Etiquette in Canada and the United States

Etiquette rules in the United States and Canada generally apply to all individuals, unlike cultures with more formal class structures, such as those with nobility and royalty.

Both Canada and the United States share cultural and linguistic heritage originating in Europe

Europe

Europe is, by convention, one of the world's seven continents. Comprising the westernmost peninsula of Eurasia, Europe is generally 'divided' from Asia to its east by the watershed divides of the Ural and Caucasus Mountains, the Ural River, the Caspian and Black Seas, and the waterways connecting...

, and as such some points of traditional European etiquette apply to both, especially in more formal settings.

Among the most prominent writers on North American etiquette are Letitia Baldrige

Letitia Baldrige

Letitia Baldrige is an American etiquette expert and public relations executive.A graduate of Vassar College, she is a former State Department employee and was the White House Social Secretary to Jacqueline Kennedy....

, Judith Martin

Judith Martin

Judith Martin , better known by the pen name Miss Manners, is an American journalist, author, and etiquette authority. Martin's uncle was economist and labor historian Selig Perlman.- Early life and career :...

, Emily Post

Emily Post

Emily Post was an American author famous for writing on etiquette.-Background:Post was born as Emily Price in Baltimore, Maryland, into privilege as the only daughter of architect Bruce Price and his wife Josephine Lee Price of Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania...

, Elizabeth Post

Elizabeth Post

Elizabeth L. Post , was an etiquette writer and the granddaughter-in-law of the etiquette writer Emily Post....

, Peggy Post

Peggy Post

Peggy Post is an American author and consultant on etiquette. She is Emily Post's great-granddaughter-in-law and continues her work as director and spokesperson for The Emily Post Institute in Vermont.- Background :...

, Gertrude Pringle, and Amy Vanderbilt

Amy Vanderbilt

Amy Vanderbilt was an American authority on etiquette. In 1952 she published the best selling book Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette. The book, later retitled Amy Vanderbilt's Etiquette, has been updated and is still in circulation today. The most recent edition was edited by Nancy...

Principles

To become an accepted member of any society or group, one "had better learn to practice its etiquette."

Early North American etiquette books claimed that the manners and customs of the "Best Society" could be imitated by all, although some authors lamented that the lower classes, meaning those "whose experience in life has been a hardening process," in fact treated the rules of etiquette with "contempt and ... a sneer." Current etiquette books do not employ the concept of "best society," but rather define etiquette as a set of guidelines that "help steer our behavior as we move through our daily routines" and that can help deal with "the pressures of modern life [which] make it all the more difficult to stay civil." This change is reflected in the content of etiquette books; etiquette books published in the early 20th century contained detailed advice on the treatment of servants, the conducting of formal dinner parties, and the behavior of a debutante; more modern books are likely to emphasize the importance of respecting people of all classes, races, and ethnic backgrounds. Some books make a further distinction between etiquette and manners:

Etiquette is protocol, rules of behavior that you memorize and that rarely bend to encompass individual concerns and needs. Manners embrace socially acceptable behavior, of course, but also much more than that. They are an expression of how you treat others when you care about them, their self-esteem, and their feelings.

Etiquette writers assert that etiquette rules, rather than being stuffy or classist, serve to make life more pleasant.

Though etiquette rules may seem arbitrary at times and in various situations, these are the very situations in which a common set of accepted customs can help to eliminate awkwardness. While etiquette is often a means to make others feel comfortable, it is also the case that etiquette can serve to eliminate inappropriate behaviors in others by increasing discomfort.

Basic rules

One should not attempt to preemptively excuse oneself from rudeness. "I don't mean to be rude, but..." is not an appropriate beginning to a conversation. Likewise, "Pardon me for whispering" does not make the whispering acceptable.
One may use one's unique cultural differences as a reason to be more gracious, not less. For example, saying "Well, most people in my culture don't send thank you notes" is not considered acceptable.
Judgments of individuals are a personal matter, and it is not incorrect to hold certain learned beliefs about people. However, personal opinions should remain private in polite company.

General standards

These etiquette topics are relevant in both the United States and Canada and pertain to basic interactions in society. It is understood that these are general rules to which, in certain contexts and depending on the expectations of the parties involved, there may be exceptions.

