Parentification
Encyclopedia
Parentification is the process of role reversal whereby a child is obliged to act as parent to their own parent. In extreme cases, 'by role reversal (parentification) the child, like a "living antidepressant", fills the alienating parent
's emotional void'.
Parentification may be viewed on two distinct axes: instrumental parentification and emotional parentification. Instrumental parentification means completing physical tasks for the family, such as looking after a sick relative, paying bills, or helping a younger sibling do well in school. Emotional parentification occurs when a child or adolescent must take on the role of confidant/mediator for (or between) parents and/or family members.
violations' in parentification was also identified. Eric Berne
touched on how it could be 'deletorious for parents and children to have a symmetrical relationship...as in families where the oldest child replaces an absent parent'; and Virginia Satir
wrote of 'the role- function discrepancy...where the son gets into a head-of-the-family role, commonly that of the father'. Object relations theory
explored how 'what Winnicott calls the False Self
is invented to manage a prematurely important object', and John Bowlby
looked at "compulsive caregiving" among the 'over-conscientious and guilt ridden as well as anxiously attached
', as a result of 'a parent, usually mother, exerting pressure on them to act as an attachment figure for her, thus inverting the normal relationship' - requiring the child to act as the care-giving parent while she took on the child-role.
All such aspects of disturbed and inverted parenting patterns have been drawn under the umbrella of the wider phenomenon of parentification - with the result (critics suggest) that on occasion 'ironically the concept of parentification has...been as over-burdened as the child it often describes'.
Alternatively a widower may put a daughter into the social and emotional role of his dead wife - "spousification"; or it may be a mother that obliges the daughter to play the caring role, even though 'for the daughter to become her mother's caretaker is clearly role reversal and parentification of the child. It is a betrayal of the child's trust in her mother to love her and take care of her'.
By taking on the parental care-giving role, the child 'leaves his real role behind, and this becomes a very lonely and unsure place to be' In extreme instances, there may occur a 'diminishing or loss of a central self-identity associated with parentification...a narcissistic wound on mind, body, psyche, and soul...experienced as an alienation from embodiment '.
'Parentified children may struggle with lingering resentment, explosive anger and difficulty in forming trusting relationships with peers' - traits that may end up 'following them into adulthood. Forming close, trusting romantic and spousal relationships may be difficult for adults who were parentified as children'.
later in life, individuation
or having a clear sense of self, and having secure attachment styles during adulthood. These characteristics may be because the person had to adapt to changes and take on responsibilities.
, for 'Kaoru's mother...her son's visits were her chief pleasure. Sometimes he almost seemed more like a father than a son - a fact which he was aware of and thought rather sad'.
Parental alienation syndrome
Parental alienation syndrome is term coined by Richard A. Gardner in the early 1980s to refer to what he describes as a disorder in which a child, on an ongoing basis, belittles and insults one parent without justification, due to a combination of factors, including indoctrination by the other...
's emotional void'.
Parentification may be viewed on two distinct axes: instrumental parentification and emotional parentification. Instrumental parentification means completing physical tasks for the family, such as looking after a sick relative, paying bills, or helping a younger sibling do well in school. Emotional parentification occurs when a child or adolescent must take on the role of confidant/mediator for (or between) parents and/or family members.
History
'As early as 1948, Melitta Schmideberg observed that emotionally deprived parents may unconsciously regard their children as parental figures'. "Spousification" and "parental child" (Minuchin) offered new routes to explore the same phenomenon, while the theme of 'intergenerational continuity of boundaryPersonal boundaries
Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for him- or herself what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how he or she will respond when someone steps outside those limits.'Personal boundaries define...
violations' in parentification was also identified. Eric Berne
Eric Berne
Eric Berne was a Canadian-born psychiatrist best known as the creator of transactional analysis and the author of Games People Play.-Background and education:...
touched on how it could be 'deletorious for parents and children to have a symmetrical relationship...as in families where the oldest child replaces an absent parent'; and Virginia Satir
Virginia Satir
Virginia Satir was an American author and psychotherapist, known especially for her approach to family therapy and her work with Systemic Constellations...
wrote of 'the role- function discrepancy...where the son gets into a head-of-the-family role, commonly that of the father'. Object relations theory
Object relations theory
Object relations theory is a psychodynamic theory within psychoanalytic psychology. The theory describes the process of developing a mind as one grows in relation to others in the environment....
explored how 'what Winnicott calls the False Self
True self and false self
True self and false self are terms introduced into psychoanalysis by D. W. Winnicott in 1960. Winnicott used the term "True Self" to describe a sense of self based on spontaneous, authentic experience, a sense of "all-out personal aliveness," or "feeling real."The "False Self" was, for Winnicott, a...
is invented to manage a prematurely important object', and John Bowlby
John Bowlby
Edward John Mostyn "John" Bowlby was a British psychologist, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, notable for his interest in child development and for his pioneering work in attachment theory.- Family background :...
looked at "compulsive caregiving" among the 'over-conscientious and guilt ridden as well as anxiously attached
Attachment theory
Attachment theory describes the dynamics of long-term relationships between humans. Its most important tenet is that an infant needs to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for social and emotional development to occur normally. Attachment theory is an interdisciplinary study...
