Written and Directed by Rob McKittrick.

Floyd

• Welcome to Thunderdome, bitch!
• Sir yes sir! Blue cheese for you stat! Have a good day big guy.
• Yes Masta..Right away, Masta..Ain't gonna be no bacon on the salad, Masta...no bacon..oh no no no.
• Yeah! Carpe deez nuts! God, I can't wait to quit this job!
• Fuck you, bitch!

Mitch

{Mitch to a man}

Mitch: Could you turn down the music for a minute?

Man: Hold on a minute.

Mitch: hey would you turn down the music for a second?

Man: Dude chill!

{Mitch gets irritated}

Mitch: WOULD YOU TURN DOWN {Aggressively cuts off radio himself} THE FUCKING MUSIC, JESUS! THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT! I HAVE BEEN HERE ALL GODDAMN DAY AND YOU HAVEN'T LET ME SAY ONE THING! NONE OF YOU!

Monty: Well damn Mitch I…

Mitch: Oh no asshole you shut the fuck up now, its my turn to talk! You're all fucked in the head! All of you!

{Looks at Naomi}

Mitch: I mean you, change your fucking tampon and have another drink you crazy fucking bitch!

{Looks towards Dean}

Mitch: and you {In Baby-ish tone} “Waaa, I don’t know what to be when I grow up”, Join the fucking Army or something, goddamn!

{To Calvin}

Mitch: Ah ah and you…you know what you're too easy!

{To Amy}

Mitch: Oh and you, whining ALL GODDAMN DAY about Dean! You’re hot! Quit acting so fucking pathetic!

{To Monty}

Mitch: and you…FUCK YOU MONTY! ALWAYS GOTTA BE RIGHT WITH YOUR LITTLE QUIPS! We get it man, your fucking edgy and cool yea; you’re the COOLEST FUCKING GUY AT SHENANIGANZ WHOO HOOO! That’s like being the smartest kid with Down Syndrome! …Oh yea why aren’t you in jail? What are you (Natasha)?. 13, 14?

Monty: She’s almost 18!

Mitch: you know what, fuck this, you all suck I quit!

Mitch: Oh yeah. There is one more thing. You. you are the Biggest Piece of Shit in this entire restaurant and I hope you burn in hell!

Floyd: Me? What? What the fuck did I do to you man? Seriously!

Raddimus: THE GOAT! You bastard, the goat!

Mitch: Fucking faggots

Monty

• Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven’t I been inside you?
• Come on, Mom. Of course I'm being safe. I pull out.
• You think I want to have kids? Absolutely not. That's why I stick to anal sex.
• I'd do her (Amy). Hell I'd probably even pay... I would.
• It's okay, I understand how it works. Birds of a feather flock to *vagina*.
• Mama said they my magic shoes. Mama say they take me anywhere. Of course Mama use to beat me with a rubber hose and call me a retard.
• Damn child proof lighters.
• It's so angry!
• I guess we should feel some sort of guilt, but she broke the cardinal rule: don't fuck with people who handle your food.
• What, the fuck, ever!
• Everyone knows that I'm orally fixated, and you can't deny that I played your vagina like a violin.
• With women, it's always one of two things. Either they won't sleep with you, and then there's really no need to ever call them again. Or they DO sleep with you... and then there's really no need to ever call them again.
• (to the man with Alzheimer's) Well, Alzheimer's can't be all good. You get to meet new people everyday.
• Women. They're so fucking wiley.
• It's like a horrible time paradox, where neither our wisdom, nor your virginity ever escape.
• I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right? Well, listen. You can put that faggoty baby to bed right now. None of the guys that work here are gay.
• And as if some kind of slut magic, POOF, you appear at my door
• All right everybody, listen up, from here on out, Mitch is a made man. Anyone who has anthing different to say, Nick and T-Dog will fuckin' cut you!
• You see, I don't work within the exact boundaries of the law because I wasn't consulted when the goddamn laws were made. No, instead, nameless, faceless politicians, the so-called protectors of the moral majority decide what is right and what is wrong. I mean, come on! I govern my life around my own personal code of ethics, and I suggest that you do the same. That way if, within the constructs of my own morality I were to do something that was considered illegal, so be it. I feel no guilt whatsoever. And furthermore, if I were to buckle under the social weight of the system by adhering to laws that I do not truly believe in, then I would be extinguishing the very fire of patriotism and individuality.
• That was the SHIT! (After Mitch's rant)

Naomi

• Foreigners! I fucking hate foreigners!
• (to Bishop, after offering her anger management counciling) You would do that for me? I appreciate that. I really do. But I think I'd rather you just WASH THE FUCKING DISHES AND SHUT THE FUCK UP! Fucking psychobabble bullshit asshole!
• What! (to Mitch). What do you want! Get back in the fucking training room ass cock! God damn these fucking cooks. I hate them..I HATE THEM! Twenty minutes for two medium rare steaks. This is bullshit! They need to get rid of everyone of these lousy cock sucking (emerges from kitchen) So how is everything?
• I hate this fucking place sometimes, you know. Why the fuck do we need four more people on at this time of day, man? Look at this place, it's fucking dead! I swear, Dan needs to clean the *shit* out of his fucking brain sometimes, man. Fucking asshole. What are you looking at, fuck-wad?

Theodore

• (to Bishop) Man, fuck you, whitey!
• (To Monty) How many time I gotta tell you man, its the Fuckin T-Dog yo.

Serena

• Take anything that he gives you, with a shot of penicillin.
• Unless you're combing the playground for middle schoolers, don't become an asshole like Monty.

Raddimus

• Tonights gonna be one of those parties, where I stick my dick in the mash potatoes!
• And that is the Lincoln. Now remember you have to shave it to a beard or it doesn't count.
• Oohh, it's so veiny!
• You can't forget this, all right? You got to call them a fag, okay? The game loses all its meaning if you don't humilate them for being a fucking meatgazer, you got that?
• The goat! ohhhh the goat....you bastard...
• Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? Come on, man. You can't be mixing Mexican and Continental. Come on, Man. I thought you was better than that.

ShenaniganZ Customers

• I want a single shot of whisky, and a double shot of whisky, and she'll have water. You know, what the hell. It's our anniversary. Would you bring her a Pepsi?
• I don't mean to be a bitch, but the last four times we've come here the food was awful.
• Well. I want a hot pink center.
• I think I might name my daughter chlamydia.
• It's good in a sense that I can take walks in my underwear; I can give small children the middle finger. But as long as I look happy while I'm doing it, people just assume I'm senile.... Well, sometimes I give small children the middle finger and don't realize I'm doing it until someone slaps me, so I really am going senile.