Believe Nothing
Encyclopedia
Believe Nothing is a British sitcom starring Rik Mayall
as Quadruple Professor Adonis Cnut, the cleverest man in England and Oxford's leading moral philosopher. Starring alongside Mayall is Michael Maloney
as Brian Albumen, Cnut's faithful servant, and Emily Bruni as Dr. Hannah Awkward who becomes professor of pedantics.
The series was written by Maurice Gran
and Laurence Marks, who give a twist to many of today's global issues.
Although much hyped by ITV
, who were hoping to repeat the success of Gran and Marks' previous project with Mayall, the successful The New Statesman
, the series failed to catch on (becoming one in a string of ITV's high-hoped sitcoms to have not met expectations), and was dropped after one series.
In Get Rich Quick, Adonis Cnut meets the attractive Hannah Awkward, who is trying to get a professorship. However, Adonis had already voted against her before he had met her, and since he cannot change his vote, Dr. Awkward will not become professor. The only way is for her to marry Adonis, since one is not allowed to vote against one's own wife. Then Albumen wins 50 million pounds on a TV show, with Adonis giving him the answers through a headset
, which is part of a scheme to make people think that genetically manipulated food makes you very smart. Albumen is made honorary member of the university senate, and gives Dr. Awkward his vote, so she does not have to marry Adonis. Adonis, however, is not very pleased about this.
In Prepare to Meteor Maker, Sir Richard Chutney announces to the secret council that planet earth will soon collide with a meteor
. All the members of the council decide to pretend they are having a charity high-altitude balloon race, while they are actually escaping armageddon
. Meanwhile, Albumen is about to be arrested, because The Sun is threatening to release an article about his treason during the Falklands War
. Adonis Cnut takes Hannah and Albumen with him in his balloon, looking forward to having to repopulate the world together with Hannah. When he tries to shoot an albatross, Adonis actually hits Richard Chutney's balloon, and Chutney seems to land on their balcony. The man then turns out to be called Graeme, and Chutney is apparently still on the ground, having lied about the meteor, and is now buying all the world's major companies (including Microsoft
) for very reasonable prices. Luckily, while Chutney is busy becoming the owner of the planet, Adonis "drops in unannounced" and manages to depress Chutney so much (by telling him there are no challenges left for him in life) that it drives him to jump out of the window. Adonis buys The Sun and prevents Albumen's arrest.
In Might as Well Face It, You're Addicted to Fudge, dr. Awkward is rapidly gaining weight due to her addiction to Albumen's home-made fudge
. Unfortunately, Albumen has been illegally selling his confectionery
on the Magdalen Bridge (in British imperial units), and all the fudge has been confiscated by the police as evidence. Albumen is very defensive of the old imperial measures and calls himself a "metric martyr". Meanwhile, the secret council is in need of an offshore island to control, and Cuba
seems to be a good option. Adonis disguises himself as Cuban exile
Señor Guacamole and visits the somewhat dimwitted US president George W. Shrub, in order to make him believe he has to invade Cuba. He succeeds, and visits UK prime minister Tony Caring while he is at it, also persuading him he has to declare war on Cuba, but also to leave the European Union
and reinstate the old British imperial measures. Meanwhile, Hannah has broken into the police station and eaten the 17 kilos worth of fudge they had confiscated as evidence. Both she and Albumen are arrested by Constable Haywain
. However, the council has found out that Cuba is no longer an option, because it will be hit by a tidal wave. Adonis returns to America and persuades president Shrub ("Call me Dubya!") by means of a special cigar to reconsider declaring war. He explains to the council that, now that Britain has left the European Union, it will be available as their own exploitable offshore island. Albumen receives a pardon from the prime minister in a foolscap
envelope, on quarto
parchment, handwritten with ink made from soot and cold tea.
