Guilds of Ankh-Morpork - AbsoluteAstronomy.com

Terry Pratchett

Sir Terence David John "Terry" Pratchett, OBE is an English novelist, known for his frequently comical work in the fantasy genre. He is best known for his popular and long-running Discworld series of comic fantasy novels...

's Discworld
Discworld
Discworld is a comic fantasy book series by English author Sir Terry Pratchett, set on the Discworld, a flat world balanced on the backs of four elephants which, in turn, stand on the back of a giant turtle, Great A'Tuin. The books frequently parody, or at least take inspiration from, J. R. R....

series of fantasy novels, there are almost 300 Guild

Guild

A guild is an association of craftsmen in a particular trade. The earliest types of guild were formed as confraternities of workers. They were organized in a manner something between a trade union, a cartel, and a secret society...

s in the city of Ankh-Morpork

Ankh-Morpork

Ankh-Morpork is a fictional city-state which prominently features in Terry Pratchett's Discworld series of fantasy novels. As cities go, it is on the far side of corrupt and polluted, and is subject to outbreaks of comedic violence and brouhaha on a fairly regular basis...

. Nanny Ogg's Cookbook
Nanny Ogg's Cookbook
Nanny Ogg's Cookbook is a book of recipes and wisdom of the Discworld character Nanny Ogg by Terry Pratchett, Stephen Briggs and Tina Hannan, and illustrated by Paul Kidby...

, The Thieves' Guild Diary and the Death's Domain
Death's Domain
Death's Domain is a book by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs, illustrated by Paul Kidby, fourth in the Discworld Mapp series. It was first published in paperback by Corgi in 1999. It was the second in the series to be illustrated by Kidby...

map all quote Guild publications. Guilds known include:

Guild of Accountants and Usurers

- Unsurprisingly, its stated taxable income is negligible. In fact, it has also applied for a rebate.
- Headed by Mr. Frostrip in Jingo
  Jingo (novel)
  Jingo is the 21st novel by Terry Pratchett, one of his Discworld series. It was published in 1997. The rising of a previously submerged island and the subconstituent sovereignty dispute were inspired by the real-life island of Ferdinandea.-Plot:...

Actors' Guild

(mentioned in The Truth
The Truth (novel)
The Truth is the twenty-fifth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, published in 2000.The book features the coming of movable type to Ankh-Morpork, and the founding of the Discworld's first newspaper by William de Worde, as he invents investigative journalism with the help of his reporter Sacharissa...

)

- Called the "Guild of Actors and Mummers" in The Wyrdest Link.

Archaeologists' Guild

(seen in 'Discworld Noir', a computer game based around a detective on the Discworld.)

Alchemists' Guild

- Motto: OMNIS QVI CORVSCAT EST OR ("All That Glitters Is Gold")
- Headed by Thomas Silverfish in Men at Arms
  Men at Arms
  Men at Arms is the 15th Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett first published in 1993. It is the second novel about the Ankh-Morpork City Watch on the Discworld. Lance-constable Angua von Überwald, later in the series promoted to the rank of Sergeant, is introduced in this book...
  
  and Moving Pictures
  Moving Pictures (novel)
  Moving Pictures is the name of the tenth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, published in 1990. The book takes place in Discworld's most famous city, Ankh-Morpork and a town called "Holy Wood"...
- A group of thin, wide-eyed, socially inept dreamers who have never let reality get in the way of their ideals. Their Guildhouse constantly needs rebuilding, as it frequently explodes. Thought of by pretty much everyone as a bunch of lunatics, they are nonetheless the Discworld's closest analogue to actual scientists. While the vast majority of alchemists are mindless experimenters who spend too much time around boiling mercury and unusual breeds of fungus, some, such as Cheery Littlebottom, have a solid base in chemistry
  Chemistry
  Chemistry is the science of matter, especially its chemical reactions, but also its composition, structure and properties. Chemistry is concerned with atoms and their interactions with other atoms, and particularly with the properties of chemical bonds....
  
  , and have parlayed their skill into other fields, such as forensics
  Forensics
  Forensic science is the application of a broad spectrum of sciences to answer questions of interest to a legal system. This may be in relation to a crime or a civil action...
  
  .
- Although they have yet to locate the Elixir of Life or the Philosopher's Stone, they did come close to discovering TNT, and, thanks to outside influence, inadvertently created a film industry in Moving Pictures
  Moving Pictures (novel)
  Moving Pictures is the name of the tenth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, published in 1990. The book takes place in Discworld's most famous city, Ankh-Morpork and a town called "Holy Wood"...
- It's said that there are two major types of alchemists, the athletic and the intellectual. A good alchemist of the first sort was someone who could leap over the bench and be on the far side of a safely thick wall in three seconds, and a good alchemist of the second sort was someone who knew exactly when to do this.

Guild of Artificers

- Headed by Mr Pony in Thud!
- May be the same as the Guild of Cunning Artificers (q.v.)

