The Eye of Argon
Encyclopedia
The Eye of Argon is a heroic fantasy
novella
that narrates the adventures of Grignr, a barbarian
. It was written in 1970 by Jim Theis (August 9, 1953- March 26, 2002) and circulated anonymously in science fiction fandom
since then. It has been described as "one of the genre's most beloved pieces of appalling prose", and has subsequently been used as part of a common science fiction convention party game.
science fiction fan, at age 16. The work was first published in 1970 in OSFAN (the journal of the Ozark SF Society) #10. David Langford
described Theis in SFX as "a malaprop
genius, a McGonagall
of prose with an eerie gift for choosing the wrong word and then misapplying it."
Some time in the 1970s author Thomas N. Scortia
obtained a copy, which he mailed to Californian SF writer Chelsea Quinn Yarbro
. She showed it to other fans, and it met with a tremendous and incredulous reaction. The work was copied and distributed widely around science fiction fandom
. Readings quickly became a common item on science fiction convention
programmes.
The version which currently circulates on the Internet was manually transcribed by Don Simpson from a mimeograph of Theis' original, and bears his note at the bottom:
The Internet text does contain typos not in the original and is incomplete, although a complete copy of the original fanzine was discovered in January 2005.
The story was reprinted in 1995. In 2006, a trade paperback edition of the text was published by Wildside Press.
es and plunder.
Chapter 2 : Grignr arrives in Gorzom and goes to a tavern, where he picks up a local wench (with a "lithe, opaque
nose"). A drunken guard challenges him over the woman; he kills the guard, but is arrested by the man's companions and brought before the local prince, who (on the advice of his advisor) condemns him to a life of forced labour in the mines. This chapter contains the first of several occasions when the word slut
is applied to a man, presumably as an insult.
Chapter 3 : Grignr sits despondent in his cell, thinking of his homeland.
Chapter 3½ : A scene of a pagan ritual involving a group of shamans, a young woman to be sacrificed and a jade idol with one eye: a "many fauceted scarlet emerald", the Eye of Argon.
Chapter 4 : Grignr sits bored and anguished in his cell and is losing track of time. He battles a large rat and it inspires him with a plan, involving the corpse of the rat.
Chapter 5 : The pagan ritual proceeds, with a priest ordering the young woman up to the altar. When she fails to proceed, he attempts to grope her. She disables him with a hard kick between the testicles, but the other shamans grab and molest her.
Chapter 6 : Grignr is taken from his cell by two soldiers. He takes the rat pelvis he has fashioned into a dagger and slits one soldier's throat. He then strangles the second and takes his clothes. He wanders the catacombs for a time, finding a storeroom, and narrowly avoids being killed by a booby-trap. Below this room he finds the palace mausoleum. He resets the booby-trap in case he is being pursued.
Chapter 7 : One priest, who had been suffering an epileptic seizure during Grignr's attack, recovers, draws a scimitar and follows Grignr and Carthena through the trap door in the ceiling.
Chapter 7½ : The priest strikes at Grignr but he triggers, and is killed by, the reset booby-trap before his sword can connect. Carthena tells Grignr of the prince, Agaphim, who had condemned him to the mines. They encounter Agaphim and kill him, as well as his advisor Agafnd.
Traditional photocopied and Internet versions end at this point, incomplete since page 49 of the fanzine had been lost. The ending was rediscovered in 2004 and published in The New York Review of Science Fiction #198, February 2005. The authenticity of this "lost ending" is still disputed by many.
The Lost Ending (Remainder of Ch. 7½) : The blob explodes into a thousand pieces, leaving nothing behind except "a dark red blotch upon the face of the earth, blotching things up." Grignr and the still-unconscious Carthena ride off into the distance.
Ansible
, Langford's science-fiction newsletter, reports in its February 2005 issue that "according to a letter in The New York Review of SF (January 2005), a complete copy of the relevant 1970 fanzine has been unearthed in the Jack Williamson SF Library at Eastern New Mexico University! JWSFL collection administrator Gene Bundy reports that the long-missing Page 49 begins: `With a sloshing plop the thing fell to the ground, evaporating in a thick scarlet cloud until it reatained its original size.'..."
