Digitiser
Encyclopedia
Digitiser was a video games magazine that was broadcast on the Teletext
service on Channel 4
in the UK from 1993 to 2003, and (save for nine months during 2002 when it went to three days a week, weekends and holidays) was updated from Monday to Saturday. During those ten years, it gained a cult following of up to 1.5 million readers at points, who lauded the magazine for its constant use of surreal humour
, which was often risqué, as well as its games coverage, which - while lacking the screenshots afforded by its paper-based rivals - could be some of the most accurate, informed, and up-to-date to be found anywhere.
Digitiser was created by Paul Rose
, aka Mr Biffo, and Tim Moore
, aka Mr Hairs, both now established writers in their own fields. They wrote Digitiser together for the first four years of its existence, with Biffo writing more or less solo for the remaining six years.
Nevertheless, Teletext's senior staff felt that something was amiss, and often saw controversy where there was none.
On one occasion, a sub-editor, who shortly afterwards was promoted to editorial director of the company, rang Rose to insist he remove a "disgusting" reference to "fingering the index". When Rose pointed out that it was a play on "index finger", and that it had not even dawned on him that it might be considered rude, the up-and-coming sub-editor is alleged to have fallen silent for a few seconds, before insisting that it was still deliberately provocative, and should be deleted. A similar confrontation occurred over a reference to "The three Rs", during which sub-editors believed that - despite Biffo's amused protests to the contrary - the "Rs" part of the phrase was meant to sound a bit like "arse", rather than a reference to the famous educational principle.
Campaigns were even waged to have Digitiser's writing team fired - both within Teletext by its editorial minions, and beyond (by disgruntled Amiga
, Sega
, Sony
, or Nintendo
fans, not to mention the staff of Mean Machines
and Official Nintendo magazines - whom Digitiser frequently poked fun at). Such reactions merely served to redouble Biffo's resolve to be controversial and edgy, and as he often wrote on the letters pages, Digitiser "hates everyone equally, man".
For everyone who hated Digitiser, there were dozens more who loved it, both for its fair and unbiased judgements of games, its informed style, and its unique and often bizarre tone. Doubtless, Biffo's battles with his employers helped to give Digitiser a defiant, anti-establishment air.
Things finally came to a head in 2002, when Teletext gained a new senior editorial team, who lost patience with Biffo's pushing of the envelope of what was acceptable on a mainstream text service. Even though they could not quite bring themselves to get rid of Digitiser and Biffo altogether, they ordered that the magazine be reduced to three days a week, and have all humour and character stripped from the pages. Despite massive evidence to the contrary, and being one of the most popular features sections on Teletext, Biffo has said since that he was told the reason for this was because the humour "excluded people".
It seemed as if the "suits" had finally won, and with Biffo's screenwriting career taking off at the time, he could have chosen to walk away from it all. However, he chose to stay on, writing the pages anonymously, as it only took 45 minutes out of his working day. "Money for old rope," he has said subsequently.
The decision later backfired on Teletext, when Digitiser's viewing figures plummeted to half of what it had been previously, and viewers spent the next nine months inundating the company with letters of complaint, demanding it be restored. After thousands of emails and letters had poured into Teletext they were forced to go back on their previous decision, and asked Biffo to reinstate the humour, and return Digitiser to its daily glory. However, for Biffo the damage had been done, and his last shreds of faith in the company had been shattered. He returned Digitiser to its earlier style for one final, five month run as a thankyou to the fans - which included a special ten year anniversary celebration, complete with a glowing eulogy by author Alex Garland
- before Biffo handed in his notice in December 2002. The lights finally went out on just over ten years of Digitiser on 9 March 2003.
Digitiser was replaced by GameCentral
, which featured the same number of sub-pages, but less of the humour.
(Paul Rose) and Mr Hairs
(Tim Moore) who, as Biffo himself says, only began working on it in order to "amuse ourselves and get free games". Hairs was fired by Teletext in May 1996, and Biffo continued to write the bulk of the magazine solo, apart for occasional, part-time contributors, who helped him out with the letters, tips, and charts pages.
