Written and directed by Christopher McQuarrie.

Parker

• There is a natural order. The way things are meant to be. An order that says the good guys always win, that you die when it's your time or when you have it coming, that the ending is always happy-if only for someone else. Now at some point it became clear that our path had been chosen for us and we had nothing to offer the world. Our options narrowing down to petty crime or minimum wage, so we stepped off the path and went looking for the fortune that we knew was looking for us. Once off the path you do what you can to eat, keep moving. You don't blow your ghost of a chance with nickel and dime, no possessions, no comforts. Need is the ultimate monkey. A pint of your blood can fetch you fifty bucks, a shot of cum—three grand. You keep your life simple and you can literally self sustain.

• I think a plan is just a list of things that don't happen.

• The longest distance between two points is a kidnapper and his money.

• We don't want your forgiveness; we won't make excuses. We're not gonna blame you, even if you are an accessory, but we will not accept your natural order. We didn't come for absolution, we didn't ask to be redeemed, but isn't that the way it is? Every goddamn time. Your prayers are always answered, in the order they're received.

Longbaugh

• There's always free cheese in a mousetrap.

• A heart is the only thing that has value. If you have one, get rid of it.

• You know what I'm gonna tell God when I see him? I'm gonna tell him I was framed.

Others

• I can promise you a day of reckoning you won't live long enough to never forget. - Joe Sarno

• Karma is justice without the satisfaction. I don't believe in justice. - Joe Sarno

• [To his dying friend] To let live.

• You want to know the only thing you can assume about a broken down old man? It's that he's a survivor. - Joe Sarno

• I'd never ask you to trust me. It's the cry of a guilty soul. - Hal Chidduck

• [In regard to her baby] When you think about deaf people. About being deaf. How would they know what to call their mother or their reflection. That's what I call it. There's no name. - Robin Sarno

• We have to consider the woman to be as much a threat as the two men. My only main concern now is for the child. - Jeffers

• Creative articulation my good man. - Obecks

• She's gotta big mouth, but she aint kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid. You wanna do the man dance, first dance is yours. - Whipped Night Clubber

Dialogue

Employee: What would you say qualifies you as a donor?

Parker: Well, I'd say I'm a fairly intelligent, good-looking man, physically fit, stable…

Employee: Ok... heterosexual?

Parker: [pause] Can I ask you something?

Employee: Sure.

Parker: Are you a faggot?

[The employee, taken aback, doesn't respond.]

Parker: See, you asked me if I was heterosexual. I asked you the same question, only I was clear about the answer I was looking for.

Employee: I just asked if you were heterosexual.

Longbaugh: Well, I've never killed a man…

Employee: I beg your pardon?

Longbaugh: I said I've never killed a man.

Employee: I didn't ask if you had.

Longbaugh: You asked me why I think I was qualified, and I think that's qualification.

Employee: And I'm just wondering why that in particular strikes you as an important qualification for semen donation.

Longbaugh: I would say that's a big fucking qualifica—excuse me, a very important qualification.

Employee: No one's ever said that before…

Longbaugh: Have you ever asked?

Employee: No.

Longbaugh: You should.

[While kidnapping a pregnant woman named Robin in the hospital]

Parker: Alright guys I want this to go down nice and quiet. So put the guns down.

[The bodyguards do not respond]

Parker: Come on guys this is no good.

Longbaugh: Hey man.

Parker: What?

Longbaugh: The people!

Parker: Can't you people see we have guns here?

[The people do not move]

Parker: ...Get the fuck out! Get out!

[After everyone leaves]

Parker: Alright guys, come on we've got you dead to it. Now I am gonna count to three.

[The guards cock their guns]

Longbaugh: Ah fuck.

Parker: What the fuck are you doing. You're supposed to be protecting her.

[The guards lower their guns down to Robin's stomach.]

Longbuagh: Ah fuck. Man, what'd I tell you.

Robin: Walk away. Walk away. They don't care about dying, just losing. You're not gonna make it out of here alive. Someone could've called the cops by now, you know they're gonna come! Just walk away.

Parker:[A gun to Robin's stomach] Do you love this baby?

Robin:[Shaken] Yes!

Parker: Then you walk.

Sarno: So are you the brains of the op, or is he?

Longbaugh: To tell you the truth I don't think this is a brains kind of operation.

Longbaugh: But, you know, then you got the other side. You got these trigger-happy cocksuckers all about the shooting and posturing and 'you don't know who I am' kind of thing...”I been to prison."

Sarno: 'Cause you got caught, dumb fuck.

Longbaugh: These days, they want to be criminals more than they want to commit crime.

Joe Sarno: Well that's... that's not just crime. That's the way of the world.

Chidduck: Do you believe in Karma?

Sarno: Karma is justice without the satisfaction. I don't believe in justice.

Longbaugh: Who are you?

Sarno: I'm the guy you might meet one night. When you wake up with a pillow over your head. And the only you hear is a little bang.

Longbaugh: You're a bag man.

Jeffers: What?

Obecks: Well, I'm just talking here... but by their design, all we really need to come back with is the baby... think about it... no money, no perps, no nothing. We could kill these two fucks, take the money, bring Chidduck his baby, and say it all went well.

Jeffers: Well... mostly well.

Obecks: What? The girl?

Jeffers: Yeah.

Obecks: Well when she doesn't show up in a couple of months, it'll be assumed she ate a bullet and they made off for fucking Bolivia... damn it... it doesn't work. The doc...

Jeffers: The doctor gets shot in the fray...

Obecks: Right...

Jeffers: We tried to help him, but it was either him or the baby. He was alive when we took off, and must have died crawling for help in the desert.

Obecks: Creative articulation my good man.

Jeffers: Just talking of course...

Obecks: Sure.

[Longbaugh nearly shooting Robin with a sniper rifle]

Parker: Christ, you almost hit her!

Longbaugh: If I wanna hit her I'll hit her. If I wanna miss I'll miss.

[Parker and Longbaugh are torturing Obecks with barbed wire]

Parker: In a few minutes I'm gonna pull your fingernails out and leave you to think about em. Then I'll cut your eyelids off. Then from time to time I'll pour gasoline in your eyeballs to keep you from passing out. Bottom line guy, I'm gonna ask you one question then I'm never gonna ask you again. Where did they take the girl.

Obecks: I don't know.

[They continue torturing him]

[After Parker is shot by Jeffers]

Longbaugh: Can you walk?

Parker: Only if we can get this cocksucker.

[Parker and Longbaugh are about to enter a shootout]

Longbaugh: What do you think?

Parker: I think a plan is just a list of things that don't happen.

Longbaugh: If we die we die alone.

[After they are both wounded in the gunfight]

Parker: Are you alright?

Longbaugh: [Quietly] I'm still here.

Parker: Are you still with me?

Longbaugh: [Sighs] Yeah! [Bullet strikes near his head]

Longbaugh: [Dying] Until that day then.

Sarno: [Walking away] Till that day.

Cast

• Ryan Phillippe - Mr. Parker
• Benicio Del Toro - Mr. Longbaugh
• Juliette Lewis - Robin
• Taye Diggs - Jeffers
• Nicky Katt - Obecks
• Geoffrey Lewis - Abner Mercer
• Dylan Kussman - Dr. Allen Painter
• Scott Wilson - Hale Chidduck
• Kristin Lehman - Francesca Chidduck
• James Caan - Joe Sarno
• Henry Griffin - P. Whipped