comes from the Greek words ξένος , meaning "stranger," "foreigner" and φόβος , meaning "fear."...
and lecherous eighteenth-century squireSquireThe English word squire is a shortened version of the word Esquire, from the Old French , itself derived from the Late Latin , in medieval or Old English a scutifer. The Classical Latin equivalent was , "arms bearer"...
and diarist, invented and written for the column by the humorist Michael GreenMichael Green (humorist)Michael Green is a British journalist and author of humorous books. He is best known for The Art of Coarse Rugby, The Art of Coarse Acting and other books with similar titles.-Career:...
. Always armed with a fowling-piece, he is the perpetual foe of "Whigs, Jacobites, Papists, Frenchmen and Scotchmen". Later portrayed in a Yorkshire TelevisionYorkshire TelevisionYorkshire Television, now officially known as ITV Yorkshire and sometimes unofficially abbreviated to YTV, is a British television broadcaster and the contractor for the Yorkshire franchise area on the ITV network...
/ ITVITVITV is the major commercial public service TV network in the United Kingdom. Launched in 1955 under the auspices of the Independent Television Authority to provide competition to the BBC, it is also the oldest commercial network in the UK...
series by Keith BarronKeith BarronKeith Barron is an English actor and television presenter, well-known from numerous roles on British television from the 1960s to the present day.-Career:...
.
- Mr. Harrison; kindly old shop steward at the panel-beatingPanel beaterA panel beater is a term used in some Commonwealth countries to describe a person who repairs vehicle bodies back to their factory state after having been damaged . In the USA the same job is done by an auto body mechanic...
plant of the Boggs motor factory in Nerdley, where he supervises the three chums Jim, Fred and Rashid Patel. - Supt. J.S. Harrogate — chief of police operations against the deadly Housewives' Clubs of the Stretchford conurbation. Is believed to write the anonymousAnonymityAnonymity is derived from the Greek word ἀνωνυμία, anonymia, meaning "without a name" or "namelessness". In colloquial use, anonymity typically refers to the state of an individual's personal identity, or personally identifiable information, being publicly unknown.There are many reasons why a...
preface to the Annual Directory of Typical Housewives' Fan Clubs of Stretchford (Viper and Bugloss).
D. H. Lawrence
David Herbert Richards Lawrence was an English novelist, poet, playwright, essayist, literary critic and painter who published as D. H. Lawrence. His collected works represent an extended reflection upon the dehumanising effects of modernity and industrialisation...
's Lady Chatterley's Lover
Lady Chatterley's Lover
Lady Chatterley's Lover is a novel by D. H. Lawrence, first published in 1928. The first edition was printed privately in Florence, Italy with assistance from Pino Orioli; it could not be published openly in the United Kingdom until 1960...
.
Ludwig Wittgenstein
Ludwig Josef Johann Wittgenstein was an Austrian philosopher who worked primarily in logic, the philosophy of mathematics, the philosophy of mind, and the philosophy of language. He was professor in philosophy at the University of Cambridge from 1939 until 1947...
, with co-stars Stan Bourbon Parma
House of Bourbon
The House of Bourbon is a European royal house, a branch of the Capetian dynasty . Bourbon kings first ruled Navarre and France in the 16th century. By the 18th century, members of the Bourbon dynasty also held thrones in Spain, Naples, Sicily, and Parma...
, Kay Wittelsbach
Wittelsbach
The Wittelsbach family is a European royal family and a German dynasty from Bavaria.Members of the family served as Dukes, Electors and Kings of Bavaria , Counts Palatine of the Rhine , Margraves of Brandenburg , Counts of Holland, Hainaut and Zeeland , Elector-Archbishops of Cologne , Dukes of...
and Ted Capet, costume research by Shirley Porphyrogenitus and music
Film score
A film score is original music written specifically to accompany a film, forming part of the film's soundtrack, which also usually includes dialogue and sound effects...
by Bing Karageorgevitch.
schismatic
and constantly battling fan clubs in the Stretchford conurbation. All are descended from the Our Jackie Kennedy fan club of the 1960s. Police operations against them are overseen by Supt. J.S. Harrogate.
