Directed by Alan Gibson. Written by Don Houghton.

Professor Van Helsing

• [writing Johnny Alucard's name backwards] A disciple of Dracula. Oh my God!
• Do old ideas rest comfortably in an open mind?
• Jessica, don't go near him! In God's name, don't touch him!
• My grandfather died fighting a vampire. The most terrible, most dangerous vampire of all time.

Count Dracula

• [to Van Helsing] You would play your brains against mine? Against me who has commanded nations?
• [to Johnny] I have returned to destroy the house of Van Helsing forever, the old through the young. You and your line have been chosen.

Johnny Alucard

• Dig the music, kids. Let it flow into you. Give yourself up to it.
• Look, just to show I'm sorry, I got two tickets for the Jazz spectacular at the Albert Hall.

Dialogue

Joe Mitcham: Okay, okay. But if we do get to summon up the big daddy with the horns and the tail, he gets to bring his own liquor, his own bird, and his own pot.

Bob Tepper: Well, I don't know.

Laura Bellows: Oh, come on, Bob. You're not gonna chicken out now, are you?

Bob Tepper: No, I didn't say that.

Bob Tepper: Okay, so Johnny went too far.

Jessica Van Helsing: Too far? It was revolting.

Bob Tepper: Well, Laura was smashed. You know what happened when she touches that stuff. She can't handle it.

Jessica Van Helsing: Bob, she was not that smashed!

Bob Tepper: Okay, okay, so we'll go to the cavern tomorrow, usual time. Laura will be there. A bit drained, but she'll be there. And I'll have a few words to say to Johnny.

Johnny Alucard: Master, I did it, I summoned you!

Count Dracula: It was my will.

Count Dracula: She is not the one. You have not learnt to obey. She is not the one!

Johnny Alucard: But, Master, you promised me.

Count Dracula: I promised you nothing!

Gaynor Keating: Is this your place, Johnny?

Johnny Alucard: Come in for a bite.

Professor Van Helsing: There is an evil in the world. There are dark, awful things. Occasionally, we get a glimpse of them. But there are dark corners; horrors almost impossible to imagine... even in our worst nightmares. There is a Satan.

Inspector Murray: Of course. Otherwise we wouldn't need a police force, would we?

Jessica Van Helsing: I wish someone would tell me what all this is about.

Professor Van Helsing: Murder, Jessica. That's what all this is about. Ghastly, horrible, obscene murder!

Joe Mitcham: Don't look now, but Charley baby's gonna call the fuzz.

Anna Bryant: Oh, wow!

Joe Mitcham: Is there anybody down there wishing to talk to anyone up here? Ooh, it's for you, Sapphire!

Gaynor Keating: That gig went out with miniskirts, you schlep.

Professor Van Helsing: Treatise on the Black Mass. What do you want with this?

Jessica Van Helsing: Oh, just a quiet bit of mind blowing.

Professor Van Helsing: Jessica, this is not a subject to mess around with. These are scientific works.

Jessica Van Helsing: You can buy that sort of stuff almost any shady bookshop in Soho. I think it's all kinky.

Professor Van Helsing: What's that?

Jessica Van Helsing: Weird, man. Way out. I mean, spooks, hobgoblins, black magic. All that jazz.

Jessica Van Helsing: Why don't we go in the front way?

Bob Tepper: That's full of geeks and newspaper men.

Inspector Murray: Van Helsing?

Detective Sergeant: Her grandfather is Professor Lorrimer Van Helsing, London University. He helped us once.

Inspector Murray: Oh, yes, that extortion mob. Money by blackmail. Something to do with witchcraft. Some cult or other.

Detective Sergeant: Yes, he's a specialist in that sort of thing.

Inspector Murray: Witchcraft. Occult. Churchyards. [plays with an executive toy]

Detective Sergeant: Any chance of a cup of coffee and a cheese roll, sir. I'm starving!

Inspector Murray: Don't know if they're serving coffee and cheese rolls at Joe's party, but I'll see what I can do for you. Let's get over there and find what they are doing... before it's all over.

Detective Sergeant: It's going to be a bit heavy going, sir, don't you think? Trying to interview a bunch of kids while there's a party going on?

Inspector Murray: Sergeant, I'll bet you a pound to a pince of shit... that there's a little piece of hash at that party... and if there is, I've got them. Means I can hold them. If I can hold them, I can talk to them, and I'll settle for that, for the moment.

Taglines

• Past, present or future, never count out the Count!
• The count is back, with an eye for London's hot pants... and a taste for everything.
• The time: now. The place: Kings Road, Chelsea. The killer: Count Dracula.

Main cast

• Christopher Lee - Count Dracula
• Peter Cushing - Lorrimer Van Helsing
• Stephanie Beacham - Jessica Van Helsing
• Christopher Neane - Johnny Alucard
• Michael Coles - Inspector Murray
• Marsha Hunt - Gaynor Keating
• Caroline Munro - Laura Bellows