Directed by Gore Verbinski. Written by Adam Rifkin.

Dialogue

[Ernie and Lars is walking to the city pound]

Lars: You could ask the boss of Rimpy's for the advance, you can pay them after the auction.

Ernie: Couldn't you ask your workers to forfeit the salaries for a few weeks? You are the boss.

Lars: Well if hadn't spent all our money on that jacozi tub, we atill might be able to pay the mortgage.

Ernie: Well it doesn't help to start crying now. Does it?

[They stop as they hear a scream. The little girl and her mommy walk out of the city pound, the little girl holds out her hand at nothingness, she is sad and crying, Lars and Ernie walk to the door looking at the girl]

Girl: No, no, no, Fluffy! No! No, I want my kitty! No! No! No! No! No! Fluffy!

[Ernie and Lars enter the city pound, they wait and Lars looks at the security camera, the two man see Fluffy, the kitten. It meows.]

Lars: That one's cute.

Ernie: I don't know, it doesn't have that killer instinct.

[After Lars has been thrown into a cabinet via explosion and Ernie has just been blasted into the sky and into a freezing lake, Ernie runs into a room and grabs a shotgun]

Lars: What are you gonna do?

Ernie: [manic] I'm gonna kill that unspeakable thing once and for all.

Lars: [trying to calm him] Come on, Ernie, no, no ...

Ernie: [swings with the gun, knocking a lamp over] Stand back, Lars!! I'm a man on a mission!

Lars: This is how accidents happen. [Ernie just laughs maniacally as he loads the gun] Put the gun down.

Ernie: I'm gonna blow his furry little head off and I'm gonna splatter his devious little mouse brain from here to kingdom COME!

[Ernie and Lars have just heard a message from the Zeppcos, learning that each tried to sell or keep the string factory without telling the other]

Lars: Betrayed by my own brother!

Ernie: Betrayal!? Don't talk to me about betrayal! You should have told me about that offer! Half that factory is mine!

Lars: And half is mine, including the half that you tried to sell.

Ernie: Yes, and would have if it hadn't been for that stinking bus!

Lars: Bus!? You can't keep well enough alone, can you? You ruin everything!

Ernie: Me!? You blame me for this!?

Lars: Well look what you've done! You've blown a hole in our floor!

Ernie: Yeah, well I distinctly remember somebody yelling "SHOOT! SHOOT!"

Lars: Yeah, well you've never listened to me before!

Ernie: And you know why?

Lars: Why?

Ernie: Because I have no respect for you! Spending your whole life in that stupid factory!? It's tragic.

Lars: You think I didn't have other things I wanted to do in my life? You think I didn't have my own ambitions?

Ernie: Well come on! You loved string!

Lars: I didn't love string!

Ernie: Well, you could have fooled me! You and Pop were always huddled together, running some piece of something through your fingers! It didn't matter what I did, I didn't even exist! I made him my special rack of lamb for his 70th birthday.

Lars: [Groaning] Oh no!

Ernie: Yes, you remember! I slaved over that meal, making sure everything was perfect! Did he say "Thanks, Ernie. It was delicious,"? No. He only noticed the string I had tied it with. He was crazy, but I still wanted his approval. I didn't leave, Lars. I was cast out.

Lars: There you go again. Blaming everything else but yourself. You think you're a success, huh? Well you...........can't............cook!

Ernie: I hate you!

Lars: And I hate you!

Ernie: Not as much as I hate you!

Lars: Yeah!?

Ernie: Yeah, Double! Double! [Looking for something to throw] Oh give me something! [Lars grabs an orange] I'm gonna brain you!

Lars: [Holding the orange up] Here it is!

Ernie: Oh yeah!? Give it to me then! Go ahead!

[Lars throws the orange. Ernie ducks, and the orange hits the mouse, who was watching. Ernie sees the orange and unconscious mouse on the table in shock]

Ernie: You killed him! [Laughs with joy as Lars walks over]

Lars: I.......I didn't even know he was there!

Ernie: Just think of all the trouble we could have saved ourselves had we just thrown fruit at him in the first place! [Laughs]

Lars: Look! He's still breathing!

Ernie: Well kill him! Kill him! Find a blunt object! There!

[Lars grabs a small shovel and prepares to finish the mouse]

Lars: There we go, get the hell.........

Ernie: Let him have it.

[Lars hesitates]

Ernie: What the hell are you waiting for!?

Lars: I can't just hit him with the shovel.

Ernie: Why not!?

Lars: Well, look at him. He's pathetic.

Ernie: Pathetic? He's Hitler with a tail! This is the Omen with whiskers! Nostradamus didn't see this thing coming!

Lars: Well, Ern, he's a living thing.

Ernie: Not for long! Give me that! [He snatches the shovel from Lars and prepares to kill the mouse, but hesitates] I can't! [He hits himself in the head with the shovel and starts crying] Look at him just lying there! It just doesn't feel very sportsman-like.

[The mouse appears to be regaining consciousness]

Lars: We'd better do something quick! I think he's coming to!

[Ernie has just made a fool of himself while trying to make an opening statement for the auction, due to the mouse showing up and distracting him.]

Lars: Did you see him?

Ernie: Yes!

Lars: I thought so!

Ernie: He ate the string.

Lars: What!?

Ernie: The string! Pop's lucky string! The son of a bitch ate it!

[Lars groans]

Ernie: Why didn't you tell me you saw him!?

Lars: I tried, and I found this!

[Lars shows the box they used to mail the mouse, which has been returned and has a hole in it. Ernie angrily snatches the box from Lars]

Ernie: I told you we should have weighed him!

Lars: I'm sorry. Did you see where he went?

Ernie: No, but he can't have gotten far.

[They split up to look for the mouse as the auction starts]