Schism (religion)
A schism , from Greek σχίσμα, skhísma , is a division between people, usually belonging to an organization or movement religious denomination. The word is most frequently applied to a break of communion between two sections of Christianity that were previously a single body, or to a division within...
and constantly battling fan clubs in the Stretchford conurbation. All are descended from the Our Jackie Kennedy fan club of the 1960s. Police operations against them are overseen by Supt. J.S. Harrogate.
Claire Rayner
Claire Berenice Rayner OBE was an English nurse, journalist, broadcaster and novelist, best known for her role for many years as an agony aunt.-Early life:...
.
- MacAnguish — ScottishScotlandScotland is a country that is part of the United Kingdom. Occupying the northern third of the island of Great Britain, it shares a border with England to the south and is bounded by the North Sea to the east, the Atlantic Ocean to the north and west, and the North Channel and Irish Sea to the...
head gardenGardenA garden is a planned space, usually outdoors, set aside for the display, cultivation, and enjoyment of plants and other forms of nature. The garden can incorporate both natural and man-made materials. The most common form today is known as a residential garden, but the term garden has...
er on the Mountwarlock estate. In charge of the Great Garden of Terror and the Deadly Upas Tree.
- Detective Sergeant J. B. MacKenzie — star officer of Nerdley Special BranchSpecial BranchSpecial Branch is a label customarily used to identify units responsible for matters of national security in British and Commonwealth police forces, as well as in the Royal Thai Police...
who is continually making arrests on Kandahar Road while on "routine search for certain substances". See also Dr Ellis Goth-Jones.
- Ughtred St. John Mainwaring — column's well-bred computerComputerA computer is a programmable machine designed to sequentially and automatically carry out a sequence of arithmetic or logical operations. The particular sequence of operations can be changed readily, allowing the computer to solve more than one kind of problem...
. Has "carvedWood carvingWood carving is a form of working wood by means of a cutting tool in one hand or a chisel by two hands or with one hand on a chisel and one hand on a mallet, resulting in a wooden figure or figurine, or in the sculptural ornamentation of a wooden object...
mahoganyMahoganyThe name mahogany is used when referring to numerous varieties of dark-colored hardwood. It is a native American word originally used for the wood of the species Swietenia mahagoni, known as West Indian or Cuban mahogany....
case" and "subdued lightingLightingLighting or illumination is the deliberate application of light to achieve some practical or aesthetic effect. Lighting includes the use of both artificial light sources such as lamps and light fixtures, as well as natural illumination by capturing daylight...
as of finest waxWaxthumb|right|[[Cetyl palmitate]], a typical wax ester.Wax refers to a class of chemical compounds that are plastic near ambient temperatures. Characteristically, they melt above 45 °C to give a low viscosity liquid. Waxes are insoluble in water but soluble in organic, nonpolar solvents...
candleCandleA candle is a solid block or cylinder of wax with an embedded wick, which is lit to provide light, and sometimes heat.Today, most candles are made from paraffin. Candles can also be made from beeswax, soy, other plant waxes, and tallow...
s". Easily angered by breaches of etiquetteEtiquetteEtiquette is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group...
and protocol. Attended by the devoted Mr Grylls.
Graffito
Graffito is the singular form of the Italian graffiti, meaning "little scratch".Graffito may also refer to:*Graffito *Graffito...
"Far away is close at hand in images of elsewhere", which appeared on a wall close to Paddington Station
Paddington station
Paddington railway station, also known as London Paddington, is a central London railway terminus and London Underground complex.The site is a historic one, having served as the London terminus of the Great Western Railway and its successors since 1838. Much of the current mainline station dates...
.
Fred Hoyle
Sir Fred Hoyle FRS was an English astronomer and mathematician noted primarily for his contribution to the theory of stellar nucleosynthesis and his often controversial stance on other cosmological and scientific matters—in particular his rejection of the "Big Bang" theory, a term originally...
