Joanna Clore
Encyclopedia
Joanna Clore is a character in the British sitcom Green Wing
, played by Pippa Haywood
.
at East Hampton Hospital. She is 48 years old, has had two unsuccessful marriages, has two sons who both work at the hospital Dr. Guy Secretan
and Dr. Martin Dear
, and has also been in some sort of relationship with Dr. Alan Statham
for some time.
However, their relationship has had numerous problems. Joanna once fell in love with Lyndon Jones, but he showed no interest in her. After leaving him, she discovered that Alan had become a Christian, and thus had to win him over again, which she did. At the end of the second series, however, their relationship is at a low point.
At the age of 15, she travelled to Gstaad
, Switzerland as an exchange student, where she met and slept with a skiing instructor, Fabien Leclerq. From this tryst, Guy was born, but she abandoned him after only two days. She later got married to Donald Twat (now a newsagent) and gave birth to Martin, but they divorced and Joanna changed Martin's surname so Donald would be more difficult to find. Joanna got married again, but later divorced.
Joanna is rather bitter about life and, because so, frequently abuses her staff, Harriet Schulenburg
, Karen Ball, Naughty Rachel and Kim Alabaster. Obsessed with her age, she has tried everything to make herself look young, even using botox. She is so secretive about her age that she forbids Martin from telling anyone that she is his mother, thus preventing others from determining how old she really is. She also trims her nasal hair, dyes her hair, wears large amounts of facial cream, and sometimes tries to get tans by lying under the heating lamps in the canteen. She also has problems with her eyesight, but tries to avoid wearing glasses as she is then able to see her wrinkles.
The biggest crisis that she has ever gone through was sleeping with Guy, totally unaware that he was the son that she abandoned in Switzerland. She has since tried to undergo therapy with Jake Leaf, the complementary therapist, but it has not helped that much. However, a major crisis came when she tried to scare Alan using her dwarf
cousin, and Alan beat him to death with a stuffed heron
. This is probably followed by waking up in the bed of a teenage boy who had just turned sixteen the previous day. She was so worried, that she ended up hiding in Alan's cupboard, but they soon started to celebrate when she heard from Alan that the police were treating her cousin's death as suicide. The joy was short-lived however when the police arrived, so she and Alan steal a camper van, unaware that Martin had come on board to see what was going on. Alan almost ended up driving the camper van over a cliff, where Martin was in a similar accident before. However, Martin called the AA
on his mobile and they were rescued.
Alan and Joanna then went on the run to hide from the police, forced into stealing food, and kill three more people whilst they escape the police. Joanna reverses the camper van into a mechanic, Alan sits on a shopkeepers face and suffocates
her, and Joanna rubs peanut butter
into the face of an arresting policeman with a nut allergy. Whilst Alan tries to fix the van so it runs on alcohol
, the van explodes. Alan and Joanna then decide that as they do not wish to hand themselves in or move to Spain (because Alan dislikes the Spanish), they kill themselves by walking naked into the sea, although they are not seen drowning.
In her spare time, she often goes to restaurants, sometimes with Alan. She can also be seen at the nearby bar, often drinking double vodkas. Joanna has tried to give up smoking, even going as far as to cover almost all of her body in nicotine
patches, but has failed. She keeps a dead goldfish in her office because it makes her feel better. She also like to relax by giving herself a "Coffee enema", and she drives a black BMW
328i SE.
When Joanna starts to fancy Lyndon, Alan tries various ways to stop him. However, he fails. At one point, Alan thought that Joanna was pregnant with his child. When Joanna both tells him that not only is she not pregnant, but is also dumping Alan, he is driven almost mad. He even ends up stealing a milk float.
Alan finds religion a comfort and becomes a Christian. When Joanna is rejected by Lyndon, however, she soon tries to get back together with Alan and is disappointed that he's not missing her that much (he has found Jesus). Later, they drift apart, and Joanna once again tries to see if she can get Lyndon to go out with her, but fails. Alan tried to get his own back by unleashing a box of flies in her office, but due to a mistake on a taped message to her, Joanna sent it back and the flies were released in his office.
During a period when Alan was unusually happy, Joanna tried to make him upset again by getting her cousin, who was a dwarf, to paint himself green, hide behind Alan's desk, jump out, and scare him. However, Alan was so scared; he beat him to death with a stuffed heron. Although the incident got them into trouble, it has also brought them together. Joanna even had sex with him, whilst she hid in a cupboard by drilling a hole in it. When the police arrive at the hospital, Alan and Joanna go on the run and steal a camper van, unaware that Joanna's son Martin was in it as well. They soon find themselves teetering over the edge of a cliff in Wales, but are rescued. Alan and Joanna then dump Martin and go on the run, still killing people as they go. They then decided to kill themselves by walking naked, hand in hand, into the sea.