Bodily functions

One should attempt to suppress yawning in polite company, concealing the mouth with the back of the hand.

Nose-blowing and other personal habits should not be performed in the company of others, but only after excusing oneself in order to do so in private

One does not cough, or sneeze without covering one's mouth in front of others

One does not chew with one's mouth open, slurp, or make excessive noise while eating

Burping or passing gas in the presence of others should be avoided

Spitting in public is considered inappropriate and unhygienic

Cultural distinctions and identity

One does not comment on the language skills, citizenship, nationality, family history, education, economic status, social abilities, behavior, beliefs, or other personal traits of another.
One does not comment on one's race, religion, or sexual orientation.

Greetings

Greetings are offered in the form of a hand shake, a hug, or a kiss on the cheek as dictated by the relationship's social distance and the comfort level of the parties involved.

Hats

Hats and head coverings are not worn indoors unless due to a personal health consideration

Language

One should strive to be respectful of others' attempts to communicate in a language, accent, or dialect that is not one's own.
While English is the predominant language in the United States, in some areas it will be necessary to be patient with those who have varying abilities in English, particularly urban areas or areas with large immigrant populations.
In conversation, one should speak in a language known to everyone participating, so as not to exclude anyone in the group, even if others are not contributing verbally to the conversation.

Money

One does not discuss one's personal wealth, possessions or finances socially.
It is not appropriate to ask about another's salary, real estate holdings, or to make other such financial inquiries.

Pointing and gestures

Pointing is to be avoided, unless specifically pointing to an object and not a person.

Privacy and personal space

An arm's length of personal space is the normal comfort zone between individuals
Personal matters should not be brought up except to those with whom one is highly familiar.
Bumping into or touching an unknown person, even in a crowded area, should be avoided. If it is necessary to touch a person in order to pass by them or to get their attention, one should say "Excuse me", "Pardon me", or "I'm Sorry".
Depending on the region and situation, it is sometimes appropriate in close quarters to navigate one's self around surrounding people with an alerting hand on the upper back or arm, lightly and never with the intent to displace said person. This is not, however, a standard practice where there is enough room to navigate safely without such, and is considered familiar in all other circumstances.

Smoking

One should not smoke in another person's home or car without asking first. One is under no obligation to accommodate such a request.
Even in restaurants or bars that offer a smoking area, one should ask the staff if cigars may be smoked.
One does not smoke in or near any doorway.
One discards ashes, butts, matches, empty lighters and such in appropriate trash receptacles and does not litter. Most public buildings and some private residences have designated receptacles for cigarette butts located near the entrances.

Honorifics and forms of address

When first introduced to someone, etiquette permits relatives or children to be addressed using first names. The same applies to new introductions in your peer group. Otherwise, one should address another as Mr. or Ms. [Lastname], or a nickname that they prefer to use - after asking them. It is appropriate to ask to be addressed by one’s first name but one must not automatically assume that such permission is granted.
Professional, academic, religious, military and political titles, such as Judge, Colonel, Mayor, Reverend, Senator, Doctor, Professor, General, etc., are often used in both professional and social situations, and are a matter of personal preference.
The stand-alone honorifics “sir”, and in some areas or circumstances, "mister" (for males); "ma'am" or “miss” (for females), may be used for a person whose surname is unknown.*Children generally refer to the parents of their friends with titles, unless specifically asked to do otherwise.
There are more complicated rules regarding proper usage of political titles in the etiquette-related field known as protocol
Protocol (diplomacy)
In international politics, protocol is the etiquette of diplomacy and affairs of state.A protocol is a rule which guides how an activity should be performed, especially in the field of diplomacy. In diplomatic services and governmental fields of endeavor protocols are often unwritten guidelines...

.

