Vampires Suck
Encyclopedia
Vampires Suck is a 2010 vampire spoof film based on the Twilight film series
The Twilight Saga (film series)
The Twilight Saga is a series of supernatural romance fantasy films from Summit Entertainment based on the four Twilight series novels by the American author Stephenie Meyer. The films star Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner. The series has grossed over $2 billion in worldwide...

 and directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. It stars Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter
Matt Lanter
Matthew Mackendree "Matt" Lanter is an American actor, former reality TV personality and model, perhaps best known for his roles in Commander in Chief, 90210, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Disaster Movie, Sorority Row and Vampires Suck.-Early life and career:Lanter was born in Massillon, Stark...

, Christopher N. Riggi
Chris Riggi
Christopher "Chris" Riggi is an American actor, best known for his role as Scott Rosson in the TV series Gossip Girl, and Jacob White in the Twilight Parody film, Vampires Suck, which was released in the US on August 18, 2010....

, Ken Jeong
Ken Jeong
Kendrick Kang-Joh "Ken" Jeong , also known as "Dr. Ken," is an American comedian, actor, and physician. Currently, he appears as Ben Chang on the NBC comedy series Community.-Early life and medical career:...

, Anneliese van der Pol
Anneliese van der Pol
Anneliese Louise van der Pol is a Dutch-American actress and singer. After an early career in musical theatre, she was cast as Chelsea Daniels in the Disney Channel Original Series That's So Raven, a role that gained her renown among young audiences. Van der Pol also has a career as a singer and...

, and Arielle Kebbel
Arielle Kebbel
Arielle Caroline Kebbel is an American model and actress. Arielle is perhaps best known for her roles in films such as American Pie Presents: Band Camp, John Tucker Must Die, Vampires Suck, and Aquamarine, as well as TV series including The Vampire Diaries, Gilmore Girls, and Life Unexpected, on...

.

Plot

Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) moves to Sporks to live with her clueless father, Sheriff Frank (Diedrich Bader
Diedrich Bader
Karl Diedrich Bader , better known as Diedrich Bader, is an American actor, voice artist and comedian. Many know him for his roles as Oswald Lee Harvey on The Drew Carey Show, Lawrence from the film Office Space, the Tae Kwon Do instructor Rex from Napoleon Dynamite, Tank "Shredder" Evans in Surf's...

), after her mother starts an affair with Tiger Woods
Tiger Woods
Eldrick Tont "Tiger" Woods is an American professional golfer whose achievements to date rank him among the most successful golfers of all time. Formerly the World No...

. Meanwhile, killings have been happening to random people and the number one suspects are the Kardashians. Becca is quickly befriended by many students at her new high school, including Jennifer (Anneliese van der Pol
Anneliese van der Pol
Anneliese Louise van der Pol is a Dutch-American actress and singer. After an early career in musical theatre, she was cast as Chelsea Daniels in the Disney Channel Original Series That's So Raven, a role that gained her renown among young audiences. Van der Pol also has a career as a singer and...

) but she is intrigued by the mysterious and aloof Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter
Matt Lanter
Matthew Mackendree "Matt" Lanter is an American actor, former reality TV personality and model, perhaps best known for his roles in Commander in Chief, 90210, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Disaster Movie, Sorority Row and Vampires Suck.-Early life and career:Lanter was born in Massillon, Stark...

), who perplexes her during their time in the biology class, despite thinking she smells of tuna
Tuna
Tuna is a salt water fish from the family Scombridae, mostly in the genus Thunnus. Tuna are fast swimmers, and some species are capable of speeds of . Unlike most fish, which have white flesh, the muscle tissue of tuna ranges from pink to dark red. The red coloration derives from myoglobin, an...

.

