SpeedMouse
Encyclopedia
SpeedMouse is a Stage Show and DVD By The Umbilical Brothers.
has gone missing. Tensions arise when their newly-hired roadie clashes with David — he points out that there’s no need for a roadie as there are no props or scenery to move. The situation gets worse when their show controller, Tina, starts playing mind games with Shane.
Shane and Dave introduce themselves to the audience. To show that they've decided to enhance the experience, they introduce us to the lovely woman Tina, who runs the show and strangely has a deep, male voice, and their Roadie, who is dressed as a clown. Dave gets carried away and starts doing the intro, much to Shane's annoyance. Tina however is enjoying Dave's intro and prompts Shane to leave.
Dave finds himself unable to do the intro, lacking anything else to say. He then plays around with the microphone
and learns he can pick up radio signals with the ultra-powerful mike. He listens into Yoda
, Gollum
, and numerous other people before finally discovering a group of terrorists who seem to be watching him. Upon realizing he knows of their presence, they retreat, and Dave learns they are actually microscopic and inside his body. Upon escaping into their van, they attempt to escape Dave, who squishes them with his foot. Shane reappears and the duo ask Tina if she has found the special remote that controls the show. She has not. They then tell us about how dangerous the remote is and what not to do with it. The bizarre contraption's many functions include: making a cat viciously attack Dave (Crazy Cat Button), making the Umbies dance while chanting "Yeah" (a button marked Yeah), causing a truck to drive by (Oncoming Truck button) and making both of them dance erotically (Porno Button).
Shane concludes his speech on the remote, only to lose power. Dave attempts to replace Shane's battery, but is given the wrong one repeatedly by the Roadie. He then tries messing about with Shane's insides, such as his heart, his intestine, his brain, and inner child. He eventually starts messing about with him and causes him to continue the show in German
, Japanese
, and as Gollum. Eventually, the Roadie simply flicks a mechanism in Shane, causing him to revert back to normal, much to Dave's annoyance. Dave tries to get the Roadie in trouble by telling Tina that he has neglected to bring out their one piece of scenery (a large rectangular piece of green wood). As he says that, the Roadie walks out and the Umbies go on with their next sketch.
Shane acts as commentator on Trevor Spartacus's (Dave's) Javelin throw. Spartacus successfully wins over the crowd. At his first attempt, he leans back and gets the javelin stuck in the ground and is only able to get it about a foot away from where he was standing. For his second attempt, he sticks it in the ground and does star jumps, just to have his hand impaled by the javelin. For his third and final attempt, he ends up impaling his own head on the javelin due to anaesthetic. Someone presses the Porno Button, resulting in Shane sliding behind the scenery while being pleasured, and Dave pole dancing with the javelin. After regaining control, the Umbies attempt to talk for a moment, but are met with a glitch (Technical Term "Gli'Glitch).
The Umbies disappear and are replaced by identical super-intelligent alien
dinosaur
s. The dinosaurs assure us that they are not aliens that replaced the Umbilical Brothers using their own DNA, and assure us that they do not plan on doing the same to the front row of the audience. They are about to tell us something they do not plan to do which is apparently to construct an enormous plastic version of an inappropriate body part, they are stopped when a flash of light scares them away. We go back to Athens, where the hammer throw
is underway. The athlete tosses the hammer off course and the onlooking Umbies duck for cover. Dave however, looks up at the wrong moment. Also at Athens, we see Dave and Shane compete in Table tennis. The duo find each other facing distractions, such as Tina, Roadie, and two intervals.
Shane comes out and wants to know if anyone has a Question about the show. A man (Dave) asks, for all the Parmesan Cheese lovers in the Audience, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? CAN'T YOU SMELL THAT?" Shane leaves it as a rhetorical question
so they can move on. An Arnold Schwarzenegger
impersonator then asks what Shane thinks of his impression. Shane simply says that it is shit, but changes his mood after the man states "Oh Get Out!" A third man, with an unintelligible voice then asks a very long and tiresome question which Shane refuses to answer (in reality, Dave has said that he is actually telling a real story, but has made his voice incredibly hard to understand). Tina forces Shane to answer, which he does, in absolute gibberish
. He and Tina get into an argument and Tina concludes that a 4 year old child could do better than he could. Shane plucks an imaginary one out of the audience to see if she's right.
