Joseph P. Newsham
Overview
 
Joseph Parkinson Newsham (May 24, 1837 – October 22, 1919) was a 19th-century politician, lawyer, merchant and planter from Louisiana
Louisiana
Louisiana is a state located in the southern region of the United States of America. Its capital is Baton Rouge and largest city is New Orleans. Louisiana is the only state in the U.S. with political subdivisions termed parishes, which are local governments equivalent to counties...

.
Born in Preston, England, Newsham immigrated to the United States
United States
The United States of America is a federal constitutional republic comprising fifty states and a federal district...

 with his parents in 1839, settling in Monroe County, Illinois
Monroe County, Illinois
Monroe County is a county located in the U.S. state of Illinois. According to the 2010 census, it has a population of 32,957, which is an increase of 19.3% from 27,619 in 2000. Its county seat is Waterloo...

. He received an academic education, was employed in a mercantile
Mercantilism
Mercantilism is the economic doctrine in which government control of foreign trade is of paramount importance for ensuring the prosperity and security of the state. In particular, it demands a positive balance of trade. Mercantilism dominated Western European economic policy and discourse from...

 establishment for two years, studied law and was admitted to the bar in 1860, commencing practice in Edwardsville, Illinois
Edwardsville, Illinois
Edwardsville is a city in Madison County, Illinois, United States. As of the 2010 census, the city population was 24,293. It is the county seat of Madison County and is the third oldest city in the State of Illinois. The city was named in honor of Ninian Edwards, then Governor of the Illinois...

.
Quotations

"We could try phasers at twenty paces..."

to Splink: "Okay, even alternate versions of you are weird!"

"And they have the nerve to say I'm the weird one."

to the author-breaking the fourth wall: "We need a deus ex machina|deus ex machina, and you're deus!"

"We have a saying about our women, 'can't live with 'em, can't sacrifice them to giant, primitive alien beast gods!'"

"Why do I have the feeling this is deteriorating into the climax of Blazing Saddles?" - Ralph Zinobop (Melonpool crossover)

 
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