In Double First, Adonis Cnut is suspected of murdering Burger King Professor Sheridan Brinsley in a pub toilet after having appeared on a talkshow with him. Adonis denies he has killed Brinsley, but is clearly being secretive about something. One afternoon, when he is normally lecturing, Dr. Awkward accidentally meets Adonis in his office and he starts kissing her. However, when Hannah starts "scrabbling at his trousers like a deranged dormouse", Adonis stops her and tells her he's impotent. When she tells Albumen about this, he knows something must be wrong, and when they ask Adonis whether he would like to go to a sex therapist, he reveals what has really been going on. As it turns out, Adonis has been mapping human DNA
in his secret laboratory for the last few years, and has already started cloning
people as well, namely Albumen (a spare one, in case something happens to the original) and himself. Adonis's clone has evidently murdered Sheridan Brinsley, but when the clone comes over to the apartment, no one can tell who is the real Adonis. The real Adonis then tells the police inspector about a microdot
he put between the buttocks of his clone in order to tell them apart. This turns out to be a bluff, but it becomes clear that the clone has no genitals (as Adonis puts it: "teflon groin") which is convincing enough. The clone is arrested and Adonis goes free.
In The Unhappy Eater, the now Nobel Prize
winner Adonis Cnut is sent on a mission to find the formula to an antidepressant
. The formula already exists, but has been hidden somewhere. The person who hid it is Edmund Bilyas, a professor who shares quite a few characteristics with Hannibal Lecter
, who is now in prison because he ate 11 of his students. Adonis and Albumen visit him in prison to offer him things (such as "edible cellmates") in exchange for the whereabouts of the formula. Bilyas does not accept their offers, but lets Adonis work the problem out by himself. Albumen suggests the location will have something to do with cannibalism
, after which dr. Awkward suddenly remembers an exhibition she went to around the time Bilyas was arrested, about a cannibal Aztec
king called Quecalaxlotlotl. They find out that the exhibition is currently in Belugastan. They go to Belugastan and trick one of the museum guards into turning the alarm system off. Adonis finds the formula inside a skull and when they come home, he tests the drug on Albumen and on Hannah, who is immediately off to Hollywood (because she is suddenly so happy about her looks) to star together with Anthony Hopkins in "Muteness of the Goats III: The Revenge of Billy". Adonis uses the antidepressant on the prime minister, who would not let him have a statue of himself made. Due to the drug, the prime minister says a few rather stupid things during a TV interview and is fired. The new prime minister thanks him by means of giving him a huge statue of himself with golden angel wings ("visible from space") in front of Buckingham Palace
.
In Just a Minute, Adonis Cnut has just finished making the pilot for his new TV series called A Long History of Time, "not to be confused with Stephen Hawking
's superficial treatment of the same subject". Unfortunately, the people at the BBC
do not think the man in the street will appreciate his programme, so it will be aired at 3 a.m. on "BBC Digital Choice Gold Two". Adonis tells Albumen, who is apparently not feeling too well, to tape the programme. However, when Adonis watches the tape the next day, the last minute before the end has been cut off and instead there is a "film about Watergate" that was already on the tape. He confronts Albumen with the missing minute of his programme and accuses him of deliberately setting the VCR so that it would stop a minute before the end. Albumen replies that, funnily enough, "all VCR's do that". Hannah arrives and she tells Adonis to phone a doctor, because Albumen is literally green in the face and obviously ill. Doctor Clarence Newell-Post (a former lover of Vincent Awkward, Hannah's father) arranges a bed for Albumen at the hospital. Meanwhile, the secret council are struggling with the economic problems surrounding the phenomenon of global warming
. Albumen is released from hospital and is diagnosed with radiation sickness
. Adonis lets him watch his tape to make him feel better, and it turns out that the Watergate film on the tape is actual footage from the White House
. Albumen explains that his father worked there as a janitor during Watergate, and that he stole the VCR and the tape in it from the White House. On the tape, there is evidence that Richard Nixon
and Henry Kissinger
came up with a plan to manipulate all new digital watches from China to make every hour 30 seconds longer. Like this, they could get rid of the "incriminating 18 minutes" of the Watergate scandal. Adonis figures out that this is the key to global warming: "because it is 30 years since Watergate, the calendar is three months adrift, so the fact that it feels like April in January, is because it actually is April in January". This means there is no global warming and that everyone can just "carry on polluting". Kissinger, who is now in the secret council, warns Adonis about the VCR: it was a gift from the Chinese, who had stuffed it with plutonium
in order to try and kill the president. Adonis runs over to his apartment, where Albumen and Hannah are now both green and ill, and throws the VCR out of the window, after which it explodes and Believe Nothing ends with Adonis's words "Oh, bugger".