Assassins' Guild

Motto: NIL MORTIFII SINE LVCRE ("No Killing Without Pay")
Headed by Lord Downey in Feet of Clay and subsequent books.
Guild Treasurer is Mr. Winvoe in Hogfather.
Headed by Dr. Cruces in Men at Arms
Men at Arms
Men at Arms is the 15th Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett first published in 1993. It is the second novel about the Ankh-Morpork City Watch on the Discworld. Lance-constable Angua von Überwald, later in the series promoted to the rank of Sergeant, is introduced in this book...
Headed by Zlorf Flannelfoot in The Colour of Magic
The Colour of Magic
The Colour of Magic is a 1983 comic fantasy novel by Terry Pratchett, and is the first book of the Discworld series. Pratchett has described it as "an attempt to do for the classical fantasy universe what Blazing Saddles did for Westerns."...
Headed by Dr. Follett during the reigns of Lord Winder and Lord Snapcase, as seen in Night Watch
Havelock Vetinari
Havelock Vetinari
Havelock Vetinari, Lord Vetinari, Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, is the fictional ruler of the city state of Ankh-Morpork in Terry Pratchett's Discworld series, a series of over thirty books describing a parallel universe whose main world has reflections of - even more or less subtle jokes about - our...

was a member during the time period covered in Night Watch.
The murders committed by the Assassins' Guild are not prosecuted by the police of the city.

The Assassins' Guild follows strict professional guidelines, with members behaving at all times in a gentlemanly manner. The guild is one of the richest in the city, and runs its own school, like the thieves. Unlike the thieves, however, the school is one of the most exclusive, and sons of the nobility - and now daughters - attend, though some are "excused stabbing". The school also educates scholarship boys - frequently from the Shades, and other poor areas of the city, these are the kind of people who are good at killing, Mr Teatime and Inigo Skinner being notable scholarship students in the guild school.
To date, there are two people in Ankh-Morpork known to have had contracts refused on, and no longer be available for assassination - Lord Vetinari and Commander of the Watch, Samuel Vimes. These two people are both too difficult to assassinate, and too important to the stability of the city, to be assassinated, though for a long time the guild was employed to - and failed - to assassinate them both by various members of the nobility.

Bakers' Guild

(mentioned in Guards! Guards!
Guards! Guards!
Guards! Guards! is the eighth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, first published in 1989. It is the first novel about the City Watch. The first Discworld computer game borrowed heavily from Guards! Guards! in terms of plot.-Plot:...

and Feet of Clay
Feet of Clay
Feet of Clay is the nineteenth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, published in 1996. The story follows the members of the City Watch, as they attempt to solve murders apparently committed by a golem, as well as the unusual poisoning of the Patrician, Lord Vetinari.The title is a figure of speech...

)

- Headed by Mr. Potts in Feet of Clay
  Feet of Clay
  Feet of Clay is the nineteenth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, published in 1996. The story follows the members of the City Watch, as they attempt to solve murders apparently committed by a golem, as well as the unusual poisoning of the Patrician, Lord Vetinari.The title is a figure of speech...

Guild of Barber-Surgeons

(mentioned in Lords and Ladies
Lords and Ladies
Lords and Ladies can be:* Lords and ladies , a flowering plant* Italian Lords and Ladies , a flowering plant* Lords and Ladies , a Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett...

and "Medical Notes" in Once More* With Footnotes)

Beggars' Guild

- Motto: MONETA SVPERVACANEA, MAGISTER -- ("Spare Change, Mister?")
- Headed by Queen Molly in Men at Arms
  Men at Arms
  Men at Arms is the 15th Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett first published in 1993. It is the second novel about the Ankh-Morpork City Watch on the Discworld. Lance-constable Angua von Überwald, later in the series promoted to the rank of Sergeant, is introduced in this book...
  
  and subsequent books
- Headed by unnamed man in Guards! Guards!
  Guards! Guards!
  Guards! Guards! is the eighth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, first published in 1989. It is the first novel about the City Watch. The first Discworld computer game borrowed heavily from Guards! Guards! in terms of plot.-Plot:...
- The oldest and the richest guild in the city.

The Ankh-Morpork Beggars' Guild is a guild for panhandlers, down-and-outs and borderline cases. It is the oldest, largest and (perhaps surprisingly) richest of the city's many guilds. Its name is something of a contradiction: a trading organisation for a group of people who, by definition, don't actually trade in anything, except perhaps in the feeling on the part of the donator that he or she has done a good deed, or, and this is far more frequent, the peace of mind of knowing that the beggar, now appeased, will not bother the donator any more. In this sense, the Beggars' Guild is something like the Thieves' Guild; far more of its income comes from not performing their stated trade than from performing it. If one has a social function to organise, a quick payment to the Beggars' Guild ensures that no malformed, malodorous, drooling, pustule-encrusted babblers will appear to ruin it. Indeed, not making such a donation is a surefire method of ensuring that just that sort will turn up.

The Beggars' Guild, like all the Ankh-Morpork guilds, has a very strict code of practice and enforced hierarchy. It enforces patrols and shifts among the beggars so that Beggary is properly distributed, presumably for maximum earnings. Anyone attempting to move above his position or perform his sanctioned role out of his assigned area or time period is harshly dealt with.

In The Discworld Companion
The Discworld Companion
The Discworld Companion is an encyclopaedia of the Discworld fictional universe created by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs.The book compiles a precise definition of words, lives of historical people, geography of places and events that have appeared in at least one Discworld novel, map, diary,...

, Pratchett claimed that Foul Ol Ron and his Canting Crew were listed as a special Guild classification all their own, having previously referred to Ron as "a Mutterer in good standing" in Men at Arms
Men at Arms
Men at Arms is the 15th Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett first published in 1993. It is the second novel about the Ankh-Morpork City Watch on the Discworld. Lance-constable Angua von Überwald, later in the series promoted to the rank of Sergeant, is introduced in this book...

