Parenting For Everyone
Encyclopedia
Parenting For Everyone is a book by Simon Soloveychik
.
which discusses in depth the goals, conditions and means of upbringing. It continues by going into detail about upbringing the heart
, spirit
and intelligence
of a child through communication
, cooperation
, and co-creativity
.
The basic premise of PFE is the “foundation of the good life of a man is being conscientious
and kind
.” The author
strongly believed that kindness is the key to raising good children. According to the author there must be at least one person in a child’s life who sets a good example for a child, showing kindness to the child. What matters most is that someone in the child’s life “sincerely and deeply, and without hesitation believes in kindness and honesty
, or in love
and conscience”. This premise has been touted by child psychologists and other how-to authors of parenting books.
Raising a kind child is done by allowing the child to be kind. People teach children about freedom by letting them be free, teach responsibility
by letting them be responsible, teach goodness and conscience
through goodness and conscience, and people teach children to be happy
by being happy, because ‘we raise not a child but a man”.
There are three major precepts that come up again and again in this book: truth
, goodness and beauty
. The truth is that there is a definite line between good and evil; people generally know this and accept it. This knowing and acceptance is called intelligence
. For a child/man to be a complete human means that person’s heart, spirit, and intelligence needs to be developed. The truth about a man is that man is created for goodness, for infinitely increasing dignity
. People are free when they learn the truth about themselves.
, representing the best human qualities. However, since there are not many perfect people among us, we have to accept that we can't expect our children be perfect as well.
Part 1 Goals of Upbringing
The main goals of parenting is raising a free and happy man. Freedom and happiness
is what we must remember always while raising a child. But in reality parents are not supposed to talk. Upbringing must be unnoticeable, without "teaching" and moralizing. The goal of upbringing isn't in teaching children, but in imparting in them a burning desire for happiness.
Part 2 Conditions of Upbringing
The modern condition of childrearing at home is as such: a mother has to play many roles in the child's life, but she doesn't have time, strength and energy for that. So she must choose: to be a mother and let a child be imperfect, or to be a disciplining teacher at the expense
of the child's dignity
. Each parent has a parental faith
. The result of upbringing depends on how parents believe in their children's goodness. If a child tells a parent "I hate you!" everything will depend on how the parent reacts according to his or her faith in a child.
Part 3 Means of Upbringing
Parents reach their goals at their expense or at the expense of children. This is a threshold between moral
and immoral parenting. Even suspicion
toward a child is an immoral act of a parent, because the child’s soul suffers from it. Children are very sensitive to not what parents talk but what parents think about their children. When a child is grown up in love
and trust the teen age is not a hardest test for his or her parents.
Part 1 Upbringing of Heart
Emotion
al security
begins with the child's sense of being loved. However, it isn't enough. The heart must develop! It means the child must learn to love as well. Unfortunately, the popular parental approach to children is to "quick-fix" them. That implies that parents don't see a human in a child, they see a subject "to fix." By not noticing children's hearts, parents themselves "sow the seeds of evil." Therefore children adapt "bad" attitudes toward other people and grow heartless men.
Part 2 Upbringing of Spirit
By spirit S. Soloveychik means striving for goodness and the truth. In other words, a child's desire to do good things and stands against the desire to encroach upon another person, that is, stands against evil. Therefore parental business is not to tell a child what is good or what is bad, but to raise conscientiousness
, so the child will strive for good. Only this way children learn about their conscience
and will use it in the future moral judgment
.
Part 3 Upbringing of Intelligence
By intelligence the author means the moral
intelligence
, i.e. the intelligence to discern between good and bad. This ability to recognize what is goodness and what is evil is helping people to stand against making a "stupid" decision
in their life
. Many parents forget that intelligence isn't only about the excellent math or logic
al skills. The author states that a parent instills in a child that the child is intelligent and the child will become intelligent.
is the relationship itself. A human
parent and a human child meet in this equal relationship.
Part 1 Upbringing by Communication
The common language
in any relationship is the language of desires not of command and obedience
. Parents who want to succeed need to be able to impart in a child same desires, which the parent has.
