Holofile 117: The Night of the Vegetarians

Professor Nebulous: I used to enjoy Soylent Beige myself, until I realised, to my horror, that it was made from soya beans.

Professor Nebulous: These people have had their brains washed, rinsed, conditioned, and then put through some kind of mangle, then ironed, and folded, and then put in some kind of airing cupboard: an airing cupboard of the mind...I'm drifting.

Holofile 154: The Lovely Invasion

Professor Nebulous: Who knows what extraterrestrial horrors await us.

Jez: Hi there!

Ronald Rolands: Men!? Beautiful, naked men!

Jez: We are the Lovely! My name's Jez, and I'm not afraid to show me emotions!

Leo: My name's Leo! I love all sport, especially your favourite sport!

P.Q.: Ermm... and I'm P.Q., the quiet one.

Ronald Rolands: Before the Withering, this area was known as "The Midlands".

Professor Nebulous: The towns had beautiful, exotic names: Little Bloxwich, Willoughby and Warwick, which we believe was named after Dionne Warwick, the kingmaker.

Holofile 722: The Dust Has Landed

Professor Nebulous: Will you please listen to me, Sir Ronald. This dust isn't just something you can sweep under the carpet. Well, technically it is, but that's the problem. We need to confront it.

Ronald Rolands: It's only dust, Nebulous! Surely a quick tidy up will do the job.

Professor Nebulous: I fear even a really good tidy up can't save us now. These are desperate times. Or have you spent so long behind you desk, you can't recognise it!

Ronald Rolands: What, my desk?

Professor Nebulous: They're neither lasers nor stasers, but basers!

Paula Breeze: Oh, what amazing broad knowledge you have, Professor.

Professor Nebulous: Oh, you're looking at the man who invented basers. As a recycling tool for cutting up scrap metal. The baser: a hyper-caustic acid beam housed in a handy gun shaped dispenser. How could I have possibly known that the military would turn it into a weapon?

Holofile 333: Madness Is a Strange Colour

Ronald Rolands: One minute I'm in my office ordering the decriminalisation of Lego, the next minute I've gone insane!

Dr. Valerie Brunerberg: Please, take a seat, Professor.

Professor Nebulous: No thank you, I'd prefer to loom.

Holofile 969: The Coincidence Machine

Professor Nebulous: I am inventing and patenting all the time, I invent in my sleep. I don't patent in my sleep, obviously: that's not legally binding.

Paula Breeze: Why, just last week, the professor perfected his new cloaking device!

Professor Nebulous: My new device can help a man on with his cloak at the speed of light.

Ronald Rolands: Really, Nebulous! Who wears a cloak these days?

Professor Nebulous: Matadors! Port barons! And that colony of Scottish widows...

Twin Prime Minister Korechi Yeshamato: We are sympathetic Professor. After all, we are not the ministers of evil!

Professor Nebulous: No, their visit's not till next week. I'm dreading that, I can tell you!

Holofile 237: The Man Who Polished The Sun

Professor Nebulous: We've searched K.E.N.T. H.Q. from top to bottom; no cranny unexamined, no nook unlooked-in.

Harry Hayes: If there was a secret listening device, we'd have found it by now!

Professor Nebulous: I felt sure we'd been penetrated by a bugger... I had this... tingling feeling.

Professor Nebulous: Doctor Klench is chap who came to a crossroads in life and took a turning marked evil. He put his foot to the accelerator and he’s not stopping. Not for pedestrians, not for a picnic, not for a toilet break, not… I’m drifting.

Holofile 023: The Deptford Wives

Professor Nebulous: They're clones, just clones. When you've seen them all you've seen one.