; however, in The Art of Discworld
The Art of Discworld
The Art of Discworld is a descriptive book of the world of the Discworld as portrayed in Terry Pratchett's Discworld series. It showcases the art of Paul Kidby with descriptions of characters and locations by Pratchett and some details of the development of the art by Kidby himself.The book...

and later novels he claims that they are not members of the Guild, which has too many rules for their tastes. In The Truth
The Truth (novel)
The Truth is the twenty-fifth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, published in 2000.The book features the coming of movable type to Ankh-Morpork, and the founding of the Discworld's first newspaper by William de Worde, as he invents investigative journalism with the help of his reporter Sacharissa...

, it is explained that the Guild have not run the unlicenced Crew out of town because even beggars need to know there is someone worse off than them, as well as recognizing true craftsmanship when they see it.

The Guild is ruled by a council under the authority of a Chief Beggar, who is given the title of King or Queen. The current Head Beggar is named Queen Molly, though despite her senior position, she is still a beggar; dressed in a gown of velvet rags, covered in warts (on warts) and running sores, and walking with a cane. By virtue of her position, the items she begs for are significant: in 'Jingo' she mentions begging for a banquet and 'a mansion for the night'. Nonetheless she is a shrewd political operator; because beggars exist everywhere and are usually ignored, they hear, see and smell everything in the city, making the inner circle of the Beggars' Guild one of Ankh-Morpork's main nerve centres for genuine information, a priceless political tool. Also, the guild has amassed a vast private fortune, which Queen Molly has wisely invested. In fact, the Beggars' Guild is the leaseholder for some of the poshest tenant houses in Ankh.

Clockmakers' Guild

(appears in Thief of Time
Thief of Time
Thief of Time is the 26th Discworld novel written by Terry Pratchett, a 2002 Locus Award nominee.-Plot summary:The Auditors are upset because the human race are living their lives in - what the Auditors consider to be - an unpredictable way...

)

- Secretary is Mr. Hopkins in Thief of Time
  Thief of Time
  Thief of Time is the 26th Discworld novel written by Terry Pratchett, a 2002 Locus Award nominee.-Plot summary:The Auditors are upset because the human race are living their lives in - what the Auditors consider to be - an unpredictable way...

Council of Churches, Temples, Sacred Groves and Big Ominous Rocks

- While not a guild, the Council performs the same political role for its member organizations as many of the Guilds do for their members. (Mentioned in Feet of Clay
  Feet of Clay
  Feet of Clay is the nineteenth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, published in 1996. The story follows the members of the City Watch, as they attempt to solve murders apparently committed by a golem, as well as the unusual poisoning of the Patrician, Lord Vetinari.The title is a figure of speech...
  
  )

Guild of Conjurers

- Motto: NVNC ILLE EST MAGICVS ("Now That's Magic" (Catch-phrase of British magician Paul Daniels
  Paul Daniels
  Paul Daniels, born Newton Edward Daniels on 6 April 1938, is a British magician and television performer. He achieved international fame through his television series The Paul Daniels Magic Show, which ran on the BBC from 1979 to 1994.-Early life:...
  
  ))
- More of a club for stocky, aitch-dropping beer-swilling types, they are considered rather low on the ladder of magical ability and are scorned by wizards. They don't seem to care, and indeed appear to get a lot out of life. They are very popular among the masses, who consider sleight of hand
  Sleight of hand
  Sleight of hand, also known as prestidigitation or legerdemain, is the set of techniques used by a magician to manipulate objects such as cards and coins secretly....
  
  far more interesting than actual magic.

Guild of Cunning Artificers

(mentioned in The Last Hero
The Last Hero
The Last Hero is a short novel, the twenty-seventh of the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett. It was published in 2001 in a larger format than the other Discworld novels and illustrated on every page by Paul Kidby.-Plot summary:...

, Thud!
Thud!
Thud! is Terry Pratchett's 34th Discworld novel, released in the United States of America on September 13, 2005, the United Kingdom on 1 October 2005. Thud! was released in the U.S. three weeks before it was released in Pratchett's native UK, to coincide with a United States signing tour...

)

- May be the same as the Guild of Artificers (q.v.)

Guild of C.M.O.T. Dibblers

(mentioned in The Discworld Companion
The Discworld Companion
The Discworld Companion is an encyclopaedia of the Discworld fictional universe created by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs.The book compiles a precise definition of words, lives of historical people, geography of places and events that have appeared in at least one Discworld novel, map, diary,...

)

- Presumably headed by Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler
- The city's smallest Guild (until the establishment of the Victims' Guild)

Dog Guild

(appears in Men at Arms
Men at Arms
Men at Arms is the 15th Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett first published in 1993. It is the second novel about the Ankh-Morpork City Watch on the Discworld. Lance-constable Angua von Überwald, later in the series promoted to the rank of Sergeant, is introduced in this book...

; probably since disbanded)

- Headed by a Chief Barker; Big Fido in Men At Arms
  Men at Arms
  Men at Arms is the 15th Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett first published in 1993. It is the second novel about the Ankh-Morpork City Watch on the Discworld. Lance-constable Angua von Überwald, later in the series promoted to the rank of Sergeant, is introduced in this book...
  
  . Consists of dogs which have not just been Bad Dogs, and run away from their owners, but have Bit the actual Hand that Fed Them.
- Controls scavenging rights, nighttime barking duties, breeding permissions and howling rotas.