.
Coven
A coven or covan is a name used to describe a gathering of witches or in some cases vampires. Due to the word's association with witches, a gathering of Wiccans, followers of the witchcraft-based neopagan religion of Wicca, is also described as a coven....
in the West Riding
West Riding of Yorkshire
The West Riding of Yorkshire is one of the three historic subdivisions of Yorkshire, England. From 1889 to 1974 the administrative county, County of York, West Riding , was based closely on the historic boundaries...
. On good terms with Satan
Satan
Satan , "the opposer", is the title of various entities, both human and divine, who challenge the faith of humans in the Hebrew Bible...
, who often appears to her coven in the form of the Great Black Goat of Mytholmroyd
Mytholmroyd
Mytholmroyd is a town within the Metropolitan Borough of Calderdale, in West Yorkshire, England. It lies east of Hebden Bridge and west of Halifax....
, and guardian, with her chief warlock
Warlock
The term warlock in origin means "traitor, oathbreaker".In early modern Scots, the word came to be used as the male equivalent of witch ....
, Cllr
Councillor
A councillor or councilor is a member of a local government council, such as a city council.Often in the United States, the title is councilman or councilwoman.-United Kingdom:...
Albert Gogden, of the Trilby
Trilby
A trilby hat is a type of fedora. The trilby is viewed as the rich man's favored hat; it is commonly called the "brown trilby" in England and is much seen at the horse races. It is described as a "crumpled" fedora...
Hat of Invisibility
Invisibility
Invisibility is the state of an object that cannot be seen. An object in this state is said to be invisible . The term is usually used as a fantasy/science fiction term, where objects are literally made unseeable by magical or technological means; however, its effects can also be seen in the real...
.
- Narcolept — column's boring correspondent. Reports tournaments organized by the British Boring Board of Control under Sir Herbert Trance.
Africa
Africa is the world's second largest and second most populous continent, after Asia. At about 30.2 million km² including adjacent islands, it covers 6% of the Earth's total surface area and 20.4% of the total land area...
n head of state who is both a witchdoctor
Witchdoctor
Erin Johnson, better known as Witchdoctor, is an established member of Atlanta’s Dungeon Family collective which includes members such as Goodie Mob, OutKast, Cee-Lo , Big Rube, & many others...
and a graduate of the London School of Economics
London School of Economics
The London School of Economics and Political Science is a public research university specialised in the social sciences located in London, United Kingdom, and a constituent college of the federal University of London...
.
- Rev. Peter Nordwestdeutscher — mischief-making domestic chaplain of Dr Spacely-Trellis, the go-ahead Bishop of Bevindon. Doubtless related to Canon Paul OestreicherPaul OestreicherPaul Oestreicher is an Anglican priest.-Life and work:In 1938, shortly after he began school, his family had to leave Germany due to the Jewish ancestry of his father, the paediatrician Paul Oestreicher . They moved to New Zealand, where he grew up...
, 'veteran peace campaigner' and the sometime amanuensis of Bertrand RussellBertrand RussellBertrand Arthur William Russell, 3rd Earl Russell, OM, FRS was a British philosopher, logician, mathematician, historian, and social critic. At various points in his life he considered himself a liberal, a socialist, and a pacifist, but he also admitted that he had never been any of these things...
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Ohio
Ohio is a Midwestern state in the United States. The 34th largest state by area in the U.S.,it is the 7th‑most populous with over 11.5 million residents, containing several major American cities and seven metropolitan areas with populations of 500,000 or more.The state's capital is Columbus...
, now runs the "People's Bread and Marmite Street Dance Theatre Workshop" in London, giving politically awakening and socially relevant performances for ordinary folk unable to escape in time.
Edgbaston
Edgbaston is an area in the city of Birmingham in England. It is also a formal district, managed by its own district committee. The constituency includes the smaller Edgbaston ward and the wards of Bartley Green, Harborne and Quinton....
and is building a nuclear accelerator in his garden.