Rik Mayall
Richard Michael "Rik" Mayall is an English comedian, writer, and actor. He is known for his comedy partnership with Ade Edmondson, his over-the-top, energetic portrayal of characters, and as a pioneer of alternative comedy in the early 1980s...
as Quadruple Professor Adonis Cnut, the cleverest man in England and Oxford's leading moral philosopher. Starring alongside Mayall is Michael Maloney
Michael Maloney
Michael Maloney is an English actor.Born in Bury St. Edmunds, Suffolk, Maloney's first television appearance was as Peter Barkworth's teenage son in the 1979 drama series, Telford's Change....
as Brian Albumen, Cnut's faithful servant, and Emily Bruni as Dr. Hannah Awkward who becomes professor of pedantics.
The series was written by Maurice Gran
Maurice Gran
Maurice Bernard Gran is one half of writing duo Marks & Gran. He co-wrote popular sitcoms The New Statesman, Birds of a Feather and Goodnight Sweetheart with Laurence Marks. He is also the co-author of Prudence at Number 10, a fictional diary supposedly written by Gordon Brown's P.A.-External links:...
and Laurence Marks, who give a twist to many of today's global issues.
Although much hyped by ITV
ITV
ITV is the major commercial public service TV network in the United Kingdom. Launched in 1955 under the auspices of the Independent Television Authority to provide competition to the BBC, it is also the oldest commercial network in the UK...
, who were hoping to repeat the success of Gran and Marks' previous project with Mayall, the successful The New Statesman
The New Statesman
The New Statesman is an award-winning British sitcom of the late 1980s and early 1990s satirising the Conservative government of the time...
, the series failed to catch on (becoming one in a string of ITV's high-hoped sitcoms to have not met expectations), and was dropped after one series.
Main cast
| Character | Actor |
| Quadruple Professor Adonis Cnut | Rik Mayall Rik Mayall Richard Michael "Rik" Mayall is an English comedian, writer, and actor. He is known for his comedy partnership with Ade Edmondson, his over-the-top, energetic portrayal of characters, and as a pioneer of alternative comedy in the early 1980s... |
| Brian Albumen | Michael Maloney Michael Maloney Michael Maloney is an English actor.Born in Bury St. Edmunds, Suffolk, Maloney's first television appearance was as Peter Barkworth's teenage son in the 1979 drama series, Telford's Change.... |
| Dr. Hannah Awkward | Emily Bruni Emily Bruni Emily Bruni , is an English actress.Born to an Italian father who is an academic at Exeter University, Bruni was educated at St Peter's school. Bruni was a member of the Devon Youth Theatre and Exeter Children's Orchestra before training at the Guildhall School of Music and Drama in London.Bruni... |
Episodes, Summaries and Additional Cast
| 1. Get Rich Quick |
| 2. Prepare to Meteor Maker |
| 3. Might as Well Face It, You're Addicted to Fudge |
| 4. Double First |
| 5. The Unhappy Eater |
| 6. Just a Minute |
In Get Rich Quick, Adonis Cnut meets the attractive Hannah Awkward, who is trying to get a professorship. However, Adonis had already voted against her before he had met her, and since he cannot change his vote, Dr. Awkward will not become professor. The only way is for her to marry Adonis, since one is not allowed to vote against one's own wife. Then Albumen wins 50 million pounds on a TV show, with Adonis giving him the answers through a headset
Headset (telephone/computer)
A headset is headphones combined with a microphone, or one headphone with a microphone. Headsets provide the equivalent functionality of a telephone handset with hands-free operation. Headsets typically have only one speaker like a telephone, but also come with speakers for both ears...
