The Replacements Quotations

This is about a 2000 film. For the Disney channel show, go to The Replacements (TV series), which is a Disney Channel series.

The Replacements is a 2000 film about a group of substitute players hired during a pro football strike.

Directed by Howard Deutch. Written by Vince McKewin.

Throw the ball. Catch the girl. Keep it simple. taglines

Shane Falco

I wish I could say something classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn't be our style. Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever.

You're playing and you think everything is going fine. Then one thing goes wrong. And then another. And another. You try to fight back, but the harder you fight, the deeper you sink. Until you can't move... you can't breathe... because you're in over your head. Like quicksand.

Coach Jimmy McGinty

Here's a list of people I've been keeping my eye on over the years. They've all played football somewhere, not all of them in the pros. But they all have something unique to bring to the game. We're gonna take those people and try to put together a winning team. If nothing else, they should be fun to watch.

All right, Sentinels. Listen up. There are some who will say that your accomplishments today will soon be forgotten, that you're not real players, that this isn't a real team. And I say that's bullshit. Because as of today, you're all professional football players. You're being paid to play, and I want to you to remember that, because the men whose places you've taken forgot that a long time ago. Let's bring it in. Let's play some football.

A real man admits his fears. That's what I'm asking you to do here tonight.

I look at you and I see two men: the man you are and the man you oughtta be. Someday those two men will meet, and it should make for one hell of a football player.

Listen up! This time tomorrow, the strike will be officially over. Now Dallas has made one grave mistake tonight. They haven't been afraid of you, and they should be, because you've got one powerful weapon working for you tonight: There is no tomorrow for you... and that makes you all VERY DANGEROUS PEOPLE!

When the replacement players for the Washington Sentinels left the stadium that day, there was no ticker tape parade, no endorsement deals for sneakers or soda pop, or breakfast cereal. Just a locker to be cleaned out, and a ride home to catch. But what they didn't know, was that their lives had been changed forever because they had been part of something great. And greatness, no matter how brief, stays with a man. Every athlete dreams of a second chance, these men lived it.

That's the great thing about plankton. It pretty much keeps to itself.

[to Pilachowski about Brian Murphy's deafness] Look on the bright side: he'll never be called offsides on an audible.

Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff

I'm wiry.

Get a job, ye wankers!

Let's play football, bitch!

[during the discussion of arachnophobia] Oh, thanks, Jumbo. You can just rock me tae sleep tonight!

I broke my arm, but you saved my arse, Shane.

You just hold it, Shane and I'll kick the bloody piss out of it.

Clifford Franklin

Now you know this don't look natural Coach. Now you know it don't... I look like I just jacked off an elephant.

The football's like a one-man cold to Clifford Franklin. Clifford Franklin's the only man catchin' it, Clifford Franklin's the only man comin' down wid it.

Aw, shit yeah. Quicksand's a scary motha, man. I mean, first of all, it suck you right in, and even if you scream, you get all that muck in your mouth...

[to an opposing player] Clifford Franklin is looking for a new ho!

Other Characters

Walter Cochran: Going out in front of 80,000 people ain't bad, huh?

Heather: Is lap dancing a style?

Banes: [to Wilkinson after his arrival] Well, let's go join the others, shall we? No need to stay here... out of screaming distance.

San Diego's Coach: [to a referee after Washington's cheerleaders distracted the San Diego offense] The one girl slapped the other girl in the ass there Jimmy! You're killing me!

San Diego's Coach: [after Washington intercepts the pass on the next play] Stop them from shaking their asses for two minutes!

Dialogue

Coach McGinty: What's it gonna be, Shane?

Shane Falco: I want the ball.

Coach McGinty: [laughs] Winners always do.

Coach McGinty: You know what separates the winners from the losers?

Shane Falco: The score.

Shane Falco: I read Blitz!

Coach McGinty: [confronts Falco] Winners always want the ball when the game's on the line.

Nigel Gruff: Hey Shane Falco. I lost a ton of money on that Sugar Bowl disaster of yours. What a bloody shambles that was. You could smell the stink all the way back in bloody Wales.

Shane Falco: Nice meeting you too.

John Madden: I love to see a fat guy score.

Pat Summerall: Why?

John Madden: Because first you get a fat guy spike, then you get the fat guy dance.

(The football falls right in Jumbo's hands)

Jumbo Fumiko: Holy shit!

Andrea Jackson: Let's haul ass, round boy! Follow me! Follow me!

Shane Falco: You, ah, wanna come on board for a beer?

Annabelle: Nothing personal, Shane, but I don't date football players.

Shane Falco: I don't blame you. Not even quarterbacks?

Annabelle: Especially not quarterbacks. You guys are the biggest babies of all.

[at the bar]

Shane Falco: Danny.

Daniel Bateman: Yeah?

Falco: Remember what I said about redshirts in practice?

Bateman: Yeah.

Falco: Forget about it.

Bateman: Ok.

Falco: Hey Martell. [punches him]

Bateman: Yaaaah! [Fight breaks out during which Danny beats up Eddie Martell, who's wearing a red shirt]

Coach McGinty: I want you get used to setting up on the run. Move fast, think even faster. You'll live a lot longer.

[Falco indicates his red jersey to Danny after he took a vicious hit from him in practice.]

Bateman: Oh shit! I forgot the whole red shirt thing! This games confusing.

Shane Falco: (Grabs Bateman as he's getting up and pulls him back down) Remember, red means STOP.

Bateman: Like a street light, right?

Shane Falco: Yeah.

Bateman: Get on up (offering Falcon a hand up)

Shane Falco: I think I'm just going to lie here for a moment and collect my thoughts.

Daniel Bateman: Work shit out, right?

Coach McGinty: You'll be glad he's on your side.

Shane Falco: Yes, very.

Coach McGinty: Danny, I need that ball.

Daniel Bateman: You need the ball.

Coach McGinty: Get me the ball.

Daniel Bateman: Get you ball.

Coach McGinty: (screaming) Are you going to get me the ball?

(They screaming together nearly incoherently as Bateman starts taking on an insane look.)

Coach McGinty: (After Bateman runs onto the field insane) I sure hope he doesn't kill somebody.

Jamal Jackson: The Mick's right.

Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff: I'm not a Mick. I'm bloody WELSH!

Woman Reporter: (Running to catch up with McGinty heading to the locker room for halftime) Coach, what will Washington need to get back into this game?

Jimmy McGinty: (pause) You've got to have heart.

Woman Reporter: Can you elaborate?

Jimmy McGinty: (striking his chest with his roll of papers) Miles and miles of heart.

Woman Reporter: (comes to a halt) So with a word, Coach McGinty says Washington will need to have heart to get back into this ball game.

[As the crowd sings "Ole Ole Ole," Nigel Gruff has second thoughts about the goal kick]

Nigel Gruff: I'm sorry.

Shane Falco: What?

Gruff: I'm sorry Shane, I can't kick it. I took 50,000 quid and pissed it all on the track.

Falco: What do you mean?

Gruff: They're gonna take my pub away from me. It's all I've got, Shane!

Unnamed Forward: Come on, Shane!

Annabelle: [examining the extensive bruising of Falco's upper arm and shoulder] Oh, my God... oh, my God...

Shane Falco: It looks worse than it feels.

Annabelle: Oh, my God... it looks like Hell.

Shane Falco: Then it looks exactly like it feels.

Cast

Keanu Reeves - Shane Falco
Gene Hackman - Coach Jimmy McGinty
Brooke Langton - Annabelle Farrell
Orlando Jones - Clifford Franklin
Jon Favreau - Daniel Bateman
Rhys Ifans - Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff