The Brak Show Quotations

The Brak Show was one of Cartoon Network's 15-minute animated series that aired during Adult Swim. It was a spin-off of Space Ghost Coast to Coast featuring recurring characters from that show and Cartoon Planet, both of which used stock footage from the Hanna-Barbera cartoon Space Ghost and Dino Boy. The protagonist is a Space Ghost villain named "Brak", voiced by Andy Merrill, who developed a quirky persona for the character.

"Pilot"

Narrator: [from newspaper headline] Bawk-Ba-Gawk Bawk-Ba-GONE

Brak: Hello, Mr. Thundercleese!

Thundercleese: Are you here to destroy my lawn?!

Brak: I beg your pardon, we would never do that! Would we, Zorak?

Zorak: [jackhammering Thundercleese's lawn] What's that? Can't hear ya!

Zorak: I need meat!

Mother: [To Zorak] Oh, I'll give you meat, Arthur!

"Goldfish"

Thundercleese: [In Brak's head] Three hams will fill him, three hams will thrill him, Why don't you feed him, three hams!

Thundercleese: Three hams will certainly kill him.

Zorak: [to Brak's family] Hey why are you all still alive? Oh that's right, it's only Tuesday.

Brak: I haven't had that much fun since I chased my hamster all the way to St. Louis.

Zorak: So what are we going to see?

Brak: "Hot Dog In The Morning". This is the one where the little hot dog finds his way home.

Zorak: Far out!

"Time Machine"

Brak: I'm wearing clean underwear.

Past Brak: No you're not.

Brak: Oh, you got me.

Brak: Hey, Zorak, can I ask you a question?

Zorak: Yeah, what?

Brak: Where are we gonna find enough squirrels to make a kite?

Zorak: Are you really that stupid?

Brak: Oh ha! I dare you to say that again! Only this time say, "Brak I love you!"

Dad: Do your homework yesterday and you can go.

Brak: I can't.

Dad: Ha ha. I fooled you again.

Dad: Life is too short to worry about eating and making kites out of animals.

"War Next Door"

Zorak: Welcome home, jackass.

Brak: Guess what I'm going to be for the talent show?

Zorak: I dont know, a loser?

Brak: No. I'm going to be a potato and sing the potato song.

Zorak: Ugh, I can't wait not to hear it.

Brak: What do you mean? Aren't you going to be there?

Zorak: Oh I'll be there. Heh, I'll be there. [Fantasizes that he is burning the talent show with a flamethrower and laughing manaically] Burn! BURN!

"Hippo"

Brak: I'm gonna just cry myself a snack.

Thundercleese: I never saw him again.

Brak: Did you ever see him again?

Thundercleese: Did I not just say that I didn't?

Mother: I think there's something wrong with Brak.

Dad: There's something wrong with everyone.

Brak: I don't want to live anymore.

Dad: Ah finally my own office, you see Mother told you if we wait we wouldn't have to add-on.

Brak: [to Zorak]: But this money's for college.

Zorak: [taking the money] Swipe!

Brak: Now I'll never be a barber!

"Mobab"

Zorak: [about Mobab] Hahaha. Ain't he a riot? I met him at the club!

Mobab: Yes, the gentleman's club. Gentlemen only, please.

Brak: Can I join too? I'm a gentleman. Watch this: [with a British accent] Allow me to peel your biscuit, grand-mama.

Mobab: I'm sorry, but Zorak took the last available membership following the untimely passing of Colonel Noseworthy.

Zorak: Yeah, it took him all night to die. [chuckles]

"Expiration Day"

Dad: Brak! Stop driving your little baby car around Saint Babiesburg and take your asteroid smashing like a man!

Dad: Do you find me more attractive like this [puts his hand on his chin] or like this? [raises one finger]

Mother: I don't know, let me see them again.

"Psychoklahoma"

Thundercleese: Time is an abstract concept created by carbon-based lifeforms to monitor their ongoing decay.

Dad: I haven't had twenty bucks in years. Do you know what I do have though?

Brak: A hat made out of lemons?

Dad: No.

Brak: A watermelon boat?

Dad: No. I have an idea.

"The Eye"

Dad: Why don't you ride your girl-bike home and put on your sundress? You'll look so pretty.

Brak: What are you doing dad?

Dad: [looks up from his paper] I'm flipping oyster burgers for the king of Spain. What does it look like I'm doing?

Zorak: [Robot is dragging him away from staring contest] Hey, what? Get your filthy probes off me!

Dad: Where are you going Nancy? Don't you want to finish our little dance?

Zorak: I didn't blink! I was winning! Arg! I'll be back!

The Eye: Float like a floating eye, sting like a floating eye.

"Poppy"

Poppy: C'mon, give that sweet saddle a rattle!

Mom: Go on, Brak. You go get you some!

"Bully"

Brak: [to Zorak] Oh, that's right, you're a remorseless sinner.

