Chapter One: The Map

Phoney: ...so a couple of shady business deals went sour...is THAT any reason to run th' most BELOVED BONE in Boneville out on a RAIL?!

Fone Bone: Yes.

Smiley: Beloved? Th' mayor declared a school holiday just so th' kids could come and throw ROCKS at you!

Smiley: Hey cousins, look what I found! I thinks it's a map!

Fone Bone: ?!

Smiley: Sure enough! Look! It's a map of that mountain range!

Phoney: I'm saved! Give it to me!

Smiley: Gimme a dollar first.

Phoney: What?

Fone Bone: Go on Phoney, give him a dollar!

Phoney: WHAT?!

Fone Bone: We're lost in the middle of the desert! Give him a dollar!

Phoney: All right, all right...HEY! What is this? This looks like it was drawn by a five-year-old! This thing is WORTHLESS!

Smiley: It's worth a dollar!

Landmark quotes

• "STUPID, STUPID RAT-CREATURES!"- Fone Bone to the Rat Creatures

• "Monsters do not behave themselves - that's the whole idea!"- Rat Creature

• Fone Bone: "Why is Smiley wearing a cow suit?"
• Smiley: "I'M not Smiley, I'm a REAL cow! Moo!"
• Phoney Bone: "My world is crumbling around me"

• "Upon your feet / You have ten toes / They look just like / Po-ta-toes!" (one of Fone Bone's more atrocious lyrical attempts)

• "If I didn't learn it in the fourth grade, it didn't need learning."- Smiley Bone

• "You know what? I've just about had it with you. First you messed with my cousin, now you're messin' with my girl! Let's go -- right now!"- Fone Bone

• "Surrender Small Mammal!!" - Rat Creatures

• "Never use an ace where a two will do"- Dragon