"The Penis Song" is a song originally from the film Monty Python's The Meaning of Life and released on the album Monty Python Sings

Monty Python Sings

Monty Python Sings is a comedy album of songs written by the Monty Python team.The song "Oliver Cromwell" was never released prior to this album...

.

In the film, it is sung by Eric Idle

Eric Idle

Eric Idle is an English comedian, actor, author, singer, writer, and comedic composer. He was as a member of the British comedy group Monty Python, a member of the The Rutles on Saturday Night Live and author of the play, Spamalot....

 at a piano, in the persona of a Noël Coward

Noël Coward

Sir Noël Peirce Coward was an English playwright, composer, director, actor and singer, known for his wit, flamboyance, and what Time magazine called "a sense of personal style, a combination of cheek and chic, pose and poise".Born in Teddington, a suburb of London, Coward attended a dance academy...

-style lounge singer.

Beginning by addressing his audience, the singer says "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Here's a little number I tossed off

Masturbation

Masturbation refers to sexual stimulation of a person's own genitals, usually to the point of orgasm. The stimulation can be performed manually, by use of objects or tools, or by some combination of these methods. Masturbation is a common form of autoeroticism...

 recently in the Caribbean

Caribbean

The Caribbean is a crescent-shaped group of islands more than 2,000 miles long separating the Gulf of Mexico and the Caribbean Sea, to the west and south, from the Atlantic Ocean, to the east and north...

", before shifting into the song, which begins "Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis

Penis

The penis is a biological feature of male animals including both vertebrates and invertebrates...

?" In the course of about 30 seconds, it restates that thought five times, mentioning a dozen euphemisms for "penis", suggests two fanciful coverings for a penis, and ends with a warning against indecent exposure

Indecent exposure

Indecent exposure is the deliberate exposure in public or in view of the general public by a person of a portion or portions of his or her body, in circumstances where the exposure is contrary to local moral or other standards of appropriate behavior. Indecent exposure laws vary in different...

. The euphemisms mentioned are:

• Dong
• Stiffy
• Dick
• Tadger
• Prick
• Willy
• John Thomas
• One-eyed trouser snake
• Piece of pork
• Wife's best friend
• Percy
• Cock