I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.

I commend you on all you've done for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals|PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.

Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and then the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people that believe it was the blacks.

I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way".

I always think I should get on it if I want to have kids. Because once you hit thirty it can be difficult to conceive – it can be dangerous. The best time to conceive is when you're a black teenager.

Wow! She is amazing. She is 25 years old and she's already accomplished everything she's going to accomplish in her life. It's mind blowing … have you seen Britney's kids? Oh my god, they are the most adorable mistakes you will ever see! They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of!

This song brings me back … I was brutally raped to this song.

I don't believe in Jesus or God. But I do believe that fundamentalists in religion or anything else are bad, and that they have more hate than love. Jesus' words have become so perverted over time – it's been like a game of telephone. If he existed, Jesus would fuckin' kill himself.

I love you more than bears love honey, I love you more than Jews love money, I love you more than Asians are good at math. I love you even if it's not hip, I love you more than black guys don't tip, I love you like Puerto Ricans need baths.