Directed by Howard Zieff. Written by Laurice Elehwany.

Dialogue

Vada: I was born jaundiced. Once, I sat on a toilet seat at a truck stop and caught haemorrhoids. And I've learned to live with this chicken bone that's been lodged in my throat for the past three years. So, I knew my Dad would be devastated when he learned of my latest affliction. [to her Dad] Dad? I don't want to upset you, but my left breast is developing at a significantly faster rate than my right. It could only mean one thing: Cancer. I'm dying.

Harry: Okay. Sweetie, hand me the mayonnaise out of the fridge.

Shelley: I have a wonderful disposition, I put people right at ease.

Harry: Uh, Miss Devoto, there people are already at ease. This is not a beauty parlour. It's a funeral parlour.

Shelley: They're dead?

Harry: Yes they are.

Shelley: Stiffs?

Harry: Deceased.

Ronda: He covers me like a blanket, from the cold dark night. As I look into his eyes, I know it's right. To touch, to feel. I know he's real. Flesh all amesh. Flesh all amesh. I can't fight it. There's no point. I wake up and light a joint.

Mr. Bixler: Uhh, uh. V.. Vada.

Vada: I wrote a poem, too.

Mr. Bixler: Please.

Vada: Ode to Ice Cream, by Vada Sultenfuss. I like ice cream a whole lot. It tastes good when days are hot. On a cone, or in a dish. This would be my only wish. Vanilla, chocolate, or Rocky Road, Even with pie a la mode. That's all I got so far.

Justin: I hear that Vada. "Flesh all amesh" or "Rocky Road". It's all about desire.

Shelley: Now, the first rule in applying eye make-up is you can never wear enough blue eye shadow.

Vada: [On menstruation] It's not fair. Nothing happens to boys.

Justin: What's in my soul? Feel my aura.

Vada: I don't think I'm allowed to.

Phil: Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry. I told you to use fewer briquettes, and now look what you've done. you've cremated them.

Harry: Thats what i do.

Vada: [Shoving Thomas J off her porch after getting her first period] No! Go away! And don't come back for five to seven days!

Vada: I'm running away.

Thomas J: Where are you running to?

Vada: California. I'm going to Hollywood to live with the Brady Bunch.

Thomas J: I wanna live with them too.

Vada: No, you can't. They have enough kids. You'll have to live with the Partridge Family.

Thomas J: Really?!

[The day of Thomas J.'s funeral. Vada has locked herself in her room.]

Shelley: She won't come out! It's been a whole day. You have to do something, Harry!

Harry: The funeral's starting!

Shelley: Open your eyes! She's 11 years old! Her only friend in the world is dead!

Harry: I know that, but what do you want from me?

Shelley: Stop hiding, Harry! You run, Harry. When I first came here, the idea of working with dead people didn't exactly thrill me. When I saw that a family lived here, I thought if I'm living without a family, then at least I can work with one and maybe, once in a while, be invited in for supper.

Harry: Yeah - and when those suppers are disrupted because there's a car crash, or there's a fire, or a little boy steps on a beehive!...

Shelley: I'm not asking you to stop caring for those people! But life isn't just death, Harry! Don't ignore the living... especially your daughter.

Vada: [Hysterical, at Thomas J.'s funeral] Where's his glasses? He can't see without his glasses.

Vada: Weeping willow with your tears running down, why do you always weep and frown? Is it because he left you one day? Is it because he could not stay? On your branches he would swing, Do you long for the happiness that day would bring? He found shelter in your shade, he thought his laughter would never fade. Weeping willow stop your tears, for there is something to calm your fears. You think death has ripped you forever apart, but I know he'll always be in your heart.

Cast

• Anna Chlumsky - Vada Sultenfuss
• Macaulay Culkin - Thomas J. Sennett
• Jamie Lee Curtis - Shelly DeVoto
• Dan Aykroyd - Harry Sultenfuss
• Richard Masur - Phil Sultenfuss
• Griffin Dunne - Mr. Bixler
• Tom Villard - Justin
• Lara Steinick - Ronda