, which is part of a scheme to make people think that genetically manipulated food makes you very smart. Albumen is made honorary member of the university senate, and gives Dr. Awkward his vote, so she does not have to marry Adonis. Adonis, however, is not very pleased about this.
| Character | Actor |
| Chairman | Don Warrington Don Warrington Don Warrington, MBE is a Trinidadian British actor.-Personal life:Warrington was born in Trinidad and Tobago on 23 May 1951 and brought up in Newcastle upon Tyne, England from age five. His father was the Trinidadian politician, Basil Kydd, who died in 1958. He has two sons.His acting career... |
| Lance Boyle | Barry Cryer Barry Cryer Barry Charles Cryer OBE is a British writer and comedian. Cryer has written for many noted performers, including Dave Allen, Stanley Baxter, Jack Benny, Rory Bremner, George Burns, Jasper Carrott, Tommy Cooper, Les Dawson, Dick Emery, Kenny Everett, Bruce Forsyth, David Frost, Bob Hope, Frankie... |
| Le Fanu | Pip Torrens Pip Torrens Pip Torrens is an English actor.He was born in Bromley, Kent, England. He studied English Literature at Trinity College, Cambridge... |
| Nebbish | Kerry Shale Kerry Shale Kerry Shale is a UK-based actor, writer and voice-over artist. He is married to Suzanne Shale, a former Oxford University law don, now a specialist in the field of medical ethics.-Theatre:... |
| Boutros Boutros Ghali | Vic Tablian Vic Tablian Vic Tablian is an Armenian-born British actor. His filmography includes his double role as Barranca and Monkey Man in the 1981 film Raiders of the Lost Ark.- Filmography :* The Bill, Nadim Mura, 2007... |
| Dave Short | Tim Vine Tim Vine Timothy "Tim" Mark Vine is an English actor, writer and comedian. He has released a number of DVDs of his stand-up comedy, as well as starring in the successful series Not Going Out with Lee Mack on the BBC... |
| Newscaster | Jon Glover Jon Glover Jon Glover is a British actor. He has appeared in various television programmes including Play School, Survivors, the Management consultant in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Casualty, Bodger and Badger and Peak Practice.... |
| Doris | Maureen Sweeney |
In Prepare to Meteor Maker, Sir Richard Chutney announces to the secret council that planet earth will soon collide with a meteor
METEOR
METEOR is a metric for the evaluation of machine translation output. The metric is based on the harmonic mean of unigram precision and recall, with recall weighted higher than precision...
. All the members of the council decide to pretend they are having a charity high-altitude balloon race, while they are actually escaping armageddon
Armageddon
Armageddon is, according to the Bible, the site of a battle during the end times, variously interpreted as either a literal or symbolic location...
. Meanwhile, Albumen is about to be arrested, because The Sun is threatening to release an article about his treason during the Falklands War
Falklands War
The Falklands War , also called the Falklands Conflict or Falklands Crisis, was fought in 1982 between Argentina and the United Kingdom over the disputed Falkland Islands and South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands...
. Adonis Cnut takes Hannah and Albumen with him in his balloon, looking forward to having to repopulate the world together with Hannah. When he tries to shoot an albatross, Adonis actually hits Richard Chutney's balloon, and Chutney seems to land on their balcony. The man then turns out to be called Graeme, and Chutney is apparently still on the ground, having lied about the meteor, and is now buying all the world's major companies (including Microsoft
Microsoft
Microsoft Corporation is an American public multinational corporation headquartered in Redmond, Washington, USA that develops, manufactures, licenses, and supports a wide range of products and services predominantly related to computing through its various product divisions...
) for very reasonable prices. Luckily, while Chutney is busy becoming the owner of the planet, Adonis "drops in unannounced" and manages to depress Chutney so much (by telling him there are no challenges left for him in life) that it drives him to jump out of the window. Adonis buys The Sun and prevents Albumen's arrest.