These temporary assistants went by the names Mr Cheese, Mr Udders and Mr Toast. Digitiser also ran a weekly opinion column, written by various guest writers, usually prominent members of the games journalist community (such as Violet Berlin
and Stuart Campbell).
inducted Digitiser into their videoGaiden Time Capsule with the aid of Colin Baker
in his outlandish Doctor Who
outfit, and the song Lavender by Rose's favourite band, Marillion
.
The Man With a Long Chin (later just The Man) - The Man kept a regular diary in which he would detail the job he had been doing that week, before (usually) getting fired at the end of the week. One of The Man's jobs saw him working in a burger bar. He was eventually fired when he replaced the toilet paper with gloves from the lost property box, and someone froze to death in the toilet.
The Man's Daddy - a bizarre ant/elephant creature who declared himself to be a famous comedian. His jokes tended to be disjointed, usually relying on a nonsense answer. His jokes included: Question. Why did Superman wear his pants outside his trousers? Answer. Because he was a pervert., Question.: What do you call a dog wearing a policeman's hat? Answer: PC Dog-hat and Question.: What do you say if there is a seed in your pie and a man in your yard? Answer: "Seed pie leave now". Question: What do you call a man who sits on bended knee in a crop field while playing a guitar? Answer: Kneel Farm-Strum(Neil Armstrong).
Mr. T
- A take on Mr. T from The A-Team
, who would dispense worldly advice, while warning kids to stay away from his bins. His distinctive vocal style was brought across by the use of capitalisation of entire words in a sentence.
Phoning Honey - Would phone up stores in order to make prank calls, and present the transcript for readers' perusal.
Fat Sow - Presented the news page, and began every article with a wild insult, and a demand that the reader stop whatever they are doing to pay attention to the rant. Rose allegedly received a written warning when Teletext's editors deemed Fat Sow's comment "What's the matter lads - too fat and stupid to get into the army?" as "Grossly offensive towards security guards".
Zombie Dave - A reanimated corpse who appeared on the news page and punctuated the items with comments written in the manner of the shambling dead. This was frequently used as an excuse to get rude comments screened on the family-friendly service, such as when he described Tomb Raider
's Lara Croft
as "thrr brrrd wrrz thrr tttrrrdz".
Insincere Dave - A send-up of fanboys, marketing staff and ultra-positive reviewers; in particular the over enthusiastic Dave Gibbons who at that time was the games reviewer for the BBC Ceefax
service. Dave would comment briefly on the news items of the day in an overly optimistic and enthusiastic fashion. Famously, any spare space on the line his comments occupied would be filled with exclamation marks, further emphasising his "sincerity." Example: on a story about a pink casing accessory for the Dreamcast, Dave commented that, "Now your DC can be in the pink!!!!!!!". Very occasionally, a more deadpan Dave would appear: on a story regarding Microsoft's intention to ensure that the Xbox
marketing budget outweighed Sony
's PS2
expenditure, Dave remarked that, "Money is the most important thing." Dave's comments were usually preceded by a rather acid take on the day's gaming events, adding a further element of juxtaposition to Dave's enthusiasm.
The Snakes - A pair of beatboxing snakes, which would argue in a manner similar to that of Ali G
(but pre-dating him by some years). Led to the catchphrase "I Cuss You Bad", along with the use of the word "Skank".
BW - A faceless quizmaster, who was a bizarre parody of Bamber Boozler, quizmaster of Teletext quiz Bamboozle
Gossi the Dog - Perhaps Digitiser's most controversial character, Gossi hosted a regular gaming gossip page. On one occasion, the Broadcasting Standards Commission upheld a complaint about the Gossi page, which alluded to Gossi's master thrashing the talking, cartoon dog with a belt. Gossi's page also led to the dismissal of Tim Moore, who - while Rose was away on paternity leave - printed an unsubstantiated rumour about a fellow games journalist. Teletext's editors allegedly used Rose's absence (who remained useful to the company for his graphic design abilities), and the journalist's complaint, as an excuse to fire Moore.
Doctor Derek Doctors - A sinister megalomaniac, who Biffo and Hairs secretly removed from air, after a concerned mother rang to say she found him "Perverted and disgusting".
Chester Fisho - Chester gave views on the news of the day laced with masses of sexual innuendo.
(although they came from Sweden) and The Scorpions
, while "NOT A REAL GERMAN ADVERT" was placed at the top left of the screen instead of the usual "NOT AN ADVERT". This was done as a viewer contacted Teletext over a previous spoof believing it to be real.