Shane leave the kid in charge of the show. The Kid wows the audience by doing the Walking Against the Wind, and the Men Behind the Wall. He then encounters the Roadie and asks for a balloon. The Roadie turns the Scenery into a door and inflates a Balloon. The kid however is greatly annoyed that it isn't red, and makes the Roadie get him another one. The Roadie takes extra long to inflate it and when it is given to the kid, he begins to sail into the air. Upon the kids request, the Roadie pops the balloon and he is caught by Dave, but is then killed by a truck (according to the actors commentary, the Kid falls through a trap door, thus allowing him to reappear later).
Dave attempts to play shotput at Athens, but is bothered by a Fly he thought he edited out. He makes numerous attempts at killing the fly, using Pea Beu to spray it, it survives and Shane says he should have used Mortein
. Eventually, Tina stops the madness when Shane performs CPR on the fly. Dave messes up again when an explosion erupts and sends him flying across the room, in reality, he is just pointing to where he "should" be falling. Shane asks why he did that and Dave explains that he isn't doing his own stunts anymore and that a digital Dave will be added in when the extended edition comes out. Eventually the lights go out and Dave is punched in the gut. Dave first accuses Shane, but then accuses the Roadie, who when questioned is behind the scenery. Shane asks Roadie if he punched Dave, he shakes his head and much to Dave's anger, he believes him. Roadie and Shane disappear to what is apparently a Strip Club behind the scenery. Dave attempts to go with them but ends up in a huge drafty room where he is basically as blind as a bat.
Inside the room, Dave attempts to find Shane and the Roadie but instead interacts with the unusual assortment of objects inside the room. The Roadie appears with night vision goggles and places the scenery back to its original state, but alerts Dave of his presence. Dave steps behind it and is sent to a small universe completely controlled by the Roadie. He interacts with numerous strange people until he encounters E.T.
, who attempts to assist him by pointing the way to the Roadie with his glowing finger. Dave thanks him and rips E.T.'s glowing finger and uses it as a torch. He eventually comes across an elevator and goes to numerous floors, even encountering a Super Intelligent Alien Dinosaur Shane. He then meets Joda ' onMouseout='HidePop("22205")' href="/topics/Yoda">Yoda
, it is never stated what his name is in the performance, but the Umbies have said it's spelled with a J). He asks Joda to use The Force
to find the Roadie, but he is unsuccessful and drops his Light saber. Dave attempts to return it by tossing it at him, but horribly injures him, finally making him say, "get you I will, you bastard". Dave ends up on a ledge on the side of a building, but the elevator won't open for him when he gets out. He sees E.T.
fly past but, remembering their previous encounter, just yells "Ouch, bastard." Dave is then met by Spider-Man
who offers to help. But Dave, alarmed by the mention of Spider, whips out his can of Mortein
which causes him to fall off the building, possibly to his death. Dave then sees the kid from before float by when the balloon is popped by the Roadie. Dave rushes over to save the kid, who thanks him. Dave states it's no problem and that he's probably going to do it again as everything comes in threes, but The Kid states that won't be happening as Dave has stepped off the ledge.
Dave lands underwater and is desperate for air. He sees Shane behind a thin sheet of glass and begs for help. Shane tries to tell Dave of the door that is right there but Dave cannot hear him. He enters and tells him, but finds the door is locked from the inside. They then call for the Roadie to bring them air. He simply walks out and Dave criticizes him for not even trying to make it look like he's underwater. He exits and comes back, enthusiastically moving an arm in front of his chest to simulate swimming. He gives them air, which is fought over by the duo, who eventually crack open the thin sheet of glass.
Dave refuses to continue until Shane apologizes for what he'd done. Shane agrees but he encounters a minor Gli'glitch at the end of his apology, making him pause for less than a second. Dave gets Tina to help him figure out what it is using Frame-by-Frame, eventually showing that for a single frame, Shane is sticking both his middle fingers at the audience. Dave then angrily rants at Shane and does the same when "agreeing" with him. Shane then states that Dave is being ripped off by the people who animated his walk, and suggests Aardman, of Wallace and Gromit
fame. Shane then flips off Dave again after he calls Dave childish.