Some commentators have voiced skepticism about this "lost ending," however. Stephen Bond contends that "the lost ending is an obvious fake," pointing out many discrepancies between the prose style and content of the established work and those of the new text.
on bad writing, or both. Langford reported the following, sent in by author Michael Swanwick
, in Ansible #193:
The 1995 reprint was attributed to "G. Ecordian," after the hero, Grignr the Ecordian.
Langford considers it well known that Theis is the author, and surmises that Delany misremembered the event.
: "The challenge of death, at SF conventions, is to read The Eye of Argon aloud, straight-faced, without choking and falling over. The grandmaster challenge is to read it with a squeaky voice after inhaling helium. What fun we fans have." Strict rules also include not laughing and reading all mistakes exactly as written. Making it through three-quarters of a page is considered an extraordinary accomplishment.
. His hobbies included collecting books, comics, and German swords; he also collected, traded, and sold tapes of radio programs of the 1930s, '40s, and '50s under the business-name "The Phantom of Radio Past", advertising in such publications as the Fandom Directory.
In an interview with Theis on 8 March 1984 on Hour 25
, a talk show
on KPFK
, the presenters of which would periodically stage a reading of The Eye of Argon, Theis stated that he was hurt that his story was being mocked and said he would never write anything again. In a later interview he complains about being mocked for something he had written thirty years ago, at age sixteen. He is said to have participated in readings of the story in St Louis, e.g. at Archon. A copy of the 1995 reprinting was sent to him, with no response.
Fantasy
Fantasy is a genre of fiction that commonly uses magic and other supernatural phenomena as a primary element of plot, theme, or setting. Many works within the genre take place in imaginary worlds where magic is common...
novella
Novella
A novella is a written, fictional, prose narrative usually longer than a novelette but shorter than a novel. The Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America Nebula Awards for science fiction define the novella as having a word count between 17,500 and 40,000...
that narrates the adventures of Grignr, a barbarian
Barbarian
Barbarian and savage are terms used to refer to a person who is perceived to be uncivilized. The word is often used either in a general reference to a member of a nation or ethnos, typically a tribal society as seen by an urban civilization either viewed as inferior, or admired as a noble savage...
. It was written in 1970 by Jim Theis (August 9, 1953- March 26, 2002) and circulated anonymously in science fiction fandom
Science fiction fandom
Science fiction fandom or SF fandom is a community or "fandom" of people actively interested in science fiction and fantasy and in contact with one another based upon that interest...
since then. It has been described as "one of the genre's most beloved pieces of appalling prose", and has subsequently been used as part of a common science fiction convention party game.
History
The story was written in 1970 by Jim Theis, a St. Louis, MissouriSt. Louis, Missouri
St. Louis is an independent city on the eastern border of Missouri, United States. With a population of 319,294, it was the 58th-largest U.S. city at the 2010 U.S. Census. The Greater St...
science fiction fan, at age 16. The work was first published in 1970 in OSFAN (the journal of the Ozark SF Society) #10. David Langford
David Langford
David Rowland Langford is a British author, editor and critic, largely active within the science fiction field. He publishes the science fiction fanzine and newsletter Ansible.-Personal background:...
described Theis in SFX as "a malaprop
Malapropism
A malapropism is an act of misusing or the habitual misuse of similar sounding words, especially with humorous results. An example is Yogi Berra's statement: "Texas has a lot of electrical votes," rather than "electoral votes".-Etymology:...
genius, a McGonagall
William Topaz McGonagall
William Topaz McGonagall was a Scottish weaver, doggerel poet and actor. He won notoriety as an extremely bad poet who exhibited no recognition of or concern for his peers' opinions of his work....
of prose with an eerie gift for choosing the wrong word and then misapplying it."
Some time in the 1970s author Thomas N. Scortia
Thomas N. Scortia
Thomas Nicholas Scortia was a science fiction author. He worked in the American aerospace industry until the late 60s/early 70s. He collaborated on several works with fellow author Frank M. Robinson. He sometimes used the pseudonyms "Scott Nichols", "Gerald MacDow", and "Arthur R....
obtained a copy, which he mailed to Californian SF writer Chelsea Quinn Yarbro
Chelsea Quinn Yarbro
-Biography:She was born in Berkeley, California. She attended Berkeley schools through high school followed by three years at San Francisco State College .In November 1969 she married Donald Simpson and divorced in February 1982...