| Character | Actor |
| Chairman | Don Warrington Don Warrington Don Warrington, MBE is a Trinidadian British actor.-Personal life:Warrington was born in Trinidad and Tobago on 23 May 1951 and brought up in Newcastle upon Tyne, England from age five. His father was the Trinidadian politician, Basil Kydd, who died in 1958. He has two sons.His acting career... |
| Sir Richard Chutney | Paul Shearer Paul Shearer Paul Shearer is a British actor who is best known as a member of the Fast Show team. His best-known roles on that programme are as a newscaster and a variety show host on the European television parody sketch 'Chanel 9'.... |
| Major | Richard Braine Richard Braine Richard Braine is a British television actor.One of his most recognisable roles was that of Augustus "Gussie" Fink-Nottle in the ITV television third and fourth series Jeeves and Wooster based on the P. G. Wodehouse novels... |
| Graeme | James Mansfield James Mansfield Sir James Mansfield , SL, KC was a British lawyer, judge and politician. He was twice Solicitor General and served as Chief Justice of the Common Pleas from 1799 to 1814.-Early life and career:... |
In Might as Well Face It, You're Addicted to Fudge, dr. Awkward is rapidly gaining weight due to her addiction to Albumen's home-made fudge
Fudge
Fudge is a type of Western confectionery which is usually very sweet, and extremely rich. It is made by mixing sugar, butter, and milk and heating it to the soft-ball stage at , and then beating the mixture while it cools so that it acquires a smooth, creamy consistency...
. Unfortunately, Albumen has been illegally selling his confectionery
Confectionery
Confectionery is the set of food items that are rich in sugar, any one or type of which is called a confection. Modern usage may include substances rich in artificial sweeteners as well...
on the Magdalen Bridge (in British imperial units), and all the fudge has been confiscated by the police as evidence. Albumen is very defensive of the old imperial measures and calls himself a "metric martyr". Meanwhile, the secret council is in need of an offshore island to control, and Cuba
Cuba
The Republic of Cuba is an island nation in the Caribbean. The nation of Cuba consists of the main island of Cuba, the Isla de la Juventud, and several archipelagos. Havana is the largest city in Cuba and the country's capital. Santiago de Cuba is the second largest city...
seems to be a good option. Adonis disguises himself as Cuban exile
Cuban exile
The term "Cuban exile" refers to the many Cubans who have sought alternative political or economic conditions outside the island, dating back to the Ten Years' War and the struggle for Cuban independence during the 19th century...
Señor Guacamole and visits the somewhat dimwitted US president George W. Shrub, in order to make him believe he has to invade Cuba. He succeeds, and visits UK prime minister Tony Caring while he is at it, also persuading him he has to declare war on Cuba, but also to leave the European Union
European Union
The European Union is an economic and political union of 27 independent member states which are located primarily in Europe. The EU traces its origins from the European Coal and Steel Community and the European Economic Community , formed by six countries in 1958...
and reinstate the old British imperial measures. Meanwhile, Hannah has broken into the police station and eaten the 17 kilos worth of fudge they had confiscated as evidence. Both she and Albumen are arrested by Constable Haywain
The Hay Wain
The Hay Wain is a painting by John Constable, finished in 1821. The painting depicts a rural scene on the River Stour in Suffolk. It hangs in the National Gallery London, and is regarded as one of the greatest British paintings.-Description:...
. However, the council has found out that Cuba is no longer an option, because it will be hit by a tidal wave. Adonis returns to America and persuades president Shrub ("Call me Dubya!") by means of a special cigar to reconsider declaring war. He explains to the council that, now that Britain has left the European Union, it will be available as their own exploitable offshore island. Albumen receives a pardon from the prime minister in a foolscap
Foolscap
Foolscap may refer to:* Foolscap folio, a paper size of 8½ × 13½ inches * A paper size of 17 × 13½ inches * A book by Michael Malone-See also:*Jester, an entertainer employed by a European monarch, often wearing a fool's cap...
envelope, on quarto
Quarto
Quarto could refer to:* Quarto, a size or format of a book in which four leaves of a book are created from a standard size sheet of paper* For specific information about quarto texts of William Shakespeare's works, see:...
parchment, handwritten with ink made from soot and cold tea.
