Sourced

• Don't let the government win.
  • Speech on his last syndicated FM broadcast (December 16, 2005)

• Whenever I say something, I say it right at the moment I'm thinking it. As soon as I saw Magic Johnson's press conference, I said, "Hey, this is bullshit. Why are you idolizing a guy who runs around and is a tremendous womanizer? He's running around having unprotected sex in a day and age when he should know better. I don't think you should treat him as a hero.
  • Playboy interview, Playboy magazine (April 1994)

• I cut my pubes last night. My hairs were getting longer than my penis.
  • Stated at the beginning of his radio show on 13 September 2006.

Howard Stern, What I've Learned, Esquire Magazine (January 2006)

• Courage is standing up for what you believe in. There are so many people who aren't willing to stand up. You've got to fight.

• What's wrong with being naked? I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I pay my taxes. I'm a good man. I'm a good father - try to be, anyway. I try to do the right things in life.

• And if you really want to tame that region (Iraq), I'll tell you what can solve the problem: pussy. Plain and simple. Give 'em strip clubs and whores. Nobody would want to fly a fucking plane into anything. Nobody would want to kill anybody. The problem is, these guys can't even see a woman's ankle. You know what? They just want pussy. They want good porno. They want to beat off. They want Howard Stern.

Howard Stern and the Satellite Wars, Wired Magazine (March, 2005)

• I still feel like I gotta prove something. ... There are a lot of people hoping I fail. But I like that. I need to be hated.

Howard Stern, Silenced in Some Cities, Gains Some Others, New York Times (July, 2004)

• I'm in a war, a cultural war.

Unsourced

• If you're half Arab and half Jew, do you negotiate with the sheep before having sex with them?

• I am the King of All Media.

• I don't take this personally, ... I don't think that you personally hate me. I think what you've been doing is dangerous to free speech. I don't think just against me, I think things have gotten way out of control.

• I think satellite radio may be the future, not because the quality of music is better and not because there are less commercials. What satellite promises to someone like me is no censorship.

• I'm sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don't think there's any difference between the pope wearing a large hat and parading around with a smoking purse and an African painting his face white and praying to a rock.

• It has been one big nightmare the last couple of years. I lost my joy for radio.

• It is pretty shocking that governmental interference into our rights and free speech takes place in the U.S., ... It's hard to reconcile this with the 'land of the free' and the 'home of the brave.'

• I'm a supporter of my free speech.

• It's no treat being in bed with me.

• It's ok for a man to commit adultery if his wife is ugly.

• Janet Jackson's breast has gotten me into a whole bunch of trouble.

• Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.

• My energy level is through the roof and I'm excited about it, ... It's something new and exciting and unique and it allows me to do what I love doing.
  • On satellite radio

• Radio stations are deathly afraid of the religious right... and Michael Powell.

• That yenta Barbara Walters, she's nine-million years old.

• The New York Times list is a bunch of crap. They ought to call it the editor's choice. It sure isn't based on sales.

• You have to make a decision, what you want to do in life, ... Your deal can be, you can leave tomorrow. Soon as you leave, you will be forgotten.

• Waving a flag is easy. Paying your taxes is hard.

• If you've ever had to take care of children, TV is the single greatest invention. They will sit there mesmerized for hours.

• The world scares me.

• How can I remember, when I'm drinking to forget?

• Did you ever think God's a woman?

• Our Rap in High School was that if only girls could look past the fact that we didn't have great looks and see that we have great personalities,they would fall in love with us.The truth of the matter was that we had really bad personalities in addition to our ugly faces.Even the Losers called us Losers.And we were.