. She showed it to other fans, and it met with a tremendous and incredulous reaction. The work was copied and distributed widely around science fiction fandom
Science fiction fandom
Science fiction fandom or SF fandom is a community or "fandom" of people actively interested in science fiction and fantasy and in contact with one another based upon that interest...
. Readings quickly became a common item on science fiction convention
Science fiction convention
Science fiction conventions are gatherings of fans of various forms of speculative fiction including science fiction and fantasy. Historically, science fiction conventions had focused primarily on literature, but the purview of many extends to such other avenues of expression as movies and...
programmes.
The version which currently circulates on the Internet was manually transcribed by Don Simpson from a mimeograph of Theis' original, and bears his note at the bottom:
- No mere transcription can give the true flavor of the original printing of The Eye of Argon. It was mimeographed with stencils cut on an elite manual typewriter. Many letters were so faint as to be barely readable, others were overstruck, and some that were to be removed never got painted out with correction fluid. Usually, only one space separated sentences, while paragraphs were separated by a blank line and were indented ten spaces. Many words were grotesquely hyphenated. And there were illustrations — I cannot do them justice in mere words, but they were a match for the text. These are the major losses of this version (#02) of TEoA.
- Otherwise, all effort has been made to retain the full and correct text, preserving even mis-spellings and dropped spaces. An excellent proofreader has checked it for errors both omitted and committed. What mismatches remain are mine.
The Internet text does contain typos not in the original and is incomplete, although a complete copy of the original fanzine was discovered in January 2005.
The story was reprinted in 1995. In 2006, a trade paperback edition of the text was published by Wildside Press.
Plot summary
Chapter 1 : The story starts with a violent swordfight between the barbarian Grignr and some soldiers. Grignr is on his way to Gorzom in search of wenchWench
Wench or Wenche may refer to:* Wench, a historical British Modern English colloquial term for a lower class woman and/or promiscuous woman. Also in the 19th and early 20th centuries a derogatory term for a non Euro-American woman, the male counterpart being Buck.* Wenche, a popular female first...
es and plunder.
Chapter 2 : Grignr arrives in Gorzom and goes to a tavern, where he picks up a local wench (with a "lithe, opaque
Opacity (optics)
Opacity is the measure of impenetrability to electromagnetic or other kinds of radiation, especially visible light. In radiative transfer, it describes the absorption and scattering of radiation in a medium, such as a plasma, dielectric, shielding material, glass, etc...
nose"). A drunken guard challenges him over the woman; he kills the guard, but is arrested by the man's companions and brought before the local prince, who (on the advice of his advisor) condemns him to a life of forced labour in the mines. This chapter contains the first of several occasions when the word slut
Slut
Slut or slattern is a pejorative term applied to an individual who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous...
is applied to a man, presumably as an insult.
Chapter 3 : Grignr sits despondent in his cell, thinking of his homeland.
Chapter 3½ : A scene of a pagan ritual involving a group of shamans, a young woman to be sacrificed and a jade idol with one eye: a "many fauceted scarlet emerald", the Eye of Argon.
Chapter 4 : Grignr sits bored and anguished in his cell and is losing track of time. He battles a large rat and it inspires him with a plan, involving the corpse of the rat.
Chapter 5 : The pagan ritual proceeds, with a priest ordering the young woman up to the altar. When she fails to proceed, he attempts to grope her. She disables him with a hard kick between the testicles, but the other shamans grab and molest her.
Chapter 6 : Grignr is taken from his cell by two soldiers. He takes the rat pelvis he has fashioned into a dagger and slits one soldier's throat. He then strangles the second and takes his clothes. He wanders the catacombs for a time, finding a storeroom, and narrowly avoids being killed by a booby-trap. Below this room he finds the palace mausoleum. He resets the booby-trap in case he is being pursued.
