Directed by Adam Resnick. Written by Chris Elliott and Adam Resnick. Produced by Tim Burton.

Nathanial Mayweather

• These pipes are clean!

• I just don't get it! She seems totally uninterested in me, despite my smothering obsessiveness!

• Paps, you've been like the drunken, abusive grandfather I never had.

• We should call this place Wackyville... because it's wacky!

Old salt in fishing village

• When you're on the Queen Catherine, don't let 'em give you any of that flank steak bullshit. You know what I mean? Try the London Broil.

• Gosh you're cute. Wanna buy a monkey?

• Man, oh man, I hate those fancy lads!

Others

• Trina: Thats wonderful. I'm always flattered when a psychotic becomes smitten with me.

• Cupcake: Now I know what you're thinking. "What could be stranger than a big fatass floatin' cupcake?" Heh. How about one that spits tobacco?

• Kenny: Mmmm. Gum.

• Paps: Okay, you icy bastard, how about a hot cup-a joe!

Dialogue

Nathanial: Paps, you've been like the drunken, abusive grandfather I never had.

Paps: Ah, stop that. You'll have my glass eye foggin' over.

Nathanial: Oh, cappy, tell me about all of this. Tell me about the sea. What does it mean to you?

Captain Greybar: Basically, money. I come from six generations of seamen all with the same goal in life: catch fish, sell 'em, get drunk, and get laid.

Nathanial: I love sitting up here, looking at those bright, twinkly things in the sky, I forget their technical name.

Trina: Stars.

Nathanial: Whatever.

Nathanial: I overheard the captain saying it would be jolly-jack splendid to spend a fortnight or two in Hawaii

Kenny: Yea... that sounds like the captain... you do good impressions.

Skunk: We're just here to catch fish and stink.

Paps: Mostly the latter.

Trina: And secondly, don't ever call me missy again or you'll end up losing the rest of your teeth.

Paps: Sassy little thang ain't she? Want me to give her a SPANKING?

Skunk: Why doesn't she give ME a spanking?

Cast

• Chris Elliott — Nathanial Mayweather
• Ritch Brinkley — Captain Greybar
• James Gammon — Paps
• Ricki Lake — Figurehead
• Brian Doyle-Murray — Skunk
• David Letterman — Old salt in fishing village
• Brion James — Big Teddy
• Melora Walters — Trina
• I.M. Hobson — Headmaster Timmons
• Alex Nevil — Thomas
• David H. Sterry — Lance
• Bob Elliott — William Mayweather
• Edward Flotard — Limo Driver
• Jim Cummings — Cupcake (voice)
• Ann Magnuson — Calli
• Russ Tamblyn — Chocki