Guild of Embalmers and Allied Trades

- Motto: FARCIMINI ("Stuff It")

Guild of Engravers and Printers

(formerly the Guild of Engravers; featured in The Truth
The Truth (novel)
The Truth is the twenty-fifth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, published in 2000.The book features the coming of movable type to Ankh-Morpork, and the founding of the Discworld's first newspaper by William de Worde, as he invents investigative journalism with the help of his reporter Sacharissa...

)

- Motto: NON QVOD MANEAT, SED QVOD ADIMIMVS ("Not What Remains, But What We Take Away")
- Headed by Ronnie Carney in The Truth
  The Truth (novel)
  The Truth is the twenty-fifth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, published in 2000.The book features the coming of movable type to Ankh-Morpork, and the founding of the Discworld's first newspaper by William de Worde, as he invents investigative journalism with the help of his reporter Sacharissa...

Guild of Ecdysiasts, Nautchers, Cancanieres and Exponents of Exotic Dance

- Also called the Guild of Exotic Dancers and the Strippers' Guild
- Motto: NVNQVAM VESTIMVS ("We Never Clothe"-this is similar to the Windmill Theatre, London whose motto was "We Never Closed" but because it contained nude revue, it was also "We Never Clothed. see Windmill Theatre
  Windmill Theatre
  The Windmill Theatre, later The Windmill International, was a variety and revue theatre in Great Windmill Street, London. The theatre was famous for its nude tableaux vivants...
  
  .) Their heraldic "shield" is nothing but a banner, quite small, proclaiming "Enleve" ("Take it off").
- Headed by Miss Dixie "VaVa" Voom in Soul Music; she has retired, along with her partner, Edward the snake.
- Clientele consists of humans (who consider women taking their clothes off for money to be acceptable, but women doing it for nothing immoral), trolls (who, because they believe they travel backwards in time, like to watch their women strip in reverse) but not dwarfs (who have no concept of such an idea).

Guild of Fire Fighters

- In Guards! Guards!
  Guards! Guards!
  Guards! Guards! is the eighth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, first published in 1989. It is the first novel about the City Watch. The first Discworld computer game borrowed heavily from Guards! Guards! in terms of plot.-Plot:...
  
  , it had been outlawed by The Patrician the previous year, as the Guild would threaten arson to get citizens to pay for a fire protection contract.

Fools' Guild

Formally the Guild of Fools and Joculators and College of Clowns (described in Wyrd Sisters
Wyrd Sisters
Wyrd Sisters is Terry Pratchett's sixth Discworld novel, published in 1988, and re-introduces Granny Weatherwax of Equal Rites.- Plot :...

and appears in Men at Arms
Men at Arms
Men at Arms is the 15th Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett first published in 1993. It is the second novel about the Ankh-Morpork City Watch on the Discworld. Lance-constable Angua von Überwald, later in the series promoted to the rank of Sergeant, is introduced in this book...

and Making Money
Making Money
Making Money is a Terry Pratchett novel in the Discworld series, first published in the UK on 20 September 2007. It is the second novel featuring Moist von Lipwig, and involves the Ankh-Morpork mint and specifically the introduction of paper money to the city...

)

Motto: DICO, DICO, DICO ("I Say, I Say, I Say", common phrase of British Music Hall comedians)

Headed by Dr. Whiteface in Men at Arms
Men at Arms
Men at Arms is the 15th Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett first published in 1993. It is the second novel about the Ankh-Morpork City Watch on the Discworld. Lance-constable Angua von Überwald, later in the series promoted to the rank of Sergeant, is introduced in this book...

and Fools Guild Diary

Secretary and Chief Butt is Geoffrey in Reaper Man
Reaper Man
Reaper Man is a Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett. Published in 1991, it is the 11th Discworld novel and the second to focus on Death. The title is a reference to Alex Cox's cult movie Repo Man.-Plot:...

The Fools' Guild is a trading and training organisation for clowns, jesters and other practitioners of slapstick humour. It is located next door to the Guild of Assassins

Ankh-Morpork Assassins' Guild

The Ankh-Morpork Assassins' Guild is a fictional school for professional killers in Terry Pratchett's long-running Discworld series of fantasy novels...

, for which it is often mistaken. This is in large part because, in contrast to the pleasant, airy environs of the Assassins' Guild, the grim premises of the Fools' Guild were originally the city's Plague House, and after that the monastery of the Brotherhood of the Infernal Zoth the Undying Renderer ("a contemplative order", according to their literature). The Fools' Guild have modified the frontage slightly with the addition of a giant Red Nose over the door and a canvas tent roof in winter. A number of "gags" designed by Bloody Stupid Johnson, including a custard pie-throwing machine and a giant daisy-shaped water cannon, were originally placed by the door also; however, due to a series of fatalities, they are no longer in use and are now in the Guild Museum alongside the original Dog With No Nose (it's shaggy), and the cranium of one of the Three Men Who Went Into A Pub.

The Guild was founded in 1567 as the Guild of Fools, Joculators, Minstrels, Buffoons and Mime Artists, but due to the peculiar predelictions of Lord Vetinari, the current ruler of the city, who hangs mimes upside down in his dungeons in full sight of a placard reading "LEARN THE WORDS", the mime element has been dropped.

