Mighty Max Quotations

Mighty Max (1993–1994)was an animated action/sci-fi/horror series that follows the adventures of Max, a wisecracking 11-year-old boy who receives a cap in the mail that activates portals to other locations. With help from Virgil and Norman, Max travels all over the globe (and even into outer space) to fight various forms of evil and fulfill his destiny as the Mighty One.

A Bellwether in One's Cap

Virgil: Every person has a gift, and in that gift lies their destiny. You, Mighty Max, are the Chosen One.

Max: Chosen One? What did I win? Cash? Prizes? Video games? Where's Ed McMahon?

The Brain Suckers Cometh!

Virgil: Max, my boy... you are earth's only hope!

Max: You know, I knew you were going to say that. Come on man. What about the air force, or the U.N.? Arnold Schwarzenegger? I mean we don't want to hog all the glory for ourselves.

Virgil: I'm afraid the aliens' ships are invisible to radar and your military is no match for their superior firepower.

Max: Oh, and I am? How about Norman? I really have a good feeling about him.

Norman: I eat aliens for breakfast!

Max: Ha, you see? They're even on his diet.

Max: Hey Virg, how come you can't fly?

Virgil: I learned to read instead.

Snakes & Laddies

Max: Watch out, Bea! There are...

Bea: Three hideous looking things in black robes behind me?

Max: Yeah. How'd you know?

Bea: Lucky guess.

[Max grabs the Ankh of Power from around Jiffy's neck as it glistens in the moonlight.]

Max: Hey, cool special effects! Yo, Ven... what's the gimmick?

Venom: No! You've disrupted the celestial timing! Do you realize what you've done?!

Max: Spoiled your moontan?

Day of the Cyclops

Max: [opening and sniffing what he thinks is insect repellant] Whoo! That'll keep the bugs away. [He reads the label on the bottle] Huh, "Turkish furniture polish." Nice going, Mom...

Norman: I don't mind being outnumbered.

Max: Oh, yeah? Do you mind being locked up in a Turkish prison for the rest of your life?!

Let Sleeping Dragons Lie!

Max: Virg, why do I get the feeling that waking the Doom Dragon is a bad thing?

Virgil: When the Doom Dragon arises, he will rupture Odin's rift, cracking the world asunder!

Max: Uh-huh... sort of, "have you riven a fjord lately?"

Norman: Slow as ever, ungainly beast. Slow and stupid!

Rumble in the Jungle

Virgil: What on earth are gorillas doing, driving chariots?

Max: Trying to kill us, Virg!

Max's mom: I don't know, Virgil. Do you think Max is okay?

Virgil: Oh, don't worry. I'm sure he'll be all right. I mean, it's only a bloodthirsty eight-hundred-pound gorilla wanting to tear him limb from limb. He's faced much worse!

Max's mom: Gee, thanks.

The Mother of All Adventures

Max's mom: Max, what are you gonna do with that thing?

Max: I don't know, Moth-er... I thought I'd ask the big guy out for a game of stickball!

Max's mom: I just wanted something special for the museum... I never thought it could lead to the end of civilization as we know it!

Max: It's okay, Mom... it could happen to anyone!

Norman's Conquest

Virgil: Wait, there may be security devices... aha, just as I thought! Now first, I will have to disable the trip wire surrounding the lid. Then I'll use a mirror to deflect the beam from the infrared motion detector. And finally, I'll exchange it with an object of equal weight so as to circumvent the pressure alarm... [chuckles]

Max: [grabs a wooden plank] I got a better idea.

[The camera cuts to a security guard who is startled by the sound of crashing glass and an alarm.]

Spike: [dangled over a cliff by Norman] You can't kill me! If you do, you'll be no better than me!

Norman: [drops him] I can live with that.

Spike: [falling] I'm not through with you yet!

[An avalanche of snow falls on Spike.]

Norman: Wrong.

Less Than 20,000 Squid Heads Under the Sea

Virgil: Take care, Mighty One. I have doubts about our host's mental stability.

Max: Not me, I know he's crazy.

Max: You...English...how?!

Calamaris: Trash. You through it away, we pick it up. Tastes good, too. You're not going to hurt us, are you?

Bring Me the Head of Mighty Max

Max: Is that any way to speak to the guy who just last week, I believe it was, saved the world from certain doom at the hands of Skullmaster?

Bea: I'm sorry... I thought I was speaking to the guy who just last week spent two hours in the principal's office for mooning the teachers' lounge!

Virgil: I'm sorry Mighty One, we must flee until you're old enough to fulfill your destiny!

Max: Old enough?! Hey, I'm old enough right now, man!

Virgil: To go down to Skull Mountain?

Max: Look, I already told you I am not going back down there! Besides, how do you know that's my destiny?

Virgil: Because I know almost everything.

Max: Oh yeah? Okay... who was the king of England in 1298?

Virgil: Edward the Second.

Max: Well, how many people are living right now in... Calcutta?

Virgil: Sixty seven million, nine hundred and eighty two thousand, seven hundred and thirty two... thirty three, sorry.

Max: Okay, well, uh... [He puts a hand behind his back.] How many fingers am I holding up behind my back?