| Character | Actor |
| President George W. Shrub | Rory Bremner Rory Bremner Roderick "Rory" Keith Ogilvy Bremner, FKC is a Scottish impressionist, playwright and comedian, noted for his work in political satire... |
| Chairman | Don Warrington Don Warrington Don Warrington, MBE is a Trinidadian British actor.-Personal life:Warrington was born in Trinidad and Tobago on 23 May 1951 and brought up in Newcastle upon Tyne, England from age five. His father was the Trinidadian politician, Basil Kydd, who died in 1958. He has two sons.His acting career... |
| Prime Minister Tony Caring | Mark Perry Mark Perry Mark Perry may refer to:* Mark Perry , college wrestler at the University of Iowa* Mark Perry , American author* Mark Perry , professor at the University of Michigan... |
| Constable Haywain | Rebecca Sarker |
In Double First, Adonis Cnut is suspected of murdering Burger King Professor Sheridan Brinsley in a pub toilet after having appeared on a talkshow with him. Adonis denies he has killed Brinsley, but is clearly being secretive about something. One afternoon, when he is normally lecturing, Dr. Awkward accidentally meets Adonis in his office and he starts kissing her. However, when Hannah starts "scrabbling at his trousers like a deranged dormouse", Adonis stops her and tells her he's impotent. When she tells Albumen about this, he knows something must be wrong, and when they ask Adonis whether he would like to go to a sex therapist, he reveals what has really been going on. As it turns out, Adonis has been mapping human DNA
DNA
Deoxyribonucleic acid is a nucleic acid that contains the genetic instructions used in the development and functioning of all known living organisms . The DNA segments that carry this genetic information are called genes, but other DNA sequences have structural purposes, or are involved in...
in his secret laboratory for the last few years, and has already started cloning
Cloning
Cloning in biology is the process of producing similar populations of genetically identical individuals that occurs in nature when organisms such as bacteria, insects or plants reproduce asexually. Cloning in biotechnology refers to processes used to create copies of DNA fragments , cells , or...
people as well, namely Albumen (a spare one, in case something happens to the original) and himself. Adonis's clone has evidently murdered Sheridan Brinsley, but when the clone comes over to the apartment, no one can tell who is the real Adonis. The real Adonis then tells the police inspector about a microdot
Microdot
A microdot is text or an image substantially reduced in size onto a 1mm disc to prevent detection by unintended recipients. Microdots are normally circular around one millimetre in diameter but can be made into different shapes and sizes and made from various materials such as polyester...
he put between the buttocks of his clone in order to tell them apart. This turns out to be a bluff, but it becomes clear that the clone has no genitals (as Adonis puts it: "teflon groin") which is convincing enough. The clone is arrested and Adonis goes free.
| Character | Actor |
| Detective Inspector Aldiss | Kenneth Cranham Kenneth Cranham Kenneth Cranham is a film, television and stage actor. He starred in the title role in the popular 1980s comedy drama Shine on Harvey Moon. He also appeared in Layer Cake, Gangster No. 1, Rome, Oliver! and many other films. He is probably best known to horror genre fans as the deranged Dr... |
| Professor Sheridan Brinsley | Mike McShane Mike McShane Michael "Mike" McShane is an American actor, singer, and improvisational comedian who first became known through his appearances in the early 1990s on the British version of the television show Whose Line Is It Anyway?-Biography:... |
| Sergeant Carroll | Craig Heaney Craig Heaney Craig Heaney is a British screen, stage and radio actor. He may be best-known as Private Roy W Cobb in the award-winning ten-part mini-series Band of Brothers . He played Phil in Danny Cannon's 2005 football movie Goal! and its 2009 sequel, Goal! 3: Taking on the World... |
| Doris | Maureen Sweeney |
| Melvyn Bragg | Melvyn Bragg Melvyn Bragg Melvyn Bragg, Baron Bragg FRSL FRTS FBA, FRS FRSA is an English broadcaster and author best known for his work with the BBC and for presenting the The South Bank Show... |
In The Unhappy Eater, the now Nobel Prize
Nobel Prize
The Nobel Prizes are annual international awards bestowed by Scandinavian committees in recognition of cultural and scientific advances. The will of the Swedish chemist Alfred Nobel, the inventor of dynamite, established the prizes in 1895...
winner Adonis Cnut is sent on a mission to find the formula to an antidepressant
Antidepressant
An antidepressant is a psychiatric medication used to alleviate mood disorders, such as major depression and dysthymia and anxiety disorders such as social anxiety disorder. According to Gelder, Mayou &*Geddes people with a depressive illness will experience a therapeutic effect to their mood;...