" The weekend edition would often feature a full-length "story," told through "Reveal-O"s (as they were often called - see "Digi-Speak") on every page.
The most controversial "Reveal-O" appeared right at the end of Digitiser's life, on the final page of the final letters section. It purported to be a picture of "the real Turner The Worm (a cartoon character from Teletext
also created by Rose) being sick". Pressing the reveal button then uncovered an image that many have likened to a recently-ejaculated penis.
The end-of-year quiz featured lizard like creatures pointing to the correct answer with its tongue when the button was pressed.
. Often this amounted to little more than using "the" in unusual places or adding curious suffixes to existing words (including, but not limited to -uss, -O, -ston, -Oh! and -me-do), but occasionally invented whole new sounds using words that never been used in that context, such as "huss
" becoming an exclamation of some joy rather than, as is more common, a variety of dogfish
.
Another very common Digitiser phrase was the expression "mess up". As well as the more conventional meaning (to err or fail), the phrase regularly took on more unusual forms including: to rebuke or discredit a person's opinion ("You, sir, have messed up."); as an adjective meaning substandard or faulty ("messed-up animation"); and even as a noun meaning any negative thing ("there are several mess-ups"). The phrase, like many others, was embraced by the readers who often used it in their letters. The author Alex Garland
was a Digitiser fan and named a chapter in his novel The Beach
"Messed Up" in its honour.
Using tramps as similes ("That's like putting lipstick on a dead tramp and calling it a supermodel"), the phrase moc-moc-a-moc and irrelevant sentences which read merely "And!" were all elements of the Digitiser lexicon.
It was common practice for Digitiser to mock the names of contributors to its letters page. Generally, the more obvious the better (for example a reader with the surname "Major" could well find themselves being referred to as "John
"). Notable bits of name-calling included Digitiser viewer Matt Gander being rechristened "non-shiny goose", and a Mr. Tedesco being called "Safedeway", alluding to supermarket chains Tesco
and Safeway
.
Teletext
Teletext is a television information retrieval service developed in the United Kingdom in the early 1970s. It offers a range of text-based information, typically including national, international and sporting news, weather and TV schedules...
service on Channel 4
Channel 4
Channel 4 is a British public-service television broadcaster which began working on 2 November 1982. Although largely commercially self-funded, it is ultimately publicly owned; originally a subsidiary of the Independent Broadcasting Authority , the station is now owned and operated by the Channel...
in the UK from 1993 to 2003, and (save for nine months during 2002 when it went to three days a week, weekends and holidays) was updated from Monday to Saturday. During those ten years, it gained a cult following of up to 1.5 million readers at points, who lauded the magazine for its constant use of surreal humour
Surreal humour
Surreal humour is a form of humour based on violations of causal reasoning with events and behaviours that are logically incongruent. Constructions of surreal humour involve bizarre juxtapositions, non-sequiturs, irrational situations, and/or expressions of nonsense.The humour arises from a...
, which was often risqué, as well as its games coverage, which - while lacking the screenshots afforded by its paper-based rivals - could be some of the most accurate, informed, and up-to-date to be found anywhere.
Digitiser was created by Paul Rose
Paul Rose (writer)
Mr. Biffo, real name Paul Rose, was the editor of the Teletext-based video games magazine Digitiser, which ran between 1993 and 2003. He has written for numerous magazines, including Empire, Total Film, .net, Official PlayStation Magazine and Deathray, Retro Gamer, and from 2003 to 2008 wrote a...
, aka Mr Biffo, and Tim Moore
Tim Moore (writer)
Tim Moore is a British travel writer and humorist. He was educated at Latymer Upper School in Hammersmith. In addition to his seven published travelogues to date, his writings have appeared in various publications including Esquire, The Sunday Times, The Independent, The Observer and the Evening...
, aka Mr Hairs, both now established writers in their own fields. They wrote Digitiser together for the first four years of its existence, with Biffo writing more or less solo for the remaining six years.
