Written and directed by John Hughes.

Del Griffith

• We'd have a better chance of playing Pick-up Sticks with our buttcheeks than getting a plane outta here tonight.

• I'm still a million bucks shy of being a millionaire.

• You do more ball handling in an hour than Larry Bird does all night.

• You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you... but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I'm not changing. I like... I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

Others

[On bus]

Stranger making out with girl: [To Neal] "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."

Dialogue

[In bed in a hotel room, waking up & holding hands]

Neal: Del, why did you kiss my ear?

Del: Why are you holding my hand?

Neal: Where's your other hand?

Del: Between two pillows.

Neal: Those aren't pillows!

[At a taxi lane, outside the car-rental building]

Taxi driver: Where to?

Neal: Chicago.

Taxi driver: Chicago? You know you're in St Louis?

Neal: Yes I do.

Taxi driver: Why not catch a plane? You get there faster and you get a free meal.

Neal: If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak.

[At cafe, when Neal accuses Del of stealing $700 from his wallet]

Del: [hands wallet to Neal] There's exactly $263 in there! If there's a dollar more, then you can call me a thief! Just count it!

Neal: [checks wallet, hands it back] Empty.

Del: WHAT! [checks wallet]

Neal: Dry

Del: We were robbed!

Neal: [in mocking, sarcastic tone] Do ya think so?

[At the car rental agency, after Neal finds the rental car he was assigned isn't in the spot]

Car Rental Agent: Welcome to Marathon, may I help you?

Neal Page: (coldly) Yes.

Car Rental Agent: How may I help you?

Neal: (quietly and slowly) You can start by wiping that fucking dumbass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks... ...Then you can give me a fucking automobile - a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick - four fucking wheels and a seat!

Car Rental Agent: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.

Neal: And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really didn't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile at my fucking face... ...I want a fucking car, right fucking now...

Car Rental Agent: May I see your rental agreement?

Neal: I threw it away.

Car Rental Agent: Oh boy.

Neal: Oh boy what?

Car Rental Agent: (sneering) You're fucked.