As Terry Pratchett notes in The Art of Discworld, humour, as a profession, is hard, and nowhere is it harder than in the Fools' Guild. Its founder, Jean-Paul Pun

Pun

The pun, also called paronomasia, is a form of word play which suggests two or more meanings, by exploiting multiple meanings of words, or of similar-sounding words, for an intended humorous or rhetorical effect. These ambiguities can arise from the intentional use and abuse of homophonic,...

e (on the Disc, the inventor of the play on words that bears his name) understood that the heart of all comedy is pain, specifically others' pain. In recognition of this, Pune demanded a regimen of cold baths, wooden beds, bad food and self-flagellation to strengthen his pupils for the harshness of Foolery. Recent health and safety guidelines have ensured that more students survive to graduation, but school life remains as grim as the Guild's facade. Creativity and wit were the death of funniness, as far as Pune was concerned; progress through the Guild ranks was (and is) achieved through hours of rote memorization of the seventy-three approved subclasses of pun, the listed pratfalls and the accepted jokes, which must go through a twenty-year approval process before they are passed by the Council of Fun.

The Fools' Guild is not composed of people; it is composed of clowns. Upon the death of a clown, his face, dress, name and approved routines are passed on to another student, who will then assume that identity for the rest of his life ("His" being operative pronoun here, there are no women at the Fools' Guild, the Council having concluded that women have no sense of humour). People may come and go, but the clown lives forever. A clown's face is recorded in the Hall of Faces, a room of rack upon rack of blown eggshells, each painted with the features of a specific clown. For any clown to use another's face or name is punishable by death.

The Fools' Guild is governed by Dr. Whiteface, a grim, hatchet-faced, gimlet-eyed clown in white facepaint. Dr. Whiteface has been the head of the Guild for three centuries; of course, many men have stood behind his facepaint, but he has always been Dr. Whiteface. The head office of the Guild is known as The House of Mirth

The House of Mirth

The House of Mirth , is a novel by Edith Wharton. First published in 1905, the novel is Wharton's first important work of fiction, sold 140,000 copies between October and the end of December, and added to Wharton's existing fortune....

, a reference to the tragic Edith Wharton

Edith Wharton

Edith Wharton , was a Pulitzer Prize-winning American novelist, short story writer, and designer.- Early life and marriage:...

novel of the same name, and also to the line from Ecclesiastes

Ecclesiastes

The Book of Ecclesiastes, called , is a book of the Hebrew Bible. The English name derives from the Greek translation of the Hebrew title.The main speaker in the book, identified by the name or title Qoheleth , introduces himself as "son of David, king in Jerusalem." The work consists of personal...

from which the name was taken: "The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning; but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth," a line which drolly summarizes the guild's philosophy.

The Guild is immensely rich, and this is mainly because every king, duke and petty ruler from the Ramtops to Genua has a Fool in his court (excepting the King of Lancre, who was a Fool himself until he was crowned, and so far has not been shown with any Fool in his court), meaning that the Guild has access to vast amounts of sensitive information, which it scrupulously employs to its benefit. That said, because it contributes little of any practical value to the city, the Fools' Guild is not treated very seriously by its establishment. It should be noted that Lord Vetinari, while not being a king or duke and being definitely not a petty ruler, appears to be Fool-less.

Those who might question the Guild's authority, say, by telling unapproved jokes, unlicensed nose-honking and other forms of creativity, are paid a visit by the Jolly Good Pals, or Bloody Fools, the Guild's enforcers, who are fully ready to introduce one to the darker side of physical humour.

Gamblers' Guild

(mentioned in The Colour of Magic
The Colour of Magic
The Colour of Magic is a 1983 comic fantasy novel by Terry Pratchett, and is the first book of the Discworld series. Pratchett has described it as "an attempt to do for the classical fantasy universe what Blazing Saddles did for Westerns."...

)

- Motto: EXCRETVS EX FORTVNA ("Shit out of luck")
- Headed by Scrote Jones in The Discworld Companion
  The Discworld Companion
  The Discworld Companion is an encyclopaedia of the Discworld fictional universe created by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs.The book compiles a precise definition of words, lives of historical people, geography of places and events that have appeared in at least one Discworld novel, map, diary,...
- Headed by Doc Pseudopolis in Feet of Clay
  Feet of Clay
  Feet of Clay is the nineteenth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, published in 1996. The story follows the members of the City Watch, as they attempt to solve murders apparently committed by a golem, as well as the unusual poisoning of the Patrician, Lord Vetinari.The title is a figure of speech...
  
  . (Nelson Algren
  Nelson Algren
  Nelson Algren was an American writer.-Early life:Algren was born Nelson Ahlgren Abraham in Detroit, Michigan, the son of Goldie and Gerson Abraham. At the age of three he moved with his parents to Chicago, Illinois where they lived in a working-class, immigrant neighborhood on the South Side...
  
  in 1956 said "Never play cards against a man named Doc." in Newsweek.
- Guild headquarters is located across the street from the Alchemists' Guild. Anyone wondering why will be politely reminded as to just what the profession of the guild members is. Head is elected by random draw. Regulates cheating and swindling, not by banning them, but by determining exactly how heavily dice should be loaded, the precise value of cards which may be held up the sleeve and the exact amount of money one may take from a mark.

Guild of Handlemen

(created in Moving Pictures
Moving Pictures (novel)
Moving Pictures is the name of the tenth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, published in 1990. The book takes place in Discworld's most famous city, Ankh-Morpork and a town called "Holy Wood"...

, probably since disbanded)

Historians' Guild

(mentioned in Jingo
Jingo (novel)
Jingo is the 21st novel by Terry Pratchett, one of his Discworld series. It was published in 1997. The rising of a previously submerged island and the subconstituent sovereignty dispute were inspired by the real-life island of Ferdinandea.-Plot:...

