Hordes of the Things (radio series)
Encyclopedia
Hordes of the Things is a 1980 BBC
radio
comedy series parodying J. R. R. Tolkien
's The Lord of the Rings
, and the fantasy
genre in general, in a style similar to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
. It was written by "A. P. R. Marshall and J. H. W. Lloyd" (Andrew Marshall
and John Lloyd
) and produced by Geoffrey Perkins
. It is unrelated to the game
of the same name.
as the Chronicler, Simon Callow
as the Crown Prince Veganin (named after an analgesic), Frank Middlemass
as the wizard Radox
the Green (named after a brand of green bath salts
; there are other minor characters called Badedas the Blue and Matey the White, named after other brands of bath product), Paul Eddington
as the misnamed King Yulfric the Wise III (a virtual reprise of his role as Jim Hacker from Yes Minister
), Maggie Steed
as Queen Elfreda, Christian Rodska
as the hero Agar son of Athar, and Jonathan Lynn
as the dwarf Golin Longshanks.
from November 25 to December 16, 1980. This was the only uncut broadcast; all subsequent repeats have omitted part of the opening narration from The First Chronicle.
The series was launched with a lot of hype. A full-page feature in Radio Times
included a map of Albion and a spoof interview with Marshall and Lloyd. Despite this, the series was repeated only once, never released on cassette or CD, and largely forgotten until BBC 7
dusted off the (still abridged) tapes for a rerun
in May 2003, December
and again in July 2008.
Only six months after Hordes of the Things was first aired, the first episode of the BBC's epic radio production
of The Lord of the Rings
began its 26-week run.
on October 8, 2009. ISBN 978-1-4084-2623-4.
" by The Evil One (a Dark Lord) and her ravening hordes, which have completely surrounded the country and are preparing to move in. Since Albion is an ancient name for Britain or England, the contemporary audience could choose to find references in this to their concerns about the new female Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher
, the European Common Market, or the labour or trade union movement
, feminism
, etc.; that The Evil One is female is barely mentioned as the story runs - she is off-stage
.
Prince Veganin has raised a mighty army to defend Albion, only to see them all call in sick; his father King Yulfric thinks he is exaggerating the danger, and suggests that allowances should be made for foreign customs (like human sacrifice). In any case, Yulfric is too busy changing clothes with a commoner to have any time for affairs of state - the commoner in question being the woodcutter's daughter.
The great wizard Radox recruits the young hero Agar to find the mighty horn Summontrumpet which can call forth the six heroes of legend. To Agar's chagrin, Radox sends him a companion in the shape of the gluttonous dwarf Golin Longshanks, who is under the delusion that Radox's programme of height exercises has turned him into a giant
.
Radox himself attends the Great Conference of All Wizards, but most of the wizards are too busy with the food and entertainment to bother with the heavy stuff about destroying evil.
Meanwhile Veganin has set off on his own quest to slay the leaders of the evil hordes, beginning with the High Bishop of Zylbor, whose priests baptise people by holding their heads under water until they stop struggling. What Veganin doesn't realise, until it is seemingly too late, is that the Bishop's gaze will turn anything it falls upon to ashes.
Agar and Golin finally wrest Summontrumpet from the clutches of the Dread Sphynx
, which has the body of a snake
, the head of a snake, and the feet of a snake, and arrive upon the plains of Albion as the Seven Armies of Hell begin their invasion. The only thing that could possibly go wrong would be if the wrong person should sound the horn by mistake....
BBC
The British Broadcasting Corporation is a British public service broadcaster. Its headquarters is at Broadcasting House in the City of Westminster, London. It is the largest broadcaster in the world, with about 23,000 staff...
radio
Radio
Radio is the transmission of signals through free space by modulation of electromagnetic waves with frequencies below those of visible light. Electromagnetic radiation travels by means of oscillating electromagnetic fields that pass through the air and the vacuum of space...
comedy series parodying J. R. R. Tolkien
J. R. R. Tolkien
John Ronald Reuel Tolkien, CBE was an English writer, poet, philologist, and university professor, best known as the author of the classic high fantasy works The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, and The Silmarillion.Tolkien was Rawlinson and Bosworth Professor of Anglo-Saxon at Pembroke College,...
