Directed by Rob Reiner. Written by Nora Ephron.

Dialogue

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.

Sally: Why not?

Harry: What I'm saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: You only think you do.

Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: How do you know?

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too.

Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?

Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry: Guess not.

Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York.

Harry: You know you just get to a certain point where you get tired of the whole thing.

Sally: What "whole thing"?

Harry: The whole life-of-a-single-guy thing. You meet someone, you have the safe lunch, you decide you like each other enough to move on to dinner. You go dancing, you do the white-man's over-bite, go back to her place, you have sex and the minute you're finished you know what goes through your mind? How long do I have to lie here and hold her before I can get up and go home. Is thirty seconds enough?

Sally: That's what you're thinking? Is that true?

Harry: Sure! All men think that. How long do you want to be held afterwards? All night, right? See there's your problem, somewhere between thirty seconds and all night is your problem.

Sally: I don't have a problem!

Harry: Yeah you do.

Harry: Would you like to have dinner?... Just friends.

Sally: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.

Harry: When did I say that?

Sally: On the ride to New York.

Harry: No, no, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no, no, it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.

Jess: I don't understand this relationship.

Harry: What do you mean?

Jess: You enjoy being with her?

Harry: Yeah.

Jess: You find her attractive?

Harry: Yeah.

Jess: And you're not sleeping with her.

Harry: No.

Jess: You're afraid to let yourself be happy.

Harry: Why can't you give me credit for this? This is a big thing for me. I never had a relationship with a woman that didn't involve sex. I feel like I'm growing.

...

Harry: It's very freeing. I can say anything to her.

Jess: Are you saying you can say things to her you can't say to me?

Harry: Nah, it's just different. It's a whole new perspective. I get the woman's point of view on things. She tells me about the men she goes out with and I can talk to her about the women that I see.

Jess: You tell her about other women.

Harry: Yeah. Like the other night. I made love to this woman, and it was so incredible, I took her to a place that wasn't human, she actually meowed.

Jess: You made a woman meow?

Harry: Yeah. That's the point, I can say these things to her. And the great thing is, I don't have to lie because I'm not always thinking about how to get her into bed. I can just be myself.

Jess: You made a woman meow?

Harry: I think they have an OK time.

Sally: How do you know?

Harry: What do you mean how do I know? I know.

Sally: Because they...

Harry: Yes, because they...

Sally: And how do you know that they really...

Harry: What are you saying, that they fake orgasm?

Sally: It's possible.

Harry: Get outta here!

Sally: Why? Most women at one time or another have faked it.

Harry: Well they haven't faked it with me.

Sally: How do you know?

Harry: Because I know.

Sally: Oh, right, that's right, I forgot, you're a man.

Harry: What is that supposed to mean?

Sally: Nothing. It's just that all men are sure it never happened to them and that most women at one time or another have done it so you do the math.

Harry: You don't think that I could tell the difference?

Sally: No.

Harry: Get outta here.

[Sally begins to fake an orgasm]

Harry: Are you OK?

[Sally continues very audibly, attracting the attention of nearly every customer in the cafe. Afterwards, she returns to eating her dessert]

Older Woman Customer: [to waiter] I'll have what she's having.

• Note: the bolded line is ranked #33 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.

Sally: I don't have to take this crap from you.

Harry: If you're so over Joe, why aren't you seeing anyone?

Sally: I see people.

Harry: See people? Have you slept with one person since you broke up with Joe?

Sally: What the hell does that have to do with anything? That will prove I'm over Joe? Because I fuck somebody? Harry, you're gonna have to move back to New Jersey because you've slept with everybody in New York and I don't see that turning Helen into a faint memory for you. Besides, I will make love to somebody when it is making love. Not the way you do it like you're out for revenge or something.

Harry: Are you finished now?

Sally: Yes.

Harry: Can I say something?

Sally: Yes.

Harry: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Harry: Why can't we get past this? I mean, are we gonna carry this thing around forever?

Sally: Forever? It just happened.

Harry: It happened three weeks ago. You know how a year to a person is like seven years to a dog?

Sally: Yes.

Sally: Is one of us supposed to be a dog in this scenario?

Harry: Yes.

Sally: Who is the dog?

Harry: You are.

Sally: I am? I am the dog? I am the dog?

Harry: Um-hmm.

Sally: I am the dog. I-I don't see that Harry. If anybody is the dog, you are the dog. You want to act like what happened didn't mean anything.

Harry: I'm not saying it didn't mean anything. I am saying why does it have to mean everything?

Sally: Because it does, and you should know that better than anybody because the minute that it happens, you walk right out the door.

Harry: I didn't walk out.

Sally: No, sprinted is more like it.

Harry: We both agreed it was a mistake.

Sally: The worst mistake I've ever made.

Harry: What do you want from me?

Sally: I don't want anything from you!

Harry: Fine. Fine, but let's just get one thing straight. I did not go over there that night to make love to you, that is not why I went there. But you looked up at me with these big weepy eyes, don't go home night Harry, hold me a little longer Harry. What was I supposed to do?

Sally: What are you saying, you took pity on me?

Harry: No, I was...

Sally: Fuck you! [she slaps Harry]

Harry: I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you.

Sally: What?

Harry: I love you.

Sally: How do you expect me to respond to this?

Harry: How about, you love me too.

Sally: How about, I'm leaving.

Harry: Doesn't what I said mean anything to you?

Sally: I'm sorry, Harry. I know it's New Year's Eve. I know you're feeling lonely, but you just can't show up here, tell me you love me, and expect that to make everything all right. It doesn't work this way.

Harry: Well, how does it work?

Sally: I don't know, but not this way.

Harry: How about this way? I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Sally: You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you, and I hate you, Harry. I really hate you. I hate you.

[They kiss]

Taglines

• Can two friends sleep together and still love each other in the morning?

• Can men and women be friends or does sex always get in the way?

Cast

• Billy Crystal — Harry Burns
• Meg Ryan — Sally Albright
• Bruno Kirby — Jess
• Carrie Fisher — Marie
• Steven Ford — Joe
• Lisa Jane Persky — Alice
• Harley Jane Kozak — Helen Helson