', as a result of 'a parent, usually mother, exerting pressure on them to act as an attachment figure for her, thus inverting the normal relationship' - requiring the child to act as the care-giving parent while she took on the child-role.
All such aspects of disturbed and inverted parenting patterns have been drawn under the umbrella of the wider phenomenon of parentification - with the result (critics suggest) that on occasion 'ironically the concept of parentification has...been as over-burdened as the child it often describes'.
Choice of child
For obvious reasons, elder children are generally chosen for the familial "parental" role. Satir 'found so often that first children seem to get into this bind more frequently...neither "fish nor fowl" as far as their family positions are concerned '; but gender considerations may mean that it is the oldest boy or girl who is selected, according to circumstances. Where there is a disabled child in the family to be cared for, 'older siblings, especially girls, are at the greatest risk of parentification'. Where a father-figure is missing, in a way that has been described as 'typical of the conflictual role of child parentification', the eldest son is 'forced to assume the responsibilities that his father abandoned...while never being granted the autonomy which normally accompanies these adult responsibilities'.Alternatively a widower may put a daughter into the social and emotional role of his dead wife - "spousification"; or it may be a mother that obliges the daughter to play the caring role, even though 'for the daughter to become her mother's caretaker is clearly role reversal and parentification of the child. It is a betrayal of the child's trust in her mother to love her and take care of her'.
Disadvantages
'A great drawback of parentification is the loss of one's own childhood' Instead, 'destructively parentified children assume excessive responsibility for other family members and often for the family as a whole. Their caretaking efforts are neither acknowledged nor supported'By taking on the parental care-giving role, the child 'leaves his real role behind, and this becomes a very lonely and unsure place to be' In extreme instances, there may occur a 'diminishing or loss of a central self-identity associated with parentification...a narcissistic wound on mind, body, psyche, and soul...experienced as an alienation from embodiment '.
'Parentified children may struggle with lingering resentment, explosive anger and difficulty in forming trusting relationships with peers' - traits that may end up 'following them into adulthood. Forming close, trusting romantic and spousal relationships may be difficult for adults who were parentified as children'.
Possible Advantages
Not all results of parentification are negative. Some studies have hypothesized that parentification may result in greater psychological resiliencePsychological resilience
Resilience in psychology refers to the idea of an individual's tendency to cope with stress and adversity. This coping may result in the individual “bouncing back” to a previous state of normal functioning, or using the experience of exposure to adversity to produce a “steeling effect” and function...
later in life, individuation
Individuation
Individuation is a concept which appears in numerous fields and may be encountered in work by Arthur Schopenhauer, Carl Jung, Gilbert Simondon, Bernard Stiegler, Gilles Deleuze, Henri Bergson, David Bohm, and Manuel De Landa...
or having a clear sense of self, and having secure attachment styles during adulthood. These characteristics may be because the person had to adapt to changes and take on responsibilities.
Case studies
- 'Mr T had learned from his mother that she could not bear to be confronted by any distress of his. He had therefore developed ways in which he could keep his mother from breaking down, even keep her alive, by taking care that he never expressed to her any feelings that she might not be able to cope with. He mothered her '.
- JungJungCarl Jung was a Swiss psychiatrist, an influential thinker and the founder of analytical psychology.Jung may also refer to:* Jung * JUNG, Java Universal Network/Graph Framework-See also:...
in his late autobiography reports that 'my mother usually assumed that I was mentally far beyond my age, and she would talk to me as to a grown-up. It was plain that she was telling me everything that she could not say to my father, for she early made me her confidant'. Laurens van der PostLaurens van der PostSir Laurens Jan van der Post, CBE was a 20th century Afrikaner author of many books, farmer, war hero, political adviser to British heads of government, close friend of Prince Charles, godfather of Prince William, educator, journalist, humanitarian, philosopher, explorer, and...
commented that, as a child, Jung was 'never young as we were...that old, old atmosphere about him'. He considered that 'this activation of the pattern of the "old man" within himself...was all a consequence of the extent to which his father and mother failed each other'.
Literary examples
In The Tale of GenjiThe Tale of Genji
is a classic work of Japanese literature attributed to the Japanese noblewoman Murasaki Shikibu in the early 11th century, around the peak of the Heian period. It is sometimes called the world's first novel, the first modern novel, the first psychological novel or the first novel still to be...
, for 'Kaoru's mother...her son's visits were her chief pleasure. Sometimes he almost seemed more like a father than a son - a fact which he was aware of and thought rather sad'.
See also
Further reading
- L. M. Hooper, "Parentification" in R. J. R. Levesque ed., Encyclopedia of Adolescence (NY 2011)