Don't Go Near the Water (novel)
Encyclopedia
Background
Dont Go Near the Water is a lighthearted, comedicComedy
Comedy , as a popular meaning, is any humorous discourse or work generally intended to amuse by creating laughter, especially in television, film, and stand-up comedy. This must be carefully distinguished from its academic definition, namely the comic theatre, whose Western origins are found in...
war novel
War novel
A war novel is a novel in which the primary action takes place in a field of armed combat, or in a domestic setting where the characters are preoccupied with the preparations for, or recovery from, war...
, dealing with public relations
Public relations
Public relations is the actions of a corporation, store, government, individual, etc., in promoting goodwill between itself and the public, the community, employees, customers, etc....
officers in the United States Navy
United States Navy
The United States Navy is the naval warfare service branch of the United States Armed Forces and one of the seven uniformed services of the United States. The U.S. Navy is the largest in the world; its battle fleet tonnage is greater than that of the next 13 largest navies combined. The U.S...
during World War II
World War II
World War II, or the Second World War , was a global conflict lasting from 1939 to 1945, involving most of the world's nations—including all of the great powers—eventually forming two opposing military alliances: the Allies and the Axis...
. In the novel, the officers are assigned to the fictional Pacific
Pacific Ocean
The Pacific Ocean is the largest of the Earth's oceanic divisions. It extends from the Arctic in the north to the Southern Ocean in the south, bounded by Asia and Australia in the west, and the Americas in the east.At 165.2 million square kilometres in area, this largest division of the World...
island of Tulura (reminiscent of the island of Guam
Guam
Guam is an organized, unincorporated territory of the United States located in the western Pacific Ocean. It is one of five U.S. territories with an established civilian government. Guam is listed as one of 16 Non-Self-Governing Territories by the Special Committee on Decolonization of the United...
), which became the advanced headquarters of the Pacific Fleet
United States Pacific Fleet
The United States Pacific Fleet is a Pacific Ocean theater-level component command of the United States Navy that provides naval resources under the operational control of the United States Pacific Command. Its home port is at Pearl Harbor Naval Base, Hawaii. It is commanded by Admiral Patrick M...
during World War II.
Plot summary
Dont Go Near the Water is an episodic novel, broken into ten distinct chapters dealing with the officers stationed on the island, with six numbered interludes, titled "Melora" with a sequential number after them, after Melora Alba, the love interest of the book, whom EnsignEnsign
An ensign is a national flag when used at sea, in vexillology, or a distinguishing token, emblem, or badge, such as a symbol of office in heraldry...
Max Siegel, the main character, ultimately falls for.
Don't Give Up the Ship
Lieutenant CommanderLieutenant commander (United States)
Lieutenant commander is a mid-ranking officer rank in the United States Navy, the United States Coast Guard, the United States Public Health Service Commissioned Corps, and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration Commissioned Corps, with the pay grade of O-4 and NATO rank code OF-3...
Clinton T. Nash is a former broker who tries to act nautical. Ensign
Ensign
An ensign is a national flag when used at sea, in vexillology, or a distinguishing token, emblem, or badge, such as a symbol of office in heraldry...
Siegel assists Lieutenant (junior grade) Ross Pendleton in getting the natives on an adjacent island to dress like stereotypical natives in preparation for the visit of Tarzan
Tarzan
Tarzan is a fictional character, an archetypal feral child raised in the African jungles by the Mangani "great apes"; he later experiences civilization only to largely reject it and return to the wild as a heroic adventurer...
author Edgar Rice Burroughs
Edgar Rice Burroughs
Edgar Rice Burroughs was an American author, best known for his creation of the jungle hero Tarzan and the heroic Mars adventurer John Carter, although he produced works in many genres.-Biography:...
.
The Passionate Sailors of Mendoza
While escorting two politicians on a tour of the island, Ensign Siegel encounters a beautiful native girl speaking to Mr. Seguro, a native man. The politicians are anxious to have her for dinner, while Siegel tries to protect her by warning of the risk of social diseases. All three are horrified when the girl (Melora) turns out to be sophisticated and speaks perfect English.The Education of Admiral Boatwright
Rear AdmiralRear admiral (United States)
Rear admiral is a naval commissioned officer rank above that of a commodore and captain, and below that of a vice admiral. The uniformed services of the United States are unique in having two grades of rear admirals.- Rear admiral :...
D.D. Boatwright, the United States Navy logistics chief, is stationed on the island. Despite his great merit, he is without human interest- until he buys a dog from a local boy, then when the dog runs away to his old master, allows him to remain. This turns him into a media star.