- He hears a scream apparently coming from a sarcophagus. He opens it to find the scream is coming from below. He opens a trap door and sees a shaman about to sacrifice the young woman. He ploughs into the group of shamans with an axe and takes the Eye. The young woman, Carthena, turns out to be the tavern wench. They depart.
Chapter 7 : One priest, who had been suffering an epileptic seizure during Grignr's attack, recovers, draws a scimitar and follows Grignr and Carthena through the trap door in the ceiling.
Chapter 7½ : The priest strikes at Grignr but he triggers, and is killed by, the reset booby-trap before his sword can connect. Carthena tells Grignr of the prince, Agaphim, who had condemned him to the mines. They encounter Agaphim and kill him, as well as his advisor Agafnd.
- They emerge into the sunlight. Grignr pulls the Eye of Argon out of his pouch to admire. The jewel melts and turns into a writhing blob with a leechlike mouth. The blob attacks him and begins sucking his blood. Carthena faints. Grignr, beginning to lose consciousness, grabs a torch and thrusts it into the blob's mouth.
Traditional photocopied and Internet versions end at this point, incomplete since page 49 of the fanzine had been lost. The ending was rediscovered in 2004 and published in The New York Review of Science Fiction #198, February 2005. The authenticity of this "lost ending" is still disputed by many.
The Lost Ending (Remainder of Ch. 7½) : The blob explodes into a thousand pieces, leaving nothing behind except "a dark red blotch upon the face of the earth, blotching things up." Grignr and the still-unconscious Carthena ride off into the distance.
The lost ending
The version usually found on the Internet is incomplete, ending with the phrase "-END OF AVAILABLE COPY-". Susan Stepney's website claims to have the missing ending section, including information on how the lost ending was discovered. Quoting from that page: For the history of this great work, including the eventual discovery of the legendary lost ending, see New York Review of Science Fiction #195, November 2004, and #198, February 2005.Ansible
Ansible
An ansible is a hypothetical machine capable of instantaneous or superluminal communication. Ansibles occur as plot devices in science fiction literature.- Origin :The word ansible was coined by Ursula K. Le Guin in her 1966 novel, Rocannon's World...
, Langford's science-fiction newsletter, reports in its February 2005 issue that "according to a letter in The New York Review of SF (January 2005), a complete copy of the relevant 1970 fanzine has been unearthed in the Jack Williamson SF Library at Eastern New Mexico University! JWSFL collection administrator Gene Bundy reports that the long-missing Page 49 begins: `With a sloshing plop the thing fell to the ground, evaporating in a thick scarlet cloud until it reatained its original size.'..."
Some commentators have voiced skepticism about this "lost ending," however. Stephen Bond contends that "the lost ending is an obvious fake," pointing out many discrepancies between the prose style and content of the established work and those of the new text.
Other attributed authors
Many readers have found it hard to believe the story was not a collaborative effort, a satireSatire
Satire is primarily a literary genre or form, although in practice it can also be found in the graphic and performing arts. In satire, vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, ideally with the intent of shaming individuals, and society itself, into improvement...
on bad writing, or both. Langford reported the following, sent in by author Michael Swanwick
Michael Swanwick
Michael Swanwick is an American science fiction author. Based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, he began publishing in the early 1980s.-Biography:...
, in Ansible #193:
- I had a surprising conversation at ReaderconReaderconReadercon is an annual science fiction convention, held every July in the Boston, Massachusetts area, in Burlington, Massachusetts). It was founded by Bob Colby and statistician Eric Van in the 1980s with the goal of focusing exclusively on science fiction in the written form Readercon is an...
with literary superstar Samuel R. DelanySamuel R. DelanySamuel Ray Delany, Jr., also known as "Chip" is an American author, professor and literary critic. His work includes a number of novels, many in the science fiction genre, as well as memoir, criticism, and essays on sexuality and society.His science fiction novels include Babel-17, The Einstein...