A war erupts between the two, each giving the other the middle finger
in numerous ways. Eventually they stop trying to insult each other and just have fun with it, including fencing and dropping the sword into the audience, then prompting someone in the audience to return it to them by flipping them off, and they go on flipping each other off in the style of various sports. The Roadie appears and gives the finger like a bowling ball. Dave continues to be annoyed by the Roadie's antics and insults him. The Umbies erupt in the use of numerous buttons on the remote until they discover that the Roadie has it. Dave is infuriated, while Shane thanks him for "finding it".
Dave wants the Roadie fired, but Shane wants an Audience Vote. Dave then opts for Tina to vote, but she is silent. They look away from the Roadie and he reaches for a microphone and Tina calls out, "I say he stays", giving the audience the impression that Roadie was Tina. Dave is infuriated, while Shane is overjoyed, but they then see the Roadie leaving the microphone after giving another message as Tina. Dave rips off the Roadies Clown Mask, revealing an identical one underneath, to which the Umbies gasp and respond 'TINA?!?
The Umbies give us a preview of their next show.
We see all the nice people who helped make the presentation.
over two nights.
Plot
Taking advantage of the latest advances in performance technology, the boys have upgraded their acting to digital. Using this technology they are able to immediately jump to any routine or fast-forward through the boring bits. Unfortunately, the remote controlRemote control
A remote control is a component of an electronics device, most commonly a television set, used for operating the television device wirelessly from a short line-of-sight distance.The remote control is usually contracted to remote...
has gone missing. Tensions arise when their newly-hired roadie clashes with David — he points out that there’s no need for a roadie as there are no props or scenery to move. The situation gets worse when their show controller, Tina, starts playing mind games with Shane.
Cast
- David CollinsThe Umbilical Brothers-History:They met in 1988, at the University of Western Sydney in a jazz class, , where David swung around and broke Shane's nose...
as Himself - Shane Dundas as Himself
- The Roadie performed By Tina
- Tina performed by the Roadie
- Mr Fluffy as Himself (Cameo)
- The Koala as Himself (Cameo)
Story
- Opening
Shane and Dave introduce themselves to the audience. To show that they've decided to enhance the experience, they introduce us to the lovely woman Tina, who runs the show and strangely has a deep, male voice, and their Roadie, who is dressed as a clown. Dave gets carried away and starts doing the intro, much to Shane's annoyance. Tina however is enjoying Dave's intro and prompts Shane to leave.
- Body Talk
Dave finds himself unable to do the intro, lacking anything else to say. He then plays around with the microphone
Microphone
A microphone is an acoustic-to-electric transducer or sensor that converts sound into an electrical signal. In 1877, Emile Berliner invented the first microphone used as a telephone voice transmitter...
and learns he can pick up radio signals with the ultra-powerful mike. He listens into Yoda
Yoda
Yoda is a fictional character in the Star Wars universe, appearing in the second and third original films, as well as all three prequel trilogy films. A renowned Jedi master, Yoda made his first on-screen appearance in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back where he is responsible for...
, Gollum
Gollum
Gollum is a fictional character from J. R. R. Tolkien's legendarium. He was introduced in the author's fantasy novel The Hobbit, and became an important supporting character in its sequel, The Lord of the Rings....
, and numerous other people before finally discovering a group of terrorists who seem to be watching him. Upon realizing he knows of their presence, they retreat, and Dave learns they are actually microscopic and inside his body. Upon escaping into their van, they attempt to escape Dave, who squishes them with his foot. Shane reappears and the duo ask Tina if she has found the special remote that controls the show. She has not. They then tell us about how dangerous the remote is and what not to do with it. The bizarre contraption's many functions include: making a cat viciously attack Dave (Crazy Cat Button), making the Umbies dance while chanting "Yeah" (a button marked Yeah), causing a truck to drive by (Oncoming Truck button) and making both of them dance erotically (Porno Button).
