G-G-Ghost D-D-Dad

• Homer: (Floats back down into the dining room, sees the broccoli) "Hmmm, what was I thinking?" (Eats the broccoli and dies, floats back to heaven.) "I tried the broccoli again."

• St. Peter (sighs) "You have 23 hours."

• Homer: Hey! Who cut out "Beetle Bailey"? I need my Miss Buxley fix.
  Marge (holding a pair of scissors and the strip): I don't like you ogling her! Why don't you read "Cathy"? She's hilarious.
  Homer Eh. Too much baggage.

• Homer: (after a tree is struck by lightning and almost falls on his car) Hehe... stupid horoscope!
  Homer: (after the Planet Hollywood globe falls on and crushes half of his car) Hehe... stupid horoscope!
  Homer: (after a pickaxe flies out of a truck and stabs him in the head) Hehehe... loopid bloropope!

• Lenny: Homer, if I may compliment you...
  Homer: Yes? Go on.
  Lenny: That is one handsome [w:Rattlesnake|Rattlesnake]] you got biting your arm there.
  Carl: Yeah, that's quite fetching. But, uh, aren't you worried about the deadliness?
  Homer: Nah, he'll get tired of biting in an hour or so. (shaking his head) Snakes: nature's quitters.

• Homer: That horoscope was wrong. Nothing happened except for the paper cut, the pickaxe in the head, the rattlesnake bite and the testicle thing.

• Dr. Hibbert: (examining Homer's body) Hmm. Another case of broccoli related death.
  Marge: But I thought broccoli was...
  Dr. Hibbert: Oh yes. One of the deadliest plants on Earth! Why, it tries to warn you itself with its terrible taste. (laughs)

• St. Peter: Homer, settle down. I'll give you too a few chances to get into heaven. You have 24 hours to go back and do one good deed.
  Homer: I'm sorry, I didn't get the number of hours or good deeds.

• Homer: (after trying to carry Agnes, but dropping her to her death) Uh, I'm sure she was going to be the next Hitler. Hello? Good deed done.

• Nelson: Ha, ha! Your dad is dead! Mine's just in jail!

• Homer: Did you see that? I did the deed! Open up!
  St. Peter: Oh, I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking.
  Homer: Hey, I thought you guys could see everything!
  St. Peter: No, you're thinking of Santa Claus.
  Homer: Well, I'll be damned.
  St. Peter: I'm afraid so, yes.

Scary Tales Can Come True

• Marge: Son, I don't like you watching that fire. It's too violent.

• (Homer dumps Bart and Lisa in the enchanted forest)
  Homer: So long, kids! Say hi to your other brother and sister!
  Bart: "Other brother and sister?"
  (Bart and Lisa scream as they find two skeletons that look just like them)
  Lisa: Face it: they're not great parents.

• Moe: (as a troll, scares away Bart and Lisa) Oh, jeez. I came on too strong again. I'm so desperately lonely.

• Bart: Ouch! This porridge is too hot. (goes to next bowl) Brrr! This porridge is too cold. (looks at third bowl of porridge, then turns back) Well this doesn't take a genius! (pours the hot into the cold and eats it)

• Homer: (after eating his way into the gingerbread house) Mmm... sugar walls.

• Lisa: Father! You've saved us!
  Homer: Save you, stuff myself with candy; it's all good.

• Suzanne: (After Homer takes a bite out of a candy cane) That's a load bearing candy cane!

• George Cauldron: Hello, I'm George Cauldron. Is Suzanne ready yet?
  Homer: Almost. Just give her another 20 minutes. (Homer turns the oven to high, and he, Bart, and Lisa cackle)
  George: But the concert's at eight.

Night of the Dolphin

• Lenny: Mmmm. Alcohol and night swimming. It's a winning combination! (he is surrounded by dolphins with their fins showing swimming around him) Uh-oh! Sharks! The assassins of the sea! (the dolphins show their heads) Oooh. You're not sharks. You're dolphins. The clowns of the sea. (the dolphins strike Lenny with their noses) Ow! Ow! Hey, what's the gag?

• Chief Wiggum: (inspecting Lenny's body) Hmm. Bottlenose bruises. Blowhole burns. Flipper prints. This looks like the work of rowdy teens. Lou, cancel the prom.

• Captain McCallister: Arr. It begins. The dolphins are upon us. And only this old sea dog knows how to stop-
  (The Sea Captain is attacked and killed by dolphins)
  Dolphin: (in McCallister's hat and pipe) (squeaks, subtitles read "Arr! I'm the sea captain! Arr!")

• Dolphin is waddling along, walks into volleyball net

• Mayor Quimby: People, please! We're all frightened and horny! But we can't let some killer dolphins keep us from living and scoring.

• Snorky: (high childish voice) Snorky ... talk ... man ... (clears throat; speaks in adult tones) I'm sorry; let me start over. Eons ago, dolphins lived on the land.
  Moe: What did he say?
  Carl: He said years ago dolphins use to lived on the land.
  Moe: Whaaaaaaaa?

• Homer (after losing the fight to the dolphins): Hey, you gotta hand it to those dolphins. They just wanted it more.

• Lisa: I kinda wish I hadn't freed their leader, and, you know...doomed mankind.
  Marge: Oh, honey, I wouldn't say doomed. It's gonna be an adjustment, no question...

• Kang: (after the end of "Night of the Dolphin") Can you believe it, Kodos? They left us out of the Halloween show!
  Kodos: Are you certain the space phone is working? (Kang picks up the phone) Hang up! They could be trying to call!
  Kang: I knew we should have given them a muffin basket.
  (the space phone rings and Kodos answers)
  Kodos: Kang and Kodos Productions. Uh-huh. Yes. Just a minute. (to Kang) Do we want to do a commercial for something called "Old Navy"?
  Kang: Meh. Work is work.