Hansel and Gretel discovered the ginger bread house about 45 minutes after they discovered the mushrooms.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. Especially if it's me!

Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.

Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place, man? There's such balance in nature.

"Fussy eater" is a euphemism for "big pain in the ass".

And, of course, the funniest food: "kumquats". I don't even bring them home. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.

So I say live and let live. That's my motto. Live and let live. Anyone who can't go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It's a simple philosophy, but it's always worked in our family.

Reminds me of something my grandfather would say. He'd say, "I'm goin' upstairs to fuck your grandmother." He was an honest man, and he wasn't going to bullshit a four-year-old.

I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took the group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan Administration.