Directed by Harold Becker. Written by Terry Davis and Darryl Ponicsan.

Louden Swain

• It's not funny, believe me! The girl of my dreams lives under my own roof, but she thinks I'm just a kid, a dumb jock, all of which is more or less true. I'm dying, Mr. Tanneran, just like that girl in the poem... only quicker, and with a hard-on.

• She's got all the best things I like in girls and all the best things I like in guys.

• You heard I fainted! Tanneran told you. He told you everything I said!

Margie Epstein

• What a blast to the First Amendment! The first thing they do is shut down the press and imprison the intellectuals. I LOVED YOUR PIECE ON THE CLITORIS! I SHOWED IT TO MY MOTHER!