I Kissed Dating Goodbye
Encyclopedia
I Kissed Dating Goodbye is a best-selling 1997
book
by Joshua Harris
. The book focuses on Harris' disenchantment with the contemporary secular dating
scene, and offers ideas for improvement, alternative dating/courting practices, and a view that singleness
need not be a burden nor characterized by what Harris describes as "selfishness."
As of February 2006, the book had sold over a million copies since its 1997 printing.
" as an alternative to regular secular dating, and in doing so has caused discussion regarding the appropriateness of his solutions to regular dating as well as the foundations on which he bases his reasoning.
In general, Harris believes that dating has become too inwardly focused. He feels that people date to find "their" mate according to their own principles, rules, and desires. In doing so, he argues, people put up a façade in an attempt to appear to be what the other person wants, and this hampers the "getting to know you" part of dating. He feels that it is more appropriate and more healthy in the long run to participate in "group dates" in order to truly understand the way a particular person interacts with others, since in a group setting in which some people know the person that person is less likely to be able to maintain a façade for the duration of the date. Harris proposes a system of courtship that involves the parents of both parties to a greater degree than conventional dating schemes. In an interview with Family Christian Stores
, Joshua Harris indicated that "people have taken the message of 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' and made it something legalistic -- a set of rules. That's something that's beyond my control and it's disappointing at times... ."
On November 20, 2005 Harris gave a message to the church at which he is Senior Pastor, titled "Courtship, Schmourtship: What Really Matters in Relationships." In this message Harris acknowledged problems with how the singles related in his church. Harris indicated that there was a "lack of freeness between men and women in cultivating friendships." He also used the words "standoffish" and "tightness." In the message, Harris also indicated that it was "OK" for single men and women to go out for coffee by themselves, apparently correcting misconceptions some singles had in his church.
1997 in literature
The year 1997 in literature involved some significant events and new books.-Events:*Tom Clancy signs a book deal with Pearson Custom Publishing and Penguin Putnam Inc. , giving him US$50 million for the world-English rights to two new books . A second agreement gives him another US$25 million for a...
book
Book
A book is a set or collection of written, printed, illustrated, or blank sheets, made of hot lava, paper, parchment, or other materials, usually fastened together to hinge at one side. A single sheet within a book is called a leaf or leaflet, and each side of a leaf is called a page...
by Joshua Harris
Joshua Harris
Joshua Eugene Harris is an American pastor and author, perhaps most widely known as the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye , in which he explains what he believes to be the biblical approach to dating and relationships.He is currently senior pastor of Covenant Life Church, the founding church of...
. The book focuses on Harris' disenchantment with the contemporary secular dating
Courtship
Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. In courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement...
scene, and offers ideas for improvement, alternative dating/courting practices, and a view that singleness
Single (relationship)
In legal definitions for interpersonal status, a single person is someone who is not in a relationship or is "unmarried". If a marriage is annulled, however, or it is found to have been void ab initio , and assuming the person was not married previously, that individual is single, rather than...
need not be a burden nor characterized by what Harris describes as "selfishness."
As of February 2006, the book had sold over a million copies since its 1997 printing.
Overview
Harris popularized the concept of "courtingCourtship
Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. In courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement...
" as an alternative to regular secular dating, and in doing so has caused discussion regarding the appropriateness of his solutions to regular dating as well as the foundations on which he bases his reasoning.
In general, Harris believes that dating has become too inwardly focused. He feels that people date to find "their" mate according to their own principles, rules, and desires. In doing so, he argues, people put up a façade in an attempt to appear to be what the other person wants, and this hampers the "getting to know you" part of dating. He feels that it is more appropriate and more healthy in the long run to participate in "group dates" in order to truly understand the way a particular person interacts with others, since in a group setting in which some people know the person that person is less likely to be able to maintain a façade for the duration of the date. Harris proposes a system of courtship that involves the parents of both parties to a greater degree than conventional dating schemes. In an interview with Family Christian Stores
Family Christian Stores
Family Christian Stores is the world's largest Christian-focused retailer, and it is located in the United States. As of 2007, the retail chain had 4,600 employees in over 300 stores in 40 states...
, Joshua Harris indicated that "people have taken the message of 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' and made it something legalistic -- a set of rules. That's something that's beyond my control and it's disappointing at times... ."
On November 20, 2005 Harris gave a message to the church at which he is Senior Pastor, titled "Courtship, Schmourtship: What Really Matters in Relationships." In this message Harris acknowledged problems with how the singles related in his church. Harris indicated that there was a "lack of freeness between men and women in cultivating friendships." He also used the words "standoffish" and "tightness." In the message, Harris also indicated that it was "OK" for single men and women to go out for coffee by themselves, apparently correcting misconceptions some singles had in his church.
External links
- Josh Harris's Website
- I Kissed Dating Books Goodbye by Camerin Courtney in Christianity Today magazine