Part 2 Upbringing by Cooperation
The higher level of communication is reached when a parent and a child cooperate in achievement of the common goal. This common goal can be a challenging project. However some popular parental discussions about money
and things have nothing to do with parenting. He also states that "no one from the outside can improve relationships between two people."
Part 3 Upbringing by Mutual Creativity
The highest level of human relationship is reached in the process involving mutual creativity
. The author explains why some parents think that children are thankful people, and some parents think that children are thankless people. The reason is hidden in childhood.
The book
contains more than 150,000 words, mentions more than 150 names of philosophers, writer
s and educators in its Index and has a General Index to note the most popular concepts discussed in the book, such as love, conscience, upbringing, happiness, freedom, parenting, hope, etc.
Sample chapters of the book in English language are available in the detailed book content.
Simon Soloveychik
Simon L'vovich Soloveychik was a Russian publicist, educator and philosopher.- Brief biography :After graduating Moscow State University in 1953 he worked as a boys and girls scouts leader, a secondary school teacher, and a correspondent of Pioneer magazine.In 1960 he worked for the newspaper...
.
"Not many of us can love children, even our own children. Not many of us are wise enough to control our own behavior. Not many of us can avoid anger and be in command of ourselves. In most cases we are tired and irritatedAnnoyanceAnnoyance is an unpleasant mental state that is characterized by such effects as irritation and distraction from one's conscious thinking. It can lead to emotions such as frustration and anger...
. But children soften our hearts – by their existence, by their laughing and pranks. We just have to be brave. We must not fear kindnessKindnessKindness is the act or the state of being kind, being marked by good and charitable behaviour, pleasant disposition, and concern for others. It is known as a virtue, and recognized as a value in many cultures and religions ....
in our hearts or be afraidFearFear is a distressing negative sensation induced by a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger...
of “what if something wrong happens!” We cannot become better than we are; we cannot become stronger than we are; we cannot love more than we do; we cannot change our willWill (philosophy)Will, in philosophical discussions, consonant with a common English usage, refers to a property of the mind, and an attribute of acts intentionally performed. Actions made according to a person's will are called "willing" or "voluntary" and sometimes pejoratively "willful"...
or characterPersonaA persona, in the word's everyday usage, is a social role or a character played by an actor. The word is derived from Latin, where it originally referred to a theatrical mask. The Latin word probably derived from the Etruscan word "phersu", with the same meaning, and that from the Greek πρόσωπον...
, but we can change our vision of a child, our imagination about him, the image of a Child, and we can gradually form another, new, better attitudeAttitude (psychology)An attitude is a hypothetical construct that represents an individual's degree of like or dislike for something. Attitudes are generally positive or negative views of a person, place, thing, or event— this is often referred to as the attitude object...
toward him. Here is my chance. This is the only chance for a weak, incapable, and imperfect parent."
The Philosophy of Parenting For Everyone (PFE)
Parenting For Everyone is a book on parentingParenting
Parenting is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood...
which discusses in depth the goals, conditions and means of upbringing. It continues by going into detail about upbringing the heart
Heart
The heart is a myogenic muscular organ found in all animals with a circulatory system , that is responsible for pumping blood throughout the blood vessels by repeated, rhythmic contractions...
, spirit
Spirit
The English word spirit has many differing meanings and connotations, most of them relating to a non-corporeal substance contrasted with the material body.The spirit of a living thing usually refers to or explains its consciousness.The notions of a person's "spirit" and "soul" often also overlap,...
and intelligence
Intelligence
Intelligence has been defined in different ways, including the abilities for abstract thought, understanding, communication, reasoning, learning, planning, emotional intelligence and problem solving....
of a child through communication
Communication
Communication is the activity of conveying meaningful information. Communication requires a sender, a message, and an intended recipient, although the receiver need not be present or aware of the sender's intent to communicate at the time of communication; thus communication can occur across vast...
, cooperation
Cooperation
Cooperation or co-operation is the process of working or acting together. In its simplest form it involves things working in harmony, side by side, while in its more complicated forms, it can involve something as complex as the inner workings of a human being or even the social patterns of a...