Harriet is probably the most troublesome, not just because her children get in the way of her work, but because Lyndon finds her attractive.
These are a few notes Joanna has given to her staff, as listed in Green Wing - The Complete First Series Scripts:
It is known that Joanna was not a good mother. She did not do the things that Martin most needed, such as "Making my packed lunches" and "Making that Incredible Hulk costume for Halloween". Joanna also purposely makes it difficult for him to locate his father, Donald Twat. This was done by changing Martin's surname and moving away.
Martin still wishes that Joanna will love him, and tries to talk to her, often failing. He even manages to stow away on the camper van that Alan and Joanna steal. When the van is teetering over the edge of the cliff, Martin calls the AA and rescues them. They soon dump Martin and go on the run, but do send him a postcard
.
Afterwards, they try to avoid each other, but Joanna has to be present at Guy's tribunal. During the tribunal, Guy mentions that "On the plus side, I should be getting my Noel Coward style dressing gown back", a remark which makes Joanna bang her head on the table in distress. He also frequently makes freudian slip
s whenever he has to encounter her after the incident.
Their biggest scrap took place when a documentary crew came to film the hospital. Sue wanted to be in charge, but it was Joanna who took charge. When Sue managed to discover a tape of Joanna and Guy having sex, she used it as blackmail to put her in charge of the project, and forced Joanna to make her fly around the office.
They do, however, bond over the idea of scaring Alan and it suggests that they do get on at times to some degree and their annoyance with one another is just a power struggle.
Despite this, Joanna still feels attracted to him and once encountered him in the car park. He got out of the date by saying that he was going out with Harriet. After he was dumped by Harriet, Joanna tried again, but Lyndon lied to her and said he was gay. Joanna managed to get her own back by making him kiss Jake Leaf.
She has very few dealings with Mac, although she did once mock his hair. She was also the first person to guide Dr. Caroline Todd around the hospital (Joanna refers to her as, "The ragamuffin one"). During one visit to her office, Alan called up to tease Joanna about having a sexual relationship with Caroline. As the speakerphone was on, Joanna and Caroline heard every word and knew he was lying. Also there was Charles Robertson, the CEO of the hospital, who she meets often.
Not much is known about her former husbands, except that her first, Donald, is a newsagent. Very little is known about Fabian Leclerq, Guy's father also.
Her surname is presumably a play on the word "claw", implying that she often gets her "claws" into men.
played Joanna in the unaired pilot, and was meant to play her in the original series. However, she left because she had a baby.
Green Wing
Green Wing is a British sitcom set in the fictional East Hampton Hospital. It was created by the same team behind the sketch show Smack the Pony, led by Victoria Pile, and stars Tamsin Greig, Stephen Mangan and Julian Rhind-Tutt....
, played by Pippa Haywood
Pippa Haywood
Philippa Haywood is an English actress who trained at Bristol Old Vic Theatre School.Famous for playing the much-put-upon Helen Brittas in the BBC One comedy series The Brittas Empire, Haywood has an extensive television career which includes Julie Chadwick in the BBC Two comedy Fear, Stress &...
.
History
Joanna Clore is the director of human resourcesHuman resources
Human resources is a term used to describe the individuals who make up the workforce of an organization, although it is also applied in labor economics to, for example, business sectors or even whole nations...
at East Hampton Hospital. She is 48 years old, has had two unsuccessful marriages, has two sons who both work at the hospital Dr. Guy Secretan
Guy Secretan
Guy Secretan is a character in the British sitcom Green Wing, played by Stephen Mangan. In Channel 4's The World's Greatest Comedy Characters, Guy was voted 34th.- History :...
and Dr. Martin Dear
Martin Dear
Martin Dear is a character in the British sitcom Green Wing, played by Karl Theobald.- History :Martin is a house officer at East Hampton Hospital. His mother is human resources director Joanna Clore and his half-brother is Dr. Guy Secretan....
, and has also been in some sort of relationship with Dr. Alan Statham
Alan Statham
Alan Statham is a fictional character in the British sitcom Green Wing, played by Mark Heap.- History :Alan is the consultant radiologist at East Hampton Hospital....
for some time.
However, their relationship has had numerous problems. Joanna once fell in love with Lyndon Jones, but he showed no interest in her. After leaving him, she discovered that Alan had become a Christian, and thus had to win him over again, which she did. At the end of the second series, however, their relationship is at a low point.