History
Digitiser revelled in controversy, inspiring vitriolic criticism both from various external groups, and Teletext's editorial team, who viewed the writers as troublemakers, but were unable to axe them due to the magazine's phenomenal popularity. Pages were often altered without the writers being told, with sub-editors sometimes deleting entire frames of reviews, fearing that they were missing some risque gag which might cost them their job. Digitiser's use of language was such that its writers saw this as a challenge to slip in many more subtle, yet far more risque, gags which - while lost on Teletext staffers - did not get past its audience.Nevertheless, Teletext's senior staff felt that something was amiss, and often saw controversy where there was none.
On one occasion, a sub-editor, who shortly afterwards was promoted to editorial director of the company, rang Rose to insist he remove a "disgusting" reference to "fingering the index". When Rose pointed out that it was a play on "index finger", and that it had not even dawned on him that it might be considered rude, the up-and-coming sub-editor is alleged to have fallen silent for a few seconds, before insisting that it was still deliberately provocative, and should be deleted. A similar confrontation occurred over a reference to "The three Rs", during which sub-editors believed that - despite Biffo's amused protests to the contrary - the "Rs" part of the phrase was meant to sound a bit like "arse", rather than a reference to the famous educational principle.
Campaigns were even waged to have Digitiser's writing team fired - both within Teletext by its editorial minions, and beyond (by disgruntled Amiga
Amiga
The Amiga is a family of personal computers that was sold by Commodore in the 1980s and 1990s. The first model was launched in 1985 as a high-end home computer and became popular for its graphical, audio and multi-tasking abilities...
, Sega
Sega
, usually styled as SEGA, is a multinational video game software developer and an arcade software and hardware development company headquartered in Ōta, Tokyo, Japan, with various offices around the world...
, Sony
Sony
, commonly referred to as Sony, is a Japanese multinational conglomerate corporation headquartered in Minato, Tokyo, Japan and the world's fifth largest media conglomerate measured by revenues....
, or Nintendo
Nintendo
is a multinational corporation located in Kyoto, Japan. Founded on September 23, 1889 by Fusajiro Yamauchi, it produced handmade hanafuda cards. By 1963, the company had tried several small niche businesses, such as a cab company and a love hotel....
fans, not to mention the staff of Mean Machines
Mean Machines
Mean Machines was a market-leading multi-format gaming magazine released between 1990 and 1992 in the United Kingdom. Its style was popular with gamers of the time for its irreverent humor, anarchic editorial tone and style, and its sometimes outrageously outspoken reviews.- Origins :In the late...
and Official Nintendo magazines - whom Digitiser frequently poked fun at). Such reactions merely served to redouble Biffo's resolve to be controversial and edgy, and as he often wrote on the letters pages, Digitiser "hates everyone equally, man".
For everyone who hated Digitiser, there were dozens more who loved it, both for its fair and unbiased judgements of games, its informed style, and its unique and often bizarre tone. Doubtless, Biffo's battles with his employers helped to give Digitiser a defiant, anti-establishment air.
Things finally came to a head in 2002, when Teletext gained a new senior editorial team, who lost patience with Biffo's pushing of the envelope of what was acceptable on a mainstream text service. Even though they could not quite bring themselves to get rid of Digitiser and Biffo altogether, they ordered that the magazine be reduced to three days a week, and have all humour and character stripped from the pages. Despite massive evidence to the contrary, and being one of the most popular features sections on Teletext, Biffo has said since that he was told the reason for this was because the humour "excluded people".
It seemed as if the "suits" had finally won, and with Biffo's screenwriting career taking off at the time, he could have chosen to walk away from it all. However, he chose to stay on, writing the pages anonymously, as it only took 45 minutes out of his working day. "Money for old rope," he has said subsequently.
The decision later backfired on Teletext, when Digitiser's viewing figures plummeted to half of what it had been previously, and viewers spent the next nine months inundating the company with letters of complaint, demanding it be restored. After thousands of emails and letters had poured into Teletext they were forced to go back on their previous decision, and asked Biffo to reinstate the humour, and return Digitiser to its daily glory. However, for Biffo the damage had been done, and his last shreds of faith in the company had been shattered. He returned Digitiser to its earlier style for one final, five month run as a thankyou to the fans - which included a special ten year anniversary celebration, complete with a glowing eulogy by author Alex Garland
Alex Garland
Alexander Medawar "Alex" Garland is a British novelist and screenwriter.-Early life:Garland was born in London, England, the son of psychoanalyst Caroline and political cartoonist Nicholas Garland. His maternal grandparents were zoologist Peter Medawar and author Jean Medawar...
