Emo Philips
Emo Philips is an American
United States
The United States of America is a federal constitutional republic comprising fifty states and a federal district...

 entertainer and comedian
A comedian or comic is a person who seeks to entertain an audience, primarily by making them laugh. This might be through jokes or amusing situations, or acting a fool, as in slapstick, or employing prop comedy...

 born in the Chicago
Chicago is the largest city in the US state of Illinois. With nearly 2.7 million residents, it is the most populous city in the Midwestern United States and the third most populous in the US, after New York City and Los Angeles...

 suburb of Downers Grove. Much of his standup comedy stems from the use of paraprosdokian
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax...

s and garden path sentence
Garden path sentence
A garden path sentence is a grammatically correct sentence that starts in such a way that the readers' most likely interpretation will be incorrect; they are lured into an improper parse that turns out to be a dead end. Garden path sentences are used in psycholinguistics to illustrate the fact that...

s spoken in a wandering falsetto
Falsetto is the vocal register occupying the frequency range just above the modal voice register and overlapping with it by approximately one octave. It is produced by the vibration of the ligamentous edges of the vocal folds, in whole or in part...

 tone of voice and a confused, childlike delivery of his material to produce the intended comic timing
Comic timing
Comic timing is the use of rhythm, tempo and pausing to enhance comedy and humour. The pacing of the delivery of a joke can have a strong impact on its comedic effect, even altering its meaning; the same can also be true of more physical comedy such as slapstick.A beat is a pause taken for the...

 in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant.
Philips has recorded three comedy albums. His album E=mo², recorded live at Caroline's
Carolines on Broadway is a venue for stand-up comedy located in Times Square in New York City on Broadway between 49th and 50th Street. It is one of the most established, famous, and recognized stand-up comedy clubs in the United States. Its marketing slogan is "America's Premiere Comedy...

 in New York City, won the 1985 New Music Award
New Music Awards
The New Music Awards are given for excellence in music to both recording artists and radio stations by New Music Weekly magazine....

 for best comedy album.

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: "A truck!"

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.

I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: "Well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?" And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.

When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, "Emo, don't go near the cellar door!" One day when they were away, I went to the door and opened it... and I saw birds and trees...

When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord, in his wisdom, doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked him to forgive me!

When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.

You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.

You know, at parties, people always ask, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi!