Erma Bombeck
Erma Louise Bombeck was an American
United States
The United States of America is a federal constitutional republic comprising fifty states and a federal district...

 humorist who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column that described suburban
subUrbia is a play by Eric Bogosian chronicling the nighttime activities of a group of aimless 20-somethings still living in their suburban Boston hometown and their reunion with a former high school classmate who has become a successful musician...

 home life from the mid-1960s until the late 1990s. Bombeck also published 15 books, most of which became best-sellers.

From 1965 to 1996, Erma Bombeck wrote over 4,000 newspaper columns chronicling the ordinary life of a midwestern suburban housewife with broad, and sometimes eloquent humor.

A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid straggle into the kitchen in the morning with the outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you're fat.

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend; and he's a priest.

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them.

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

Big deal! I'm used to dust.

Erma Bombeck's requested epitaph

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.