Never Mind the Frangipani
Siegel interrogates Mr. Seguro as to the identity of the girl. Mr. Seguro is evasive, but finally discloses that the girl is not only the daughter of a wealthy family, the Albas, but is the village schoolteacher. Ensign Siegel immediately heads towards the schoolhouse.Thinking Big
Nash, in a bid to glamorize the enlisted man, sets up a Home Town News department to send masses of filler copy about them to stateside newspapers. Siegel and his roommate, LieutenantLieutenant
A lieutenant is a junior commissioned officer in many nations' armed forces. Typically, the rank of lieutenant in naval usage, while still a junior officer rank, is senior to the army rank...
Morey Griffin (the laziest man on Tulura, which is saying something) poke through ships rosters and encounter the name of Farragut Jones. Amused by the name, they send unauthorized stories to the hometown newspaper. The editor sends a letter to the Department of the Navy, suggesting that Jones be returned to the States as a hero. When the U.S. Navy forwards this to Tulura, Nash is outraged and when the two confess, they are confined to their room (with room service) pending court martial. However, Admiral Boatwright loves the editor's idea, and the two are freed (Nash has actually forgotten that he confined them) and Jones ordered to Tulura before the hero's tour of the States.
HYDROZ to JEREM
Siegel has established a formal relationship with Melora, helping out in the temporary island one-room schoolhouse after school, and researching questions the school's very limited library is unable to answer. He breaks down the formality by purchasing an Encyclopædia BritannicaEncyclopædia Britannica
The Encyclopædia Britannica , published by Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., is a general knowledge English-language encyclopaedia that is available in print, as a DVD, and on the Internet. It is written and continuously updated by about 100 full-time editors and more than 4,000 expert...
for the school- the one gift that the formally brought-up teacher would accept.
Ultimate Fraternization
Siegel aids a sexual relationship between his assistant, YeomanYeoman (US Navy)
Yeoman is the oldest rating in the United States Navy. Yeomen perform secretarial and clerical work. They deal with visitors, telephone calls and incoming mail. They organize files and operate copy machines and order and distribute supplies...
Adam Garrett (who wants to be transferred to a destroyer), and Navy nurse Ensign Alice Thomas, in violation of U.S. Navy Regulations regarding sexual relationships between officers and enlisted personnel. Nash finds out and breaks it up, taking no disciplinary action for fear of adverse publicity.
The Thousand-dollar Bill
Chicago Gazette correspondent Gordon Ripwell enjoys throwing his weight around with the fearful Nash and the other officers. Rewarded by his puritanical publisher with a thousand dollar bill for flying on a plane bombing JapanJapan
Japan is an island nation in East Asia. Located in the Pacific Ocean, it lies to the east of the Sea of Japan, China, North Korea, South Korea and Russia, stretching from the Sea of Okhotsk in the north to the East China Sea and Taiwan in the south...
, Siegel, Melora, and another ensign combine to blackmail the reporter out of the money to rebuild the island's schoolhouse, destroyed in the war (school now meets in a one room shack). Ripwell is hailed as a hero, and his publisher sends him another inscribed bill.
The Typical Young Navy Man
Farragut Jones hits Tulura en route to the United States, where a tour from New YorkNew York City
New York is the most populous city in the United States and the center of the New York Metropolitan Area, one of the most populous metropolitan areas in the world. New York exerts a significant impact upon global commerce, finance, media, art, fashion, research, technology, education, and...
to Washington
Washington, D.C.
Washington, D.C., formally the District of Columbia and commonly referred to as Washington, "the District", or simply D.C., is the capital of the United States. On July 16, 1790, the United States Congress approved the creation of a permanent national capital as permitted by the U.S. Constitution....
to Hollywood
Hollywood, Los Angeles, California
Hollywood is a famous district in Los Angeles, California, United States situated west-northwest of downtown Los Angeles. Due to its fame and cultural identity as the historical center of movie studios and movie stars, the word Hollywood is often used as a metonym of American cinema...
has been set up for him. He proves to be utterly uncouth. Siegel is set the task of civilizing the man. In ten days, he does a reasonable job, and Jones leaves on a successful tour of the United States.