Death and mourning

First mourning for the immediate family is considered to be the time between the death and the end of the funeral. During this time, in some cultures, the close relatives should not attend any social engagements, including parties or weddings. This is a guideline, not a rule.
Dark clothing is preferred, but demanded to be worn when attending a memorial service or funeral. Light-hearted talk is not inappropriate, but joviality in some cultures is considered impolite.
Attendance at a viewing, funeral, memorial service, or wake is the usual method of expressing one's grief to the close relatives of the deceased. In addition, letters of condolence should be sent to the nearest family member(s), and a brief, prearranged visit to the family in the weeks following are appropriate. Gifts are also acceptable, especially arrangements of flowers sent to the homes of the bereaved. If attendance at a funeral is not possible due to extreme personal commitments or distance, these additional methods of mourning are even more important. If there is a question of familiarity of contact with the bereaved, flowers with a brief note of condolence is appropriate and generally accepted.
Family members may request that no flowers be sent, or that memorial donations be made to a certain charity in lieu thereof. As the bereaved is not making the request himself, this is not considered inappropriate, as it would be with any other gift-giving situation. Another common and appropriate recognition of mourning to the bereaved's immediate family is pre-made or arranged meals brought by neighbors or more distant relatives.
During the weeks following a death, family members are expected to send thank you letters in reply to condolence letters, gifts of flowers, food, or donations. However, this rule is usually given some leeway, given the circumstances, and tardiness in doing so will generally be met with understanding.

Gifts

The offering of a gift is a common element in many social interactions and gatherings
Though common, it is not appropriate to assume that a gift will be offered. For example, one may not give gift registry information to those who have not requested it, one may not make a specific gift request, i.e. "cash only", and one may not request a receipt when accepting a gift
One always graciously thanks a gift giver.

Invitations

Hospitality requires that when extending an invitation as a host, one anticipates and provides for the needs of the invited guests. “Strings” may not be attached to the invitation. Guest responsibilities include dressing appropriately to the occasion, and providing one's own transportation and lodging. As a courtesy, the host may include dress instructions. (See section on weddings for details on standard North American attire). A host cannot expect a guest to pay for part of the event or function, such as a portion of a birthday honoree's meal or gift.

A person not hosting, but rather making arrangements for a gathering, such as a covered-dish meal (a.k.a. “potluck”), must tell those asked to attend up front what is expected from them. Expected contributions, materials, food, duties, etc. must be made clear when the "invitation" is issued, not after it has been accepted. If a participant is later told funds, goods, or services are expected, it is not impolite for him to reply that he has decided not to attend the function after all, as the original premise of the invitation was altered.

Generally, etiquette writers consider it incorrect to include any suggestion that gifts are, or even could have been, expected at a hosted event, and therefore no mention of gift registries or other prohibitive or prescriptive statements on an invitation are permitted, such as "Monetary gifts only," or "No gifts, please." If a guest inquires himself, such things may only then be brought up by the host. Only overnight guests should feel obliged to bring a gift for the host.

An invitation is meant only for the people to whom it is addressed. “Mr. and Mrs. Jones” does not mean “Mr. and Mrs. Jones and any of their relatives they may wish to bring.” If wishing to invite additional family members, the host should not add "... and Family," but instead should be specific rather than have the invitees guess what exactly this means. Individuals may decline or accept invitations extended to multiple persons. For example, a woman may accept an invitation extended to her entire family, even if the husband and children must send regrets (all in the same letter to the host).

Invitations for mixed social events, such as parties, weddings, etc., must be extended to the established significant others of any invitees, such as spouses, fiancés, or long time or live-in boy/girlfriends. The significant other must be invited by name, and the host should inquire if it is not known. If the couple does not live together, the host should inquire as to the partner’s full name and address and send a separate invitation for formal occasions. If a person’s socially established partner has not been invited, etiquette allows him or her to politely request that the host do so. Persons without socially established partners may not request to bring a guest, nor is a host expected to invite singles to bring a date (i.e., “[Invitee] and Guest”).

When receiving an invitation, one is obliged to respond in kind as soon as possible. This means if receiving the invitation by phone, reply by phone, etc. One must accept or decline even if “”RSVP” is not specified. To not do so is an insult to the host. Accepting an invitation is making a commitment. If one cannot be sure if the obligation can be kept, the invitation should be declined. “Maybe” is not an acceptable response, as it insinuates one would like to accept, but wants to keep his options open in case “something better” comes along. One can never cancel once one has offered or accepted hospitality. Traditionally, the only reasons considered acceptable were illness or death in the immediate family. As etiquette no longer applies only to those in high society, an extremely important work obligation which intervenes is also an acceptable reason. In any case of cancellation, notification to the host or guest must be immediate, with profuse apologies.