- before Biffo handed in his notice in December 2002. The lights finally went out on just over ten years of Digitiser on 9 March 2003.
Digitiser was replaced by GameCentral
GameCentral
GameCentral is an online magazine broadcast in the UK, focused on video games. It replaced Digitiser on March 10, 2003.GameCentral was formerly found on Channel 4 analogue Teletext on page 690, and on digital Teletext at page 805...
, which featured the same number of sub-pages, but less of the humour.
The writers
The founding writers of Digitiser were Mr BiffoPaul Rose (writer)
Mr. Biffo, real name Paul Rose, was the editor of the Teletext-based video games magazine Digitiser, which ran between 1993 and 2003. He has written for numerous magazines, including Empire, Total Film, .net, Official PlayStation Magazine and Deathray, Retro Gamer, and from 2003 to 2008 wrote a...
(Paul Rose) and Mr Hairs
Tim Moore (writer)
Tim Moore is a British travel writer and humorist. He was educated at Latymer Upper School in Hammersmith. In addition to his seven published travelogues to date, his writings have appeared in various publications including Esquire, The Sunday Times, The Independent, The Observer and the Evening...
(Tim Moore) who, as Biffo himself says, only began working on it in order to "amuse ourselves and get free games". Hairs was fired by Teletext in May 1996, and Biffo continued to write the bulk of the magazine solo, apart for occasional, part-time contributors, who helped him out with the letters, tips, and charts pages.
These temporary assistants went by the names Mr Cheese, Mr Udders and Mr Toast. Digitiser also ran a weekly opinion column, written by various guest writers, usually prominent members of the games journalist community (such as Violet Berlin
Violet Berlin
Violet Berlin is a Turkish born English television presenter, writer and producer best known for her coverage of video games.-Career:Berlin began presenting in the early 1990s when she presented WildBunch on BBC One, and Cool Cube on BSkyB...
and Stuart Campbell).
Recent news
In their December 10, 2006 episode, videoGaidenVideoGaiden
VideoGaiden is a Scottish computer games television show broadcast by BBC Scotland. Its creators and presenters, Robert Florence and Ryan Macleod, are responsible for the internet-distributed videogaming show Consolevania, upon which the show is based...
inducted Digitiser into their videoGaiden Time Capsule with the aid of Colin Baker
Colin Baker
Colin Baker is a British actor who is known for playing Paul Merroney in The Brothers from 1974 to 1976 and as the sixth incarnation of the Doctor in the long-running science fiction television series Doctor Who, from 1984 to 1986.- Background:Colin Baker was born in London, but moved north to...
in his outlandish Doctor Who
Doctor Who
Doctor Who is a British science fiction television programme produced by the BBC. The programme depicts the adventures of a time-travelling humanoid alien known as the Doctor who explores the universe in a sentient time machine called the TARDIS that flies through time and space, whose exterior...
outfit, and the song Lavender by Rose's favourite band, Marillion
Marillion
Marillion are a British rock band, formed in Aylesbury, England in 1979. Their recorded studio output comprises sixteen albums generally regarded in two distinct eras, delineated by the departure of original vocalist & frontman Fish in late 1988, and the subsequent arrival of replacement Steve...
.
Regular characters
Regular characters appeared on the service both to fill up space left by short reviews and letters, and also to flesh out the content provided by the writers.The Man With a Long Chin (later just The Man) - The Man kept a regular diary in which he would detail the job he had been doing that week, before (usually) getting fired at the end of the week. One of The Man's jobs saw him working in a burger bar. He was eventually fired when he replaced the toilet paper with gloves from the lost property box, and someone froze to death in the toilet.
The Man's Daddy - a bizarre ant/elephant creature who declared himself to be a famous comedian. His jokes tended to be disjointed, usually relying on a nonsense answer. His jokes included: Question. Why did Superman wear his pants outside his trousers? Answer. Because he was a pervert., Question.: What do you call a dog wearing a policeman's hat? Answer: PC Dog-hat and Question.: What do you say if there is a seed in your pie and a man in your yard? Answer: "Seed pie leave now". Question: What do you call a man who sits on bended knee in a crop field while playing a guitar? Answer: Kneel Farm-Strum(Neil Armstrong).