I Went to Harvard College, Sir
Melora brings Siegel home to meet her father. Without ever deviating from a pleasant and polite tone, Mr. Alba thoroughly dissects Siegel, and finds him wanting.The Budweiser Mutiny
A lavish new officer's club is planned. The enlisted men, led (secretly) by Garrett, protest by cancelling their war bondWar bond
War bonds are debt securities issued by a government for the purpose of financing military operations during times of war. War bonds generate capital for the government and make civilians feel involved in their national militaries...
allotments. Nash is afraid of publicity, and responds with a disastrous attempt by the officers to build the club themselves. Siegel defuses the situation. Nash learns of Garrett's involvement, but still fears publicity, and so "punishes" the yeoman by transferring him to the most severe duty he knows: a destroyer, which is (unbeknownst to Nash) Garrett's heart's desire.
Queen's Pawn Opening
Melora again brings Siegel home. Mr. Alba is pleasant, having already formed a negative judgment of Siegel. Mr. Alba changes his opinion when he not only finds that Siegel has an appreciation of Mr. Alba's collection of chess sets, but plays the game himself. The two are the only decent chess players on the island.The Lacy Battle Flag
Debbi Aldrich, correspondent for the women's magazine Madame, hits Tulura. A bit of a tease, she insists on going on a ship into combat, which flies her panties during the battle. She slips away from her handler, Ensign Christopher Tyson, and goes onto the island where the battle still rages, and stays at the front for four days. She returns, and is sent back to the States.New York is a Very Great Excitement
Siegel and Melora's relationship has become close, especially as her father has grown to like him. Things are dampened by Melora's statement that as much as she loves other places, she could never live anyplace but Tulura.The Day the Bomb Fell
News of the bombing of Hiroshima reaches the island. Only Lieutenant Woodrow W. Shoemaker can see anything more than personal concerns in the aftermath of the bombing and the impending end of the war.All Good Things Must Come to an End
A wild party in the new officer's club celebrates the end of the war and the impending return of most to civilian life. Garrett returns to claim his love. Siegel's marriage to Melora (he will remain on the island and work in her father's concerns) is announced.Critical reception
Dont Go Near the Water was the best-selling work of fiction of 1956 throughout the United States.Film adaptation
In 1957, the book was adapted into film by Metro-Goldwyn-MayerMetro-Goldwyn-Mayer
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Inc. is an American media company, involved primarily in the production and distribution of films and television programs. MGM was founded in 1924 when the entertainment entrepreneur Marcus Loew gained control of Metro Pictures, Goldwyn Pictures Corporation and Louis B. Mayer...
as Don't Go Near the Water
Don't Go Near the Water (film)
Don't Go Near the Water is a 1957 comedy film about a U.S. Navy public relations unit stationed on an island in the Pacific Ocean during World War II. It is an adaptation of the 1956 novel of the same name by William Brinkley. Glenn Ford and Gia Scala starred...
, starring Glenn Ford
Glenn Ford
Glenn Ford was a Canadian-born American actor from Hollywood's Golden Era with a career that spanned seven decades...
, Gia Scala
Gia Scala
Gia Scala was an English actress and model of Italian and Irish descent.-Early life:She was born Giovanna Scoglio in Liverpool, England, to an Sicilian father, Pietro Scoglio, and an Irish mother, Eileen Sullivan...
, Earl Holliman
Earl Holliman
-Early life:Earl Holliman was born at Delhi in Richland Parish of northeastern Louisiana. Holliman’s biological father died before he was born, and his biological mother, living in poverty with several other children, gave him up for adoption at birth...
, Anne Francis
Anne Francis
Anne Lloyd Francis was an American actress, best known for her role in the science fiction film classic Forbidden Planet , and as the female private detective in the television series Honey West . She won a Golden Globe and was nominated for an Emmy award for her role in Honey West...
, Keenan Wynn
Keenan Wynn
Keenan Wynn was an American character actor. His bristling mustache and expressive face were his stock in trade, and though he rarely had a lead role, he got prominent billing in most of his film and TV parts....
, Russ Tamblyn
Russ Tamblyn
Russell Irving "Russ" Tamblyn is an American film and television actor, who is arguably best known for his performance in the 1961 movie musical West Side Story as Riff, the leader of the Jets gang....
and Eva Gabor
Eva Gabor
Eva Gabor was a Hungarian-born socialite and actress. She was widely known for her role on Green Acres as Lisa Douglas, the wife of Eddie Albert's character, Oliver Wendell Douglas, Duchess in the 1970 Disney film The Aristocats, and Miss Bianca in Disney's The Rescuers and The Rescuers Down Under...
. Don't Go Near the Water was directed by Charles Walters
Charles Walters
Charles Walters was a Hollywood director and choreographer most noted for his work in MGM musicals and comedies in from the 1940s to the 1960s....
.