Most formally, invitations are hand-written, but for large numbers, such as for weddings, engraved or printed invitations are acceptable, though less formal. Printing is considered less appropriate than "frank and honest" handwriting. Engraved invitations, which are more expensive than printed ones, are shipped with protective tissue paper to prevent wet ink from smudging, but as the ink has dried by the time they are received by the hosts, they should be removed before mailing to guests, and etiquette authorities consider their inclusion to be improper and a form of bragging. Many hosts go so far as to include tissue paper on printed invitations to imitate engraved invitations, even though they serve no practical purpose in this medium.

Emily Post
Emily Post
Emily Post was an American author famous for writing on etiquette.-Background:Post was born as Emily Price in Baltimore, Maryland, into privilege as the only daughter of architect Bruce Price and his wife Josephine Lee Price of Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania...

's Etiquette gives examples of the traditional forms for formal and informal invitations; granddaughter Peggy Post
Peggy Post
Peggy Post is an American author and consultant on etiquette. She is Emily Post's great-granddaughter-in-law and continues her work as director and spokesperson for The Emily Post Institute in Vermont.- Background :...

provides updated examples of the forms in Etiquette (17th edition) that take into account non-traditional social relationships.

Reply cards, with or without postage, may be included with an invitation according to some etiquette writers, though they need not be. However, Judith Martin calls response cards "vulgar", as they imply the guest would not reply without being prompted to do so. She advocates discarding them and replying on one's own stationery, while Peggy Post suggests that guests use them if included, to avoid interfering with the host's card collection system. Some say maps, directions, websites, and other information may be included. Others note that these are not formal aspects of an invitation, and therefore should not be included in formal invitations, and those who accept should instead later be sent the information via informal communication, such as postal mail, phone, or the internet. At-home cards may be included with wedding invitations. Traditionally they announced the bride and groom's new address; they are now more likely to be used to announce the couple's choice of surnames. All etiquette authorities agree that gift registry information may not be sent with any type of invitation, however informal.

Meals

'Thank You' letters

Thanks may be offered for any situation. A thank you letter is not required for all situations, but is never incorrect if sincere.
Though pre-printed thank you cards are commonly used, handwritten letters are more personal and proper. In a business context, a typed letter is expected, to be signed by hand.
Thank you letters are required for all gifts, should mention the gift, and must be sent promptly in all cases, usually within two weeks at a maximum (see "Gifts" section for further details regarding funerals and weddings).
In addition to a thank you letter, a gift may be sent as part of thanking someone. Since a gift is given, this would in turn require another thank you note to be sent. Receiving a thank you note alone however does not require another thank you note in reply, though doing so would not be incorrect.
If receiving a cash gift, it is polite when thanking the giver to indicate, when possible, what was purchased with it.

Receiving guests

When a guest receives an invitation to someone's home, it is common but not necessary for the guest to ask, "Could I bring anything?" If the host declines, the guest should not insist, as this insinuates that the host is unable to provide adequate hospitality, especially for more formal situations such as dinner parties. Hosts accepting such offers should be clear, but not demanding; if one does not think the guest will be able to provide the correct item, politely decline the offer.
It is polite to announce your presence when arriving at an informal occasion, such as a backyard barbecue, or if dropping by unexpectedly, although the latter is a faux pas unless the host has previously indicated that such visits are welcome.
When visiting someone's home it is not necessary but permissible to bring a gift, such as sweets, a toy for the children, a beverage to be shared, flowers, etc. The purpose of such gifts is recognition of the hospitality, not as a payment for it. However, if one has been received multiple times in another's home, he should reciprocate by inviting the hosts to his home, a restaurant, or another appropriate place.
Guests wishing to give flowers should consider sending them earlier in the day or the day before a dinner party rather than bring them just as the hostess is busy with last minute dinner preparations. A host might keep a vase handy if he or she suspects that flowers will be brought by guests.
A guest may offer to help a host, and it is more appropriate in more familiar situations. The host should turn down help offered by people he is less familiar with. Judith Martin states: "A good guest offers to help but does not insist if the offer is firmly refused. A good host never requests help and offers mild resistance if it is wanted, but firm resistance if it is not."

