Phaic Tan
Encyclopedia
Phaic Tăn is a parody travel guidebook examining imaginary country
Phaic Tăn. The book's full title is Phaic Tăn: Sunstroke on a Shoestring and was written by Australians Tom Gleisner
, Santo Cilauro
, and Rob Sitch
. It is the effective sequel to Molvanîa
which was also published by Jetlag Travel and written by Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro, and Rob Sitch.
Phaic Tăn is said to be situated in Southeast Asia
. Place names in Phaic Tăn initially seem to be Vietnamese
or Thai
, but they form English language pun
s, hence the capital is called "Bumpattabumpah" ("bumper to bumper"). "Phaic Tăn" can be read as "Fake Tan". Also, the districts are the mountainous "Pha Phlung" ("far flung"), the infertile "Sukkondat" ("suck on that"), the hyper "Buhng Lunhg" ("bung lung"; Australian slang 'bung', meaning 'failed'), and the exotic "Thong On".
The country was formerly a colony of France
, but was liberated in the early 20th century through student and Communist uprisings. A Marxist dictatorship under Chau Quoc continued until his death in 1947, which prompted the country to launch into a lengthy civil war
. Eventually a CIA-backed coup ("Operation Freedom") made the country into a military dictatorship which it remains to this day. The country has a popular royal family
, though the current king has been deposed no less than 25 times.
Like Molvanîa
, the humor of the book comes from the guide's attempts to present Phaic Tăn as an attractive, enjoyable country when it is really little more than a squalid, third-world dump. The country is frequently plagued by monsoon
s and earthquake
s and many armed militia groups still patrol the streets.
The Phaic Tăn people are presented to be extremely superstitious, and obsessed with the concept of luck. The index of the book contains a list of almost 600 numbers the Phaic Tănese consider lucky, plus two considered unlucky (3 and 6). Turning left while driving is also considered unlucky, which causes a lot of traffic problems. Also unlucky is asking for a non-exotic massage, having more than 5 holes in Quic Pot, and to lose a lottery.
The current king is Sukhimbol Tralanhng III, ninth king of the Angit dynasty. Interestingly, King Falanhng prides himself on being something of a musician and composer. In fact, the country's national anthem was actually written by him and whenever it is played Phaic Tănese will immediately stand and place one hand over each ear. His wife is the very overweight Suahm Luprang, his crown prince is the perverted Ferduk, his daughter is the also overweight (and embarrassed) Buk Phang, and his youngest son is Luat the Brooding, who was arrested for misusing a gun.
Phaic Tăn is depicted as being roughly 650 kilometres abroad from east-west at its broadest point and the same distance from its far geographical north-east tip to the Pong Delta in the country's south-east.
The country is divided by several rivers, including the Sirikan, Upper Kut and the Nahkthong. The country's major rivers are the Pong and Nahkthong, which both finish in the Pong and Nahkthong Delta
s respectively.
Phaic Tăn is made up of four province
s (going in order clockwise), Sukkondat, Pha Phlung, Buhng Lung and Thong On. The provinces are connected by roads, but not by rail, as rail gauges vary throughout the country and sometimes even on the same line.
of Phaic Tăn is Bumpattabumpah, which is situated in Buhng Lung in a roughly central position on the Pong River and at the west end of the Upper Kut River. Bumpattabumpah is Phaic Tăn's largest city
, and presumably the most populous.
According to the book, Bumpattabumpah means 'water convergence' and refers to the fact that the city is situated where the country's main river, the Pong meets untreated effluent from a sewage treatment plant further upstream.
Also, Bumpattabumpah was previously named 'Phxux Xauan' but was changed because a survey revealed that less than 12% of the population were able to pronounce it.
An in-book map of Bumpattabumpah shows the names of its suburb
s, all English language puns: Qic Phuk, Phlat Tiht and Dud Bhonk. Many of the names of the roads throughout the city are also English puns, as is the name of the city's, and country's major airport, Phlat Chat Airport.