Later, Becca is nearly struck by a van in the school parking lot. Edward inexplicably moves from several feet away and stops the vehicle by thrusting another student in its path without any harm to himself or Becca (the other student is very badly injured). He later refuses to explain this act to Becca and warns her against befriending him. After much research, she tells Edward that she knows what he is, but reaches the wrong conclusion that he is a Jonas Brother
Jonas Brothers
The Jonas Brothers are an American boy band. The band gained its popularity from the Disney Channel children's television network. From the shore region of New Jersey, the band consists of three brothers: Paul Kevin Jonas II , Joseph Adam Jonas , and Nicholas Jerry Jonas...

. Edward corrects her, saying he is a vampire
Vampire
Vampires are mythological or folkloric beings who subsist by feeding on the life essence of living creatures, regardless of whether they are undead or a living person...

 but that he only consumes animal blood, and shows her the shiny bling he wears under his clothes. The pair fall in love, and he introduces Becca to his vampire family on her birthday. While unwrapping a gift, Becca gets a paper cut, causing Edward's family to go into a blood frenzy and try to kill her before Edward fights them off. Realizing the danger that he and his family pose to Becca, Edward ends their relationship while saving her from the one of the three nomadic vampires who have been killing humans, Jack (Charlie Weber), by knocking his head off with a baseball bat. Jack's head flies through Sheriff Frank's car window, and he blames the Kardashians.

Edward's departure leaves Becca heartbroken for months (and screaming for hours), and she discovers that thrill-seeking activities and attempted suicide
Suicide
Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one's own death. Suicide is often committed out of despair or attributed to some underlying mental disorder, such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, alcoholism, or drug abuse...

s evoke Edward's preserved image. She is also comforted by her deepening friendship with Jacob White (Christopher N. Riggi
Chris Riggi
Christopher "Chris" Riggi is an American actor, best known for his role as Scott Rosson in the TV series Gossip Girl, and Jacob White in the Twilight Parody film, Vampires Suck, which was released in the US on August 18, 2010....

), the cheerful childhood friend who eases her pain over losing Edward. When Becca is accosted in the woods by another of the nomadic vampires (the third not appearing, as she was recast), Jacob transforms into a Chihuahua
Chihuahua (dog)
The ' is the smallest breed of dog and is so named for the state of Chihuahua in Mexico. Chihuahuas come in a wide variety of sizes, head shapes, colors and coat lengths.-History:...

 as his werewolf pack arrives to save her. Meanwhile, Edward has moved to Brazil and is now dating Lady Gaga
Lady GaGa
Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta , better known by her stage name Lady Gaga, is an American singer and songwriter. Born and raised in New York City, she primarily studied at the Convent of the Sacred Heart and briefly attended New York University's Tisch School of the Arts before withdrawing to...

 to get over losing Becca. When his sister arrives and tells him that, with her gift of prophecy
Prophecy
Prophecy is a process in which one or more messages that have been communicated to a prophet are then communicated to others. Such messages typically involve divine inspiration, interpretation, or revelation of conditioned events to come as well as testimonies or repeated revelations that the...

, she has seen Becca kill herself, Edward becomes depressed and decides to provoke the "Zolturi", a powerful vampire coven, by exposing himself in the sunlight at 'St. Salvatore's day' school prom and forcing them to kill him for revealing that vampires exist. His sister has another vision of Becca's survival as he leaves, but she is unable to warn him.

Edward's sister arrives at Becca's house in her Porsche 911
Porsche 911
The Porsche 911 is a luxury 2-door sports coupe made by Porsche AG of Stuttgart, Germany. It has a distinctive design, rear-engined and with independent rear suspension, an evolution of the swing axle on the Porsche 356. The engine was also air-cooled until the introduction of the Type 996 in 1998...