Bringing and Serving Food

Bringing elaborate food items to a meal as a gift, such as roast beef
Roast beef
Roast beef is a dish of beef which is roasted in an oven. Essentially prepared as a main meal, the leftovers can be and are often served within sandwiches and sometimes is used to make hash...

or lasagna
Lasagna
Lasagna is a wide and flat type of pasta and possibly one of the oldest shapes. As with most other pasta shapes, the word is generally used in its plural form lasagne in Italy and the U.K. Traditionally, the dough was prepared in Southern Italy with semolina and water and in the northern regions,...

, obviously meant to be served immediately, is impolite as it implies that the host may not be providing enjoyable food. Such a dish may be welcome at times, but the guest should inquire in advance.
As all gifts, including food, should never have expectations attached to them, a host should always feel he is able to put them aside for another time rather than serve them right away. If one insists on bringing food as a host gift, items such as wine
Wine
Wine is an alcoholic beverage, made of fermented fruit juice, usually from grapes. The natural chemical balance of grapes lets them ferment without the addition of sugars, acids, enzymes, or other nutrients. Grape wine is produced by fermenting crushed grapes using various types of yeast. Yeast...

, coffee cake
Coffee cake
The term coffee cake can refer to either of the following:* A class of cakes intended to be eaten alongside coffee. Under this definition, a coffee cake does not contain coffee. They are typically single layer cakes that may be square or rectangular like a Stollen or loaf-shaped rectangular cakes....

, pie
Pie
A pie is a baked dish which is usually made of a pastry dough casing that covers or completely contains a filling of various sweet or savoury ingredients....

, or nuts
Nut (fruit)
A nut is a hard-shelled fruit of some plants having an indehiscent seed. While a wide variety of dried seeds and fruits are called nuts in English, only a certain number of them are considered by biologists to be true nuts...

are appropriate as they can be put aside. The host may reply, "Thank you. I'll look forward to enjoying this."
Non-related guests should not bring up dietary restrictions unless first asked by the host. If worried there will be little food which one could eat, one should eat something before the visit, or decline the invitation if necessary. Relatives may discuss special dietary needs with the host, preferably when accepting the invitation, not when sitting down to the meal.
For meals, hosts should not delay the food for more than half an hour past the invited time. Offering appetizers is a must if the meal will be served later. Likewise, guests should not be "fashionably late" when invited for meals. Drinks (water at a minimum) should be offered within ten minutes of a guest's arrival regardless of the time of day or occasion. Hosts should not be expected to hold up meals for tardy guests, especially when other guests are waiting to eat.
A guest should have the opportunity to say, "No, thank you," before food is put on his plate. If serving food personally rather than passing it around, the polite host first asks, "Would you like some?" Not doing so might put a guest in the uncomfortable position of having food on his plate which he has no desire to eat, due to his tastes, appetite, or dietary restrictions.

Weddings

See also "Gifts" and "Invitations" sections

Weddings are often an occasion for particular concern about etiquette, and for some the only time when etiquette becomes a concern. In general, etiquette writers state that a wedding should be one more occasion for the exercise of thoughtfulness towards others, and thus a wedding is not, as is often said, "my special day" (a term "which seems to sanction selfishness"), "her day," or "their day," but an event to be enjoyed by all invited to be present. In keeping with this expectation, etiquette writers make a number of prescriptions regarding the conduct of weddings and wedding planning.

Wedding planning

Etiquette writers agree that the first step in planning a wedding should be selecting the guest list, not deciding on the type of wedding to be held. This is because others' enjoyment of the celebration should be a priority, not one's personal desires or fantasies, or as Judith Martin said, "The guest list should have priority over the arrangements, which is to say that you ask first who should be there, and then what you can afford to feed them, rather than the other way around." Traditionally, "the guest list was divided equally between the bride's and the groom's families and friends, but this is no longer considered necessary."

