Platypus Man

• An adult male human that attempts to mate frequently but spends most of its time alone.
  • Referring to "Platypus Man"

• If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.

• They should just call it The Bad News. The bloodiest, most disgusting things that happened today packed into a half an hour, right before you go to bed. You thought you were scared before...

Showtime Triple Crowns of Comedy

• The title of this movie should be "Here's a Fish. You're Stupid."
  • On Jaws 4: The Revenge

A Big, Steaming Pile Of Me

• There is an obesity epidemic. One out of every three Americans... weighs as much as the other two.

• Porno is just like any other drug; after a while you start building up a tolerance to it.

• Imagine my surprise when it turned out the main thing that I was qualified for was to get another degree and teach Political Science to other people, who would, in turn, teach it to other people! This wasn't higher education, this was Amway with a football team!

• A bunch of money-grubbin', greenhouse-gasing, seal-clubbing, oil-drilling, Bible-thumping, missile-firing, right-to-lifing, lethal-injecting hypocrites. People whose idea of a good time is strapping a dead panda to a Lincoln Navigator and running over everybody in the gay parade.
  • On the right wing

• A bunch of bong-smoking, America-bashing, flag-burning, yoga-posing, incense-burning, dolphin-saving, salmon-eating hypocrites. These are the sensitive, liberal people who are always yelling about people's freedom of speech and expression, unless you happen to say something that pisses them off.
  • On the left wing