, and tells her she has to save Edward by showing him she is still alive. Jacob appears and demands that Becca choose between him and Edward, but just before she announces her decision he is distracted by a cat and runs off to chase it. Upon arriving at the prom, Becca is caught between the warring factions of Edward fangirls and Jacob fangirls. She is unable to reach Edward before he exposes himself, figuratively and literally. However, twilight
Twilight
Twilight is the time between dawn and sunrise or between sunset and dusk, during which sunlight scattering in the upper atmosphere illuminates the lower atmosphere, and the surface of the earth is neither completely lit nor completely dark. The sun itself is not directly visible because it is below...

 occurs (followed by a new moon
New moon
In astronomical terminology, the new moon is the lunar phase that occurs when the Moon, in its monthly orbital motion around Earth, lies between Earth and the Sun, and is therefore in conjunction with the Sun as seen from Earth...

 and an eclipse
Eclipse
An eclipse is an astronomical event that occurs when an astronomical object is temporarily obscured, either by passing into the shadow of another body or by having another body pass between it and the viewer...

), concealing Edward's vampire nature as Becca gets him to safety. But after a fight between him and the Zolturi leader, Daro (Ken Jeong
Ken Jeong
Kendrick Kang-Joh "Ken" Jeong , also known as "Dr. Ken," is an American comedian, actor, and physician. Currently, he appears as Ben Chang on the NBC comedy series Community.-Early life and medical career:...

), Edward is forced to make Becca into a vampire or else he will be killed horribly. He agrees to do so only on the condition that she marry him, which she accepts.

The film concludes with Edward taking a blow to the head from the head Jacob fangirl, who shouts "Team Jacob, bitch!" Edward survives the blow, and the girl is attacked by the newly-vampirized Becca.

Cast

  • Jenn Proske as Becca Crane
  • Matt Lanter
    Matt Lanter
    Matthew Mackendree "Matt" Lanter is an American actor, former reality TV personality and model, perhaps best known for his roles in Commander in Chief, 90210, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Disaster Movie, Sorority Row and Vampires Suck.-Early life and career:Lanter was born in Massillon, Stark...

     as Edward Sullen
  • Diedrich Bader
    Diedrich Bader
    Karl Diedrich Bader , better known as Diedrich Bader, is an American actor, voice artist and comedian. Many know him for his roles as Oswald Lee Harvey on The Drew Carey Show, Lawrence from the film Office Space, the Tae Kwon Do instructor Rex from Napoleon Dynamite, Tank "Shredder" Evans in Surf's...

     as Frank Crane
  • Christopher N. Riggi
    Chris Riggi
    Christopher "Chris" Riggi is an American actor, best known for his role as Scott Rosson in the TV series Gossip Girl, and Jacob White in the Twilight Parody film, Vampires Suck, which was released in the US on August 18, 2010....

     as Jacob White
  • Ken Jeong
    Ken Jeong
    Kendrick Kang-Joh "Ken" Jeong , also known as "Dr. Ken," is an American comedian, actor, and physician. Currently, he appears as Ben Chang on the NBC comedy series Community.-Early life and medical career:...

     as Daro
  • Anneliese van der Pol
    Anneliese van der Pol
    Anneliese Louise van der Pol is a Dutch-American actress and singer. After an early career in musical theatre, she was cast as Chelsea Daniels in the Disney Channel Original Series That's So Raven, a role that gained her renown among young audiences. Van der Pol also has a career as a singer and...

     as Jennifer
  • Arielle Kebbel
    Arielle Kebbel
    Arielle Caroline Kebbel is an American model and actress. Arielle is perhaps best known for her roles in films such as American Pie Presents: Band Camp, John Tucker Must Die, Vampires Suck, and Aquamarine, as well as TV series including The Vampire Diaries, Gilmore Girls, and Life Unexpected, on...

     as Rachel
  • B.J. Britt as Antoine
  • Charlie Weber
    Charlie Weber (actor)
    Charlie Weber is an American actor. He is perhaps best known for his recurring role as Ben in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.-Early life and career:...

     as Jack
  • Emily Brobst as June
  • Bradley Dodds as Salvatore
  • Mike Mayhall as Nicholas
  • Rett Terrell as Max
  • Stephanie Fischer as Rosalyn
  • Nick Eversman as Jeremiah
  • Zane Holtz as Alex
  • Crista Flanagan
    Crista Flanagan
    Crista Flanagan is an American comedic actress best known for her work as a cast member on the FOX sketch comedy series MADtv from 2005 to 2009 and for her recurring role as Lois Sadler on the AMC series Mad Men.-Early life:...