- Cliff Rampton — pop musicPop musicPop music is usually understood to be commercially recorded music, often oriented toward a youth market, usually consisting of relatively short, simple songs utilizing technological innovations to produce new variations on existing themes.- Definitions :David Hatch and Stephen Millward define pop...
entrepreneur and manager of Ron Frabb.
- Redshank — the column's nature diarist. Chronicled the oddly incompetent bird the Dotterel and the doings of such characters as Old Seth the Wasp-Keeper.
Slogan
A slogan is a memorable motto or phrase used in a political, commercial, religious and other context as a repetitive expression of an idea or purpose. The word slogan is derived from slogorn which was an Anglicisation of the Scottish Gaelic sluagh-ghairm . Slogans vary from the written and the...
-shouting demonstrators wherever they are required. Was particularly in demand during the Apartheid era.
- Old Seth the Wasp-Keeper — preserver of the custom of "telling the wasps", whereby his charges are kept informed of "actual and grievous bodily harm, rape, fraud and the formation of new gangs of hooligans of ever-increasing ferocity" in his village. Author of Through A Waspkeeper's Window, Waspkeeping My Destiny and A Waspkeeper Remembers. Chronicled by the column's nature diarist Redshank.
Slavery
Slavery is a system under which people are treated as property to be bought and sold, and are forced to work. Slaves can be held against their will from the time of their capture, purchase or birth, and deprived of the right to leave, to refuse to work, or to demand compensation...
-labour on South America
South America
South America is a continent situated in the Western Hemisphere, mostly in the Southern Hemisphere, with a relatively small portion in the Northern Hemisphere. The continent is also considered a subcontinent of the Americas. It is bordered on the west by the Pacific Ocean and on the north and east...
n latifundia
Latifundia
Latifundia are pieces of property covering very large land areas. The latifundia of Roman history were great landed estates, specializing in agriculture destined for export: grain, olive oil, or wine...
. A regular reader of the Feudal Times and Reactionary
Reactionary
The term reactionary refers to viewpoints that seek to return to a previous state in a society. The term is meant to describe one end of a political spectrum whose opposite pole is "radical". While it has not been generally considered a term of praise it has been adopted as a self-description by...
Herald, from whose thoughtful leaders
Editorial
An opinion piece is an article, published in a newspaper or magazine, that mainly reflects the author's opinion about the subject. Opinion pieces are featured in many periodicals.-Editorials:...
he frequently quotes. Protected by two giant bodyguard
Bodyguard
A bodyguard is a type of security operative or government agent who protects a person—usually a famous, wealthy, or politically important figure—from assault, kidnapping, assassination, stalking, loss of confidential information, terrorist attack or other threats.Most important public figures such...
s, Blohm and Voss.
- Len Spheroyd (1920-76) — fattest firemanFirefighterFirefighters are rescuers extensively trained primarily to put out hazardous fires that threaten civilian populations and property, to rescue people from car incidents, collapsed and burning buildings and other such situations...
in history, at over thirty-two stone, and distant relation of Ron Spheroyd. Regularly late on duty due to non-stop eating of pork piePork pieA pork pie is a traditional British meat pie. It consists of roughly chopped pork and pork jelly sealed in a hot water crust pastry . It is normally eaten cold as a snack or as part of a meal.-Types:...
s and carrying of other emergency rations, and found it very difficult to travel to the scene of a fire. Eventually achieved his dearest wish and extinguished a fire when he sat on his own dangerously burning chip-pan, but ruined chips and lost his own life.