, and co-creativity
Creativity
Creativity refers to the phenomenon whereby a person creates something new that has some kind of value. What counts as "new" may be in reference to the individual creator, or to the society or domain within which the novelty occurs...
.
The basic premise of PFE is the “foundation of the good life of a man is being conscientious
Conscience
Conscience is an aptitude, faculty, intuition or judgment of the intellect that distinguishes right from wrong. Moral judgement may derive from values or norms...
and kind
Kindness
Kindness is the act or the state of being kind, being marked by good and charitable behaviour, pleasant disposition, and concern for others. It is known as a virtue, and recognized as a value in many cultures and religions ....
.” The author
Simon Soloveychik
Simon L'vovich Soloveychik was a Russian publicist, educator and philosopher.- Brief biography :After graduating Moscow State University in 1953 he worked as a boys and girls scouts leader, a secondary school teacher, and a correspondent of Pioneer magazine.In 1960 he worked for the newspaper...
strongly believed that kindness is the key to raising good children. According to the author there must be at least one person in a child’s life who sets a good example for a child, showing kindness to the child. What matters most is that someone in the child’s life “sincerely and deeply, and without hesitation believes in kindness and honesty
Honesty
Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and denotes positive, virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness along with the absence of lying, cheating, or theft....
, or in love
Love
Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection. Love is central to many religions, as in the Christian phrase, "God is love" or Agape in the Canonical gospels...
and conscience”. This premise has been touted by child psychologists and other how-to authors of parenting books.
Raising a kind child is done by allowing the child to be kind. People teach children about freedom by letting them be free, teach responsibility
Moral responsibility
Moral responsibility usually refers to the idea that a person has moral obligations in certain situations. Disobeying moral obligations, then, becomes grounds for justified punishment. Deciding what justifies punishment, if anything, is a principle concern of ethics.People who have moral...
by letting them be responsible, teach goodness and conscience
Conscience
Conscience is an aptitude, faculty, intuition or judgment of the intellect that distinguishes right from wrong. Moral judgement may derive from values or norms...
through goodness and conscience, and people teach children to be happy
Happiness
Happiness is a mental state of well-being characterized by positive emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. A variety of biological, psychological, religious, and philosophical approaches have striven to define happiness and identify its sources....
by being happy, because ‘we raise not a child but a man”.
There are three major precepts that come up again and again in this book: truth
Truth
Truth has a variety of meanings, such as the state of being in accord with fact or reality. It can also mean having fidelity to an original or to a standard or ideal. In a common usage, it also means constancy or sincerity in action or character...
, goodness and beauty
Beauty
Beauty is a characteristic of a person, animal, place, object, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure, meaning, or satisfaction. Beauty is studied as part of aesthetics, sociology, social psychology, and culture...
. The truth is that there is a definite line between good and evil; people generally know this and accept it. This knowing and acceptance is called intelligence
Intelligence
Intelligence has been defined in different ways, including the abilities for abstract thought, understanding, communication, reasoning, learning, planning, emotional intelligence and problem solving....
. For a child/man to be a complete human means that person’s heart, spirit, and intelligence needs to be developed. The truth about a man is that man is created for goodness, for infinitely increasing dignity
Dignity
Dignity is a term used in moral, ethical, and political discussions to signify that a being has an innate right to respect and ethical treatment. It is an extension of the Enlightenment-era concepts of inherent, inalienable rights...
. People are free when they learn the truth about themselves.
Book one: Man for Man
Explains the role of parents in parenting. A parent must be first of all a humanHuman
Humans are the only living species in the Homo genus...
, representing the best human qualities. However, since there are not many perfect people among us, we have to accept that we can't expect our children be perfect as well.
Part 1 Goals of Upbringing
The main goals of parenting is raising a free and happy man. Freedom and happiness
Happiness
Happiness is a mental state of well-being characterized by positive emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. A variety of biological, psychological, religious, and philosophical approaches have striven to define happiness and identify its sources....
is what we must remember always while raising a child. But in reality parents are not supposed to talk. Upbringing must be unnoticeable, without "teaching" and moralizing. The goal of upbringing isn't in teaching children, but in imparting in them a burning desire for happiness.
