Jordan Remacle
Topics
Jordan Remacle
Quotations
Quotations
Sourced
- Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love.
- We know that more than seventy to eighty percent of women masturbate, and ninety percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie.
- Joycelyn Elders, Penn & Teller: Bullshit!, "Abstinence" [4.10], 5 June 2006
Unsourced
- I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
- I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.
- If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't 'taper off'. You've got to quit, cold jerky!
- The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up for it
- If God had intended for us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
- Masturbation: Shaking hands with the unemployed.
- My mother caught me.
- George Costanza from Seinfeld
- Physics is to mathematics as sex is to masturbation
- The only thing about masturbation to be ashamed of is doing it badly.
- Now put yourself in the shoes of a Muslim. It's Friday night, but you can't have sex, and you can't jack off. There's sand in your eyes and probably in the crack of your ass, and then some cartoon comes along from a country where people are getting laid, and mocks your prophet. Well you know what? I'd be pretty pissed off too!
- Mrs. Garrison from an episode of South Park
- Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work.
- Masturbation is to sex as philosophy is to reality.
- Sophisticated persons masturbate without compunction. They do it for reasons of health, privacy, thrift and because of the remarkable perfection of invisible partners.
- We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
- If you're going to gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much.
Anonymous
- Masturbation is just like procrastination, it's fun at first, but in the end you're just screwing yourself.
- Marriage is like a game of bridge: if you don't have a good partner you'd better have a good hand.
- Anonymous Internet proverb
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