Lush For Life
Encyclopedia
Lush For Life was a bi-weekly comedy
Comedy
Comedy , as a popular meaning, is any humorous discourse or work generally intended to amuse by creating laughter, especially in television, film, and stand-up comedy. This must be carefully distinguished from its academic definition, namely the comic theatre, whose Western origins are found in...

/satirical
Satire
Satire is primarily a literary genre or form, although in practice it can also be found in the graphic and performing arts. In satire, vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, ideally with the intent of shaming individuals, and society itself, into improvement...

 newspaper
Newspaper
A newspaper is a scheduled publication containing news of current events, informative articles, diverse features and advertising. It usually is printed on relatively inexpensive, low-grade paper such as newsprint. By 2007, there were 6580 daily newspapers in the world selling 395 million copies a...

 distributed in the Tampa Bay
Tâmpa
Tâmpa may refer to several villages in Romania:* Tâmpa, a village in Băcia Commune, Hunedoara County* Tâmpa, a village in Miercurea Nirajului, Mureş County* Tâmpa, a mountain in Braşov city...

 area. The newspaper was run by college students and targeted Universities and Community Colleges in the area.

Lush For Life claimed a regional print circulation of 20,000 and said it targeted the “prime demographic of 18 to 44 years olds". The paper, while quite small by the standards of other comedy publication such as The Onion
The Onion
The Onion is an American news satire organization. It is an entertainment newspaper and a website featuring satirical articles reporting on international, national, and local news, in addition to a non-satirical entertainment section known as The A.V. Club...

and the Weekly World News
Weekly World News
The Weekly World News was a supermarket tabloid published in the United States from 1979 to 2007, renowned for its outlandish cover stories often based on supernatural or paranormal themes and an approach to news that verged on the satirical. Its characteristic black-and-white covers have become...

, planned to grow rapidly through the South East United States and also spread to larger metropolitan markets like New York and San Francisco.

From their site:

Lush For Life employs over a thousand field reporters, writers, and editors in its massive international news conglomerate, with offices in every major market on four different continents, with its home office located in Tampa, Florida, and new branches scheduled to open in early 2008 in Antarctica and the planet Mars.

While clearly untrue, this is a good example of their style of humor.

Lush For Life parodied a traditional newspaper in format and style. With fake news, sports, entertainment and Op-ed
Editorial
An opinion piece is an article, published in a newspaper or magazine, that mainly reflects the author's opinion about the subject. Opinion pieces are featured in many periodicals.-Editorials:...

 sections as well as fake letters to the editor
Letter to the editor
A letter to the editor is a letter sent to a publication about issues of concern from its readers. Usually, letters are intended for publication...

, and bizarre, made-up advice column
Advice column
An advice column is a column in a magazine or newspaper written by an advice columnist . The image presented was originally of an older woman providing comforting advice and maternal wisdom, hence the name "aunt"...

s.

History

Lush For Life began as a website and then moved to print, normally the opposite for the industry. The site was started by the a group of college students as a way to work on writing projects together when one of the group was living in Japan, teaching English. The first story uploaded on to the site, as a test, was a fake news story. When the story began to circulate on the Internet, the group of friends decided to turn the writing project into a fake news site.

What started off being a hobby was now becoming a business with advertising and Lush For Life merchandise being sold. As most of the group worked for the University of South Florida
University of South Florida
The University of South Florida, also known as USF, is a member institution of the State University System of Florida, one of the state's three flagship universities for public research, and is located in Tampa, Florida, USA...

's student publication, The Oracle, they had the skills required to take the concept to print. In late 2006, the group formed an LLC and began to print, using The Lakeland Ledger
The Ledger
The Ledger is a daily newspaper serving Lakeland, Florida and the Polk County area. It is owned by The New York Times Company. Jerome Ferson became publisher of the newspaper on July 30, 2007....

as their printer.

Ask Brett

Ask Brett! was a fictional, monthly, sit-down interview with legendary Green Bay Packers quarterback, Brett Favre
Brett Favre
Brett Lorenzo Favre is a former American football quarterback who spent the majority of his career with the Green Bay Packers of the National Football League . He was a 20-year veteran of the NFL, having played quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons , Green Bay Packers , New York Jets and Minnesota...

. Conducted by Sports Editor, Danny Albertson, the interviews focused on subjects such as the political climate, on goings in the world of sports, Favre’s feelings on global warming and his answers to fake questions submitted by fake readers. Albertson painted Favre to be a hick, bigoted, beer-drinking moron out to aggrandize himself.