At the age of 15, she travelled to Gstaad
Gstaad
Gstaad is a village in the German-speaking section of the Canton of Berne in southwestern Switzerland. Part of the municipality of Saanen, Gstaad is known as one of the most exclusive ski resorts in the world....
, Switzerland as an exchange student, where she met and slept with a skiing instructor, Fabien Leclerq. From this tryst, Guy was born, but she abandoned him after only two days. She later got married to Donald Twat (now a newsagent) and gave birth to Martin, but they divorced and Joanna changed Martin's surname so Donald would be more difficult to find. Joanna got married again, but later divorced.
Joanna is rather bitter about life and, because so, frequently abuses her staff, Harriet Schulenburg
Harriet Schulenburg
Harriet Schulenburg is a fictional character in the British sitcom Green Wing, played by Olivia Colman.- History :Harriet works in the human resources department of East Hampton Hospital. She is married to Ian , and has four children, Oscar, Jamie , Robbie and Stuart...
, Karen Ball, Naughty Rachel and Kim Alabaster. Obsessed with her age, she has tried everything to make herself look young, even using botox. She is so secretive about her age that she forbids Martin from telling anyone that she is his mother, thus preventing others from determining how old she really is. She also trims her nasal hair, dyes her hair, wears large amounts of facial cream, and sometimes tries to get tans by lying under the heating lamps in the canteen. She also has problems with her eyesight, but tries to avoid wearing glasses as she is then able to see her wrinkles.
The biggest crisis that she has ever gone through was sleeping with Guy, totally unaware that he was the son that she abandoned in Switzerland. She has since tried to undergo therapy with Jake Leaf, the complementary therapist, but it has not helped that much. However, a major crisis came when she tried to scare Alan using her dwarf
Dwarfism
Dwarfism is short stature resulting from a medical condition. It is sometimes defined as an adult height of less than 4 feet 10 inches , although this definition is problematic because short stature in itself is not a disorder....
cousin, and Alan beat him to death with a stuffed heron
Heron
The herons are long-legged freshwater and coastal birds in the family Ardeidae. There are 64 recognised species in this family. Some are called "egrets" or "bitterns" instead of "heron"....
. This is probably followed by waking up in the bed of a teenage boy who had just turned sixteen the previous day. She was so worried, that she ended up hiding in Alan's cupboard, but they soon started to celebrate when she heard from Alan that the police were treating her cousin's death as suicide. The joy was short-lived however when the police arrived, so she and Alan steal a camper van, unaware that Martin had come on board to see what was going on. Alan almost ended up driving the camper van over a cliff, where Martin was in a similar accident before. However, Martin called the AA
Automobile Association
Automobile Association may refer to:*Australian Automobile Association in Australia.*Automobile Association of South Africa*Canadian Automobile Association in Canada.*Dominion Automobile Association in Canada....
on his mobile and they were rescued.
Alan and Joanna then went on the run to hide from the police, forced into stealing food, and kill three more people whilst they escape the police. Joanna reverses the camper van into a mechanic, Alan sits on a shopkeepers face and suffocates
Asphyxia
Asphyxia or asphyxiation is a condition of severely deficient supply of oxygen to the body that arises from being unable to breathe normally. An example of asphyxia is choking. Asphyxia causes generalized hypoxia, which primarily affects the tissues and organs...
her, and Joanna rubs peanut butter
Peanut butter
Peanut butter is a food paste made primarily from ground dry roasted peanuts, popular in North America, Netherlands, United Kingdom, and parts of Asia, particularly the Philippines and Indonesia. It is mainly used as a sandwich spread, sometimes in combination as in the peanut butter and jelly...
into the face of an arresting policeman with a nut allergy. Whilst Alan tries to fix the van so it runs on alcohol
Alcohol
In chemistry, an alcohol is an organic compound in which the hydroxy functional group is bound to a carbon atom. In particular, this carbon center should be saturated, having single bonds to three other atoms....
, the van explodes. Alan and Joanna then decide that as they do not wish to hand themselves in or move to Spain (because Alan dislikes the Spanish), they kill themselves by walking naked into the sea, although they are not seen drowning.