. The formula already exists, but has been hidden somewhere. The person who hid it is Edmund Bilyas, a professor who shares quite a few characteristics with Hannibal Lecter
Hannibal Lecter
Hannibal Lecter M.D. is a fictional character in a series of horror novels by Thomas Harris and in the films adapted from them.Lecter was introduced in the 1981 thriller novel Red Dragon as a brilliant psychiatrist and cannibalistic serial killer...
, who is now in prison because he ate 11 of his students. Adonis and Albumen visit him in prison to offer him things (such as "edible cellmates") in exchange for the whereabouts of the formula. Bilyas does not accept their offers, but lets Adonis work the problem out by himself. Albumen suggests the location will have something to do with cannibalism
Cannibalism
Cannibalism is the act or practice of humans eating the flesh of other human beings. It is also called anthropophagy...
, after which dr. Awkward suddenly remembers an exhibition she went to around the time Bilyas was arrested, about a cannibal Aztec
Aztec
The Aztec people were certain ethnic groups of central Mexico, particularly those groups who spoke the Nahuatl language and who dominated large parts of Mesoamerica in the 14th, 15th and 16th centuries, a period referred to as the late post-classic period in Mesoamerican chronology.Aztec is the...
king called Quecalaxlotlotl. They find out that the exhibition is currently in Belugastan. They go to Belugastan and trick one of the museum guards into turning the alarm system off. Adonis finds the formula inside a skull and when they come home, he tests the drug on Albumen and on Hannah, who is immediately off to Hollywood (because she is suddenly so happy about her looks) to star together with Anthony Hopkins in "Muteness of the Goats III: The Revenge of Billy". Adonis uses the antidepressant on the prime minister, who would not let him have a statue of himself made. Due to the drug, the prime minister says a few rather stupid things during a TV interview and is fired. The new prime minister thanks him by means of giving him a huge statue of himself with golden angel wings ("visible from space") in front of Buckingham Palace
Buckingham Palace
Buckingham Palace, in London, is the principal residence and office of the British monarch. Located in the City of Westminster, the palace is a setting for state occasions and royal hospitality...
.
| Character | Actor |
| Professor Edmund Bilyas | Clive Merrison Clive Merrison Clive Merrison is a Welsh actor of film, television, stage and radio. He trained at Rose Bruford College.- Television :... |
| Prime Minister Tony Caring | Mark Perry Mark Perry Mark Perry may refer to:* Mark Perry , college wrestler at the University of Iowa* Mark Perry , American author* Mark Perry , professor at the University of Michigan... |
| David Killjoy | David Fleeshman |
| King of Norway | Adam Astill |
| Captain | Mido Hamada Mido Hamada Mido Hamada is a German-Egyptian actor having played roles in film, theater and television.Hamada attended the Oxford School of Drama. He lives in London, England. His roles include Ahmed Shah Massoud in the television mini-series The Path to 9/11 and smaller roles in the British television series... |
In Just a Minute, Adonis Cnut has just finished making the pilot for his new TV series called A Long History of Time, "not to be confused with Stephen Hawking
Stephen Hawking
Stephen William Hawking, CH, CBE, FRS, FRSA is an English theoretical physicist and cosmologist, whose scientific books and public appearances have made him an academic celebrity...
's superficial treatment of the same subject". Unfortunately, the people at the BBC
BBC
The British Broadcasting Corporation is a British public service broadcaster. Its headquarters is at Broadcasting House in the City of Westminster, London. It is the largest broadcaster in the world, with about 23,000 staff...
do not think the man in the street will appreciate his programme, so it will be aired at 3 a.m. on "BBC Digital Choice Gold Two". Adonis tells Albumen, who is apparently not feeling too well, to tape the programme. However, when Adonis watches the tape the next day, the last minute before the end has been cut off and instead there is a "film about Watergate" that was already on the tape. He confronts Albumen with the missing minute of his programme and accuses him of deliberately setting the VCR so that it would stop a minute before the end. Albumen replies that, funnily enough, "all VCR's do that". Hannah arrives and she tells Adonis to phone a doctor, because Albumen is literally green in the face and obviously ill. Doctor Clarence Newell-Post (a former lover of Vincent Awkward, Hannah's father) arranges a bed for Albumen at the hospital. Meanwhile, the secret council are struggling with the economic problems surrounding the phenomenon of global warming
Global warming
Global warming refers to the rising average temperature of Earth's atmosphere and oceans and its projected continuation. In the last 100 years, Earth's average surface temperature increased by about with about two thirds of the increase occurring over just the last three decades...
