Pronoun game
Encyclopedia
"Playing the pronoun game" is the act of concealing sexual orientation in conversation by not using a gender-specific pronoun
for a partner
or a lover, which would reveal the sexual orientation
of the person speaking. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual people (LGB
) may employ the pronoun game when conversing with people to whom they have not "come out
". In a situation in which revealing one's sexual orientation would have adverse consequences (such as the loss of a job), playing the pronoun game is seen to be a necessary act of concealment.
The pronoun game involves avoiding reference to one's sexual orientation and allowing the listener's assumptions on the matter to prevail. It also involves not drawing the listener's attention to the fact that the sex of a pronoun's antecedent
is not being specified. As such, playing the pronoun game involves
Often, people playing the pronoun game regard it as stressful. Without proper care, the blatant concealment of pronoun-gender can make the sexual orientation of the player just as obvious as it would have been had the game never been played.
Artists may play the pronoun game in a slightly different form, avoiding the gendered third-person pronouns by using the second person instead. For example, the song "Come to My Window
", released about the time singer Melissa Etheridge
publicly revealed her own homosexuality, avoids explicitly identifying the sex of her lover by addressing her directly:
Gender-specific pronoun
A language has 'gender-specific pronouns' when personal pronouns have different forms according to the gender of their referents.The English language has three gender-specific pronouns in the 3rd. person singular, whose declined forms are also gender-specific: he , she , and it...
for a partner
Significant other
Significant other is colloquially used as a gender-blind term for a person's partner in an intimate relationship without disclosing or presuming anything about marital status, relationship status, or sexual orientation, as it is vague enough to avoid offense by using a term that an individual...
or a lover, which would reveal the sexual orientation
Sexual orientation
Sexual orientation describes a pattern of emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to the opposite sex, the same sex, both, or neither, and the genders that accompany them. By the convention of organized researchers, these attractions are subsumed under heterosexuality, homosexuality,...
of the person speaking. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual people (LGB
LGB
LGB may refer to:* Long Beach Airport in California* Laser-guided bomb* Lateral geniculate body in human brain, a.k.a. lateral geniculate nucleus* LGB , brand in model railroading...
) may employ the pronoun game when conversing with people to whom they have not "come out
Coming out
Coming out is a figure of speech for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people's disclosure of their sexual orientation and/or gender identity....
". In a situation in which revealing one's sexual orientation would have adverse consequences (such as the loss of a job), playing the pronoun game is seen to be a necessary act of concealment.
The pronoun game involves avoiding reference to one's sexual orientation and allowing the listener's assumptions on the matter to prevail. It also involves not drawing the listener's attention to the fact that the sex of a pronoun's antecedent
Antecedent (grammar)
In grammar, an antecedent is a noun, noun phrase, or clause to which an anaphor refers in a coreference. For example, in the passage "I did not see John because he wasn't there", "John" is the antecedent of the anaphor "he"; together "John" and "he" are called a coreference because they both refer...
is not being specified. As such, playing the pronoun game involves
- re-phrasing sentences such that they avoid the need for third-person singular sex-specific pronouns (e.g. "We decided to eat out," rather than "She and I decided to eat out."), often using amphilogismCircumlocutionCircumlocution is an ambiguous or roundabout figure of speech...
, a form of circumlocution (e.g. - "The person I was with and I decided to go to the play"); - using gender-neutral languageGender-neutral languageGender-neutral language, gender-inclusive language, inclusive language, or gender neutrality is linguistic prescriptivism that aims to eliminate reference to gender in terms that describe people...
such as "firefighter" rather than "fireman", phrases such as "my partner", "the better half" or "my significant otherSignificant otherSignificant other is colloquially used as a gender-blind term for a person's partner in an intimate relationship without disclosing or presuming anything about marital status, relationship status, or sexual orientation, as it is vague enough to avoid offense by using a term that an individual...
", or the person's name where it isn't sexSexIn biology, sex is a process of combining and mixing genetic traits, often resulting in the specialization of organisms into a male or female variety . Sexual reproduction involves combining specialized cells to form offspring that inherit traits from both parents...
- or gender-specific; and - using gender-neutral pronouns that have long-since entered common usage, such as singular theySingular theySingular they is the use of they to refer to an entity that is not plural, or not necessarily plural. Though singular they is widespread in everyday English and has a long history of usage, debate continues about its acceptability...
, without employing unusual, and thus attention-calling, gender-neutral pronouns such as "xe" or "sie" and "hir".
Often, people playing the pronoun game regard it as stressful. Without proper care, the blatant concealment of pronoun-gender can make the sexual orientation of the player just as obvious as it would have been had the game never been played.
Artists may play the pronoun game in a slightly different form, avoiding the gendered third-person pronouns by using the second person instead. For example, the song "Come to My Window
Come to My Window
"Come to My Window" is a Grammy Award-winning song by Melissa Etheridge released in 1994 on her 1993 album Yes I Am. This was the first song to be released after Etheridge publicly announced her sexual orientation of being a lesbian. With the driving force of gay rights, the song gained a lot of...
", released about the time singer Melissa Etheridge
Melissa Etheridge
Melissa Lou Etheridge is an American rock singer-songwriter and musician.Etheridge is known for her mixture of confessional lyrics, pop-based folk-rock, and raspy, smoky vocals...
publicly revealed her own homosexuality, avoids explicitly identifying the sex of her lover by addressing her directly:
- You don't know how far I'd go
- to ease this precious ache
- You don't know how much I'd give
- or how much I can take
- Just to reach you