Favre was often characterized as riding his John Deere Tractor, swilling Milwaukee’s Best
Miller Brewing Company
The Miller Brewing Company is an American beer brewing company owned by the United Kingdom-based SABMiller. Its regional headquarters are located in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and the company has brewing facilities in Albany, Georgia; Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin; Eden, North Carolina; Fort Worth, Texas;...

 and “bird-doggin’
Dogging (sexual slang)
Dogging is a British English euphemism for engaging in sexual acts in a public or semi-public place or watching others doing so. There may be more than two participants; both group sex and gang banging can be included. As observation is encouraged, voyeurism and exhibitionism are closely associated...

” chicks.

Dear Dr. Belvedere

Dr. Audrielle Belvedere was a fictional resident Psychoanalyst at Lush For Life’s main headquarters in Tampa. She answers questions sent in by readers by giving blunt, frank and often demented advice.

Readers often complained of extremely odd sexual problems, such as being in love with cartoon characters, only able to be stimulated with metal only being aroused while high on cocaine
Cocaine
Cocaine is a crystalline tropane alkaloid that is obtained from the leaves of the coca plant. The name comes from "coca" in addition to the alkaloid suffix -ine, forming cocaine. It is a stimulant of the central nervous system, an appetite suppressant, and a topical anesthetic...

 in women’s bathrooms.

Dr. Belvedere also did not pull her punches. Often calling readers idiots, fat, losers and freaks. Her advice usually ended with suggesting suicide
Suicide
Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one's own death. Suicide is often committed out of despair or attributed to some underlying mental disorder, such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, alcoholism, or drug abuse...

, plastic surgery
Plastic surgery
Plastic surgery is a medical specialty concerned with the correction or restoration of form and function. Though cosmetic or aesthetic surgery is the best-known kind of plastic surgery, most plastic surgery is not cosmetic: plastic surgery includes many types of reconstructive surgery, hand...

 or simply continuing on with the troubling way of life.

God Election

The God Election stories were an ongoing Lush For Life chronicle. The saga began with an article by Egbert Souse about God going to Dubuque, Iowa
Dubuque, Iowa
Dubuque is a city in and the county seat of Dubuque County, Iowa, United States, located along the Mississippi River. In 2010 its population was 57,637, making it the ninth-largest city in the state and the county's population was 93,653....

 to help a nun dying of cervical cancer
Cervical cancer
Cervical cancer is malignant neoplasm of the cervix uteri or cervical area. One of the most common symptoms is abnormal vaginal bleeding, but in some cases there may be no obvious symptoms until the cancer is in its advanced stages...

. Entitled “Man Kills God, Self”, a lone gunman shoots the Lord and kills him with a single round before turning the gun on himself.

After the huge negative response to the initial article, Lush For Life decided to continue the account with multiple stories chronicling the power vacuum
Power vacuum
A power vacuum is, in its broadest sense, an expression for a condition that exists when someone has lost control of something and no one has replaced them. It is usually used to refer to a political situation that can occur when a government has no identifiable central authority...

 left by God, the choice of successor, the election campaign of a new God and power struggles within certain factions of Earth, Heaven and Hell. The God Election series followed several fictional political campaigns of candidates nominated by different denominations of Christianity. Candidates included former basketball player Charles Barkley
Charles Barkley
Charles Wade Barkley is a former American professional basketball player. Nicknamed "Sir Charles" and "The Round Mound of Rebound", Barkley established himself as one of the National Basketball Association's most dominating power forwards...

, retired late-night personality Tom Snyder
Tom Snyder
Thomas James "Tom" Snyder was an American television personality, news anchor and radio personality best known for his late night talk shows The Tomorrow Show, on the NBC television network in the 1970s and 1980s, and The Late Late Show, on the CBS Television Network in the 1990s...

, motivational speaker Anthony Robbins, television evangelists Jim Bakker
Jim Bakker
James Orsen "Jim" Bakker is an American televangelist, a former Assemblies of God minister, and a former host of The PTL Club, a popular evangelical Christian television program.A sex scandal led to his resignation from the ministry...

 and Joyce Meyer
Joyce Meyer
Joyce Meyer is a Charismatic Christian author and speaker. Meyer and her husband Dave have four grown children, and live outside St. Louis, Missouri. Her ministry is headquartered in the St. Louis suburb of Fenton, Missouri.-Early life:Meyer was born Pauline Joyce Hutchison in south St. Louis in...