In her spare time, she often goes to restaurants, sometimes with Alan. She can also be seen at the nearby bar, often drinking double vodkas. Joanna has tried to give up smoking, even going as far as to cover almost all of her body in nicotine
Nicotine
Nicotine is an alkaloid found in the nightshade family of plants that constitutes approximately 0.6–3.0% of the dry weight of tobacco, with biosynthesis taking place in the roots and accumulation occurring in the leaves...
patches, but has failed. She keeps a dead goldfish in her office because it makes her feel better. She also like to relax by giving herself a "Coffee enema", and she drives a black BMW
BMW
Bayerische Motoren Werke AG is a German automobile, motorcycle and engine manufacturing company founded in 1916. It also owns and produces the Mini marque, and is the parent company of Rolls-Royce Motor Cars. BMW produces motorcycles under BMW Motorrad and Husqvarna brands...
328i SE.
Alan
For a long time now, Alan and Joanna have been in a 'clandestine' relationship, and for an equally long time, everyone in the hospital has known about it. This has not stopped them from continuing their relationship as if it were secret. They often dine out, play games and Alan even has names for certain parts of Joanna's body. He calls her breasts "Mimi" and "Charlotte", and also calls Joanna's vagina "The growler".When Joanna starts to fancy Lyndon, Alan tries various ways to stop him. However, he fails. At one point, Alan thought that Joanna was pregnant with his child. When Joanna both tells him that not only is she not pregnant, but is also dumping Alan, he is driven almost mad. He even ends up stealing a milk float.
Alan finds religion a comfort and becomes a Christian. When Joanna is rejected by Lyndon, however, she soon tries to get back together with Alan and is disappointed that he's not missing her that much (he has found Jesus). Later, they drift apart, and Joanna once again tries to see if she can get Lyndon to go out with her, but fails. Alan tried to get his own back by unleashing a box of flies in her office, but due to a mistake on a taped message to her, Joanna sent it back and the flies were released in his office.
During a period when Alan was unusually happy, Joanna tried to make him upset again by getting her cousin, who was a dwarf, to paint himself green, hide behind Alan's desk, jump out, and scare him. However, Alan was so scared; he beat him to death with a stuffed heron. Although the incident got them into trouble, it has also brought them together. Joanna even had sex with him, whilst she hid in a cupboard by drilling a hole in it. When the police arrive at the hospital, Alan and Joanna go on the run and steal a camper van, unaware that Joanna's son Martin was in it as well. They soon find themselves teetering over the edge of a cliff in Wales, but are rescued. Alan and Joanna then dump Martin and go on the run, still killing people as they go. They then decided to kill themselves by walking naked, hand in hand, into the sea.
The HR staff (Harriet, Karen, Kim and Rachel)
Joanna does not get on well with the staff, or anyone else for that matter. She is often at odds with them, normally when they try to steal office equipment, or when they play their rather odd games.Harriet is probably the most troublesome, not just because her children get in the way of her work, but because Lyndon finds her attractive.
These are a few notes Joanna has given to her staff, as listed in Green Wing - The Complete First Series Scripts:
- "Harriet, one of your children called (no idea which one), he's trapped in something. Down a well? Hard to tell - poor signal, screaming etc. You can call them at lunchtime but NOT before."
- "Harriet, health and safety need you to erect a screen around your desk - your face is irritating other members of staff (me)."
- "Harriet, I found this in the photocopier. Is it your womb?
- "Karen, no I can NOT remove the words "Depressing wanker" from your annual review. See me."
- "Karen, no, there was nothing missing from my e-mail. "Karen - just a couple of tiny points", was a physical description."
- "Kim, zoo contacted me about the hospital sponsoring an animal. Find out if we can sponsor the Ebola virusEbola virusEbola virus causes severe disease in humans and in nonhuman primates in the form of viral hemorrhagic fever. EBOV is a Select Agent, World Health Organization Risk Group 4 Pathogen , National Institutes of Health/National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases Category A Priority Pathogen,...
." - "Kim, report car stolen. (Caught speeding on way here and don't want to pay fine.) Then move car to the usual place, but make sure no-one sees you. Bring me backa a Frappe latteCoffeeCoffee is a brewed beverage with a dark,init brooo acidic flavor prepared from the roasted seeds of the coffee plant, colloquially called coffee beans. The beans are found in coffee cherries, which grow on trees cultivated in over 70 countries, primarily in equatorial Latin America, Southeast Asia,...
, Fruit pastilles and Pepto-BismolPepto-BismolPepto-Bismol is an over-the-counter drug currently produced by the Procter and Gamble company in the United States of America and in Canada to treat minor digestive system upset. Its active ingredient is bismuth subsalicylate...