High smog levels in the capital city mean that office blocks require no window tinting, a result of heavy amounts of air pollution
. In 1997, developers announced plans to build the tallest office block in the world. Construction actually began but only a short while after the foundations were dug the Asian economic crisis hit, meaning the project was completely shelved. Bumpattabumpah now boasts the largest unfenced hole in the world.
and high number of casino
s. An agricultural province, farmers harvest hay
in order to camouflage their true primary crop, opium
. The capital of the province is Sloh Phan, which is located about ninety kilometres north-east of Gunsa Wah, Phaic Tăn's tallest peak, at 2150 metres in height. Despite the fact that that Sukkondat receives less than 2% of all visitors to Phaic Tăn every year, this statistic hasn't stopped its local Tourism Bureau from declaring the province 'the place to be'.
.
) table. It is known as the Phing Pong, and is noted to be the world's only hinged flag, which while unconventional, "makes flag-folding ceremonies easier".
called Pyangtru Yix Qaugen (Hospital of Hearts) in which the characters (Doctor Lahbkot, 3-star General Kpow and his much younger millionairess wife) speak in what appears to be a dialect of Chinese
spoken in Taiwan
and parts of Fujian
, Vietnamese and some heavily accented garbled sounds made to resemble Korean
, subtitle
d in a stilted form of English, with curious turns of phrase and double entendre
s. This is a parody of the English subtitles often encountered on kung fu movies, or an attempt at Engrish
.
Fictional country
A fictional country is a country that is made up for fictional stories, and does not exist in real life, or one that people believe in without proof....
Phaic Tăn. The book's full title is Phaic Tăn: Sunstroke on a Shoestring and was written by Australians Tom Gleisner
Tom Gleisner
Tom Gleisner is an Australian director, producer, writer, comedian, occasional actor and author. He was educated at Xavier College in Melbourne, Australia.-Television, radio and film:...
, Santo Cilauro
Santo Cilauro
Santo Cilauro is an Australian television and feature film producer, screenwriter, actor, author, comedian and cameraman, a co-founder of The D-Generation...
, and Rob Sitch
Rob Sitch
Robert Ian Sitch , is an Australian director, producer, screenwriter, actor and comedian.-Early life:Sitch attended St Kevin's College and graduated with a Bachelor of Medicine and Surgery from the University of Melbourne, where he resided at Trinity College. He worked at the Royal Womans Hospital...
. It is the effective sequel to Molvanîa
Molvanîa
Molvanîa: a Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry is a book parodying travel guidebooks. The guide describes the fictional country Molvanîa, in Eastern Europe, a nation described as "the birthplace of the whooping cough" and "owner of Europe's oldest nuclear reactor"...
which was also published by Jetlag Travel and written by Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro, and Rob Sitch.
About Phaic Tăn
The Kingdom of Phaic Tăn is a composite creation of a number of stereotypes and clichés about Southeast Asian countries.Phaic Tăn is said to be situated in Southeast Asia
Southeast Asia
Southeast Asia, South-East Asia, South East Asia or Southeastern Asia is a subregion of Asia, consisting of the countries that are geographically south of China, east of India, west of New Guinea and north of Australia. The region lies on the intersection of geological plates, with heavy seismic...
. Place names in Phaic Tăn initially seem to be Vietnamese
Vietnamese language
Vietnamese is the national and official language of Vietnam. It is the mother tongue of 86% of Vietnam's population, and of about three million overseas Vietnamese. It is also spoken as a second language by many ethnic minorities of Vietnam...
or Thai
Thai language
Thai , also known as Central Thai and Siamese, is the national and official language of Thailand and the native language of the Thai people, Thailand's dominant ethnic group. Thai is a member of the Tai group of the Tai–Kadai language family. Historical linguists have been unable to definitively...
, but they form English language pun
Pun
The pun, also called paronomasia, is a form of word play which suggests two or more meanings, by exploiting multiple meanings of words, or of similar-sounding words, for an intended humorous or rhetorical effect. These ambiguities can arise from the intentional use and abuse of homophonic,...
s, hence the capital is called "Bumpattabumpah" ("bumper to bumper"). "Phaic Tăn" can be read as "Fake Tan". Also, the districts are the mountainous "Pha Phlung" ("far flung"), the infertile "Sukkondat" ("suck on that"), the hyper "Buhng Lunhg" ("bung lung"; Australian slang 'bung', meaning 'failed'), and the exotic "Thong On".