, the prophet Moses, Satan, and actor Craig T. Nelson
Craig T. Nelson
Craig Theodore Nelson is an American actor. He is probably best known for his Emmy-winning roles as Hayden Fox on the TV series Coach, and as Steve Freeling in the 1982 film Poltergeist. He also starred in The Incredibles in 2004 as Mr...

. Reported in the style of political campaign reporting, the God Election series was extremely popular.

James Avalon

Avalon apparently lives in Tampa, Florida, where he writes for Lush For Life and continues to pursue his life-long passion of achieving heightened spiritual awareness through sensory deprivation
Sensory deprivation
Sensory deprivation or perceptual isolation is the deliberate reduction or removal of stimuli from one or more of the senses. Simple devices such as blindfolds or hoods and earmuffs can cut off sight and hearing respectively, while more complex devices can also cut off the sense of smell, touch,...

. During summer, Avalon still finds time to go back to New Orleans, his hometown, where he still owns a condo in the historical French Quarter
French Quarter
The French Quarter, also known as Vieux Carré, is the oldest neighborhood in the city of New Orleans. When New Orleans was founded in 1718 by Jean-Baptiste Le Moyne de Bienville, the city was originally centered on the French Quarter, or the Vieux Carré as it was known then...

.

Danny Albertson

Lush For Life's Sports Editor, Albertson apparently lives in Tampa, Florida, where he works for Lush For Life, and spends his off time between his studio apartment in New York City and his cabin in the Everglades, where he poaches alligators on board his full-sized airboat and distills his own bourbon whiskey
Bourbon whiskey
Bourbon is a type of American whiskey – a barrel-aged distilled spirit made primarily from corn. The name of the spirit derives from its historical association with an area known as Old Bourbon, around what is now Bourbon County, Kentucky . It has been produced since the 18th century...

 in his backyard swamp.

Egbert Sousè

Dr. Sousè is Editor in Chief of Lush For Life. When not working, Dr. Sousè apparently enjoys spending his leisure time at the local horse tracks, where he places two dollar bets and attempts to make contact with extra-terrestrial life. He currently lives in Tampa, Florida, and during summer he resides at his remote villa in Key West
Key West
Key West is an island in the Straits of Florida on the North American continent at the southernmost tip of the Florida Keys. Key West is home to the southernmost point in the Continental United States; the island is about from Cuba....

, Florida, where he enjoys drinking home-made Absinthe
Absinthe
Absinthe is historically described as a distilled, highly alcoholic beverage. It is an anise-flavoured spirit derived from herbs, including the flowers and leaves of the herb Artemisia absinthium, commonly referred to as "grande wormwood", together with green anise and sweet fennel...

 while he continues to complete his Great American Novel
Great American Novel
The "Great American Novel" is the concept of a novel that is distinguished in both craft and theme as being the most accurate representative of the zeitgeist in the United States at the time of its writing. It is presumed to be written by an American author who is knowledgeable about the state,...

.

Duncan Idaho

Mr. Idaho is the Managing Director of Lush For Life. When he’s not running the business and writing, he enjoys playing golf at St. Andrew’s
The Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews
The Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews is one of the oldest and most prestigious golf clubs in the world . It is based in St Andrews, Fife, Scotland, and is regarded as the worldwide "Home of Golf"...

 in Scotland, and supervising the development of his family’s winery, Ross-Munro Vineyards, in South Africa
South Africa
The Republic of South Africa is a country in southern Africa. Located at the southern tip of Africa, it is divided into nine provinces, with of coastline on the Atlantic and Indian oceans...

. During the summer months, he resides on board his luxurious full-sized yacht off the coast of Hong Kong
Hong Kong
Hong Kong is one of two Special Administrative Regions of the People's Republic of China , the other being Macau. A city-state situated on China's south coast and enclosed by the Pearl River Delta and South China Sea, it is renowned for its expansive skyline and deep natural harbour...

, snorting cocaine
Cocaine
Cocaine is a crystalline tropane alkaloid that is obtained from the leaves of the coca plant. The name comes from "coca" in addition to the alkaloid suffix -ine, forming cocaine. It is a stimulant of the central nervous system, an appetite suppressant, and a topical anesthetic...

 off the breasts of $10,000 female escorts while further developing his off-shore contacts with Japanese and Chinese businessmen.