Brak: Hey, what happened to my bed? [Brak's bed is covered in a thick, bubbling slime]

Zorak: Yeah, that's my funk. Leave it alone. It's resting.

Brak: Well, where did it come from?

Zorak: Do you really want to know?

Brak: No, I suppose not.

Zorak: Shut up about my biscits!!!!

"Mother, Did You Move my Chair?"

Brak: Hey Dad! How's the chair situation?

Dad: Unresolved.

Brak: [to Mom] I don't think you should touch me. This disease is on the rampage. It's spreadin' like wildfire!

Brak: I guess it's goodbye Brak the happy, go-lucky man about town...and hello, Brak the ruthless clam slayer.

"President Dad"

Brak: [to Dad] Holy gherkin pickles, pop!

Zorak: [dressed as a pimp] I received assurances from Mr. Galrog that a young entrepreneur, such as myself, would not be inhibitated by the authorifications in this particular location. Galrog is wiggity-whack with our industry, suckers!

"Brakstreet: Men in the Band"

Brak: It's like I say, when life gives you lemons... blow those lemons to bits with your laser cannons!

Brak: I didn't know Zorak could teleport!

Zorak: [Ominiscent voice] There are many things you don't know about me!

Brak: Oh yeah, like what?

Zorak: [Zorak teleports back in] I'm forty years old! [Laughs evily and teleports back out]

Brak: Well that certainly came out of left field.

Brak: I hope those are talking bubbles, buddy. [while Brak's Dad is mumbling in hottub water]

Thundercleese: [Rapping] War is my profession. War is my obsession. Nothing I like better than a violent intercession. Blood must be spilled, thick enough to swim in as I hear the lamentations of my conquered foe's women! War, it's good for me, what's my name? THUNDERCLEESE!

"Fued"

Brak: Zorak! You told me those were water bombs!

Zorak: Yeah, I lied about that. I lie a lot. That's what makes me cool.

Thundercleese: I've liberated your swine! How does that grab you?!

Thundercleese: [about Petroleum Joe] He speaks of carnal pleasures.

Dad: Like a Ferris wheel?

Thundercleese: [Thundercleese thinks about this] Yes, like a Ferris wheel.

Dad: Tonight, in the dark of night, after night has shrouded my dark plan in its nightly darkness, I will exact my revenge!

"Dinner Party"

Thundercleese: Speaking of shorties, would anyone like to smoke some illegal narcotics?

Rhonda: I am Rhonda, from the seventh level of Yarr!

Mother: Yes, you've mentioned that quite a few times.

"Braklet, Prince of Spaceland"

Thundercleese: Open box, use weapon, slay enemy, bathe in his blood.

Clarence: Did the park ranger put you up to this? Brak: Maybe he did. Or maybe I'M JUST CRAZY! (screams) Come forth my precious! (demonic voice) Time to die!!

"Shadows of Heat"

Dad: Tell him I'm not here. No, wait, tell him I'm not here and to come back in 15 minutes!

Brak: He's dead?

Zorak: Not before I killed him.

"Splat"

Dad: [strangely cheerful and enthusiastic] Good morning, Son! How the hell are you?

Mom: [similarly enthusiastic] Yes, how the hell are you?

"Enter the Hump"

Dad: I'm a little tight back here, how about giving the old hump a squeeze?

"Sexy New Brak Show Go"

Clarence: Oh hey Zorak you got a new squirt gun too. Let's have a squirt gun war. [Squirts water into Zoraks face] Ha Ha! I got you! Now shoot me as I run away. La la la la la la [Zorak shoots Clarence with his machine gun and Clarence starts screaming in horror].

Zorak: Outta the way numb nuts! [Starts shooting the Japanese Company Mascot with a machine gun and laughs] Who was that?

Brak: Are your peepers still not workin', mama?

"New Year's Eve Party at Brak's House"

Master Shake: Where's the bathroom?

Dad: What the hell is this milkshake doing in my house?

Master Shake: Uh, I said, where's the bathroom?!

Brak: Hey guys, lets throw up the booze we just drank!

Brak: Come on, Meatwad, lets go upstairs to my room.

Meatwad: Stairs? That's something I only heard of in books! You rich boy.

"Cardburkey"

Dad: Mother if you don't stop crying I'll....

Mom: You try it and I'll rip off your arm and shove it up your bum!

Dad: You do that and I'll slap you in the face with my newly acquired bum-arm!

Mom: You do that and I'll bite off your arm, chew it up, and spit the bone fragments into your eyes. Thus puncturing them and causing the eye liquid to flow into your lungs drowning you!

Dad: Mother, that's pretty harsh..

Brak: I guess I'd better get back to my pad. Them girls ain't kissin' themselves.

Dad: If they start, you know where to find me. Oh, I love that business.

Thundercleese: Penguincleese away!

Zorak: It beats havin' a badger in my colon. Hubba-dubba-doh!