Virgil: Three.

[Max does a surprise take as he realizes that Virgil is correct.]

Max: Whoa...

Werewolves of Dunneglen

Cameron: [Remarking at the villain's revealed plan] So that's it! Ye been milkin' essence! But ye canno' steal a werewolf's immortality, woman. 'Tis nontransferrable!

Max: Another day, another monster blown to bits!

Out in the Cold

Max: Virg, remind me to talk to you about the portals we've been using lately.

Virgil: Once again you must save the world, Mighty One.

Max: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so what's the emergency this time, huh? Crazed ghouls? Rabid llamas? Three-toed sloths bent on world domination?

Virgil: The cold weather.

Max: Virg, hello... We're in the Aleutians! What did you expect, sand dunes and camels?

The Maxnificent Seven

Beowulf: [In a grappling contest with Warmonger] Say there, fella. Let me show you a little somethin' I once taught a guy named Grendel! [referring to his famous battle with a Nordic demon, whose arm he ripped off in a similar event]

The Missing Linked

Max: Virgil, this wasn't in the job description!

Virgil: You weren't hired, Mighty One... you were chosen!

The Year of the Rat

Virgil: Lao-shu Chenwan, the Emperor of Rats, has returned to lead his people.

Max: And is that good or bad?

Norman: It's good...if you're a rat.

Lao-shu: What is more intelligent than a rat? Why else would you humans use us for your experiments?

Max: He's got a point, there.

Zygote's Rhythm

Max: Come on, Virg. The only dinosaur living in Hawaii is big and purple and sings on TV.

Zygote: My dinosaur can beat your dinosaur!

Max: Oh, now we're really mature.

The Cyberskull Virus

Virgil: Using the Lemurian probability theorem, I've pinpointed his next destination! We have just minutes to get there!

Max: Yeah, but what do we do when we get there?

Virgil: That, Mighty One, is up to you.

Max: Then... using the Max probability theorem... I'd say we're in big trouble!

Along Came Arachnoid

Max: [gulps] Fish pizza?

Pizza Man: Yep! With sardines, clams, oysters and anchovie toppings!

Max: Spewtime! What would make anyone eat a fish pizza?

Pizza Man: It’s all paid for! Even my tip!

Max: [grabbing the pizza] Hey you got any soda to go with that?

Max: You couldn’t have spelled out the message in pepperoni?

Virgil: I wanted to make sure you read it before you ate it, Mighty One.

Max: Well, you think of everything, don’t you Virg?

Virgil: I do my best.

Beetlemania

Max: You can't fly the plane.

Bea: Why? Because I'm a girl?

Max: Because you don't know how.

Bea: Yes I do. My mother taught me.

Souls of Talon

Max: Whoa, a CD! No title? Just my luck, it might be the Village People.

Tar Wars

Virgil: We must act at once, Mighty One!

Max's Mom: Max, you're not going into that tunnel unless I go with you.

Max: Ohh, I wonder if other superheroes had to bring their moms along when they save the world.

Max's Mom: Come on! You know I'm not like other moms. Careful honey, you might poke your eye out.

Virgil: Anath ungth achka?

Gor: Achka mokunde Gor.

Max: Virgil, you speak grunt?

Virgil: Yes. 150 dialects, actually. By the way, our new friend's name is Gor.

Clown Without Pity

Max: You think maybe it's the ticket taker?

Norman: [chuckles] I'll punch his ticket!

Max VS Max

Skull Master: Where is it, Mighty One?

Max: Oh, what? The men's room? I think it's right around...

Skull Master: The ARCANA!!

Cyberskull II the Next Level

Norman: He's small but he's wiry.

Zygote Music

Virgil: Zygote will never bother us again,he has evolved to the infinite, beyond such primitive concepts as good and evil.

I, Warmonger

Max: What's going on here?

Virgil: Oh merely the end of the world!

Max: Oh good. I was afraid it was something serious.

Max: Virgil, the prophecy has got to have something to say about this mess?

Virgil: With Skull Master's demise, the prophecy no longer applies! Nothing but chaos remains.

Norman: Works for me!

Dawn of the Conqueror

Conqueror: I thank you.

Max: For what? Beating you?

Conqueror: For freeing me. I was doomed to fight for all eternity, until one warrior had the strength to best me. Now I can do what I've always wanted to do, join humanity! HELLO FRIENDS! [The gathered crowd runs in terror] Don't run away... or I'll smash you!

Max: Uh, yeah... I think he needs to brush up on his social skills.

Armageddon Closer

[Scene: A room with several stone slabs as furniture]

Max: Yeesh, what is this place?

Norman: My room, Mighty One

Max: Ah. Remind me never to have a pillow fight with you, Norman.

Good Golly Ms. Kali

Max: If you're wrong this time, Virg...

Virgil: Preposterous! "Wrong" isn't in my vocabulary.

Max: Yeah... well, remind me to buy you a better dictionary!

Cast

Rob Paulsen - Max

Tony Jay - Virgil

Richard Moll - Norman

Tim Curry - Skullmaster

Tress MacNeille - Max's mom

Kath Soucie - Bea

Corey Burton - Felix