, The Last Hero
The Last Hero
The Last Hero is a short novel, the twenty-seventh of the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett. It was published in 2001 in a larger format than the other Discworld novels and illustrated on every page by Paul Kidby.-Plot summary:...

, Thief of Time
Thief of Time
Thief of Time is the 26th Discworld novel written by Terry Pratchett, a 2002 Locus Award nominee.-Plot summary:The Auditors are upset because the human race are living their lives in - what the Auditors consider to be - an unpredictable way...

)

- Likely headed by Mr. Betteridge
- As of Thud!
  Thud!
  Thud! is Terry Pratchett's 34th Discworld novel, released in the United States of America on September 13, 2005, the United Kingdom on 1 October 2005. Thud! was released in the U.S. three weeks before it was released in Pratchett's native UK, to coincide with a United States signing tour...
  
  , has assumed a role similar to that of English Heritage
  English Heritage
  English Heritage . is an executive non-departmental public body of the British Government sponsored by the Department for Culture, Media and Sport...
  
  , determining which buildings are of historical interest and ensuring they are preserved as their builders intended.

Guild of Lags

(professional prisoners, mentioned in The Thieves Guild Diary)

- Headed by Joe "Lifer" Bushyhead in The Thieves Guild Diary

Launderers' Guild

- Headed by Mrs. Manger in Guards! Guards!
  Guards! Guards!
  Guards! Guards! is the eighth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, first published in 1989. It is the first novel about the City Watch. The first Discworld computer game borrowed heavily from Guards! Guards! in terms of plot.-Plot:...

Lawyers' Guild

- Motto: LVCRE SERMAT ("Money Talks")
- Headed by Mr. Slant, a zombie. The basic principle of the Guild is the richer you are, the more likely you are to be innocent. As rich people are more valuable to society than poor people, this is considered a very agreeable form of justice.

Guild of Merchants and Traders

(created in The Colour of Magic
The Colour of Magic
The Colour of Magic is a 1983 comic fantasy novel by Terry Pratchett, and is the first book of the Discworld series. Pratchett has described it as "an attempt to do for the classical fantasy universe what Blazing Saddles did for Westerns."...

)

- Motto: VILIS AD BIS PRETII ("Cheap At Twice The Price")
- Headed by Antimony Parker in Going Postal
  Going Postal
  Going Postal is Terry Pratchett's 33rd Discworld novel, released in the United Kingdom on September 25, 2004. Unlike most of Pratchett's Discworld novels, Going Postal is divided into chapters, a feature previously seen only in Pratchett's children's books and the Science of Discworld series...
  
  ; however, they seem to have a new head every year.
- Its main function is to protect its members from being robbed, which had become their principal occupation in recent years. They also serve as the advertisers of the civic charms of Ankh-Morpork to potential tourists. They hire gangs of burly men to patiently describe to outsiders that Ankh-Morpork is in fact clean, safe and lovely place to live.

Guild of Musicians

(featured in Soul Music)

- Motto: ID MVRMVRATIS, ID LVDAMVS ("You Hum It, We'll Play It")
- More of a protection racket
  Protection racket
  A protection racket is an extortion scheme whereby a criminal group or individual coerces a victim to pay money, supposedly for protection services against violence or property damage. Racketeers coerce reticent potential victims into buying "protection" by demonstrating what will happen if they...
  
  than a Guild, the Musicians' Guild demands high membership fees and performance rates for all members. Those who do not wish to be members are perfectly free to operate outside it, of course, but then, they are unlikely to do so for very long.

Guild of Plumbers and Dunnikin Divers

(mentioned in Pyramids
Pyramids (Discworld)
Pyramids is the BSFA winning seventh Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, published in 1989.-Plot summary:The main character of Pyramids is Teppic, prince of the tiny kingdom of Djelibeybi. Djelibeybi is the Discworld counterpart to Ancient Egypt....

, Men at Arms
Men at Arms
Men at Arms is the 15th Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett first published in 1993. It is the second novel about the Ankh-Morpork City Watch on the Discworld. Lance-constable Angua von Überwald, later in the series promoted to the rank of Sergeant, is introduced in this book...

)

- Motto: NON ANTE SEPTEM DIES PROXIMA, SQVIRI ("Not Before Next Week, Squire")
- Created in the reign of Patrician Vetinari.
- Main role is to dig new water wells and empty cesspits (Dunnykin divers, a lonely profession)
- Headed by Sir Charles Lavatory
  Thomas Crapper
  Thomas Crapper was a plumber who founded Thomas Crapper & Co. in London. Contrary to widespread misconceptions, Crapper did not invent the flush toilet. He did, however, do much to increase the popularity of the toilet, and developed some important related inventions, such as the ballcock...
  
  , who invented the device which bears his name. It flushes waste away very well, but as Ankh-Morpork has no currently functional sewers, it doesn't actually go anywhere.

Guild of Priests, Sacerdotes and Occult Intermediaries

- May be the same as the Council of Churches, Temples, Sacred Groves and Big Ominous Rocks.

Rat-Catchers' Guild

(mentioned in Feet of Clay
Feet of Clay
Feet of Clay is the nineteenth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, published in 1996. The story follows the members of the City Watch, as they attempt to solve murders apparently committed by a golem, as well as the unusual poisoning of the Patrician, Lord Vetinari.The title is a figure of speech...

and "Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents ")

Seamstresses' Guild

- Euphemistically named; actually a guild of prostitutes.
- Motto: NIL VOLVPTI, SINE LVCRE ("No Pleasure Without Pay")
- Legalized by Lord Vetinari early in his reign.
- Headed by Mrs Rosemary "Rosie" Palm. "Mrs" is an honorific bestowed on those members of the Guild who rise to the ownership of their own premises. Her employees are known as her "daughters" (a reference to the famous euphemism
  Euphemism
  A euphemism is the substitution of a mild, inoffensive, relatively uncontroversial phrase for another more frank expression that might offend or otherwise suggest something unpleasant to the audience...
  