Likewise, etiquette writers prescribe that the selection of a bridal party should be based on interpersonal closeness to the bride or to the groom. In the past, women were most likely to choose female attendants, and likewise for the groom and males, but "friendship [should be] the chief factor, not gender" in selecting attendants. Each member of the bridal party should stand with the person to whom he or she is closest. Terms such as "man of honor," "bridesmen," "groomswomen," and "best woman" are used when appropriate. A bridal party is not, in Judith Martin

Judith Martin

's words, a "chorus line," and therefore the bridal party needn't consist of either equal numbers on each side, nor equal numbers of men and women.

Guests should not be expected to wait for an extended period of time between the ceremony and reception, and should be fed a meal if the reception and/or ceremony is during normal meal times. However, while hosts must supply beverages of some sort, they are considered under no obligation to provide alcohol. Those who do so are obliged to provide neither unlimited nor specific types of alcohol. Cash bars are considered inappropriate by etiquette writers, on the grounds that it is inappropriate to ask guests to pay for anything and because "true hospitality shares what it has. It does not attempt to give what it has not." While commonly seen in reception rooms, a cash bar indicates that the host believes the guests should have access to drinks, but is not willing to pay for them. Judith Martin suggests that if one cannot afford to serve liquor at the reception, "... serve tea or punch. If you can't afford that, serve water. But serve it graciously."

While in the past it was customary for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding, today, "[t]he days when the bride's parents were expected to bear all the expenses of the wedding and reception are over." In 1922 Emily Post
Emily Post
Emily Post was an American author famous for writing on etiquette.-Background:Post was born as Emily Price in Baltimore, Maryland, into privilege as the only daughter of architect Bruce Price and his wife Josephine Lee Price of Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania...

had called it an "unalterable rule" that the wedding be given always by the bride's parents, never by the groom or his parents. Others believe that while this was the custom, it was simply a voluntary gesture of the bride's parents.

Attire

The bride may wear any color, although since the 19th century first-time brides often choose to wear white, especially in a white wedding
White wedding
A white wedding is a traditional formal or semi-formal wedding originating in Europe.The term originates from the white color of the wedding dress, which first became popular with Victorian era elites, after Queen Victoria wore a white lace dress at her wedding; however, the term now also...

(a specific wedding routine, usually taking place inside a church). The idea that white signifies the bride's virginity
Virginity
Virginity refers to the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. There are cultural and religious traditions which place special value and significance on this state, especially in the case of unmarried females, associated with notions of personal purity, honor and worth...

has long since been abandoned, but the rule that others present should avoid white has not. Although the bride may wear a long gown even for a daytime wedding, the other members of the bridal party and guests traditionally wear attire which depends on the time of day and the announced formality of the occasion (i.e., very formal, formal, or informal). However, etiquette writers recognize that men often wear evening suits for formal daytime weddings if the event extends into the evening, as it is a bit much to expect people unfamiliar with traditional attire to dress more than once. Other forms of dress (i.e. “casual”) have no meaning in etiquette, so hosts choosing another dress code are advised to be specific to the guests. See also Formal wear
Formal wear
Formal wear and formal dress are the general terms for clothing suitable for formal social events, such as a wedding, formal garden party or dinner, débutante cotillion, dance, or race...

.

Men and women in the bridal party should dress to the same level of formality as the bride and groom, but need not wear matching suits, dresses, or colors. While black attire has become common for female wedding party members, not all etiquette writers believe this is a correct selection. Peggy Post
Peggy Post
Peggy Post is an American author and consultant on etiquette. She is Emily Post's great-granddaughter-in-law and continues her work as director and spokesperson for The Emily Post Institute in Vermont.- Background :...

writes that "[v]irtually all colors are acceptable today, including black and shades of white." Others, such as Judith Martin
Judith Martin
Judith Martin , better known by the pen name Miss Manners, is an American journalist, author, and etiquette authority. Martin's uncle was economist and labor historian Selig Perlman.- Early life and career :...

, argue that in North American culture "black symbolizes death....[A] great many people are still shocked to see it at weddings, even on guests, because it gives them tragic associations."