The country was formerly a colony of France
France
The French Republic , The French Republic , The French Republic , (commonly known as France , is a unitary semi-presidential republic in Western Europe with several overseas territories and islands located on other continents and in the Indian, Pacific, and Atlantic oceans. Metropolitan France...
, but was liberated in the early 20th century through student and Communist uprisings. A Marxist dictatorship under Chau Quoc continued until his death in 1947, which prompted the country to launch into a lengthy civil war
Civil war
A civil war is a war between organized groups within the same nation state or republic, or, less commonly, between two countries created from a formerly-united nation state....
. Eventually a CIA-backed coup ("Operation Freedom") made the country into a military dictatorship which it remains to this day. The country has a popular royal family
Royal family
A royal family is the extended family of a king or queen regnant. The term imperial family appropriately describes the extended family of an emperor or empress, while the terms "ducal family", "grand ducal family" or "princely family" are more appropriate to describe the relatives of a reigning...
, though the current king has been deposed no less than 25 times.
Like Molvanîa
Molvanîa
Molvanîa: a Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry is a book parodying travel guidebooks. The guide describes the fictional country Molvanîa, in Eastern Europe, a nation described as "the birthplace of the whooping cough" and "owner of Europe's oldest nuclear reactor"...
, the humor of the book comes from the guide's attempts to present Phaic Tăn as an attractive, enjoyable country when it is really little more than a squalid, third-world dump. The country is frequently plagued by monsoon
Monsoon
Monsoon is traditionally defined as a seasonal reversing wind accompanied by corresponding changes in precipitation, but is now used to describe seasonal changes in atmospheric circulation and precipitation associated with the asymmetric heating of land and sea...
s and earthquake
Earthquake
An earthquake is the result of a sudden release of energy in the Earth's crust that creates seismic waves. The seismicity, seismism or seismic activity of an area refers to the frequency, type and size of earthquakes experienced over a period of time...
s and many armed militia groups still patrol the streets.
The Phaic Tăn people are presented to be extremely superstitious, and obsessed with the concept of luck. The index of the book contains a list of almost 600 numbers the Phaic Tănese consider lucky, plus two considered unlucky (3 and 6). Turning left while driving is also considered unlucky, which causes a lot of traffic problems. Also unlucky is asking for a non-exotic massage, having more than 5 holes in Quic Pot, and to lose a lottery.
The current king is Sukhimbol Tralanhng III, ninth king of the Angit dynasty. Interestingly, King Falanhng prides himself on being something of a musician and composer. In fact, the country's national anthem was actually written by him and whenever it is played Phaic Tănese will immediately stand and place one hand over each ear. His wife is the very overweight Suahm Luprang, his crown prince is the perverted Ferduk, his daughter is the also overweight (and embarrassed) Buk Phang, and his youngest son is Luat the Brooding, who was arrested for misusing a gun.
Geography and provinces
According to the book, Phaic Tăn is a country situated in South-east Asia. It is shown in the book's map as being bounded to the south by the Lhong Chuk Sea and the Pong and Kut Rivers to the north and east respectively.Phaic Tăn is depicted as being roughly 650 kilometres abroad from east-west at its broadest point and the same distance from its far geographical north-east tip to the Pong Delta in the country's south-east.
The country is divided by several rivers, including the Sirikan, Upper Kut and the Nahkthong. The country's major rivers are the Pong and Nahkthong, which both finish in the Pong and Nahkthong Delta
River delta
A delta is a landform that is formed at the mouth of a river where that river flows into an ocean, sea, estuary, lake, reservoir, flat arid area, or another river. Deltas are formed from the deposition of the sediment carried by the river as the flow leaves the mouth of the river...
s respectively.
Phaic Tăn is made up of four province
Province
A province is a territorial unit, almost always an administrative division, within a country or state.-Etymology:The English word "province" is attested since about 1330 and derives from the 13th-century Old French "province," which itself comes from the Latin word "provincia," which referred to...
s (going in order clockwise), Sukkondat, Pha Phlung, Buhng Lung and Thong On. The provinces are connected by roads, but not by rail, as rail gauges vary throughout the country and sometimes even on the same line.
