"And last week I saw Cameron Diaz|Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal|Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora|angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new PINK, was seriously disturbed!"

"So just because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner, across the street from Aaron Spelling. I think most people would agree that's better than some stinky old Vanderbilt."

"He's engaged! She's got the six-carat Harry Winston on her bony, unpolished finger."

"All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs."

"Thanks for inviting me, girls. This party is super-fun."

"Bend and snap!"

"Isn't it the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you are forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate?"

"The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known."

"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't shoot their husbands. They just don't!"

"You know, being a blonde is actually a pretty powerful thing. You hold more cards than you think you do. And I, for one, would like to see you take that power and channel it toward the greater good, you know?"