Lesbian bed death
Encyclopedia
Lesbian bed death is a term coined by University of Washington
sociologist Pepper Schwartz
in her 1983 book American Couples. According to Schwartz, lesbian
couples in committed relationships have less sex than any other type of couple, and they generally experience less sexual intimacy the longer the relationship lasts. The study was later criticized by several researchers, and the concept has subsequently been categorized as popular myth.
Following the survey, many 1980s books and articles by lesbian practitioners were written about lesbian sexuality, by well-known clinicians such as Marny Hall, JoAnn Loulan and Marge Nichols, dealing with inhibited sexual desire, lack of sexual initiation and low sexual self-esteem in regards to lesbian sexuality.
of Schwartz's survey format was criticized a few years later when
lesbian feminist scholar Marilyn Frye
questioned the validity of sex research that compares the numbers of times that couples of different sexual orientations have sex, feeling that Schwartz's question is too ambiguous when applied to the sexual behavior of lesbian couples
. Frye, and other researchers since then, have felt that this ambiguity could account for the finding of a statistically low frequency of sexual behavior among lesbian couples if "sex relations" is interpreted too narrowly, with Frye indicating that Schwartz's comparison is not accurate because the focus was on sexual activity whereby a penis is inserted. Frye stated, "...What 85 percent of long-term, married couples do more than once a month takes on average 8 minutes to do... What we (lesbians) do that, on average, we do considerably less frequently, takes, on the average, considerably more than 8 minutes to do. Maybe about 30 minutes at least."
Frye's statements regarding satisfaction and technique comparisons are supported by studies such as ones done by Alfred Kinsey
in 1953 and Masters and Johnson
in 1979. Masters and Johnson's 1979 study on lesbian sexual practices concluded that lesbian sexual behaviors more often have qualities associated with sexual satisfaction than their heterosexual counterparts, focusing on more full-body sexual contact, rather than genital-focused contact, less preoccupation or anxiety about achieving orgasm
, more sexual assertiveness and communication about sexual needs, longer lasting sexual encounters
and greater satisfaction with the overall quality of one's sexual life.
"Back then, sex
pretty much meant penis in vagina," stated Nikki Dowling of TheFrisky.com. "Even now, some people—including lesbians—question whether gay women can have actual sex." Dowling surmised that "Lesbian bed death is probably only sticking around" due to lesbophobia
.
In addition to Schwartz's survey, a German study concluded that the female sex drive
greatly diminishes once a woman is in a secure relationship. Thus, from an evolutionary psychological
point of view, lesbian couples are expected to seek sex less frequently than heterosexual or gay male couples.
Winnie McCroy of The Village Voice
stated, "Although [Schwartz's] methodology and results were later challenged, the idea of lesbian bed death has taken on a life of its own, with damaging results." Dowling's sentiment echoed this, stating, "There are websites and people all over the place that claim they can cure your lesbian bed death. Most of them offer cliché advice—watch porn, be spontaneous, fantasize, etc. I’ve never heard a lesbian complain about or lend any credence to lesbian bed death. I know a lot of women who have been in long-term, serious relationships and they’ve never had a problem." McCroy, as well as researchers, argue that all couples get tired of "marathon sex," citing the Coolidge effect
. Sex educator and author Tristan Taormino
stated that sex gets old regardless of a couple’s sexual orientation, and lesbian comedian Suzanne Westenhoefer
added, "Sex in our culture is based strictly on the intensity of the beginning. Nobody talks about the middle or later."
Couples counselor Patt Geier stated:
PhD
Suzanne Iasenza offered, "Read heterosexual sex therapist David Schnarch's work if you don't believe heterosexual couples grapple with similar issues." Iasenza elaborated that, "In the 1995 Advocate
Survey of Lesbian Sexuality and Relationships, results showed that lesbian women had more enjoyable sex than most American women. Somehow, this data has not received the same attention as the 1983 report from Blumstein and Schwartz. Why is that?"
University of Washington
University of Washington is a public research university, founded in 1861 in Seattle, Washington, United States. The UW is the largest university in the Northwest and the oldest public university on the West Coast. The university has three campuses, with its largest campus in the University...
sociologist Pepper Schwartz
Pepper Schwartz
Pepper Schwartz, PhD, is an American sociologist and sexologist teaching at the University of Washington in Seattle, Washington, United States. She is the author or co-author of numerous books, magazines, website columns, and a television personality on the subject of sexuality.Schwartz is notable...
in her 1983 book American Couples. According to Schwartz, lesbian
Lesbian
Lesbian is a term most widely used in the English language to describe sexual and romantic desire between females. The word may be used as a noun, to refer to women who identify themselves or who are characterized by others as having the primary attribute of female homosexuality, or as an...
couples in committed relationships have less sex than any other type of couple, and they generally experience less sexual intimacy the longer the relationship lasts. The study was later criticized by several researchers, and the concept has subsequently been categorized as popular myth.
