[Describing his view on robots] There's nothing in here. [Points to his chest] It's just lights and clockwork.

[to the head of USR] You are crazy. Look, this is not what I do but, I have an idea for one of your commercials: You could see a carpenter, makin' a beautiful chair, and then one of your robots comes in, and makes a better chair, twice as fast. And then you super-impose on the screen: "USR. Shittin' on the little guy." That would be the fade out.

[After destroying a robot about to attack Calvin] Y'know, somehow "I told you so" just doesn't quite say it.

Does believing you're the last sane man on the planet make you crazy? 'Cause if it does, maybe I am.

[sneezes] ... Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

[two USR trucks surround Spooner's car and open up, revealing numerous NS-5s] There is no way my luck is that bad. [The robots activate and stare at him] Aw, HELL NO!

[To Calvin upon realising that VIKI is behind everything] You were right, Doc. I am the dumbest dumb person on the face of the Earth.

[Talking to a cat previously owned by Lanning] Look, I know you've experienced a loss, but this relationship just can't work, I mean you're a cat, I'm black, and I'm not gonna be hurt again.

[To VIKI] You have SO got to die.

Robots building robots? Now that's just stupid.