Guests and gifts

While gifts are customarily given, they are not to be expected by the recipient. Guests are under no obligation to spend a particular amount of money - enough to cover the supposed cost of their meal, for example - or to buy a particular gift, from a gift registry, for instance. Authorities differ on when a gift should be given; some say that guests have up to a year to give a gift, while others state that a gift should be given before or as soon after the wedding as possible.

Guests should not expect to receive party favor
Party favor
A party favor or party favour is a small gift given to the guests at a party as a gesture of thanks for their attendance, a memento of the occasion, or simply as an aid to frivolity.- Occasions :...

s. Some authorities consider it improper for hosts to announce that they have made a charitable donation "in lieu of favors" as this is invoking charity as an excuse for sidestepping proper behavior by broadcasting a private matter which would normally not be discussed with others.

Though common in some circles, asking guests "where their envelope is," wishing wells, and money dances are considered vulgar by North American etiquette authorities, as they are blatant indications that cash gifts are expected from the guests. A wedding party member who is given an envelope by a guest should briefly thank the guest and discreetly put it away. Any guest being asked for such an item should politely state that he or she has already arranged for a gift.

Public affection

Kissing, holding hands, and hugging are generally acceptable behaviors in public places.
In crowded areas, such romantic forms of affection should be curtailed as the close proximity tends to create an unintended intimacy with the surrounding strangers.

Doorways

It is polite to hold a door open for someone behind you. If someone opens or holds a door open for you, it is polite to thank them.
It is polite to step aside and wait for people exiting an elevator car, subway, train, bus, etc. before boarding.
It is polite to push opaque doors open slowly, to avoid injuring anyone who might be on the other side.

Restaurants

Seating

If seating is limited in public transportation or waiting areas, it is polite for people in good health to offer their seats to those with special needs, such as the frail, disabled, people with infants, and pregnant women. It is impolite to assume someone is in good health and to ask them to give up a seat, or to chastise them for not having offered. A young person who appears healthy may, for example, have an orthopedic problem and may need the seat more than a healthy 75-year-old.
It is polite for a gentleman to offer his seat to a woman and as such the woman may politely decline.
When enough seats are available (such as at a movie theater, uncrowded bus, park bench, or waiting room), strangers should sit at least one seat apart.
In a formal social setting, gentlemen should stand when a female approaches a table to sit, or excuses herself from the table.

Tipping (gratuities)

Tipping is done only by the host of a party; therefore guests should not leave additional tips. This applies to bar service at weddings and any other party where one is a guest. The host should provide appropriate tips to workers at the end of the event.
Many restaurant servers in the U.S. and Canada receive the majority of their income from tips and the customary gratuity is between 10% and 15% of the non-tax total of the bill. For further details on tipping standards in North America, see the "tipping" article.
If one receives very poor food service, it is best to speak to management so that the problem may be resolved. It is permissible in an extreme situation not to tip. Insulting the waiter by leaving a penny on the table as the "tip" is inappropriate.

Worker interactions

Workers such as waiters, store employees, receptionists, and government employees, should be spoken to with civilities such as "please" and "thank you." Snapping fingers, calling out loudly, waving money, or whistling for an employee's attention are not appropriate.
Workers should refrain from wearing strong fragrances when working in close proximity to others (e.g. closed offices).
While clerks and customers often address each other with terms such as: hon, dear, sweetie, darling, doll, honey, etc. (particularly in the American South), judgment should be exercised as visitors from other regions may perceive such sentimentalities as patronizing, condescending, or unprofessional. Proper terms are "Sir", "Ma'am," or "Madam", or if the name is known, Mr./Mrs./Miss/Ms. [Lastname].
One should never attempt to guess the gender or use gender-specific pronouns (such as sir or ma'am) if a clerk or customer service representative is working in a situation in which the gender cannot be seen or known (such as on the phone). Doing so could cause a male with a feminine voice or a female with a masculine voice to take great offense.
When paying at a cash register station it is considered inappropriate and rude to toss money onto the counter or lay it on the counter. Money should be handed to the cashier with the bills unfolded. The cashier will hand back any change in the same manner.
In a closed work environment or shared break area, co-workers should be considered when meal choices are selected. Foods that tend to be extremely odorous or offensive should be avoided or cooked and eaten in an area separate from other employees.