Little Dog

• "Ball!"
• "Ugh! It tastes like caca!!"
• "Cat!" (woman screams and he faints)
• "CORN!!!!"
• "It's not fake, it's CHEESECAKE!"
• "Ice cream, ice cream! I got my ice cream! It's not a dream! What a team, just me and my ice cream!"
• "My bone, my bone! I found...my bone! I'm not...alone, cuz I found...my bone!"
• "The bucket! The bucket! Spit...in...the...BUCKET!"
• "I thought Lincoln was shot."
• "The shoe! The shoe! Take off the shoe!"
• "Don't worry, there's plenty of hamsters in the sea...I just hope they can swim!"
• "Hey, I can wake him up! (grabs drum off screen) This should do it! Of course, I should be careful not to disturb him.

Big Dog

• "Where's The Food?"
• "Food."
• "Okay."
• "Woof!" (usually a low bark that stops a cat or human stone-cold)
• "I’m feeling out of touch with the natural way of doing things."
• "I learned I like to shake."
• "FUDGIE SCOUT COOKIES!"
• "Where are the trees?!?!?!"
• "Stick with me, kid - I'm on a roll."

Hollywood

• "Awwww, ain't that cute. . .BUT IT'S WROOOOOOOOOOONG!!!!" (foghorn)
• "Ain't that cute... come on, I'll show you around," (He walks out of frame. A few seconds later he returns.) "HA! Thought I was going to say it was wrong, didn't ya? But I'm not gonna do it."
• "Now that was real cute. . .BUT IT'S WROOOOOOOOOONG!!!!"
• "Not bad. . .BUT IT'S STILL WROOOOOOOOONG!!!!"
• "A, B, C," (gets electrocuted) "Hmmmmm... A, B, C," (gets electrocuted again) "Hmmm." (looks in a dictionary) "A is for apple, B is for bear, C is for.." (gets another electric shock then gets very angry) "A! B!" (gets electrocuted before he can say C)
• (after punching out the singing cat)"Sorry, them cats get a little Broadway every once and a while, know what I mean?"
• "I love nature."
• "Now wasn't that cute. . .BUT IT'S..."(Little Dogs sees a pineapple then shouts out "FOOD!")
• "ANYBODY HERRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!"
• "Am I home yet?"
• "You were the finest monkey I ever had. Neat, clean, and you could poop on command!"
• "Oh Pipi, it's my fault that you're gone. I shoulda never taught you how to drive on the freeway."
• "It's Pipi! He's ALIVE!"
• "Now listen to me and listen to me good!(gets his head sucked in with the pig to Big Dog's mouth) Thou shall not eat me! Thou shall not eat me!"
• "I love the smell of nature in the morning."
• "Well, didn't that cute. . .(sees two wild lions in front of him) LIONS!"
• "Sorry, boys! This is a closed set!" (Little Dog says, "We're here for the part.") "The part? Oh, right. The part. Well, it's about time you showed up!"
• "Union break!"

Both Dogs

Little Dog: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Why did you wake me up?

Big Dog: So we can wake up.

Little Dog: Well, if you didn’t wake me up, I might’ve had a nightmare and it would’ve woke me up. Then, I could've woke you up, and we’d both…be…awake. But since you did wake me up, I can’t wake up from this nightmare so I can’t wake you up! So we’re both still asleep.

Big Dog: What?

Little Dog: You’re right. And when you’re right, you’re right. And you’re right, right?

Big Dog: Right.

Psychiatrist: Now, tell me what you see here. (shows ink blot)

Little Dog: "Ball!"

Big Dog: "Food."

Psychiatrist: "Now this one."

Little Dog: "Ball!"

Big Dog: "Food."

Psychiatrist: "Hmmmm. . .and this one?" (shows a picture of food and a ball)

Both dogs: "Uuuuhhhhhhmmmmmmmm. . . ."

Big Dog: Look out for the auto-mo-biles!

Little Dog: What automobiles?

Big Dog: The auto-mo-biles that are about to HIT you!

Little Dog(with a can in his mouth): "I got your can."

Big Dog: "What?"

Little Dog(with the can in his mouth): "I said, "I got your can!"

Big Dog: "I can't understand you with that can in your mouth."

Little Dog( growls with the can still in his mouth then spits it out): "I said, "I got your can!"

(Both end up in a dump)

Little Dog: I want the toilet seat!

Big Dog: I want the toilet seat.

Little Dog: Stop arguing with me!

Big Dog: I'm not arguing with you.

Little Dog: We're gonna be here all night!

Big Dog: It's not night, it's day.

Little Dog: It's night!

Big Dog: It's day.

Little Dog: We're never gonna stop!

Big Dog: Yes we are.

Little Dog: No we're not!

Big Dog: Yes we are.

Little Dog: No we're not!

Big Dog: Uh-huh.

Big Dog: Better start talking or I'll....

Little Dog: Hey! It's not my fault you gotta go at 3:00 in the morning! What am I, your mother's keeper?!

(Big Dog grabs a brush)

Little Dog: What are you gonna do with that?

Big Dog: I'm going to groom you.

Little Dog: Who? Me?

Big Dog: No, your mother's keeper. I'm going to groom you until you're smooth and pink.

Little Dog: Put that down or I'll.... wet you down like a greased monkey with one of these guys!

(Both prepare for a duel)

Little Dog: Okay! Let's go down town! You and me! (shoots his weapon, blue ink comes out to hit Big Dog's sharp tooth) What have I done?

Big Dog: You got me. (his face falls in the toilet)

Big Dog: Pie.

Little Dog: Pie? It is pie! I love pie! Where is it? Where is it? (Sits down) Where's the pie?

Big Dog: It's in the sky. (stares at Pie-shaped restaurant on top of a tall building)

Little Dog: Oh my, that's pretty high!

Big Dog: We still have to try.

Little Dog: (dogs walk past a bellhop) Hi!

Miscellaneous Characters

• Martha: "The fork goes on the left, like this."
  Craig: "Uh-uh, the right."
  Martha: "Left!"
  Craig: "Right!"
  Martha: "Left!!"
  *Craig: "RIGHT!!"
  Martha: "LEFT!!! OUCH!!! MOM!!! Craig isn't setting the table right!!"
• Red: Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!
• Bully kid: "WHAT A FOULER!"
• Kenny: Buffy Zigenhagen actually likes me!