Edward Payne

Hoping to create the world’s first perfect FemBot
Gynoid
A gynoid is anything which resembles or pertains to the female human form. It is also used in American English medical terminology as a shortening of the term Gynecoid ....

, Mr. Payne apparently achieved Master's degrees in Artificial Intelligence
Artificial intelligence
Artificial intelligence is the intelligence of machines and the branch of computer science that aims to create it. AI textbooks define the field as "the study and design of intelligent agents" where an intelligent agent is a system that perceives its environment and takes actions that maximize its...

 and Linguistics
Linguistics
Linguistics is the scientific study of human language. Linguistics can be broadly broken into three categories or subfields of study: language form, language meaning, and language in context....

. After the government pulled his funding, he took a position as a part time correspondent with Lush For Life. He continues to travel the globe, establishing numerous contacts for microchips and silicon enhancements on all seven continents. He resides in Berlin
Berlin
Berlin is the capital city of Germany and is one of the 16 states of Germany. With a population of 3.45 million people, Berlin is Germany's largest city. It is the second most populous city proper and the seventh most populous urban area in the European Union...

 during the summer months, while also making monthly visits to Lush For Life's secondary base on the planet Mars.

Gale Force

Dr. Force is apparently a part-time writer and on-site correspondent for Lush For Life. Born into poverty in Port Moresby
Port Moresby
Port Moresby , or Pot Mosbi in Tok Pisin, is the capital and largest city of Papua New Guinea . It is located on the shores of the Gulf of Papua, on the southeastern coast of the island of New Guinea, which made it a prime objective for conquest by the Imperial Japanese forces during 1942–43...

, Papua New Guinea
Papua New Guinea
Papua New Guinea , officially the Independent State of Papua New Guinea, is a country in Oceania, occupying the eastern half of the island of New Guinea and numerous offshore islands...

, where she spent the majority of her childhood and adolescence, Force made ends meet by learning the skills of blacksmithing while apprenticing for a group of thieves who hijacked Japanese shipments throughout the Coral Sea
Coral Sea
The Coral Sea is a marginal sea off the northeast coast of Australia. It is bounded in the west by the east coast of Queensland, thereby including the Great Barrier Reef, in the east by Vanuatu and by New Caledonia, and in the north approximately by the southern extremity of the Solomon Islands...

 and southern Pacific Ocean
Pacific Ocean
The Pacific Ocean is the largest of the Earth's oceanic divisions. It extends from the Arctic in the north to the Southern Ocean in the south, bounded by Asia and Australia in the west, and the Americas in the east.At 165.2 million square kilometres in area, this largest division of the World...

. After saving enough money, Force moved to Manchester
Manchester
Manchester is a city and metropolitan borough in Greater Manchester, England. According to the Office for National Statistics, the 2010 mid-year population estimate for Manchester was 498,800. Manchester lies within one of the UK's largest metropolitan areas, the metropolitan county of Greater...

, England
England
England is a country that is part of the United Kingdom. It shares land borders with Scotland to the north and Wales to the west; the Irish Sea is to the north west, the Celtic Sea to the south west, with the North Sea to the east and the English Channel to the south separating it from continental...

, where she attended University of Cambridge
University of Cambridge
The University of Cambridge is a public research university located in Cambridge, United Kingdom. It is the second-oldest university in both the United Kingdom and the English-speaking world , and the seventh-oldest globally...

 Faculty of Law, receiving her doctorate in Legal Studies. For the last twenty-five years, Dr. Force has been splitting her time between litigating against money-hungry insurance companies and her secondary trade of the buying and selling of abducted children on the black market. At the age of 54, Dr. Force is planning on entering early retirement so she can fully devote herself to her enduring, life-long passion of hijacking steamboats on the open sea and performing unnecessary ophthalmic surgery
Eye surgery
Eye surgery, also known as orogolomistician surgery or ocular surgery, is surgery performed on the eye or its adnexa, typically by an ophthalmologist.-Preparation and precautions:...

 on aging tigers.

Johnny Gonzales

Johnny Iglesia Gonzales, apparently on assignment in Southeast Asia
Southeast Asia
Southeast Asia, South-East Asia, South East Asia or Southeastern Asia is a subregion of Asia, consisting of the countries that are geographically south of China, east of India, west of New Guinea and north of Australia. The region lies on the intersection of geological plates, with heavy seismic...