Part 2 Conditions of Upbringing
The modern condition of childrearing at home is as such: a mother has to play many roles in the child's life, but she doesn't have time, strength and energy for that. So she must choose: to be a mother and let a child be imperfect, or to be a disciplining teacher at the expense
Expense
In common usage, an expense or expenditure is an outflow of money to another person or group to pay for an item or service, or for a category of costs. For a tenant, rent is an expense. For students or parents, tuition is an expense. Buying food, clothing, furniture or an automobile is often...
of the child's dignity
Dignity
Dignity is a term used in moral, ethical, and political discussions to signify that a being has an innate right to respect and ethical treatment. It is an extension of the Enlightenment-era concepts of inherent, inalienable rights...
. Each parent has a parental faith
Faith
Faith is confidence or trust in a person or thing, or a belief that is not based on proof. In religion, faith is a belief in a transcendent reality, a religious teacher, a set of teachings or a Supreme Being. Generally speaking, it is offered as a means by which the truth of the proposition,...
. The result of upbringing depends on how parents believe in their children's goodness. If a child tells a parent "I hate you!" everything will depend on how the parent reacts according to his or her faith in a child.
Part 3 Means of Upbringing
Parents reach their goals at their expense or at the expense of children. This is a threshold between moral
Moral
A moral is a message conveyed or a lesson to be learned from a story or event. The moral may be left to the hearer, reader or viewer to determine for themselves, or may be explicitly encapsulated in a maxim...
and immoral parenting. Even suspicion
Suspicion (emotion)
Suspicion is a cognition of mistrust in which a person doubts the honesty of another person or believes another person to be guilty of some type of wrongdoing or crime, but without sure proof. Suspicion can also be aroused in response to objects that negatively differ from an expected idea...
toward a child is an immoral act of a parent, because the child’s soul suffers from it. Children are very sensitive to not what parents talk but what parents think about their children. When a child is grown up in love
Love
Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection. Love is central to many religions, as in the Christian phrase, "God is love" or Agape in the Canonical gospels...
and trust the teen age is not a hardest test for his or her parents.
Book two: Man in Man
Explains the internal world of a child. Knowing it arms parents to find the keys to success.Part 1 Upbringing of Heart
Emotion
Emotion
Emotion is a complex psychophysiological experience of an individual's state of mind as interacting with biochemical and environmental influences. In humans, emotion fundamentally involves "physiological arousal, expressive behaviors, and conscious experience." Emotion is associated with mood,...
al security
Security
Security is the degree of protection against danger, damage, loss, and crime. Security as a form of protection are structures and processes that provide or improve security as a condition. The Institute for Security and Open Methodologies in the OSSTMM 3 defines security as "a form of protection...
begins with the child's sense of being loved. However, it isn't enough. The heart must develop! It means the child must learn to love as well. Unfortunately, the popular parental approach to children is to "quick-fix" them. That implies that parents don't see a human in a child, they see a subject "to fix." By not noticing children's hearts, parents themselves "sow the seeds of evil." Therefore children adapt "bad" attitudes toward other people and grow heartless men.
Part 2 Upbringing of Spirit
By spirit S. Soloveychik means striving for goodness and the truth. In other words, a child's desire to do good things and stands against the desire to encroach upon another person, that is, stands against evil. Therefore parental business is not to tell a child what is good or what is bad, but to raise conscientiousness
Conscientiousness
Conscientiousness is the trait of being painstaking and careful, or the quality of acting according to the dictates of one's conscience. It includes such elements as self-discipline, carefulness, thoroughness, organization, deliberation , and need for achievement. It is an aspect of what has...
, so the child will strive for good. Only this way children learn about their conscience
Conscience
Conscience is an aptitude, faculty, intuition or judgment of the intellect that distinguishes right from wrong. Moral judgement may derive from values or norms...
and will use it in the future moral judgment
Judgment
A judgment , in a legal context, is synonymous with the formal decision made by a court following a lawsuit. At the same time the court may also make a range of court orders, such as imposing a sentence upon a guilty defendant in a criminal matter, or providing a remedy for the plaintiff in a civil...
