Taarof
Encyclopedia
T'aarof/ Tarof is a Persia
n form of civility emphasizing both self-deference and social rank
. The term encompasses a range of social behaviours, from a man displaying etiquette by opening the door for a woman, to a group of colleagues standing on ceremony
in front of a door that can permit the entry of only one at time, earnestly imploring the most senior to break the deadlock
.
The prevalence of t'aarof often gives rise to different styles of negotiation than one would see in a non-Iranian culture. For example, a worker
negotiating a salary
might begin with a eulogy
of the employer, followed by a lengthy bargaining session consisting entirely of indirect, polite language -- both parties are expected to understand the implied topic of discussion
. It is quite common for an Iranian worker (even one employed in an Iranian neighborhood within Europe) to work unpaid for a week or two before the issue of wages is finally broached. Likewise, a shopkeeper may initially refuse to quote
a price for an item, suggesting that it is worthless ("gh'aabel nadaareh"). T'aarof obliges the customer to insist on paying, possibly several times, before a shopkeeper finally quotes a price and real negotiation can begin.
T'aarof also governs the rules of hospitality: a host is obliged to offer anything a guest might want, and a guest is equally obliged to refuse it. This ritual may repeat itself several times before the host and guest finally determine whether the host's offer and the guest's refusal are real
or simply polite. It is possible to ask someone not to t'aarof ("t'aarof nakonid"), but that raises new difficulties, since the request itself might be a devious type of t'aarof.
At times t'aarof can lead to one performing a task that one does not want to perform. For instance, if one friend offers a ride to another friend only because they are being polite, they may become stuck in the situation if the friend agrees to get the ride. Of course if one was going by the rules of t'aarof, one would refuse the offer many times before accepting.
, at princely courts, t'aarof regulated diplomatic discourse
. It involved a sharp curbing of one's comportment, speech, and action to make people, honour, and prestige calculable as instruments for political advancement.
According to D. M. Rejali, for the feudal elite the ornamentation of speech symbolises prestige. With the advent of capitalism
and its scientific paradigm
, communication
became more precise and the formality of t'aarof a hindrance in the pursuit for rapid capital accumulation
.
Tarof often causes misunderstandings between both parties and is a source for awkward situations in a social setting.
The closest one can come to tarof in the western culture is the question of "Who's paying the restaurant bill?" This is an awkward situation where everybody in the company is reaching for their wallets and it's usually resolved by social status, the one with the highest income, biggest reason or most power pays. But, still everyone insists on paying.
Common words used in tarof:
Fake tarof: A customer comes to the cashier to pay for groceries. The cashier says “ it's okay, you honor me with your presence” When the customer insists on paying, the charade of tarof continues with a customary word exchange which is culturally learned from a young age. The discussion concludes with a minor argument and the cashier is finally paid the full amount of the groceries and the customer leaves.
Footnote: the cashier wants the cash and the customer just wants to pay but this is a cultural and social game.
Genuine tarof: A person will offer guests every comfort available by discomforting him/herself. Sometimes this leads to offering things above one's means. As an example the host will use the last funds to buy groceries to make an overly pleasant stay for the guest. This may have dire consequences for the host, but this is the generous side of tarof and its only purpose is to satisfy the guest.
Footnote: the host is satisfying the guests and feeling good about being a generous and humble person, independent of its consequences.
Awkward tarof: A host insists upon a request for the guest to sleep on the main bed while the host him/herself sleeps on the floor. Or a host piling food on a guest’s plate since the host is believing that the guest is tarofing, but the guest is actually full and satisfied.
Footnote: the guest feels awkward by putting the host in an uncomfortable situation. The guest might finish all the food to show respect to the host.
Iranian 101: The Fine Art of Hiding What You Mean to Say
Persian people
The Persian people are part of the Iranian peoples who speak the modern Persian language and closely akin Iranian dialects and languages. The origin of the ethnic Iranian/Persian peoples are traced to the Ancient Iranian peoples, who were part of the ancient Indo-Iranians and themselves part of...
n form of civility emphasizing both self-deference and social rank
Social class
Social classes are economic or cultural arrangements of groups in society. Class is an essential object of analysis for sociologists, political scientists, economists, anthropologists and social historians. In the social sciences, social class is often discussed in terms of 'social stratification'...
. The term encompasses a range of social behaviours, from a man displaying etiquette by opening the door for a woman, to a group of colleagues standing on ceremony
Ceremony
A ceremony is an event of ritual significance, performed on a special occasion. The word may be of Etruscan origin.-Ceremonial occasions:A ceremony may mark a rite of passage in a human life, marking the significance of, for example:* birth...
in front of a door that can permit the entry of only one at time, earnestly imploring the most senior to break the deadlock
Deadlock
A deadlock is a situation where in two or more competing actions are each waiting for the other to finish, and thus neither ever does. It is often seen in a paradox like the "chicken or the egg"...
.
The prevalence of t'aarof often gives rise to different styles of negotiation than one would see in a non-Iranian culture. For example, a worker
Laborer
A Laborer or labourer - see variation in english spelling - is one of the construction trades, traditionally considered unskilled manual labor, as opposed to skilled labor. In the division of labor, laborers have all blasting, hand tools, power tools, air tools, and small heavy equipment, and act...
negotiating a salary
Salary
A salary is a form of periodic payment from an employer to an employee, which may be specified in an employment contract. It is contrasted with piece wages, where each job, hour or other unit is paid separately, rather than on a periodic basis....
might begin with a eulogy
Eulogy
A eulogy is a speech or writing in praise of a person or thing, especially one recently deceased or retired. Eulogies may be given as part of funeral services. However, some denominations either discourage or do not permit eulogies at services to maintain respect for traditions...
of the employer, followed by a lengthy bargaining session consisting entirely of indirect, polite language -- both parties are expected to understand the implied topic of discussion
Discourse
Discourse generally refers to "written or spoken communication". The following are three more specific definitions:...