     as Eden
  • Jeff Witzke as Dr. Carlton
  • Jun Hee Lee
    Jun Hee Lee
    Jun Hee Lee is an American actor.Lee was born in St. Louis, Missouri. His most major film role was that of the title character in the 2004 film Ethan Mao...

     as Derric
  • Kelsey Ford as Iris
  • David DeLuise
    David DeLuise
    David Dominick DeLuise is an American actor and director.-Career:DeLuise was born in 1971 in Los Angeles, California. He is the youngest son of actor and comedian Dom DeLuise and actress Carol Arthur , and the brother of actor, writer, director Peter DeLuise and actor Michael DeLuise.His first...

     as Fisherman Scully
  • Krystal Mayo as Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    Buffy Summers
    Buffy Summers is a fictional character from Joss Whedon's Buffy the Vampire Slayer franchise. She first appeared in the 1992 film Buffy the Vampire Slayer before going on to appear in the television series and subsequent comic book of the same name...

  • Ike Barinholtz
    Ike Barinholtz
    Isaac "Ike" Barinholtz is an American actor, comedian and screenwriter. Barinholtz is most notable for his membership in the recurring cast of comedians on sketch comedy series MADtv from 2002-2007.-Early life:...

     as Bobby White
  • Dave Foley
    Dave Foley
    David Scott "Dave" Foley is a Canadian comedian, writer, director, and producer best known for his work in The Kids in the Hall, NewsRadio, A Bug's Life, and Celebrity Poker Showdown...

     as Principal Smith
  • Helena Barrett as Iris
  • Matthew Warzel as John

Release date

Vampires Suck was released on August 18, 2010, in the United States
United States
The United States of America is a federal constitutional republic comprising fifty states and a federal district...

, Canada
Canada
Canada is a North American country consisting of ten provinces and three territories. Located in the northern part of the continent, it extends from the Atlantic Ocean in the east to the Pacific Ocean in the west, and northward into the Arctic Ocean...

 and Russia
Russia
Russia or , officially known as both Russia and the Russian Federation , is a country in northern Eurasia. It is a federal semi-presidential republic, comprising 83 federal subjects...

, August 26 in Australia and was released on October 15 in Britain
United Kingdom
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern IrelandIn the United Kingdom and Dependencies, other languages have been officially recognised as legitimate autochthonous languages under the European Charter for Regional or Minority Languages...

. 20th Century Fox did not provide advance screenings of the film for critics.

Critical reception

Vampires Suck received almost universally negative reviews from critics and an approval rating of 4% on Rotten Tomatoes
Rotten Tomatoes
Rotten Tomatoes is a website devoted to reviews, information, and news of films—widely known as a film review aggregator. Its name derives from the cliché of audiences throwing tomatoes and other vegetables at a poor stage performance...

, with the consensus being "Witlessly broad and utterly devoid of laughs, Vampires Suck represents a slight step forward for the Friedberg-Seltzer team." And on The Rotten Tomatoes Show, comedian Ron Babcock said that it's "scary that this movie made two million dollars more in its opening weekend than Scott Pilgrim vs the World." He then proceeded to say "America, can you guys get your shit together?"
Another review aggregator, Metacritic
Metacritic
Metacritic.com is a website that collates reviews of music albums, games, movies, TV shows and DVDs. For each product, a numerical score from each review is obtained and the total is averaged. An excerpt of each review is provided along with a hyperlink to the source. Three colour codes of Green,...

, calculated an average score of 18 based on 16 critics, the worst score for a wide release in 2010. Jenn Proske's performance received some praise.

Spill.com
Spill.com
Spill.com is an award-winning video game and movie review, discussion, and news website created by cartoonist and animator Korey Coleman. It is the continuation of the 9 year old Austin, Texas based Public-access television cable TV show called The Reel Deal...