- Breakdown
Shane concludes his speech on the remote, only to lose power. Dave attempts to replace Shane's battery, but is given the wrong one repeatedly by the Roadie. He then tries messing about with Shane's insides, such as his heart, his intestine, his brain, and inner child. He eventually starts messing about with him and causes him to continue the show in German
German language
German is a West Germanic language, related to and classified alongside English and Dutch. With an estimated 90 – 98 million native speakers, German is one of the world's major languages and is the most widely-spoken first language in the European Union....
, Japanese
Japanese language
is a language spoken by over 130 million people in Japan and in Japanese emigrant communities. It is a member of the Japonic language family, which has a number of proposed relationships with other languages, none of which has gained wide acceptance among historical linguists .Japanese is an...
, and as Gollum. Eventually, the Roadie simply flicks a mechanism in Shane, causing him to revert back to normal, much to Dave's annoyance. Dave tries to get the Roadie in trouble by telling Tina that he has neglected to bring out their one piece of scenery (a large rectangular piece of green wood). As he says that, the Roadie walks out and the Umbies go on with their next sketch.
- Spartacus Javelin
Shane acts as commentator on Trevor Spartacus's (Dave's) Javelin throw. Spartacus successfully wins over the crowd. At his first attempt, he leans back and gets the javelin stuck in the ground and is only able to get it about a foot away from where he was standing. For his second attempt, he sticks it in the ground and does star jumps, just to have his hand impaled by the javelin. For his third and final attempt, he ends up impaling his own head on the javelin due to anaesthetic. Someone presses the Porno Button, resulting in Shane sliding behind the scenery while being pleasured, and Dave pole dancing with the javelin. After regaining control, the Umbies attempt to talk for a moment, but are met with a glitch (Technical Term "Gli'Glitch).
- Dinosaurs
The Umbies disappear and are replaced by identical super-intelligent alien
Extraterrestrial life in popular culture
In popular cultures, "extraterrestrials" are life forms — especially intelligent life forms— that are of extraterrestrial origin .-Historical ideas:-Pre-modern:...
dinosaur
Dinosaur
Dinosaurs are a diverse group of animals of the clade and superorder Dinosauria. They were the dominant terrestrial vertebrates for over 160 million years, from the late Triassic period until the end of the Cretaceous , when the Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction event led to the extinction of...
s. The dinosaurs assure us that they are not aliens that replaced the Umbilical Brothers using their own DNA, and assure us that they do not plan on doing the same to the front row of the audience. They are about to tell us something they do not plan to do which is apparently to construct an enormous plastic version of an inappropriate body part, they are stopped when a flash of light scares them away. We go back to Athens, where the hammer throw
Hammer throw
The modern or Olympic hammer throw is an athletic throwing event where the object is to throw a heavy metal ball attached to a wire and handle. The name "hammer throw" is derived from older competitions where an actual sledge hammer was thrown...
is underway. The athlete tosses the hammer off course and the onlooking Umbies duck for cover. Dave however, looks up at the wrong moment. Also at Athens, we see Dave and Shane compete in Table tennis. The duo find each other facing distractions, such as Tina, Roadie, and two intervals.
- Questions?
Shane comes out and wants to know if anyone has a Question about the show. A man (Dave) asks, for all the Parmesan Cheese lovers in the Audience, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? CAN'T YOU SMELL THAT?" Shane leaves it as a rhetorical question
Rhetorical question
A rhetorical question is a figure of speech in the form of a question posed for its persuasive effect without the expectation of a reply. Rhetorical questions encourage the listener to think about what the answer to the question must be. When a speaker states, "How much longer must our people...
so they can move on. An Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger is an Austrian-American former professional bodybuilder, actor, businessman, investor, and politician. Schwarzenegger served as the 38th Governor of California from 2003 until 2011....
impersonator then asks what Shane thinks of his impression. Shane simply says that it is shit, but changes his mood after the man states "Oh Get Out!" A third man, with an unintelligible voice then asks a very long and tiresome question which Shane refuses to answer (in reality, Dave has said that he is actually telling a real story, but has made his voice incredibly hard to understand). Tina forces Shane to answer, which he does, in absolute gibberish
Gibberish
Gibberish is a generic term in English for talking that sounds like speech, but carries no actual meaning. This meaning has also been extended to meaningless text or gobbledygook. The common theme in gibberish statements is a lack of literal sense, which can be described as a presence of nonsense...