. It is quite common for an Iranian worker (even one employed in an Iranian neighborhood within Europe) to work unpaid for a week or two before the issue of wages is finally broached. Likewise, a shopkeeper may initially refuse to quote
Sales quote
A sales quote allows a prospective buyer to see what costs would be involved for the work they would like to have done. Many businesses provide services that cannot have an upfront price, as the costs involved can vary. This can be due to the materials that would be used , and the manpower that...
a price for an item, suggesting that it is worthless ("gh'aabel nadaareh"). T'aarof obliges the customer to insist on paying, possibly several times, before a shopkeeper finally quotes a price and real negotiation can begin.
T'aarof also governs the rules of hospitality: a host is obliged to offer anything a guest might want, and a guest is equally obliged to refuse it. This ritual may repeat itself several times before the host and guest finally determine whether the host's offer and the guest's refusal are real
Reality
In philosophy, reality is the state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or might be imagined. In a wider definition, reality includes everything that is and has been, whether or not it is observable or comprehensible...
or simply polite. It is possible to ask someone not to t'aarof ("t'aarof nakonid"), but that raises new difficulties, since the request itself might be a devious type of t'aarof.
At times t'aarof can lead to one performing a task that one does not want to perform. For instance, if one friend offers a ride to another friend only because they are being polite, they may become stuck in the situation if the friend agrees to get the ride. Of course if one was going by the rules of t'aarof, one would refuse the offer many times before accepting.
Political theory
Some political theorists have argued that during the period of serfdomSerfdom
Serfdom is the status of peasants under feudalism, specifically relating to Manorialism. It was a condition of bondage or modified slavery which developed primarily during the High Middle Ages in Europe and lasted to the mid-19th century...
, at princely courts, t'aarof regulated diplomatic discourse
Diplomacy
Diplomacy is the art and practice of conducting negotiations between representatives of groups or states...
. It involved a sharp curbing of one's comportment, speech, and action to make people, honour, and prestige calculable as instruments for political advancement.
According to D. M. Rejali, for the feudal elite the ornamentation of speech symbolises prestige. With the advent of capitalism
Capitalism
Capitalism is an economic system that became dominant in the Western world following the demise of feudalism. There is no consensus on the precise definition nor on how the term should be used as a historical category...
and its scientific paradigm
Paradigm
The word paradigm has been used in science to describe distinct concepts. It comes from Greek "παράδειγμα" , "pattern, example, sample" from the verb "παραδείκνυμι" , "exhibit, represent, expose" and that from "παρά" , "beside, beyond" + "δείκνυμι" , "to show, to point out".The original Greek...
, communication
Communication
Communication is the activity of conveying meaningful information. Communication requires a sender, a message, and an intended recipient, although the receiver need not be present or aware of the sender's intent to communicate at the time of communication; thus communication can occur across vast...
became more precise and the formality of t'aarof a hindrance in the pursuit for rapid capital accumulation
Capital accumulation
The accumulation of capital refers to the gathering or amassing of objects of value; the increase in wealth through concentration; or the creation of wealth. Capital is money or a financial asset invested for the purpose of making more money...
.
Social customs
It is a way of denying your will to please your counterpart, however the will is only denied because of the custom and not to please the counterpart. But there are situations where tarof persist upon a request to make the counterpart genuinely satisfied.Tarof often causes misunderstandings between both parties and is a source for awkward situations in a social setting.
The closest one can come to tarof in the western culture is the question of "Who's paying the restaurant bill?" This is an awkward situation where everybody in the company is reaching for their wallets and it's usually resolved by social status, the one with the highest income, biggest reason or most power pays. But, still everyone insists on paying.
Common words used in tarof:
- Ghabeli nadare = It's not a big deal
- Ghadamet ro cheshm (you can walk on my eyes) = I am small in your presence. (you are very welcome to us)
- Ghorbanet beram (I will sacrifice myself for you) = Thank you very much
- Cheshmet roshan (light in your eyes) = You're worth it
- Khaesh mikonam (I do kindness) = You are humbling me
Fake tarof: A customer comes to the cashier to pay for groceries. The cashier says “ it's okay, you honor me with your presence” When the customer insists on paying, the charade of tarof continues with a customary word exchange which is culturally learned from a young age. The discussion concludes with a minor argument and the cashier is finally paid the full amount of the groceries and the customer leaves.
Footnote: the cashier wants the cash and the customer just wants to pay but this is a cultural and social game.
Genuine tarof: A person will offer guests every comfort available by discomforting him/herself. Sometimes this leads to offering things above one's means. As an example the host will use the last funds to buy groceries to make an overly pleasant stay for the guest. This may have dire consequences for the host, but this is the generous side of tarof and its only purpose is to satisfy the guest.
Footnote: the host is satisfying the guests and feeling good about being a generous and humble person, independent of its consequences.
Awkward tarof: A host insists upon a request for the guest to sleep on the main bed while the host him/herself sleeps on the floor. Or a host piling food on a guest’s plate since the host is believing that the guest is tarofing, but the guest is actually full and satisfied.
Footnote: the guest feels awkward by putting the host in an uncomfortable situation. The guest might finish all the food to show respect to the host.
External links
Iranian 101: The Fine Art of Hiding What You Mean to Say