, whose video reviews are usually around five minutes long and censored, had a twenty second review which consisted of Korey Coleman staring blankly into the camera before uttering, "fuck you" uncensored. "Fuck you" is the lowest rating the website gives. In the audio commentary from the site, Coleman stated that "The films that these two directors make are so blantant at being nothing more than a juvenile finger pointing at an image or mention of a popular trend that, to me, they seem exploitive of a young culture raised to have an ever-decreasing attention span, thanks to the internet and channel surfing and, this may sound a little crazy, but, I think it shows a slight de-evolution in what people will accept as entertainment." The review by Peter Travers
Peter Travers
Peter Travers is an American film critic, who has written for, in turn, People and Rolling Stone. Travers also hosts a celebrity interview show called Popcorn on ABC News Now and ABCNews.com.-Career:...

 of Rolling Stone
Rolling Stone
Rolling Stone is a US-based magazine devoted to music, liberal politics, and popular culture that is published every two weeks. Rolling Stone was founded in San Francisco in 1967 by Jann Wenner and music critic Ralph J...

was only four words long, which simply stated: "This movie sucks more." Film critic Mark Kermode
Mark Kermode
Mark Kermode is an English film critic, musician and a member of the British Academy of Film and Television Arts. He contributes to Sight and Sound magazine, The Observer newspaper and BBC Radio 5 Live, where he presents Kermode and Mayo's Film Reviews with Simon Mayo on Friday afternoons...

 reviewed the film on his Radio 5 show, prefacing the review by saying "It's no surprise to know that it's all terrible, witless, boring, terror". He criticized the film for what he perceived as stale subject matter, saying that the Twilight franchise had left the public consciousness and was no-longer fit for parody, "It's not just that the ship has sailed; it's that the ship has sailed, gone across the Atlantic
Atlantic Ocean
The Atlantic Ocean is the second-largest of the world's oceanic divisions. With a total area of about , it covers approximately 20% of the Earth's surface and about 26% of its water surface area...

, hit an iceberg, sunk, been dragged up at least one company, been turned into the biggest movie hit ever, and is now currently being retrofitted for 3D
3-D film
A 3-D film or S3D film is a motion picture that enhances the illusion of depth perception...

 for an anniversary re-release."
Another review from Collider.com's Jake Horowitz said that "not a single thing in its dreadful 82 minutes running time is even remotely worth watching, or considered even slightly entertaining." He then wrote that "no amount of review can make up for what I witnessed while watching Vampires Suck. How wrong I was to assume that it was even watchable, because with each over-done hit on the head or kick in the balls I cringed at the thought of this movie making nearly $80 million worldwide; and imagining people actually laughing in a theatre somewhere."

Vampires Suck was given four nominations from the 31st Golden Raspberry Awards
31st Golden Raspberry Awards
The 31st Golden Raspberry Awards or Razzies is a parodic award ceremony that was held on February 26, 2011, at the Barnsdall Gallery Theatre in Hollywood to honor the worst films of 2010. The nominations were announced on January 24. Per Razzies tradition, both the nominee announcements and...

, including Worst Picture, Worst Director, Worst Screenplay and Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel.

Box office

In the United States, the film opened at #1 on August 18 with $4,016,858. On August 19, the film dropped to #3 behind The Expendables
The Expendables (2010 film)
The Expendables is a 2010 American ensemble action film written by David Callaham and Sylvester Stallone, and directed by Stallone. Filming began on March 28, 2009, in Rio de Janeiro, New Orleans, and Los Angeles, and the film was released in theaters on August 13, 2010 in North America.The film is...

and Eat Pray Love with $2,347,044. By the weekend, Vampires Suck landed at #2 behind The Expendables and $200,000 over Eat Pray Love. The full second week the film dropped to #11, grossing no more than $500 per theater, respectively. In its second weekend, the film dropped more than 50% from its opening weekend but rose to #6. As of August 31, 2011 the film has grossed $80,547,866 worldwide.
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