Bumpattabumpah
The capital cityCapital City
Capital City was a television show produced by Euston Films which focused on the lives of investment bankers in London living and working on the corporate trading floor for the fictional international bank Shane-Longman....
of Phaic Tăn is Bumpattabumpah, which is situated in Buhng Lung in a roughly central position on the Pong River and at the west end of the Upper Kut River. Bumpattabumpah is Phaic Tăn's largest city
City
A city is a relatively large and permanent settlement. Although there is no agreement on how a city is distinguished from a town within general English language meanings, many cities have a particular administrative, legal, or historical status based on local law.For example, in the U.S...
, and presumably the most populous.
According to the book, Bumpattabumpah means 'water convergence' and refers to the fact that the city is situated where the country's main river, the Pong meets untreated effluent from a sewage treatment plant further upstream.
Also, Bumpattabumpah was previously named 'Phxux Xauan' but was changed because a survey revealed that less than 12% of the population were able to pronounce it.
An in-book map of Bumpattabumpah shows the names of its suburb
Suburb
The word suburb mostly refers to a residential area, either existing as part of a city or as a separate residential community within commuting distance of a city . Some suburbs have a degree of administrative autonomy, and most have lower population density than inner city neighborhoods...
s, all English language puns: Qic Phuk, Phlat Tiht and Dud Bhonk. Many of the names of the roads throughout the city are also English puns, as is the name of the city's, and country's major airport, Phlat Chat Airport.
High smog levels in the capital city mean that office blocks require no window tinting, a result of heavy amounts of air pollution
Air pollution
Air pollution is the introduction of chemicals, particulate matter, or biological materials that cause harm or discomfort to humans or other living organisms, or cause damage to the natural environment or built environment, into the atmosphere....
. In 1997, developers announced plans to build the tallest office block in the world. Construction actually began but only a short while after the foundations were dug the Asian economic crisis hit, meaning the project was completely shelved. Bumpattabumpah now boasts the largest unfenced hole in the world.
Sukkondat
Sukkondat is traditionally Phaic Tăn's poorest province, due to the infertility of its soil, lack of natural resourcesNatural Resources
Natural Resources is a soul album released by Motown girl group Martha Reeves and the Vandellas in 1970 on the Gordy label. The album is significant for the Vietnam War ballad "I Should Be Proud" and the slow jam, "Love Guess Who"...
and high number of casino
Casino
In modern English, a casino is a facility which houses and accommodates certain types of gambling activities. Casinos are most commonly built near or combined with hotels, restaurants, retail shopping, cruise ships or other tourist attractions...
s. An agricultural province, farmers harvest hay
Hay
Hay is grass, legumes or other herbaceous plants that have been cut, dried, and stored for use as animal fodder, particularly for grazing livestock such as cattle, horses, goats, and sheep. Hay is also fed to pets such as rabbits and guinea pigs...
in order to camouflage their true primary crop, opium
Opium
Opium is the dried latex obtained from the opium poppy . Opium contains up to 12% morphine, an alkaloid, which is frequently processed chemically to produce heroin for the illegal drug trade. The latex also includes codeine and non-narcotic alkaloids such as papaverine, thebaine and noscapine...
. The capital of the province is Sloh Phan, which is located about ninety kilometres north-east of Gunsa Wah, Phaic Tăn's tallest peak, at 2150 metres in height. Despite the fact that that Sukkondat receives less than 2% of all visitors to Phaic Tăn every year, this statistic hasn't stopped its local Tourism Bureau from declaring the province 'the place to be'.
Pha Phlung
Pha Phlung in the country's northeast is mountainous and renowned for its rainforests, waterfalls and mud-slides. Pha Phlung is traditionally known as the 'Land Of A Thousand Tigers' and while actual numbers may be closer to seven (counting five in the Lom Buak Grand Circus), nature walks through Pha Phlung are an excellent way to see nature and wildlife up close. The capital of this wet and humid province is Nham Pong.Buhng Lung
According to the book, Buhng Lung is a busy province where all car horns have cruise control, set to go off every ten seconds. The Pong Delta is located in the south-east of the Buhng Lung province. The capital city of Bumpattabumpah is located in the north of the province.Thong On
Thong On is an exotic province of which Pattaponga, located on the coast of Kru Kut Bay, is the capital. The coast is composed of many beaches. Of particular note is Zou Kow Bow Beach, which is said to have the whitest sand of any beach in the world. Accordingly, the beach sand's whiteness was formed in the 1980s by the rare combination of global warming and a huge spill from a tanker carrying laundry bleachLaundry detergent
Laundry detergent, or washing powder, is a substance that is a type of detergent that is added for cleaning laundry. In common usage, "detergent" refers to mixtures of chemical compounds including alkylbenzenesulfonates, which are similar to soap but are less affected by "hard water." In most...