- Ron Spheroyd — tubaTubaThe tuba is the largest and lowest-pitched brass instrument. Sound is produced by vibrating or "buzzing" the lips into a large cupped mouthpiece. It is one of the most recent additions to the modern symphony orchestra, first appearing in the mid-19th century, when it largely replaced the...
player and unionTrade unionA trade union, trades union or labor union is an organization of workers that have banded together to achieve common goals such as better working conditions. The trade union, through its leadership, bargains with the employer on behalf of union members and negotiates labour contracts with...
shop steward in the Stretchford M.S.O. under Sir Jim Gastropodi. Plays a fortissimoDynamics (music)In music, dynamics normally refers to the volume of a sound or note, but can also refer to every aspect of the execution of a given piece, either stylistic or functional . The term is also applied to the written or printed musical notation used to indicate dynamics...
bottom B flat, signalling "All outStrike actionStrike action, also called labour strike, on strike, greve , or simply strike, is a work stoppage caused by the mass refusal of employees to work. A strike usually takes place in response to employee grievances. Strikes became important during the industrial revolution, when mass labour became...
", when a newly discovered Mahler symphony ("The Interminable" or "The Unendurable") has gone on for more than two hours. A soul-mate of militant British unionists of the 1970s and 1980s such as Mick McGaheyMick McGaheyMichael "Mick" McGahey was a Scottish miners' leader and life-long Communist, with a distinctive gravelly voice. He described himself as "a product of my class and my movement".-Early life:...
and distant relation of Len Spheroyd, the world's fattest fireman.
Europe
Europe is, by convention, one of the world's seven continents. Comprising the westernmost peninsula of Eurasia, Europe is generally 'divided' from Asia to its east by the watershed divides of the Ural and Caucasus Mountains, the Ural River, the Caspian and Black Seas, and the waterways connecting...
. See Stretchford.
- Stretchford — principal city of the Stretchford Conurbation. Famous, inter alia, for "lovely, sex-maniac-haunted" Sadcake Park, with its own council-employed naked sadhu, a permanently ineffectual football team, Stretchford United, and a vast network of fanatical, ever-battling Housewives' Clubs.
- Supergoth — column's vandalismVandalismVandalism is the behaviour attributed originally to the Vandals, by the Romans, in respect of culture: ruthless destruction or spoiling of anything beautiful or venerable...
correspondent. Covered the Stretchford Vandals' League and the exciting battle for league and cup glory between such teams as the Bog Lane Wanderers, the Soup Hales Iconoclasts and the Lampton Huns.
Sociology
Sociology is the study of society. It is a social science—a term with which it is sometimes synonymous—which uses various methods of empirical investigation and critical analysis to develop a body of knowledge about human social activity...
student at Nerdley University. Claims to be head of an Aztec
Aztec
The Aztec people were certain ethnic groups of central Mexico, particularly those groups who spoke the Nahuatl language and who dominated large parts of Mesoamerica in the 14th, 15th and 16th centuries, a period referred to as the late post-classic period in Mesoamerican chronology.Aztec is the...
community that conquered Nerdley in the Dark Ages
Middle Ages
The Middle Ages is a periodization of European history from the 5th century to the 15th century. The Middle Ages follows the fall of the Western Roman Empire in 476 and precedes the Early Modern Era. It is the middle period of a three-period division of Western history: Classic, Medieval and Modern...
and demands ever-increasing concessions and benefits from local government, including the inalienable right to commit human sacrifice
Human sacrifice
Human sacrifice is the act of killing one or more human beings as part of a religious ritual . Its typology closely parallels the various practices of ritual slaughter of animals and of religious sacrifice in general. Human sacrifice has been practised in various cultures throughout history...
on subsidized step pyramid
Step pyramid
Step pyramids are structures which characterized several cultures throughout history, in several locations throughout the world. These pyramids typically are large and made of several layers of stone...
s.
- R. S. Viswaswami — naked Indian hermit, or sadhuSadhuIn Hinduism, sādhu denotes an ascetic, wandering monk. Although the vast majority of sādhus are yogīs, not all yogīs are sādhus. The sādhu is solely dedicated to achieving mokṣa , the fourth and final aśrama , through meditation and contemplation of brahman...
, employed by the council to live on a lake in "lovely, sex-maniac haunted Sadcake Park", the famed "iron lung" of the Stretchford conurbation.
