Emotional baggage
Encyclopedia
Emotional baggage can be defined as 'Painful memories, mistrust and hurt carried around from past sexual or emotional rejection'.
It is an image of 'a big sack that you carry around with you at all times...[with] every disappointment, trauma
, and wrong that you've ever experienced....This image, the metaphor of emotional baggage, has penetrated our culture'.
As a result, 'people who have been brough up by tyrannical authoritarian parents will often parent their own children in the same way. Sometimes they do the opposite and overindulge their child, but it is the same basic problem' - the ongoing influence of the emotional baggage of the past.
perspective, 'men usually avoid dealing with emotional matters until they build up to such a degree that when the emotional baggage pours out, it gets in the way of finding a positive solution'.
Conversely, however, men need to beware of playing "Mr Fix-It" to 'women still percolating in historical misery....with an inability to move past the "pain of childhood"' - overloaded with emotional baggage.
In urban parlance, emotional baggage is 'an excuse commonly used by Peter Pans
and other immature men to avoid commmitment yet maintain a sexual relationship..."I need some time to get over my emotional baggage"'.
Such problems may only be exacerbated in a second marriage, where 'shadows from the past are very real and must be dealt with by the new marital pair' - though some would suggest that it is possible 'to turn the process of divorce into a rewarding game of self-discovery', and Freud certainly considered that a woman's emotional baggage may be burnt out in a first marriage: 'after it has been dissolved she becomes a tender wife, able to make her second husband happy. The archaic reaction has, so to speak, exhausted itself on the first object'.
uses the term transference
for the effects of emotional baggage brought by the client into the couselling relationship'. Transference reveals how 'early developmental experiences give the individual a template...- an "internal working model" - through which meaning is attached to later relationship experiences'.; and can be both an obstacle to therapy, and an invaluable tool in constructively unlocking the emotional baggage of the past.
There is also the question of countertransference
on the therapist's part. 'Every act of interpretation involves the person who makes the interpretation bringing their own emotional baggage into the equation'. Nevertheless 'the guarantee of good therapy is that the therapist is familiar enough with the machinations of his internal family and has them well enough tamed' - can use his or her own emotional baggage rather than be used by it.
Books
It is an image of 'a big sack that you carry around with you at all times...[with] every disappointment, trauma
Trauma
Trauma can refer to:-In psychology and medicine:* Trauma , an often serious and body-altering physical injury, such as the removal of a limb...
, and wrong that you've ever experienced....This image, the metaphor of emotional baggage, has penetrated our culture'.
Childhood
'The adult child brings the emotional baggage of childhood into adult life, influencing both personality and behaviour in troubling ways'. Parents may find that, with the best will in the world, 'painful experiences from our own childhood become our emotional baggage, similar to a heavy backpack that we carry around with us', hampering attempts to 'think more clearly during times of stress or conflict with our children'.As a result, 'people who have been brough up by tyrannical authoritarian parents will often parent their own children in the same way. Sometimes they do the opposite and overindulge their child, but it is the same basic problem' - the ongoing influence of the emotional baggage of the past.
Men
From a New manPro-feminism
Pro-feminism refers to support of the cause of feminism without implying that the supporter is a member of the feminist movement. The term is most often used in reference to men who are actively supportive of feminism and of efforts to bring about gender equality...
perspective, 'men usually avoid dealing with emotional matters until they build up to such a degree that when the emotional baggage pours out, it gets in the way of finding a positive solution'.
Conversely, however, men need to beware of playing "Mr Fix-It" to 'women still percolating in historical misery....with an inability to move past the "pain of childhood"' - overloaded with emotional baggage.
In urban parlance, emotional baggage is 'an excuse commonly used by Peter Pans
Puer Aeternus
Puer aeternus is Latin for eternal boy, used in mythology to designate a child-god who is forever young; psychologically it refers to an older man whose emotional life has remained at an adolescent level. The puer typically leads a provisional life, due to the fear of being caught in a situation...
and other immature men to avoid commmitment yet maintain a sexual relationship..."I need some time to get over my emotional baggage"'.
Marriage
'When we get married, we bring an immense amount of emotional baggage with us...including idealized expectations and also many inherited cultural and family patterns'. Unless we can face 'the reality that we bring a lot of emotional baggage to marriage, most of which interfers with...a contented life', we will be unable to address it.Such problems may only be exacerbated in a second marriage, where 'shadows from the past are very real and must be dealt with by the new marital pair' - though some would suggest that it is possible 'to turn the process of divorce into a rewarding game of self-discovery', and Freud certainly considered that a woman's emotional baggage may be burnt out in a first marriage: 'after it has been dissolved she becomes a tender wife, able to make her second husband happy. The archaic reaction has, so to speak, exhausted itself on the first object'.
Therapy
'PsychotherapyPsychotherapy
Psychotherapy is a general term referring to any form of therapeutic interaction or treatment contracted between a trained professional and a client or patient; family, couple or group...
uses the term transference
Transference
Transference is a phenomenon in psychoanalysis characterized by unconscious redirection of feelings from one person to another. One definition of transference is "the inappropriate repetition in the present of a relationship that was important in a person's childhood." Another definition is "the...
for the effects of emotional baggage brought by the client into the couselling relationship'. Transference reveals how 'early developmental experiences give the individual a template...- an "internal working model" - through which meaning is attached to later relationship experiences'.; and can be both an obstacle to therapy, and an invaluable tool in constructively unlocking the emotional baggage of the past.
There is also the question of countertransference
Countertransference
Countertransferenceis defined as redirection of a psychotherapist's feelings toward a client—or, more generally, as a therapist's emotional entanglement with a client.-Early formulations:...
on the therapist's part. 'Every act of interpretation involves the person who makes the interpretation bringing their own emotional baggage into the equation'. Nevertheless 'the guarantee of good therapy is that the therapist is familiar enough with the machinations of his internal family and has them well enough tamed' - can use his or her own emotional baggage rather than be used by it.
Literary examples
- In From Dead to WorseFrom Dead to WorseFrom Dead to Worse is the eighth book in Charlaine Harris's series The Southern Vampire Mysteries.-Plot summary:After the natural disaster of Hurricane Katrina and the man-made horror of the explosion at the vampire Summit, Sookie Stackhouse is safe but dazed, yearning for things to get back to...
the heroine gives her boyfriend the push on realising that his first priority will always be caring for his half-mad were-tiger mother: '"He had too much baggage....Gosh, I never thought I'd catch myself sayimg that. Especially considering my own"'.
- In FallenFallen (2009 novel)Fallen is a 2009 young adult fantasy novel written by Lauren Kate. The novel revolves around a young girl named Lucinda Price "Luce" who is sent to Sword and Cross Reform School in Savannah, Georgia, after she is accused of murdering a boy by starting a fire. At the reform school, she meets Daniel,...
, when the heroine goes to reform school, she is warned: '"People are here because they've got baggage. I'm talking curbside-check-in, pay-the-fine-'cause-it's-over-fifty-pounds kinds of baggage. Get it?"'
Further reading
Academic articles- Patenaude AF Emotional Baggage: Unresolved Grief, Emotional Distress, Risk Perception, and Health Beliefs and Behaviors 2005
Books
- Dwoskin H Sedona Method: How to Get Rid of Your Emotional Baggage and Live the Life You Want (2005)
- Famoriyo G Overcoming Emotional Baggage: A Woman's Guide to Living the Abundant Life (2006)
- Famoriyo G Overcoming Emotional Baggage for Small Groups (2009)
- Felder L A fresh start: how to let go of emotional baggage and enjoy your life again (1987)