's The Lord of the Rings
The Lord of the Rings
The Lord of the Rings is a high fantasy epic written by English philologist and University of Oxford professor J. R. R. Tolkien. The story began as a sequel to Tolkien's earlier, less complex children's fantasy novel The Hobbit , but eventually developed into a much larger work. It was written in...
, and the fantasy
Fantasy
Fantasy is a genre of fiction that commonly uses magic and other supernatural phenomena as a primary element of plot, theme, or setting. Many works within the genre take place in imaginary worlds where magic is common...
genre in general, in a style similar to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a science fiction comedy series created by Douglas Adams. Originally a radio comedy broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in 1978, it was later adapted to other formats, and over several years it gradually became an international multi-media phenomenon...
. It was written by "A. P. R. Marshall and J. H. W. Lloyd" (Andrew Marshall
Andrew Marshall (writer)
Andrew Marshall is an English comedy screenwriter, most noted for the domestic sitcom 2point4 children. He was also the inspiration for Marvin the Paranoid Android in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...
and John Lloyd
John Lloyd (writer)
John Hardress Wilfred Lloyd CBE is a British comedy writer and television producer. He is the great nephew of John Hardress Lloyd.-Early life and career:...
) and produced by Geoffrey Perkins
Geoffrey Perkins
Geoffrey Howard Perkins was a comedy producer, writer and performer, and an important figure in British comedy broadcasting. This was recognised in December 2008 when he was awarded with an Outstanding Contribution to Comedy Award...
. It is unrelated to the game
Hordes of the Things (game)
Hordes of the Things is a fantasy miniature wargame, published by Wargames Research Group. A generic fantasy game, it can represent armies from a wide variety of settings...
of the same name.
Cast
The cast includes Patrick MageePatrick Magee (actor)
Patrick Magee was a Northern Irish actor best known for his collaborations with Samuel Beckett and Harold Pinter, as well as his appearances in horror films and in Stanley Kubrick's films A Clockwork Orange and Barry Lyndon.-Early life:He was born Patrick McGee in Armagh, County Armagh, Northern...
as the Chronicler, Simon Callow
Simon Callow
Simon Phillip Hugh Callow, CBE is an English actor, writer and theatre director. He is also currently a judge on Popstar to Operastar.-Early years:...
as the Crown Prince Veganin (named after an analgesic), Frank Middlemass
Frank Middlemass
Francis George Middlemass was an English actor, who even in his early career played older roles. He is best remembered for his television roles as Rocky Hardcastle in As Time Goes By, Algy Herries in To Serve Them All My Days and Dr. Alex Ferrenby in Heartbeat...
as the wizard Radox
Radox
Radox is a brand of bubble bath and shower gels available in the United Kingdom, Ireland, Czech Republic, Australia, Malaysia and South Africa. It comes in both bath salt and liquid form...
the Green (named after a brand of green bath salts
Bath salts
The term bath salts refers to a range of water-soluble, usually inorganic solid products designed to be added to a bath. They are said to improve cleaning, improve the experience of bathing, and serve as a vehicle for cosmetic agents...
; there are other minor characters called Badedas the Blue and Matey the White, named after other brands of bath product), Paul Eddington
Paul Eddington
Paul Eddington CBE was an English actor best known for his appearances in popular television sitcoms of the 1970s and 80s: The Good Life, Yes Minister and Yes, Prime Minister.-Early life:...
as the misnamed King Yulfric the Wise III (a virtual reprise of his role as Jim Hacker from Yes Minister
Yes Minister
Yes Minister is a satirical British sitcom written by Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn that was first transmitted by BBC Television between 1980–1982 and 1984, split over three seven-episode series. The sequel, Yes, Prime Minister, ran from 1986 to 1988. In total there were 38 episodes—of which all but...
