Jeanne Safer
Encyclopedia
Jeanne Safer, Ph.D. is an author and influential American
psychotherapist.
She has written articles for the Wall Street Journal, Utne Reader
, Self
, New Woman and other publications. She has also authored the following books in psychotherapy:
Safer lives in Manhattan
with her husband, Richard Brookhiser
, a journalist and historian. They also have a home in Ulster County
in the Catskills.
is neither easy nor is it always necessary. Carefully choosing not to forgive can also be therapeutic.
The book has a number of incidents of people who managed to forgive, people who decided not to forgive, and people who are trying to forgive. Safer says that forgiveness is a long journey and, like love, cannot be forced.
She discusses three stages of forgiveness:
Safer distinguishes forgiveness from the following:
Overlooking and excusing do not qualify as forgiveness because they absolve the wrongdoer of responsibility. Pardoning again does not qualify as forgiveness because it can be granted by those other than the wronged party. Reconciliation is done after forgiving.
The recent hype about forgiving, with both religious leaders and psychotherapists proclaiming the virtues of forgiveness, has led, according to Safer, to a lot of false forgiveness. Safer talks of the following:
United States
The United States of America is a federal constitutional republic comprising fifty states and a federal district...
psychotherapist.
She has written articles for the Wall Street Journal, Utne Reader
Utne Reader
Utne Reader is an American bimonthly magazine. The magazine collects and reprints articles on politics, culture, and the environment from generally alternative media sources, including journals, newsletters, weeklies, zines, music and DVDs...
, Self
Self (magazine)
Self magazine is an American magazine for women that specializes in health, fitness, nutrition, beauty and happiness. Published by Condé Nast Publications 12 times a year, it has a circulation of 1,486,992 and a total audience of 5,541,000 readers, according to its corporate media kit. The...
, New Woman and other publications. She has also authored the following books in psychotherapy:
- Beyond Motherhood: Choosing a Life Without Children
- Forgiving and not Forgiving: Why sometimes it's better not to forgive
- The Normal One
Safer lives in Manhattan
Manhattan
Manhattan is the oldest and the most densely populated of the five boroughs of New York City. Located primarily on the island of Manhattan at the mouth of the Hudson River, the boundaries of the borough are identical to those of New York County, an original county of the state of New York...
with her husband, Richard Brookhiser
Richard Brookhiser
Richard Brookhiser is an American journalist, biographer and historian. He is a senior editor at National Review. He is most widely known for a series of biographies of America's founders, including Alexander Hamilton, Gouverneur Morris, and George Washington.-Life and career:Brookhiser was born...
, a journalist and historian. They also have a home in Ulster County
Ulster County, New York
Ulster County is a county located in the state of New York, USA. It sits in the state's Mid-Hudson Region of the Hudson Valley. As of the 2010 census, the population was 182,493. Recent population estimates completed by the United States Census Bureau for the 12-month period ending July 1 are at...
in the Catskills.
Forgiving and not Forgiving
Safer argues in this book that genuine forgivenessForgiveness
Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all...
is neither easy nor is it always necessary. Carefully choosing not to forgive can also be therapeutic.
The book has a number of incidents of people who managed to forgive, people who decided not to forgive, and people who are trying to forgive. Safer says that forgiveness is a long journey and, like love, cannot be forced.
She discusses three stages of forgiveness:
- Reengaging with the trauma
- Recognizing its emotional impact
- Reinterpreting the actions of the people involved
Safer distinguishes forgiveness from the following:
- Overlooking: Overlooking an offense means minimizing its significance or magnitude.
- Excusing: Excusing an offense means explaining (or explaining away) the offense by citing mitigating circumstances.
- Pardoning: Pardoning the offender means deciding not to punish him or her for the wrong.
- Reconciliation: Reconciliation means making up with the offender after forgiveness.
Overlooking and excusing do not qualify as forgiveness because they absolve the wrongdoer of responsibility. Pardoning again does not qualify as forgiveness because it can be granted by those other than the wronged party. Reconciliation is done after forgiving.
The recent hype about forgiving, with both religious leaders and psychotherapists proclaiming the virtues of forgiveness, has led, according to Safer, to a lot of false forgiveness. Safer talks of the following:
- Automatic forgivers: People who, without thinking, grant pardon to others and feel they have forgiven.
- False forgivers: People who forgive as a shortcut to repress their negative feelings against another person.