.
Flag
The Phaic Tănese flag has the design of a ping-pong (table tennisTable tennis
Table tennis, also known as ping-pong, is a sport in which two or four players hit a lightweight, hollow ball back and forth using table tennis rackets. The game takes place on a hard table divided by a net...
) table. It is known as the Phing Pong, and is noted to be the world's only hinged flag, which while unconventional, "makes flag-folding ceremonies easier".
Language
The Phaic Tănese language is a tonal language with four tones, sharing similarities with Chinese. There is also a fifth tone emerging, but this tone is largely restricted to use by rappers. It is spoken with an average of 192 syllables per minute.Pyangtru Yix Qaugen (Hospital of Hearts)
The Phaic Tăn website features a spoof soap operaSoap opera
A soap opera, sometimes called "soap" for short, is an ongoing, episodic work of dramatic fiction presented in serial format on radio or as television programming. The name soap opera stems from the original dramatic serials broadcast on radio that had soap manufacturers, such as Procter & Gamble,...
called Pyangtru Yix Qaugen (Hospital of Hearts) in which the characters (Doctor Lahbkot, 3-star General Kpow and his much younger millionairess wife) speak in what appears to be a dialect of Chinese
Chinese language
The Chinese language is a language or language family consisting of varieties which are mutually intelligible to varying degrees. Originally the indigenous languages spoken by the Han Chinese in China, it forms one of the branches of Sino-Tibetan family of languages...
spoken in Taiwan
Taiwan
Taiwan , also known, especially in the past, as Formosa , is the largest island of the same-named island group of East Asia in the western Pacific Ocean and located off the southeastern coast of mainland China. The island forms over 99% of the current territory of the Republic of China following...
and parts of Fujian
Fujian
' , formerly romanised as Fukien or Huguing or Foukien, is a province on the southeast coast of mainland China. Fujian is bordered by Zhejiang to the north, Jiangxi to the west, and Guangdong to the south. Taiwan lies to the east, across the Taiwan Strait...
, Vietnamese and some heavily accented garbled sounds made to resemble Korean
Korean language
Korean is the official language of the country Korea, in both South and North. It is also one of the two official languages in the Yanbian Korean Autonomous Prefecture in People's Republic of China. There are about 78 million Korean speakers worldwide. In the 15th century, a national writing...
, subtitle
Subtitle (captioning)
Subtitles are textual versions of the dialog in films and television programs, usually displayed at the bottom of the screen. They can either be a form of written translation of a dialog in a foreign language, or a written rendering of the dialog in the same language, with or without added...
d in a stilted form of English, with curious turns of phrase and double entendre
Double entendre
A double entendre or adianoeta is a figure of speech in which a spoken phrase is devised to be understood in either of two ways. Often the first meaning is straightforward, while the second meaning is less so: often risqué or ironic....
s. This is a parody of the English subtitles often encountered on kung fu movies, or an attempt at Engrish
Engrish
refers to unusual forms of English language usage by native speakers of some East Asian languages. The term itself relates to Japanese speakers' tendency to inadvertently substitute the English phonemes "R" and "L" for one another, because the Japanese language has one alveolar consonant in place...
.
Fictional travel guides
This book advertises other (fictional) travel guides on the industrialized Costa del Pom (Iberia), Pfaffland (Scandinavia), unappetizing Gastronesia (South Asia), Sherpastan (the Himalayas), and Cartelombia (South America). As well as such specialized guides as Travel for Germans, Family Vacations, Cycling the World, Hair Raising Drives, Arduous Walks, Travel for Seniors, Tax Havens, and Let's Go Game Hunting. It also advertises its rather corrupt website.External links
- Official website for Phaic Tăn travels
- Hospital of Hearts
- "Phaic Tăn, the final tourism frontier" The New Zealand Herald