), Maggie Steed
Maggie Steed
Maggie Steed is an English actress and comedienne.-Youth:After studying drama at the Bristol Old Vic Theatre School in Bristol, she left the theatre for several years.-Career:...
as Queen Elfreda, Christian Rodska
Christian Rodska
Christian Rodska is an English actor who has appeared in many television and radio series and narrated a number of audiobooks...
as the hero Agar son of Athar, and Jonathan Lynn
Jonathan Lynn
Jonathan Lynn is an English actor, comedy writer and director. He is best known for being the co-writer of Yes Minister and Yes, Prime Minister.-Personal life:...
as the dwarf Golin Longshanks.
Broadcasts and Recordings
The series consists of four half-hour episodes or "Chronicles", originally broadcast on BBC Radio 4BBC Radio 4
BBC Radio 4 is a British domestic radio station, operated and owned by the BBC, that broadcasts a wide variety of spoken-word programmes, including news, drama, comedy, science and history. It replaced the BBC Home Service in 1967. The station controller is currently Gwyneth Williams, and the...
from November 25 to December 16, 1980. This was the only uncut broadcast; all subsequent repeats have omitted part of the opening narration from The First Chronicle.
The series was launched with a lot of hype. A full-page feature in Radio Times
Radio Times
Radio Times is a UK weekly television and radio programme listings magazine, owned by the BBC. It has been published since 1923 by BBC Magazines, which also provides an on-line listings service under the same title...
included a map of Albion and a spoof interview with Marshall and Lloyd. Despite this, the series was repeated only once, never released on cassette or CD, and largely forgotten until BBC 7
BBC 7
BBC Radio 4 Extra, formerly known as BBC 7 and BBC Radio 7, is a British digital radio station broadcasting comedy, drama, and children's programming nationally 24 hours a day. It is the principal broadcasting outlet for the BBC's archive of spoken-word entertainment...
dusted off the (still abridged) tapes for a rerun
Rerun
A rerun or repeat is a re-airing of an episode of a radio or television broadcast. The invention of the rerun is generally credited to Desi Arnaz. There are two types of reruns—those that occur during a hiatus, and those that occur when a program is syndicated. Reruns can also be, as the...
in May 2003, December
December 2003
-Events:-December 1:* Occupation of Iraq:** The firefight in which more than 50 Iraqis are reported killed is now thought to have been an attempted currency heist. ** One GI is killed Monday in fighting west of Baghdad. * World AIDS Day:...
and again in July 2008.
Only six months after Hordes of the Things was first aired, the first episode of the BBC's epic radio production
The Lord of the Rings (1981 radio series)
In 1981 the UK radio station BBC Radio 4 broadcast a dramatisation of J. R. R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings in 26 half-hour stereo instalments...
of The Lord of the Rings
The Lord of the Rings
The Lord of the Rings is a high fantasy epic written by English philologist and University of Oxford professor J. R. R. Tolkien. The story began as a sequel to Tolkien's earlier, less complex children's fantasy novel The Hobbit , but eventually developed into a much larger work. It was written in...
began its 26-week run.
CD Release
The series is due for release on CD by BBC Audiobooks Ltd.BBC Audiobooks
BBC Audiobooks is a publisher of audiobooks and also a range of spoken word and large-print titles.BBC Audiobooks has published unabridged audio novels, and also the BBC Radio Collection which incorporates dramatisations and non-fiction output derived from BBC Radio programming.In 2010, BBC...
on October 8, 2009. ISBN 978-1-4084-2623-4.
The plot
The plot such as it is concerns the threat to the small kingdom of "AlbionAlbion
Albion is the oldest known name of the island of Great Britain. Today, it is still sometimes used poetically to refer to the island or England in particular. It is also the basis of the Scottish Gaelic name for Scotland, Alba...
" by The Evil One (a Dark Lord) and her ravening hordes, which have completely surrounded the country and are preparing to move in. Since Albion is an ancient name for Britain or England, the contemporary audience could choose to find references in this to their concerns about the new female Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher
Margaret Thatcher
Margaret Hilda Thatcher, Baroness Thatcher, was Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1979 to 1990...
, the European Common Market, or the labour or trade union movement
Trade union
A trade union, trades union or labor union is an organization of workers that have banded together to achieve common goals such as better working conditions. The trade union, through its leadership, bargains with the employer on behalf of union members and negotiates labour contracts with...