Mr. T
Mr. T
Mr. T is an American actor known for his roles as B. A. Baracus in the 1980s television series The A-Team, as boxer Clubber Lang in the 1982 film Rocky III, and for his appearances as a professional wrestler. Mr. T is known for his trademark African Mandinka warrior hairstyle, his gold jewelry,...
- A take on Mr. T from The A-Team
The A-Team
The A-Team is an American action adventure television series about a fictional group of ex-United States Army Special Forces personnel who work as soldiers of fortune, while on the run from the Army after being branded as war criminals for a "crime they didn't commit". The A-Team was created by...
, who would dispense worldly advice, while warning kids to stay away from his bins. His distinctive vocal style was brought across by the use of capitalisation of entire words in a sentence.
Phoning Honey - Would phone up stores in order to make prank calls, and present the transcript for readers' perusal.
Fat Sow - Presented the news page, and began every article with a wild insult, and a demand that the reader stop whatever they are doing to pay attention to the rant. Rose allegedly received a written warning when Teletext's editors deemed Fat Sow's comment "What's the matter lads - too fat and stupid to get into the army?" as "Grossly offensive towards security guards".
Zombie Dave - A reanimated corpse who appeared on the news page and punctuated the items with comments written in the manner of the shambling dead. This was frequently used as an excuse to get rude comments screened on the family-friendly service, such as when he described Tomb Raider
Tomb Raider
Tomb Raider is an action-adventure video game developed by Core Design and published by Eidos Interactive. It was originally released in 1996 for the Sega Saturn, with MS-DOS and PlayStation versions following shortly thereafter...
's Lara Croft
Lara Croft
Lara Croft is a fictional character and the protagonist of the Square Enix video game series Tomb Raider. She is presented as a beautiful, intelligent, and athletic British archaeologist-adventurer who ventures into ancient, hazardous tombs and ruins around the world...
as "thrr brrrd wrrz thrr tttrrrdz".
Insincere Dave - A send-up of fanboys, marketing staff and ultra-positive reviewers; in particular the over enthusiastic Dave Gibbons who at that time was the games reviewer for the BBC Ceefax
Ceefax
Ceefax is the BBC's teletext information service transmitted via the analogue signal, started in 1974 and will run until April 2012 for Pages from Ceefax, while the actual interactive service will run until 24 October 2012, in-line with the digital switchover.-History:During the late 60s, engineer...
service. Dave would comment briefly on the news items of the day in an overly optimistic and enthusiastic fashion. Famously, any spare space on the line his comments occupied would be filled with exclamation marks, further emphasising his "sincerity." Example: on a story about a pink casing accessory for the Dreamcast, Dave commented that, "Now your DC can be in the pink!!!!!!!". Very occasionally, a more deadpan Dave would appear: on a story regarding Microsoft's intention to ensure that the Xbox
Xbox
The Xbox is a sixth-generation video game console manufactured by Microsoft. It was released on November 15, 2001 in North America, February 22, 2002 in Japan, and March 14, 2002 in Australia and Europe and is the predecessor to the Xbox 360. It was Microsoft's first foray into the gaming console...
marketing budget outweighed Sony
Sony
, commonly referred to as Sony, is a Japanese multinational conglomerate corporation headquartered in Minato, Tokyo, Japan and the world's fifth largest media conglomerate measured by revenues....
's PS2
PlayStation 2
The PlayStation 2 is a sixth-generation video game console manufactured by Sony as part of the PlayStation series. Its development was announced in March 1999 and it was first released on March 4, 2000, in Japan...
expenditure, Dave remarked that, "Money is the most important thing." Dave's comments were usually preceded by a rather acid take on the day's gaming events, adding a further element of juxtaposition to Dave's enthusiasm.
The Snakes - A pair of beatboxing snakes, which would argue in a manner similar to that of Ali G
Ali G
Ali G is a satirical fictional character invented and performed by English comedian Sacha Baron Cohen. Originally appearing on Channel 4's Eleven O'Clock show, Ali G is the title character of Channel 4's Da Ali G Show, original episodes of which aired in 2000 and on HBO in 2003–2004, and is the...
(but pre-dating him by some years). Led to the catchphrase "I Cuss You Bad", along with the use of the word "Skank".