." - "Rachel, LEAVE YOUR HAIR ALONE - you're not Jennifer fucking AnistonJennifer AnistonJennifer Joanna Aniston is an American actress, film director, and producer, best known for her role as Rachel Green on the television sitcom Friends, a role which earned her an Emmy Award, a Golden Globe Award, and a Screen Actors Guild Award.Aniston has also enjoyed a successful film career,...
. Please tell me you don't use L'OréalL'OréalThe L'Oréal Group is the world's largest cosmetics and beauty company. With its registered office in Paris and head office in the Paris suburb of Clichy, Hauts-de-Seine, France, it has developed activities in the field of cosmetics...
, I can't think of anyone less worth it. (Except Karen, obviously.)" - "Rachel, return my wet wipes. Only the unused ones this time."
- "Rachel, do not yodel whilst I'm in my office."
Martin
Joanna's youngest son is a constant pain for her. Due to her worrying about her age, she refuses to let Martin tell anyone that they are mother and son, because everyone will know how old she really is.It is known that Joanna was not a good mother. She did not do the things that Martin most needed, such as "Making my packed lunches" and "Making that Incredible Hulk costume for Halloween". Joanna also purposely makes it difficult for him to locate his father, Donald Twat. This was done by changing Martin's surname and moving away.
Martin still wishes that Joanna will love him, and tries to talk to her, often failing. He even manages to stow away on the camper van that Alan and Joanna steal. When the van is teetering over the edge of the cliff, Martin calls the AA and rescues them. They soon dump Martin and go on the run, but do send him a postcard
Postcard
A postcard or post card is a rectangular piece of thick paper or thin cardboard intended for writing and mailing without an envelope....
.
Guy
Guy previously had very little to do with Joanna because he considered her to be too old for him. It is only after making a bet with Mac that takes her back to his flat and has sex with her. Unfortunately a letter he received earlier (which Martin steals and opens before Guy could see it) confirms that Guy is actually Joanna's biological and long-lost son, leading to Guy losing all sanity and joyriding an ambulance with Mac and Martin in it.Afterwards, they try to avoid each other, but Joanna has to be present at Guy's tribunal. During the tribunal, Guy mentions that "On the plus side, I should be getting my Noel Coward style dressing gown back", a remark which makes Joanna bang her head on the table in distress. He also frequently makes freudian slip
Freudian slip
A Freudian slip, also called parapraxis, is an error in speech, memory, or physical action that is interpreted as occurring due to the interference of some unconscious , subdued, wish, conflict, or train of thought...
s whenever he has to encounter her after the incident.
Sue
Joanna and Sue fight their own little war between which of them is the more superior, particularly in the area of who does what in the hospital.Their biggest scrap took place when a documentary crew came to film the hospital. Sue wanted to be in charge, but it was Joanna who took charge. When Sue managed to discover a tape of Joanna and Guy having sex, she used it as blackmail to put her in charge of the project, and forced Joanna to make her fly around the office.
They do, however, bond over the idea of scaring Alan and it suggests that they do get on at times to some degree and their annoyance with one another is just a power struggle.
Lyndon
Joanna finds Lyndon incredibly attractive, but he cannot stand her. She still persists however in pursuing him. She even goes over to his office wearing nothing but a fur coat. During the charity slave auction Joanna bought Lyndon for £500, but during the night Lyndon made it clear that he found Joanna, "Disturbing, tedious and desperate".Despite this, Joanna still feels attracted to him and once encountered him in the car park. He got out of the date by saying that he was going out with Harriet. After he was dumped by Harriet, Joanna tried again, but Lyndon lied to her and said he was gay. Joanna managed to get her own back by making him kiss Jake Leaf.
Other relationships
Joanna often has problems with Boyce, worried that he might expose her relationship with Alan.She has very few dealings with Mac, although she did once mock his hair. She was also the first person to guide Dr. Caroline Todd around the hospital (Joanna refers to her as, "The ragamuffin one"). During one visit to her office, Alan called up to tease Joanna about having a sexual relationship with Caroline. As the speakerphone was on, Joanna and Caroline heard every word and knew he was lying. Also there was Charles Robertson, the CEO of the hospital, who she meets often.
Not much is known about her former husbands, except that her first, Donald, is a newsagent. Very little is known about Fabian Leclerq, Guy's father also.
Her surname is presumably a play on the word "claw", implying that she often gets her "claws" into men.
Other
Doon MackichanDoon Mackichan
Doon Mackichan is an English comedienne and actress.-Biography:Born in London, Mackichan was brought up in Surrey until the age of 9 when she moved with her family to Upper Largo, Fife. She is a graduate of Manchester University...
played Joanna in the unaired pilot, and was meant to play her in the original series. However, she left because she had a baby.