, who told me of how at an early ClarionClarion WorkshopClarion is a six-week workshop for new and aspiring science fiction and fantasy writers. Originally an outgrowth of Knight and Wilhelm's Milford Writers' Conference, held at their home in Milford, Pennsylvania, USA, it was founded in 1968 by Robin Scott Wilson at Clarion State College in...
the students and teachers had decided to see exactly how bad a story they could write if they put their minds to it. Chip himself contributed a paragraph to the round robin effort. Its title? "The Eye of Argon".
The 1995 reprint was attributed to "G. Ecordian," after the hero, Grignr the Ecordian.
Langford considers it well known that Theis is the author, and surmises that Delany misremembered the event.
As a party game
Reading The Eye of Argon aloud has been made into a game, as described by SF critic Dave Langford in SFX magazineSFX magazine
SFX is a British magazine covering the topics of science fiction and fantasy.-Description:SFX magazine is published every four weeks by Future Publishing and was founded in 1995. The magazine covers topics in the genres of popular science fiction, fantasy and horror, within the media of films,...
: "The challenge of death, at SF conventions, is to read The Eye of Argon aloud, straight-faced, without choking and falling over. The grandmaster challenge is to read it with a squeaky voice after inhaling helium. What fun we fans have." Strict rules also include not laughing and reading all mistakes exactly as written. Making it through three-quarters of a page is considered an extraordinary accomplishment.
The author
James F. Theis was born August 9, 1953 and died March 26, 2002. He published The Eye of Argon in a fanzine in 1970 at age 16. He did not write any more fiction, but did gain a degree in journalismJournalism
Journalism is the practice of investigation and reporting of events, issues and trends to a broad audience in a timely fashion. Though there are many variations of journalism, the ideal is to inform the intended audience. Along with covering organizations and institutions such as government and...
. His hobbies included collecting books, comics, and German swords; he also collected, traded, and sold tapes of radio programs of the 1930s, '40s, and '50s under the business-name "The Phantom of Radio Past", advertising in such publications as the Fandom Directory.
In an interview with Theis on 8 March 1984 on Hour 25
Hour 25
Hour 25 was a radio program focusing on science fiction, fantasy, and science. It was broadcast on Pacifica radio station KPFK in Southern California from 1972 to 2000, and is now distributed over the Internet. It has featured numerous interviews with famous authors of science fiction and fantasy,...
, a talk show
Talk show
A talk show or chat show is a television program or radio program where one person discuss various topics put forth by a talk show host....
on KPFK
KPFK
KPFK is a listener-sponsored radio station based in North Hollywood, California, United States, which serves the Greater Los Angeles Area, and also streams 24 hours a day via the Internet...
, the presenters of which would periodically stage a reading of The Eye of Argon, Theis stated that he was hurt that his story was being mocked and said he would never write anything again. In a later interview he complains about being mocked for something he had written thirty years ago, at age sixteen. He is said to have participated in readings of the story in St Louis, e.g. at Archon. A copy of the 1995 reprinting was sent to him, with no response.
See also
- Amanda McKittrick Ros, novelist whose work was also read aloud in similar competitions.
External links
- Interview with Jim Theis — OSFAN #13, November 21, 1970
- More recent Jim Theis interview information, 1980s, and some in 2000
- The Eye Of Argon — Rules for a Reading by Mary Mason
Story text and variations
- The Eye of Argon — full text (OSFAN #7)
- The MSTing Mine — contains Adam CadreAdam CadreAdam Cadre is a U.S. writer. He gained prominence in the world of interactive fiction with works like I-0 , Photopia and Varicella , for which he has won several XYZZY Awards and been the subject of academic study . Photopia additionally won the 1998 Interactive Fiction Competition...
's MSTingMSTingMSTing or MiSTing is a method of mocking a show in the style of the television series Mystery Science Theater 3000 and, in particular, is a form of fan fiction in which writers mock other works by inserting humorous comments, called "riffs", into the flow of dialogue and events.- Style :In...
of The Eye of Argon - Another copy of Cadre's MSTing, formatted in HTML
- The Eye of Argon — Wildside Press (2006) Trade paperback. Introduction by Lee Weinstein http://www.leeweinstein.net (under "other works") Includes the lost ending. (via archive.org)
- About The Eye of Argon — David Langford's page with links to the complete text (HTML) and scans of the original fanzine pages (PDF).