. Albumen is released from hospital and is diagnosed with radiation sickness
Radiation Sickness
Radiation Sickness is a VHS by the thrash metal band Nuclear Assault. The video is a recording of a concert at the Hammersmith Odeon, London in 1988. It was released in 1991...
. Adonis lets him watch his tape to make him feel better, and it turns out that the Watergate film on the tape is actual footage from the White House
White House
The White House is the official residence and principal workplace of the president of the United States. Located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW in Washington, D.C., the house was designed by Irish-born James Hoban, and built between 1792 and 1800 of white-painted Aquia sandstone in the Neoclassical...
. Albumen explains that his father worked there as a janitor during Watergate, and that he stole the VCR and the tape in it from the White House. On the tape, there is evidence that Richard Nixon
Richard Nixon
Richard Milhous Nixon was the 37th President of the United States, serving from 1969 to 1974. The only president to resign the office, Nixon had previously served as a US representative and senator from California and as the 36th Vice President of the United States from 1953 to 1961 under...
and Henry Kissinger
Henry Kissinger
Heinz Alfred "Henry" Kissinger is a German-born American academic, political scientist, diplomat, and businessman. He is a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize. He served as National Security Advisor and later concurrently as Secretary of State in the administrations of Presidents Richard Nixon and...
came up with a plan to manipulate all new digital watches from China to make every hour 30 seconds longer. Like this, they could get rid of the "incriminating 18 minutes" of the Watergate scandal. Adonis figures out that this is the key to global warming: "because it is 30 years since Watergate, the calendar is three months adrift, so the fact that it feels like April in January, is because it actually is April in January". This means there is no global warming and that everyone can just "carry on polluting". Kissinger, who is now in the secret council, warns Adonis about the VCR: it was a gift from the Chinese, who had stuffed it with plutonium
Plutonium
Plutonium is a transuranic radioactive chemical element with the chemical symbol Pu and atomic number 94. It is an actinide metal of silvery-gray appearance that tarnishes when exposed to air, forming a dull coating when oxidized. The element normally exhibits six allotropes and four oxidation...
in order to try and kill the president. Adonis runs over to his apartment, where Albumen and Hannah are now both green and ill, and throws the VCR out of the window, after which it explodes and Believe Nothing ends with Adonis's words "Oh, bugger".
| Character | Actor |
| Chairman | Don Warrington Don Warrington Don Warrington, MBE is a Trinidadian British actor.-Personal life:Warrington was born in Trinidad and Tobago on 23 May 1951 and brought up in Newcastle upon Tyne, England from age five. His father was the Trinidadian politician, Basil Kydd, who died in 1958. He has two sons.His acting career... |
| Henry Kissinger | David de Keyser David de Keyser David de Keyser is a British actor. He is the father of Alexei de Keyser, Pia de Keyser and Thomas de Keyser.In the mid-sixties de Keyser worked twice with the writer, actor and director Jane Arden. Their first collaboration, The Logic Game, was the first BBC drama to be shot on film; it was... |
| Doctor Clarence Newell-Post | Patrick Ryecart Patrick Ryecart Patrick Geoffrey Ryecart is an English actor.Ryecart was born in Leamington Spa. He has predominantly acted on British television shows since the mid-seventies including Lillie, Romeo and Juliet, The Professionals, Minder, Rumpole of the Bailey, Lovejoy, Coming Home, and Holby City... |
| President Richard Nixon | Geoffrey McGivern Geoffrey McGivern Geoffrey McGivern is an English actor in film, radio, stage and television. He was born in Balham, South London and grew up in York. There he attended Archbishop Holgate's School, where he was made Head Boy... |
| Colonel | Barrie Gosney Barrie Gosney Barrie Gosney was a British television, film and theatrical actor.In a career spanning five decades, Gosney played roles in Up Pompeii, Last of the Summer Wine, Believe Nothing, Time Gentlemen Please, and Harry Hill .He is perhaps best remembered for his performances in Harry Hill's show in which... |
| Laura | Jane Robbins |