Schwartz's findings
Schwartz and Philip Blumstein concluded that lesbian couples in committed relationships have less sex than any other type of couple (heterosexual married, heterosexual co-habitating or gay male) and generally experience less sexual intimacy the longer the relationship lasts after the question "About how often during the last year have you and your partner had sex relations?" was asked of lesbian participants and the results signified less sexual activity than their counterparts. Emphasizing "had sex" in their sample, only about one-third of lesbians in relationships of 2 years or longer "had sex" once a week or more; 47% of lesbians in long-term relationships "had sex" once a month or less, and among heterosexual married couples, only 15% "had sex" once a week or less. They also reported that lesbians seemed to be more limited in the range of their "sexual techniques" than did other couples, and that lesbian couples are less sexual as couples and as individuals than anyone else.Following the survey, many 1980s books and articles by lesbian practitioners were written about lesbian sexuality, by well-known clinicians such as Marny Hall, JoAnn Loulan and Marge Nichols, dealing with inhibited sexual desire, lack of sexual initiation and low sexual self-esteem in regards to lesbian sexuality.
Other findings and criticism
The methodologyMethodology
Methodology is generally a guideline for solving a problem, with specificcomponents such as phases, tasks, methods, techniques and tools . It can be defined also as follows:...
of Schwartz's survey format was criticized a few years later when
lesbian feminist scholar Marilyn Frye
Marilyn Frye
Marilyn Frye is a philosophy professor and feminist theorist. She earned her Ph.D. at Cornell University in 1969 and has taught feminist philosophy, metaphysics, and philosophy of language at Michigan State University since 1974...
questioned the validity of sex research that compares the numbers of times that couples of different sexual orientations have sex, feeling that Schwartz's question is too ambiguous when applied to the sexual behavior of lesbian couples
Lesbian sexual practices
Lesbian sexual practices are sexual activities where the participants are only women. The participants can be lesbian or bisexual women, though some prefer to refer to themselves as women who have sex with women and dispense with sexual identification...
. Frye, and other researchers since then, have felt that this ambiguity could account for the finding of a statistically low frequency of sexual behavior among lesbian couples if "sex relations" is interpreted too narrowly, with Frye indicating that Schwartz's comparison is not accurate because the focus was on sexual activity whereby a penis is inserted. Frye stated, "...What 85 percent of long-term, married couples do more than once a month takes on average 8 minutes to do... What we (lesbians) do that, on average, we do considerably less frequently, takes, on the average, considerably more than 8 minutes to do. Maybe about 30 minutes at least."
Frye's statements regarding satisfaction and technique comparisons are supported by studies such as ones done by Alfred Kinsey
Alfred Kinsey
Alfred Charles Kinsey was an American biologist and professor of entomology and zoology, who in 1947 founded the Institute for Sex Research at Indiana University, now known as the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction, as well as producing the Kinsey Reports and the Kinsey...
in 1953 and Masters and Johnson
Masters and Johnson
The Masters and Johnson research team, composed of William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson, pioneered research into the nature of human sexual response and the diagnosis and treatment of sexual disorders and dysfunctions from 1957 until the 1990s....
in 1979. Masters and Johnson's 1979 study on lesbian sexual practices concluded that lesbian sexual behaviors more often have qualities associated with sexual satisfaction than their heterosexual counterparts, focusing on more full-body sexual contact, rather than genital-focused contact, less preoccupation or anxiety about achieving orgasm
Orgasm
Orgasm is the peak of the plateau phase of the sexual response cycle, characterized by an intense sensation of pleasure...
, more sexual assertiveness and communication about sexual needs, longer lasting sexual encounters
Human sexual response cycle
The human sexual response cycle is a four-stage model of physiological responses during sexual stimulation. These phases, in order of their occurrence, are the excitement phase, plateau phase, orgasmic phase, and resolution phase. The term was coined by William H. Masters and Virginia E...
and greater satisfaction with the overall quality of one's sexual life.
"Back then, sex
Sexual intercourse
Sexual intercourse, also known as copulation or coitus, commonly refers to the act in which a male's penis enters a female's vagina for the purposes of sexual pleasure or reproduction. The entities may be of opposite sexes, or they may be hermaphroditic, as is the case with snails...
pretty much meant penis in vagina," stated Nikki Dowling of TheFrisky.com. "Even now, some people—including lesbians—question whether gay women can have actual sex." Dowling surmised that "Lesbian bed death is probably only sticking around" due to lesbophobia
Lesbophobia
Lesbophobia comprises various forms of negativity toward lesbian women as individuals, as a couple or as a social group...
.