BW - A faceless quizmaster, who was a bizarre parody of Bamber Boozler, quizmaster of Teletext quiz Bamboozle
Bamboozle
Bamboozle! was a quiz game featured on Channel 4 Teletext in the United Kingdom. It was originally part of Teletext's "Fun & Games" category, though the rest of the category had been discontinued for some years before Bamboozle! ended...
Gossi the Dog - Perhaps Digitiser's most controversial character, Gossi hosted a regular gaming gossip page. On one occasion, the Broadcasting Standards Commission upheld a complaint about the Gossi page, which alluded to Gossi's master thrashing the talking, cartoon dog with a belt. Gossi's page also led to the dismissal of Tim Moore, who - while Rose was away on paternity leave - printed an unsubstantiated rumour about a fellow games journalist. Teletext's editors allegedly used Rose's absence (who remained useful to the company for his graphic design abilities), and the journalist's complaint, as an excuse to fire Moore.
Doctor Derek Doctors - A sinister megalomaniac, who Biffo and Hairs secretly removed from air, after a concerned mother rang to say she found him "Perverted and disgusting".
Chester Fisho - Chester gave views on the news of the day laced with masses of sexual innuendo.
Mock advertisements
During Teletext's 16 year run, many of its subpages would have adverts inserted on the last page. Digitiser decided to create their own spoof adverts as a result. One of the most notable was for a fictional German music compilation called Rock Meister!, which included stereotypical German words as in "Rock ze nacht mit ROCK MEISTER!!", instead of the official "Rock der nacht!" as the advertisement was poking fun of stereotypes made at the German language, alongside stating the compilation is "Musik fur die LONGHAIRS!". Artists on the compilation were listed as RoxetteRoxette
Roxette are a Swedish pop music duo, consisting of Marie Fredriksson and Per Gessle . Formed in 1986, the duo became an international act from the late 1980s, when they released their breakthrough album Look Sharp!...
(although they came from Sweden) and The Scorpions
Scorpions (band)
Scorpions are a heavy metal/hard rock band from Hannover, Germany, formed in 1965 by guitarist Rudolf Schenker, who is the band's only constant member. They are known for their 1980s rock anthem "Rock You Like a Hurricane" and many singles, such as "No One Like You", "Send Me an Angel", "Still...
, while "NOT A REAL GERMAN ADVERT" was placed at the top left of the screen instead of the usual "NOT AN ADVERT". This was done as a viewer contacted Teletext over a previous spoof believing it to be real.
Reveal button
The reveal button was a feature that was made heavy use of on Digitiser. Pressing this key on your television remote made some previously hidden text appear, sometimes with a blinking effect. Typical jokes would tell you to press reveal to see what a certain character thought of your letter, or a news item, and you would be presented with a surreal non-sequitur, such as a man shouting "Swayze!Patrick Swayze
Patrick Wayne Swayze was an American actor, dancer and singer-songwriter. He was best known for his tough-guy roles, as romantic leading men in the hit films Dirty Dancing and Ghost, and as Orry Main in the North and South television miniseries. He was named by People magazine as its "Sexiest...
" The weekend edition would often feature a full-length "story," told through "Reveal-O"s (as they were often called - see "Digi-Speak") on every page.
The most controversial "Reveal-O" appeared right at the end of Digitiser's life, on the final page of the final letters section. It purported to be a picture of "the real Turner The Worm (a cartoon character from Teletext
Teletext
Teletext is a television information retrieval service developed in the United Kingdom in the early 1970s. It offers a range of text-based information, typically including national, international and sporting news, weather and TV schedules...
also created by Rose) being sick". Pressing the reveal button then uncovered an image that many have likened to a recently-ejaculated penis.
The end-of-year quiz featured lizard like creatures pointing to the correct answer with its tongue when the button was pressed.
Digi-Speak
A further element of Digitiser's other-worldly charm was its unusual take on the English languageEnglish language
English is a West Germanic language that arose in the Anglo-Saxon kingdoms of England and spread into what was to become south-east Scotland under the influence of the Anglian medieval kingdom of Northumbria...
