Written and directed by Richard Curtis.

Prime Minister

• [first lines] Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.

Billy Mack

• Oh. Hiya kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don't buy drugs..... Become a pop star, and they give you them for free!

Dialogue

Daniel: So what's the problem, Sammy-o? Is it just Mum or is it something else? Maybe... school - are you being bullied? Or is it something worse? Can you give me any clues at all?

Sam: You really want to know?

Daniel: I really want to know.

Sam: Even though you won't be able to do anything to help?

Daniel: Even if that's the case, yeah.

Sam: OK. The truth is actually... I'm in love.

Daniel: Sorry?

Sam: I know I should be thinking about Mum all the time, and I am. But the truth is I'm in love and I was before she died, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Daniel: Aren't you a bit young to be in love?

Sam: No.

Daniel: Oh, OK, right. Well, I'm a little relieved.

Sam: Why?

Daniel: Well, you know - I thought it might be something worse.

Sam: [incredulous] Worse than the total agony of being in love?

Daniel: Oh. No, you're right. Yeah, total agony.

Daniel: Option One: ask her out.

Sam: Impossible.

Daniel: Fair enough. Option Two: become her friend.

Sam: She's the most popular girl in school and she hates boys.

Daniel: Okay. Option Three: kidnap her and keep her tied up in your room until she agrees to marry you.

Sam: It's a route I've considered.

Daniel: And quite rightly rejected on the grounds of...

Sam: Hygiene.

Daniel: You know, Sammy, I'm sure she's unique and extraordinary, but... the general wisdom is that, in the end, there isn't just one person for each of us.

Sam: [referring to the Titanic film] There was for Kate and Leo. There was for you. There is for me.

[Holds up one finger]

Sam: She's "the one".

Daniel: Fair enough.

Harry: Sarah, turn off your phone and tell me exactly how long you've been working for us.

Sarah: Two years, seven months, three days and what, about two hours.

Harry: And how long have you been in love with Karl, our enigmatic chief designer?

[pause]

Sarah: Two years, seven months, three days and I'd say about an hour and thirty minutes.

Harry: I thought as much.

Sarah: Do you think everybody knows?

Harry: Yes.

Sarah: Does Karl know?

Harry: Yes.

[The new Prime Minister has just arrived in Number Ten Downing Street]

Annie: Would you like to meet your household staff?

Prime Minister: Yes, I would like that very much indeed. Anything to put off actually running the country.

Annie: And this is Natalie. She's new as well.

Natalie: Hello Daniel. I mean, Sir. Shit, I can't believe I've just said that. And now I've gone and said 'shit'. Twice. Oh, I'm so sorry Sir.

Prime Minister: That's alright. You could have said 'fuck' and then we'd all be in trouble.

Natalie: Thank you, Sir. I did have a terrible premonition I was going to fuck up on my first day. Oh piss it!

Press Conference Reporter: Mr. President, has it been a good visit?

The President of the U.S.: Very satisfactory indeed. We got what we came for and our special relationship is still very special.

Press Conference Reporter: Prime Minister?

Prime Minister: I love that word "relationship". Covers all manner of sins, doesn't it? I fear that this has become a bad relationship. A relationship based on the President taking exactly what he wants and casually ignoring all those things that really matter to, erm... Britain. We may be a small country but we're a great one, too. The country of Shakespeare, Churchill, the Beatles, Sean Connery, Harry Potter. David Beckham's right foot. David Beckham's left foot, come to that. And a friend who bullies us is no longer a friend. And since bullies only respond to strength, from now onward, I will be prepared to be much stronger. And the President should be prepared for that.

Natalie: [talking about her ex-boyfriend] He says no one's going to fancy a girl with thighs the size of big tree trunks. Not a nice guy, actually, in the end.

Prime Minister: Right. Goodness. Well, well. You know, being Prime Minister, I could just have him murdered.

Natalie: Thank you, sir. I'll think about it.

Prime Minister: Do. The SAS are absolutely charming. Ruthless trained killers are just a phone call away.

Mikey, DJ interviewer: Well. Thanks for that, Bill.

Billy Mack: For what?

Mikey, DJ interviewer: Well, for actually giving a real answer to a question. Doesn't often happen here on "Radio Watford" I can tell you.

Billy Mack: Ask me anything you like, I'll tell you the truth.

Mikey, DJ interviewer: Uh... best shag you've ever had?

Billy Mack: Britney Spears.

Mikey, DJ interviewer: Wow!

Billy Mack: No, only kidding. She was rubbish.

Billy Mack: I realized that Christmas is the time to be with the people you love.

Joe: Right.

Billy Mack: And I realized that as dire chance and fateful cockup would have it, here I am, mid 50s, and without knowing it I've gone and spent most of my adult life with a chubby employee. And much as it grieves me to say it, it might be that the people I love is, in fact... you.

[pause]

Joe: Well, this is a surprise.

Billy Mack: Yeah...

Joe: Ten minutes at Elton John's and you're as gay as a maypole.

Karen: Tell me, what would you do in my position?

Harry: What position is that?

Karen: Imagine your husband bought a gold necklace and come Christmas gave it to somebody else...

Harry: Oh, Karen...

Karen: Would you wait around to find out if it's just a necklace, or if it's sex and a necklace, or if worst of all it's a necklace and love? Would you stay, knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would you cut and run?

Harry: Oh, God. I am so in the wrong. The classic fool.

Karen: [voice breaking] Yes, but you've also made a fool out of me, and you've made the life I lead foolish too.

Taglines

• Coming soon actually.

• The ultimate romantic comedy.

• Very romantic. Very comedy.

• All You Need Is Love

• It's All About Love... Actually.

Cast

• Hugh Grant - The Prime Minister
• Martine McCutcheon - Natalie
• Bill Nighy - Billy Mack
• Gregor Fisher - Joe
• Colin Firth - Jamie Bennett
• Lúcia Moniz - Aurelia
• Liam Neeson - Daniel
• Thomas Sangster - Sam
• Emma Thompson - Karen
• Alan Rickman - Harry
• Heike Makatsch - Mia
• Chiwetel Ejiofor - Peter
• Andrew Lincoln - Mark
• Keira Knightley - Juliet
• Nina Sosanya - Annie
• Laura Linney - Sarah
• Rodrigo Santoro - Karl
• Kris Marshall - Colin Frissell
• Martin Freeman - John
• Joanna Page - Just Judy
• Sienna Guillory - Jamie's Girlfriend
• Billy Bob Thornton - The US President
• Ivana Milicevic - Stacey, American Dreamgirl
• January Jones - Jeannie, American Angel
• Elisha Cuthbert - Carol-Anne, American Goddess
• Shannon Elizabeth - Harriet, the sexy one
• Denise Richards - Carla, the real friendly one
• Rowan Atkinson - Rufus, jewelery salesman
• Julia Davis - Nancy the caterer