, feminism
Feminism
Feminism is a collection of movements aimed at defining, establishing, and defending equal political, economic, and social rights and equal opportunities for women. Its concepts overlap with those of women's rights...
, etc.; that The Evil One is female is barely mentioned as the story runs - she is off-stage
Stage (theatre)
In theatre or performance arts, the stage is a designated space for the performance productions. The stage serves as a space for actors or performers and a focal point for the members of the audience...
.
Prince Veganin has raised a mighty army to defend Albion, only to see them all call in sick; his father King Yulfric thinks he is exaggerating the danger, and suggests that allowances should be made for foreign customs (like human sacrifice). In any case, Yulfric is too busy changing clothes with a commoner to have any time for affairs of state - the commoner in question being the woodcutter's daughter.
The great wizard Radox recruits the young hero Agar to find the mighty horn Summontrumpet which can call forth the six heroes of legend. To Agar's chagrin, Radox sends him a companion in the shape of the gluttonous dwarf Golin Longshanks, who is under the delusion that Radox's programme of height exercises has turned him into a giant
Giant (mythology)
The mythology and legends of many different cultures include monsters of human appearance but prodigious size and strength. "Giant" is the English word commonly used for such beings, derived from one of the most famed examples: the gigantes of Greek mythology.In various Indo-European mythologies,...
.
Radox himself attends the Great Conference of All Wizards, but most of the wizards are too busy with the food and entertainment to bother with the heavy stuff about destroying evil.
Meanwhile Veganin has set off on his own quest to slay the leaders of the evil hordes, beginning with the High Bishop of Zylbor, whose priests baptise people by holding their heads under water until they stop struggling. What Veganin doesn't realise, until it is seemingly too late, is that the Bishop's gaze will turn anything it falls upon to ashes.
Agar and Golin finally wrest Summontrumpet from the clutches of the Dread Sphynx
Sphinx
A sphinx is a mythical creature with a lion's body and a human head or a cat head.The sphinx, in Greek tradition, has the haunches of a lion, the wings of a great bird, and the face of a woman. She is mythicised as treacherous and merciless...
, which has the body of a snake
Snake
Snakes are elongate, legless, carnivorous reptiles of the suborder Serpentes that can be distinguished from legless lizards by their lack of eyelids and external ears. Like all squamates, snakes are ectothermic, amniote vertebrates covered in overlapping scales...
, the head of a snake, and the feet of a snake, and arrive upon the plains of Albion as the Seven Armies of Hell begin their invasion. The only thing that could possibly go wrong would be if the wrong person should sound the horn by mistake....
See also
- Bored of the RingsBored of the RingsBored of the Rings is the title of a paperback parody of J. R. R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings. This short novel was written by Henry N. Beard and Douglas C. Kenney, who later founded National Lampoon...
, a parodic novel by the Harvard LampoonHarvard LampoonThe Harvard Lampoon is an undergraduate humor publication founded in 1876 at Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts.-Overview:Published since 1876, The Harvard Lampoon is the world's longest continually published humor magazine. It is also the second longest-running English-language humor...
. - ElvenQuestElvenQuestElvenQuest is a comic fantasy broadcast on BBC Radio 4 by Anil Gupta and Richard Pinto, and starring Stephen Mangan, Alistair McGowan, Darren Boyd, Kevin Eldon, Sophie Winkleman and Dave Lamb. The series takes place in the world of Lower Earth, a parody of Middle-earth from The Lord of the Rings by...
- Kröd Mändoon And The Flaming Sword Of FireKröd Mändoon and the Flaming Sword of FireKröd Mändoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire is a British-American comedic sword and sorcery series created by Peter A. Knight, co-produced by Hat Trick Productions and Media Rights Capital for Comedy Central and BBC Two, which premiered on April 9, 2009 in the USA and on June 11 in the UK. It began...
External links
- Hordes of the Things fan site approved by Andrew MarshallAndrew Marshall (writer)Andrew Marshall is an English comedy screenwriter, most noted for the domestic sitcom 2point4 children. He was also the inspiration for Marvin the Paranoid Android in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...