. Often this amounted to little more than using "the" in unusual places or adding curious suffixes to existing words (including, but not limited to -uss, -O, -ston, -Oh! and -me-do), but occasionally invented whole new sounds using words that never been used in that context, such as "huss
Huss
-Companies:*HUSS, diesel exhaust after treatment technologies manufacturer*HUSS Maschinenfabrik, a German amusement ride manufacturer-People:*a Swedish noble family*Henry Holden Huss , American composer, pianist and music teacher...
" becoming an exclamation of some joy rather than, as is more common, a variety of dogfish
Squaliformes
Squaliformes is an order of sharks that includes about 97 species in seven families.Members of the order have two dorsal fins, which usually possess spines, no anal fin or nictitating membrane, and five gill slits. In most other respects, however, they are quite variable in form and size...
.
Another very common Digitiser phrase was the expression "mess up". As well as the more conventional meaning (to err or fail), the phrase regularly took on more unusual forms including: to rebuke or discredit a person's opinion ("You, sir, have messed up."); as an adjective meaning substandard or faulty ("messed-up animation"); and even as a noun meaning any negative thing ("there are several mess-ups"). The phrase, like many others, was embraced by the readers who often used it in their letters. The author Alex Garland
Alex Garland
Alexander Medawar "Alex" Garland is a British novelist and screenwriter.-Early life:Garland was born in London, England, the son of psychoanalyst Caroline and political cartoonist Nicholas Garland. His maternal grandparents were zoologist Peter Medawar and author Jean Medawar...
was a Digitiser fan and named a chapter in his novel The Beach
The Beach (novel)
The Beach is a novel by Alex Garland about backpackers in Thailand. Influenced by such literary works as Heart of Darkness and Lord of the Flies, it describes the adventures of a young Englishman in search of and on a legendary, idyllic beach untouched by tourism.-Plot summary:In a cheap hostel on...
"Messed Up" in its honour.
Using tramps as similes ("That's like putting lipstick on a dead tramp and calling it a supermodel"), the phrase moc-moc-a-moc and irrelevant sentences which read merely "And!" were all elements of the Digitiser lexicon.
It was common practice for Digitiser to mock the names of contributors to its letters page. Generally, the more obvious the better (for example a reader with the surname "Major" could well find themselves being referred to as "John
John Major
Sir John Major, is a British Conservative politician, who served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and Leader of the Conservative Party from 1990–1997...
"). Notable bits of name-calling included Digitiser viewer Matt Gander being rechristened "non-shiny goose", and a Mr. Tedesco being called "Safedeway", alluding to supermarket chains Tesco
Tesco
Tesco plc is a global grocery and general merchandise retailer headquartered in Cheshunt, United Kingdom. It is the third-largest retailer in the world measured by revenues and the second-largest measured by profits...
and Safeway
Safeway (UK)
Safeway was a chain of supermarkets and convenience stores in the United Kingdom. It started as a subsidiary of the American Safeway Inc., before being sold off in 1987....
.
Bubblegun.com
Bubblegun.com is a website that was established by Paul Rose, and featured contributions from several other writers. Touting itself as a Pop Culture version of Digitiser, this site gained popularity around the last few years of Digitiser, being named by Select magazine as one of the UK's top 10 "maverick websites". Though Paul Rose has not written for the site in over a decade, it remains as an archive run by its former designer, Steve Horsley. Though remaining unaffiliated with Rose - who has distanced himself from it - Bubblegun has featured new material from all-new contributors.External links
- http://www.btinternet.com/~moononastick/sp58/Index.html - Super Page 58; one of the original Digistiser fansites, recently restored to the Internet. Archives of large amounts of material as well as an A-Z guide to Digitiser.
- http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://www.moleman.freeserve.co.uk/ - Digitiser archive (Original page no longer exists, archived via web.archive.org)
- http://theweekly.co.uk/digiworld/ - An online successor of sorts that ran in 2003 before running out of money due to lack of donations. Mr Biffo contributed a couple of articles early on, but walked away due to other commitments, and a disagreement with the other contributors over the direction the site should take. Originally located at http://www.digiworld.tv/. Archive available at http://worldofstuart.excellentcontent.com/digiworld.htm
- http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/collective/A998689 - Digitiser Eulogy
- http://davidguy.brinkster.net/digi/ - Fansite with a comic strip generator, featuring Digitiser characters.
- irc://irc.dal.net/digi - Official Digitiser fan IRC channel