  "visiting Rosie Palm and her five daughters
  Masturbation
  Masturbation refers to sexual stimulation of a person's own genitals, usually to the point of orgasm. The stimulation can be performed manually, by use of objects or tools, or by some combination of these methods. Masturbation is a common form of autoeroticism...
  
  ".
- During the events of Night Watch, the Guild briefly employed an actual seamstress, who made quite a large sum of money darning the socks of men who made the same mistake she did.
- Upon his initial arrival in the city, Carrot Ironfoundersson lodged at the Seamstresses' Guild, and even dated one of its members, all the while apparently oblivious to the nature of their profession.
- Granny Weatherwax
  Granny Weatherwax
  Esmerelda "Esme" Weatherwax is a fictional character from Terry Pratchett's Discworld series. She is a witch and member of the Lancre coven. She is the self-appointed guardian of her small country, and frequently defends it against supernatural powers...
  
  lodged at the Seamstresses' Guild as well, considering Mrs. Palm "practically a witch".
- A survey once found more than 987 women occupied as seamstresses. And two needles.

Guild of Shoemakers and Leatherworkers

- Headed by Tuttle Scrope in The Truth
  The Truth (novel)
  The Truth is the twenty-fifth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, published in 2000.The book features the coming of movable type to Ankh-Morpork, and the founding of the Discworld's first newspaper by William de Worde, as he invents investigative journalism with the help of his reporter Sacharissa...

Teachers' Guild

(mentioned in Guards! Guards!
Guards! Guards!
Guards! Guards! is the eighth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, first published in 1989. It is the first novel about the City Watch. The first Discworld computer game borrowed heavily from Guards! Guards! in terms of plot.-Plot:...

, Men at Arms
Men at Arms
Men at Arms is the 15th Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett first published in 1993. It is the second novel about the Ankh-Morpork City Watch on the Discworld. Lance-constable Angua von Überwald, later in the series promoted to the rank of Sergeant, is introduced in this book...

and Interesting Times
Interesting Times
Interesting Times is the seventeenth novel in the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett.The opening lines explain that the title refers to the phrase "may you live in interesting times".-Plot summary:...

)

- Headed by Master Greetling in Guards! Guards!
  Guards! Guards!
  Guards! Guards! is the eighth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, first published in 1989. It is the first novel about the City Watch. The first Discworld computer game borrowed heavily from Guards! Guards! in terms of plot.-Plot:...
  
  .
- The Guild clock strikes noon before any of the others, presumably marking school lunchtime.
- Mr. Saveloy was a former member (traveled with the Silver Horde in Interesting Times)

Thieves' Guild

Formally the Guild of Thieves, Cutpurses and Allied Trades

- Motto: ACVTVS ID VERBERAT ("Whip it Quick")
- Legalized by the Patrician early in his reign.
- Headed by J.H. "Flannelfoot" Boggis in Feet of Clay
  Feet of Clay
  Feet of Clay is the nineteenth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, published in 1996. The story follows the members of the City Watch, as they attempt to solve murders apparently committed by a golem, as well as the unusual poisoning of the Patrician, Lord Vetinari.The title is a figure of speech...
  
  and subsequent novels.
- Headed by Urdo van Pew in Guards! Guards!
  Guards! Guards!
  Guards! Guards! is the eighth Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett, first published in 1989. It is the first novel about the City Watch. The first Discworld computer game borrowed heavily from Guards! Guards! in terms of plot.-Plot:...
- Headed by Ymor in The Colour of Magic
  The Colour of Magic
  The Colour of Magic is a 1983 comic fantasy novel by Terry Pratchett, and is the first book of the Discworld series. Pratchett has described it as "an attempt to do for the classical fantasy universe what Blazing Saddles did for Westerns."...

Note: Some of the information repeated below was taken from the 2002 Discworld Diary
Discworld Diary
The Discworld Diaries are a series of themed diaries based on the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett. Each one is based on an Ankh-Morpork institution, and has an opening section containing information about that institution written by Pratchett and Stephen Briggs.The diaries feature a great deal...

, which had a thieves' guild theme, and has not been confirmed in any of the Discworld
Discworld
Discworld is a comic fantasy book series by English author Sir Terry Pratchett, set on the Discworld, a flat world balanced on the backs of four elephants which, in turn, stand on the back of a giant turtle, Great A'Tuin. The books frequently parody, or at least take inspiration from, J. R. R....

novels, although Pratchett has confirmed it is "official".

The Guild of Thieves, Cutpurses and Allied Trades is distinguished from thieves' guilds in other fantasy universes by being completely legal. The Thieves' Guild was established early in Lord Havelock Vetinari

Havelock Vetinari

Havelock Vetinari, Lord Vetinari, Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, is the fictional ruler of the city state of Ankh-Morpork in Terry Pratchett's Discworld series, a series of over thirty books describing a parallel universe whose main world has reflections of - even more or less subtle jokes about - our...