. He and Tina get into an argument and Tina concludes that a 4 year old child could do better than he could. Shane plucks an imaginary one out of the audience to see if she's right.
- Mime Kid, Mime
Shane leave the kid in charge of the show. The Kid wows the audience by doing the Walking Against the Wind, and the Men Behind the Wall. He then encounters the Roadie and asks for a balloon. The Roadie turns the Scenery into a door and inflates a Balloon. The kid however is greatly annoyed that it isn't red, and makes the Roadie get him another one. The Roadie takes extra long to inflate it and when it is given to the kid, he begins to sail into the air. Upon the kids request, the Roadie pops the balloon and he is caught by Dave, but is then killed by a truck (according to the actors commentary, the Kid falls through a trap door, thus allowing him to reappear later).
- Fly
Dave attempts to play shotput at Athens, but is bothered by a Fly he thought he edited out. He makes numerous attempts at killing the fly, using Pea Beu to spray it, it survives and Shane says he should have used Mortein
Mortein
Mortein is an Australian brand of household insecticide. Together with its sister product Aerogard, a popular insect repellent, Mortein has become something of a household name in Australia, owing much in this regard to its cartoon antagonist, Louie the Fly. Louie was drawn and animated by Geoffry...
. Eventually, Tina stops the madness when Shane performs CPR on the fly. Dave messes up again when an explosion erupts and sends him flying across the room, in reality, he is just pointing to where he "should" be falling. Shane asks why he did that and Dave explains that he isn't doing his own stunts anymore and that a digital Dave will be added in when the extended edition comes out. Eventually the lights go out and Dave is punched in the gut. Dave first accuses Shane, but then accuses the Roadie, who when questioned is behind the scenery. Shane asks Roadie if he punched Dave, he shakes his head and much to Dave's anger, he believes him. Roadie and Shane disappear to what is apparently a Strip Club behind the scenery. Dave attempts to go with them but ends up in a huge drafty room where he is basically as blind as a bat.
- Lair
Inside the room, Dave attempts to find Shane and the Roadie but instead interacts with the unusual assortment of objects inside the room. The Roadie appears with night vision goggles and places the scenery back to its original state, but alerts Dave of his presence. Dave steps behind it and is sent to a small universe completely controlled by the Roadie. He interacts with numerous strange people until he encounters E.T.
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial is a 1982 American science fiction film co-produced and directed by Steven Spielberg, written by Melissa Mathison and starring Henry Thomas, Dee Wallace, Robert MacNaughton, Drew Barrymore, and Peter Coyote...
, who attempts to assist him by pointing the way to the Roadie with his glowing finger. Dave thanks him and rips E.T.'s glowing finger and uses it as a torch. He eventually comes across an elevator and goes to numerous floors, even encountering a Super Intelligent Alien Dinosaur Shane. He then meets Joda ' onMouseout='HidePop("22205")' href="/topics/Yoda">Yoda
Yoda
Yoda is a fictional character in the Star Wars universe, appearing in the second and third original films, as well as all three prequel trilogy films. A renowned Jedi master, Yoda made his first on-screen appearance in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back where he is responsible for...
, it is never stated what his name is in the performance, but the Umbies have said it's spelled with a J). He asks Joda to use The Force
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace is a 1999 American epic space opera film written and directed by George Lucas. It is the fourth film to be released in the Star Wars saga, as the first of a three-part prequel to the original Star Wars trilogy, as well as the first film in the saga in terms...
to find the Roadie, but he is unsuccessful and drops his Light saber. Dave attempts to return it by tossing it at him, but horribly injures him, finally making him say, "get you I will, you bastard". Dave ends up on a ledge on the side of a building, but the elevator won't open for him when he gets out. He sees E.T.