, is Lush For Life's UK correspondent. A part-time contract killer
Assassination
To carry out an assassination is "to murder by a sudden and/or secret attack, often for political reasons." Alternatively, assassination may be defined as "the act of deliberately killing someone, especially a public figure, usually for hire or for political reasons."An assassination may be...

, Mr. Gonzales is often around sensitive political situations and close to the story. To contact Mr. Gonzales, go to the Japanese Embassy
Japanese embassy hostage crisis
The Japanese embassy hostage crisis began on 17 December 1996 in Lima, Peru, when 14 members of the Túpac Amaru Revolutionary Movement took hostage hundreds of high-level diplomats, government and military officials and business executives who were attending a party at the official residence of...

 in London with a stick of red chalk and write "Love You Long Time
Me So Horny
"Me So Horny" is a song by rap group 2 Live Crew on their album As Nasty As They Wanna Be. It reached #1 on the U.S. Billboard Hot Rap Tracks chart and #26 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 in 1989 despite lack of airplay due to the controversial nature of the lyrics...

," in any language, and you will soon be contacted with a non-negotiable quote for the hit. Or you could just email him instead.

Porcious Crank

Porcious Crank is apparently a part-time writer and on-site correspondent for Lush For Life. Crank worked as an in-house nurse to dying Negro AIDS
AIDS
Acquired immune deficiency syndrome or acquired immunodeficiency syndrome is a disease of the human immune system caused by the human immunodeficiency virus...

 patients as he continued to complete his bachelor's degree in Religion
Religion
Religion is a collection of cultural systems, belief systems, and worldviews that establishes symbols that relate humanity to spirituality and, sometimes, to moral values. Many religions have narratives, symbols, traditions and sacred histories that are intended to give meaning to life or to...

 at the University of Colorado
University of Colorado at Boulder
The University of Colorado Boulder is a public research university located in Boulder, Colorado...

. After an LSD
LSD
Lysergic acid diethylamide, abbreviated LSD or LSD-25, also known as lysergide and colloquially as acid, is a semisynthetic psychedelic drug of the ergoline family, well known for its psychological effects which can include altered thinking processes, closed and open eye visuals, synaesthesia, an...

 experience with a group of homosexual beatniks from Berkley, Crank abandoned his religious quest and became a drifter, wandering the West Coast in search of Truth
Truth
Truth has a variety of meanings, such as the state of being in accord with fact or reality. It can also mean having fidelity to an original or to a standard or ideal. In a common usage, it also means constancy or sincerity in action or character...

 and Reason
Reason
Reason is a term that refers to the capacity human beings have to make sense of things, to establish and verify facts, and to change or justify practices, institutions, and beliefs. It is closely associated with such characteristically human activities as philosophy, science, language, ...

.

Distribution

Lush For Life’s target demographic was college students. Their 20,000-copy distribution was split between college campuses and the places where college students hung out. The University of South Florida
University of South Florida
The University of South Florida, also known as USF, is a member institution of the State University System of Florida, one of the state's three flagship universities for public research, and is located in Tampa, Florida, USA...

 was their main distribution spot with around 30 distribution points as well as a street team that handed out papers directly to students twice a week. They also covered the University of Tampa
University of Tampa
The University of Tampa , is a private, co-educational university in Downtown Tampa, Florida, United States. It is accredited by the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools. In 2006, the University celebrated its 75th anniversary...

, a small, private university in downtown Tampa where they handed out around 2,000 papers a week. Lush For Life also covered the local Community Colleges, Hillsborough Community College
Hillsborough Community College
Hillsborough Community College is a two-year community college, located in Hillsborough County, Florida. The college has six campuses located throughout the county. Locations include: Brandon, Dale Mabry, Plant City, Ybor City, MacDill AFB, and South Shore...

.

The other 10,000 or so copies were distributed in local college hangouts. These included about 100 locations around the University of South Florida campus. The distribution stops were focused on bars
Bar (establishment)
A bar is a business establishment that serves alcoholic drinks — beer, wine, liquor, and cocktails — for consumption on the premises.Bars provide stools or chairs that are placed at tables or counters for their patrons. Some bars have entertainment on a stage, such as a live band, comedians, go-go...

, cafés, hookah lounge
Hookah lounge
The hookah lounge is an establishment where patrons share shisha from a communal hookah or nargile which is placed at each table....

s, thrift and antique clothing stores, college restaurants, liquor stores and college housing.
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