's rule of Ankh-Morpork

Ankh-Morpork

. Lord Vetinari realised that what people crave is stability, and that, while it is impossible to stamp out crime altogether, it is possible to regulate it. The major gang leaders of the city were therefore called to the Patrician's Palace, where they agreed to be held responsible for ensuring a socially acceptable number of thefts. While they may have been insincere in this promise, they soon found the Patrician knew too much about them for reneging to be safe.

The Thieves' Guild, due to their new obligation to prevent unauthorised theft, quickly became the major law-enforcement body of the city. Accordingly, they moved into the long-vacated Ankh-Morpork Courthouse, though at the back they built a clay-brick "thieves kitchen
Hell's Kitchen, Manhattan
Hell's Kitchen, also known as Clinton and Midtown West, is a neighborhood of Manhattan in New York City between 34th Street and 59th Street, from 8th Avenue to the Hudson River....

", which painstakingly recreates a slum in the Shades, and which is used for training purposes. Its multitude of chimneys overshadow the marble façade of the original building. The Guild also undertakes field training exercises in the surrounding city streets where visitors may observe them in action; the fortunate may be invited to participate. As the Thieves' Guild grew, the Ankh-Morpork City Watch

Ankh-Morpork City Watch

The Ankh-Morpork City Watch is a fictional police force within the Discworld series of books by Terry Pratchett. It is based in the city-state of Ankh-Morpork on the Discworld. The Watch was originally two units, the Day Watch and the Night Watch which were combined after the events of Men at Arms...

continued to slide even further into the pit of depression they would remain in until Carrot Ironfoundersson's arrival. In the year of the Engaging Sloth, the Guild had a General Strike, and the amount of crime doubled. One of Carrot's first acts as a watchman was arresting the head of the Thieves' Guild for being a thief. The man was outraged at being treated as a common criminal, and was quickly released by the Patrician.

While initially the main money-making venture of Thieves' Guild members remained theft, albeit under strict guidelines and leaving a receipt, more recent books show a system of "insurance", whereby people may pay a fee directly to the Guild and therefore become immune to robbery for a specified period. Unlicensed theft remains illegal, under both city and Guild law. Perpetrators consider themselves lucky if the revitalised Watch catches them, or they would usually suffer from the cruel punishment dealt out by the guild. The current head of the Guild is Josiah Herbert Boggis, of the firm J.H. "Flannelfoot" Boggis and Nephews, Bespoke Thieves. He is, in fact, also a member of the Specials

Special Constabulary

The Special Constabulary is the part-time volunteer section of a statutory police force in the United Kingdom or some Crown dependencies. Its officers are known as Special Constables or informally as Specials.Every United Kingdom territorial police force has a special constabulary except the...

, a civilian unit of the Watch called up during dire emergencies. Recently, the Thieves' Guild has introduced the practice of offering free gifts, such as matching crystal glasses, to those about to be mugged. However, these gifts are usually cheap and of poor quality.

While not as formalised as the Assassins' Guild

Ankh-Morpork Assassins' Guild

The Ankh-Morpork Assassins' Guild is a fictional school for professional killers in Terry Pratchett's long-running Discworld series of fantasy novels...

Code of Conduct, Guild thieves are expected to work to certain standards. The main one is not to cause undue distress; a Guild burglar ransacking a house will be careful to place everything (apart from what he takes) back where he found it. Another rule is that a Guild member must look and sound the part. Guild thieves must wear appropriate clothing (in the case of burglars this means an eye mask, a flat cap, a stripy jumper and a bag labelled "SWAG"; other specialities have their own uniforms) and speak in thieves' cant

Thieves' cant

Thieves' cant or Rogues' cant was a secret language which was formerly used by thieves, beggars and hustlers of various kinds in Great Britain and to a lesser extent in other English-speaking countries...

, or at least rhyming slang. Members are required to carry their membership cards during all official activities (i.e. crimes). They tend to leave members of the Guild of Seamstresses alone, though this is more from self-preservation than professional courtesy. There is one golden, cardinal rule amongst the Guild thieves: always leave a receipt.

Guild of Victims

(created in The Thieves Guild Diary)

- Headed by Echinoid Blacksly (only member)
- A bizarre counterpart to the Guild of Thieves; you hire Mr Blacksly to suffer an official Guild theft on your behalf.

Guild of Watchmen

(created in The Fifth Elephant
The Fifth Elephant
The Fifth Elephant is the 24th Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett. It introduces the clacks, a long-distance semaphore system. The novel was nominated for the Locus Award in 2000.-Plot summary:...

)

- Headed by Nobby Nobbs in The Fifth Elephant
  The Fifth Elephant
  The Fifth Elephant is the 24th Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett. It introduces the clacks, a long-distance semaphore system. The novel was nominated for the Locus Award in 2000.-Plot summary:...
- According to The Discworld Companion, it lasted exactly as long as it took for Sam Vimes to find out about it (though in The Fifth Elephant
  The Fifth Elephant
  The Fifth Elephant is the 24th Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett. It introduces the clacks, a long-distance semaphore system. The novel was nominated for the Locus Award in 2000.-Plot summary:...
  
  it lasted only until Carrot Ironfoundersson found out about it, rather before Vimes did.)

Guild mottos (in Latatian) are taken from The Discworld Companion
The Discworld Companion
The Discworld Companion is an encyclopaedia of the Discworld fictional universe created by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs.The book compiles a precise definition of words, lives of historical people, geography of places and events that have appeared in at least one Discworld novel, map, diary,...

.

External links

Discworld & Pratchett Wiki

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