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial is a 1982 American science fiction film co-produced and directed by Steven Spielberg, written by Melissa Mathison and starring Henry Thomas, Dee Wallace, Robert MacNaughton, Drew Barrymore, and Peter Coyote...
fly past but, remembering their previous encounter, just yells "Ouch, bastard." Dave is then met by Spider-Man
Spider-Man
Spider-Man is a fictional Marvel Comics superhero. The character was created by writer-editor Stan Lee and writer-artist Steve Ditko. He first appeared in Amazing Fantasy #15...
who offers to help. But Dave, alarmed by the mention of Spider, whips out his can of Mortein
Mortein
Mortein is an Australian brand of household insecticide. Together with its sister product Aerogard, a popular insect repellent, Mortein has become something of a household name in Australia, owing much in this regard to its cartoon antagonist, Louie the Fly. Louie was drawn and animated by Geoffry...
which causes him to fall off the building, possibly to his death. Dave then sees the kid from before float by when the balloon is popped by the Roadie. Dave rushes over to save the kid, who thanks him. Dave states it's no problem and that he's probably going to do it again as everything comes in threes, but The Kid states that won't be happening as Dave has stepped off the ledge.
- Underwater
Dave lands underwater and is desperate for air. He sees Shane behind a thin sheet of glass and begs for help. Shane tries to tell Dave of the door that is right there but Dave cannot hear him. He enters and tells him, but finds the door is locked from the inside. They then call for the Roadie to bring them air. He simply walks out and Dave criticizes him for not even trying to make it look like he's underwater. He exits and comes back, enthusiastically moving an arm in front of his chest to simulate swimming. He gives them air, which is fought over by the duo, who eventually crack open the thin sheet of glass.
- Apology
Dave refuses to continue until Shane apologizes for what he'd done. Shane agrees but he encounters a minor Gli'glitch at the end of his apology, making him pause for less than a second. Dave gets Tina to help him figure out what it is using Frame-by-Frame, eventually showing that for a single frame, Shane is sticking both his middle fingers at the audience. Dave then angrily rants at Shane and does the same when "agreeing" with him. Shane then states that Dave is being ripped off by the people who animated his walk, and suggests Aardman, of Wallace and Gromit
Wallace and Gromit
Wallace and Gromit are the main characters in a series consisting of four British animated short films and a feature-length film by Nick Park of Aardman Animations...
fame. Shane then flips off Dave again after he calls Dave childish.
- Finger Wars
A war erupts between the two, each giving the other the middle finger
Middle finger
The middle finger or long finger is the third digit of the human hand, located between the index finger and the ring finger. It is usually the longest finger...
in numerous ways. Eventually they stop trying to insult each other and just have fun with it, including fencing and dropping the sword into the audience, then prompting someone in the audience to return it to them by flipping them off, and they go on flipping each other off in the style of various sports. The Roadie appears and gives the finger like a bowling ball. Dave continues to be annoyed by the Roadie's antics and insults him. The Umbies erupt in the use of numerous buttons on the remote until they discover that the Roadie has it. Dave is infuriated, while Shane thanks him for "finding it".
- The Vote
Dave wants the Roadie fired, but Shane wants an Audience Vote. Dave then opts for Tina to vote, but she is silent. They look away from the Roadie and he reaches for a microphone and Tina calls out, "I say he stays", giving the audience the impression that Roadie was Tina. Dave is infuriated, while Shane is overjoyed, but they then see the Roadie leaving the microphone after giving another message as Tina. Dave rips off the Roadies Clown Mask, revealing an identical one underneath, to which the Umbies gasp and respond 'TINA?!?
- Encore
The Umbies give us a preview of their next show.
- Credits
We see all the nice people who helped make the presentation.
DVD release
The Show was released on DVD in 2004. It was filmed live at the Sydney Opera HouseSydney Opera House
The Sydney Opera House is a multi-venue performing arts centre in the Australian city of Sydney. It was conceived and largely built by Danish architect Jørn Utzon, finally opening in 1973 after a long gestation starting with his competition-winning design in 1957...
over two nights.