In addition to Schwartz's survey, a German study concluded that the female sex drive
Libido
Libido refers to a person's sex drive or desire for sexual activity. The desire for sex is an aspect of a person's sexuality, but varies enormously from one person to another, and it also varies depending on circumstances at a particular time. A person who has extremely frequent or a suddenly...
greatly diminishes once a woman is in a secure relationship. Thus, from an evolutionary psychological
Evolutionary psychology
Evolutionary psychology is an approach in the social and natural sciences that examines psychological traits such as memory, perception, and language from a modern evolutionary perspective. It seeks to identify which human psychological traits are evolved adaptations, that is, the functional...
point of view, lesbian couples are expected to seek sex less frequently than heterosexual or gay male couples.
Winnie McCroy of The Village Voice
The Village Voice
The Village Voice is a free weekly newspaper and news and features website in New York City that features investigative articles, analysis of current affairs and culture, arts and music coverage, and events listings for New York City...
stated, "Although [Schwartz's] methodology and results were later challenged, the idea of lesbian bed death has taken on a life of its own, with damaging results." Dowling's sentiment echoed this, stating, "There are websites and people all over the place that claim they can cure your lesbian bed death. Most of them offer cliché advice—watch porn, be spontaneous, fantasize, etc. I’ve never heard a lesbian complain about or lend any credence to lesbian bed death. I know a lot of women who have been in long-term, serious relationships and they’ve never had a problem." McCroy, as well as researchers, argue that all couples get tired of "marathon sex," citing the Coolidge effect
Coolidge effect
In biology and psychology, the Coolidge effect is a phenomenon—seen in nearly every mammalian species in which it has been tested—whereby males exhibit continuous sexual activity if they are introduced to receptive sexual partners, but will eventually stop having sex if the partner has already...
. Sex educator and author Tristan Taormino
Tristan Taormino
Tristan Taormino is a feminist author, columnist, sex educator, activist, editor, speaker, and pornographic film director . She graduated Phi Beta Kappa with her Bachelor's degree in American Studies from Wesleyan University in 1993...
stated that sex gets old regardless of a couple’s sexual orientation, and lesbian comedian Suzanne Westenhoefer
Suzanne Westenhoefer
Suzanne Westenhoefer is an out lesbian stand-up comedian. She starred as a panelist on GSN's 2006 remake of I've Got a Secret, which featured a panel of gay celebrities who had to guess the various guests' 'secrets' through a series of timed questions...
added, "Sex in our culture is based strictly on the intensity of the beginning. Nobody talks about the middle or later."
Couples counselor Patt Geier stated:
Diminished sexual activity is an issue lesbian couples discuss in treatment, gay and heterosexual couples do so with the same frequency ... One difference I have experienced between these three groups [lesbian, gay and straight] is that male couples have been more likely to suggest opening the relationship to include sex with other men. I have not yet seen lesbian or heterosexual couples who have proposed this as an option.
PhD
Doctor of Philosophy
Doctor of Philosophy, abbreviated as Ph.D., PhD, D.Phil., or DPhil , in English-speaking countries, is a postgraduate academic degree awarded by universities...
Suzanne Iasenza offered, "Read heterosexual sex therapist David Schnarch's work if you don't believe heterosexual couples grapple with similar issues." Iasenza elaborated that, "In the 1995 Advocate
The Advocate
The Advocate is an American LGBT-interest magazine, printed monthly and available by subscription. The Advocate brand also includes a web site. Both magazine and web site have an editorial focus on news, politics, opinion, and arts and entertainment of interest to LGBT people...
Survey of Lesbian Sexuality and Relationships, results showed that lesbian women had more enjoyable sex than most American women. Somehow, this data has not received the same attention as the 1983 report from Blumstein and Schwartz. Why is that?"
See also
- Boston marriageBoston marriageBoston marriage as a term is said to have been in use in New England in the decades spanning the late 19th and early 20th centuries to describe two women living together, independent of financial support from a man. The term was little known until the debut in 2000 of the David Mamet play of the...
- CohabitationCohabitationCohabitation usually refers to an arrangement whereby two people decide to live together on a long-term or permanent basis in an emotionally and/or sexually intimate relationship. The term is most frequently applied to couples who are not married...
- Domestic partnershipDomestic partnershipA domestic partnership is a legal or personal relationship between two individuals who live together and share a common domestic life but are neither joined by marriage nor a civil union...
- Human sexualityHuman sexualityHuman sexuality is the awareness of gender differences, and the capacity to have erotic experiences and responses. Human sexuality can also be described as the way someone is sexually attracted to another person whether it is to opposite sexes , to the same sex , to either sexes , or not being...
- Queer studiesQueer studiesQueer studies is the critical theory based study of issues relating to sexual orientation and gender identity usually focusing on lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex people and cultures. Universities have also labeled this area of analysis Sexual Diversity Studies, Sexualities...
- Societal attitudes toward homosexuality
- U-Haul lesbianU-Haul lesbianU-Haul lesbian or U-Haul syndrome is an LGBT slang term used to describe a stereotype of lesbian relationships. The term originated from the punch line of a joke that lesbians tended to move in together on the second date. It suggests an extreme inclination toward monogamy or committed relationships...