.
Part 3 Upbringing of Intelligence
By intelligence the author means the moral
Moral
A moral is a message conveyed or a lesson to be learned from a story or event. The moral may be left to the hearer, reader or viewer to determine for themselves, or may be explicitly encapsulated in a maxim...
intelligence
Intelligence
Intelligence has been defined in different ways, including the abilities for abstract thought, understanding, communication, reasoning, learning, planning, emotional intelligence and problem solving....
, i.e. the intelligence to discern between good and bad. This ability to recognize what is goodness and what is evil is helping people to stand against making a "stupid" decision
Decision making
Decision making can be regarded as the mental processes resulting in the selection of a course of action among several alternative scenarios. Every decision making process produces a final choice. The output can be an action or an opinion of choice.- Overview :Human performance in decision terms...
in their life
Life
Life is a characteristic that distinguishes objects that have signaling and self-sustaining processes from those that do not, either because such functions have ceased , or else because they lack such functions and are classified as inanimate...
. Many parents forget that intelligence isn't only about the excellent math or logic
Logic
In philosophy, Logic is the formal systematic study of the principles of valid inference and correct reasoning. Logic is used in most intellectual activities, but is studied primarily in the disciplines of philosophy, mathematics, semantics, and computer science...
al skills. The author states that a parent instills in a child that the child is intelligent and the child will become intelligent.
Book three: Man and Man
The third variable in parent-child relationshipInterpersonal relationship
An interpersonal relationship is an association between two or more people that may range from fleeting to enduring. This association may be based on limerence, love, solidarity, regular business interactions, or some other type of social commitment. Interpersonal relationships are formed in the...
is the relationship itself. A human
Human
Humans are the only living species in the Homo genus...
parent and a human child meet in this equal relationship.
Part 1 Upbringing by Communication
The common language
Language
Language may refer either to the specifically human capacity for acquiring and using complex systems of communication, or to a specific instance of such a system of complex communication...
in any relationship is the language of desires not of command and obedience
Obedience (human behavior)
In human behavior, obedience is the quality of being obedient, which describes the act of carrying-out commands or being actuated. Obedience differs from compliance, which is behavior influenced by peers, and from conformity, which is behavior intended to match that of the majority. Obedience can...
. Parents who want to succeed need to be able to impart in a child same desires, which the parent has.
Part 2 Upbringing by Cooperation
The higher level of communication is reached when a parent and a child cooperate in achievement of the common goal. This common goal can be a challenging project. However some popular parental discussions about money
Money
Money is any object or record that is generally accepted as payment for goods and services and repayment of debts in a given country or socio-economic context. The main functions of money are distinguished as: a medium of exchange; a unit of account; a store of value; and, occasionally in the past,...
and things have nothing to do with parenting. He also states that "no one from the outside can improve relationships between two people."
Part 3 Upbringing by Mutual Creativity
The highest level of human relationship is reached in the process involving mutual creativity
Creativity
Creativity refers to the phenomenon whereby a person creates something new that has some kind of value. What counts as "new" may be in reference to the individual creator, or to the society or domain within which the novelty occurs...
. The author explains why some parents think that children are thankful people, and some parents think that children are thankless people. The reason is hidden in childhood.
The book
Book
A book is a set or collection of written, printed, illustrated, or blank sheets, made of hot lava, paper, parchment, or other materials, usually fastened together to hinge at one side. A single sheet within a book is called a leaf or leaflet, and each side of a leaf is called a page...
contains more than 150,000 words, mentions more than 150 names of philosophers, writer
Writer
A writer is a person who produces literature, such as novels, short stories, plays, screenplays, poetry, or other literary art. Skilled writers are able to use language to portray ideas and images....
s and educators in its Index and has a General Index to note the most popular concepts discussed in the book, such as love, conscience, upbringing, happiness, freedom, parenting, hope, etc.
Sample chapters of the book in English language are available in the detailed book content.
External links
- Parenting For Everyone ISBN 9781604817041
- Book's web site